ubercharged.net

Note: This is pre-Scout update, in case you are wondering about the lack of Scouts. I started this post on the 20th of February according to Word Press…
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It was a simple dream, and one many people before me have achieved. To use the Kritzkreg and deal some serious damage. After Pyrit linked to a Kritzkerg frag movie, I’ve been wanting to do some amazing Kritz-ing, if the only reason is that said movie had really cool music. So I grab my old and dusty unlockable and head out to the big, wide world of random PUB servers. Guessing by the levels shown in the movie, I search for Payload map, since Defence on Payload is the best time for a kritz because the BLUs surround the Payload in order to move it, and if one krit rocket hits the cart, there will be gibs, and lots of them.  This is also the reason I didn’t go to the UC server, I believe it was playing ctf_convoy. Anyway, I see a nice open space on a server with little latency with 24/7 Goldrush, so I head there.

At first, the server seemed alright. Fast Spawn was on (Almost Insta-Spawn for BLU, about 5 seconds plus deathcam time for RED), but that didn’t affect much. There wasn’t a spot on RED, so I decide to help the attackers. Although I managed to get my charge up to 100% several times, I didn’t manage to make the carnage I hoped to create. After we failed the round, the server reseted (Or whatever you call it when the server changes map to the same level), and I grab a spot on the RED team. But I didn’t expect something, and when I saw it, a little bit of me died. I guess you want to know what I saw, don’t you?

Well, see for yourself…

Yep, I believed my team had 9 people at the time, including me, and 6 of them thought ‘I think this team needs another Engineer’. One thought ‘Ka-BOOM!’ and went Demo, and the final thought ‘We need more Medics!’ and went Medic with me. Sadly, we both had Kritzkergs and we both only had one person to kritz.

In addition, I appeared to be on the “anti-teamwork” team. When I was on BLU the match before, my favourite Kritz target was a Soldier with a mic. We managed to take down a Sentry together (Which, in retrospect, would have been so much easier with an Uber). However, this team had no teamwork whatsoever. As you can guess, the Engies focused on their Sentry, rather then all teaming up on one or two Sentries. Needless to say, we got owned. Even the Engies that stayed at the second point to set up LVL 3 Sentries were easily beaten. Maybe my team realised that Sentry Farms aren’t the best defense and changed their classes to useful Kritz targets. Then again, maybe not…

Next round, the Engie party returns and they all go out making more Sentries. The other Medic got bored of overhealing Engineers, and decided to become a Pyro, which is an ok Kritz partner, but not the best. A Heavy joined my team, and I thought “Yes! A Kritz target which doubles up as a meatshield!” Oh how wrong was I…

The Heavy was either new at the game, slow, laggy, or very, very stupid. Most likely laggy, but he wasn’t jumping all over like a laggy person. He was slow to leave the spawn room, and when he did, he ended up looking at a wall most of the time. When we did make it to the field of battle, he decided to fire Sasha from a distance, rather then up close. Because of this, I didn’t activate my Kritz in case I wasted it. A BLU Demoman went around, and attacked my Heavy with Stickies, which he didn’t notice, but even I could here the stickies being fired and myself yelling “INCOMING!” via X+1. The Heavy survived after being blasted into the air, which amazes me because of all the Stickies the Demoman used…

Once again, we lost the stage. The final setup started, the Engie party left the spawn, I sighed. Six Engies, a Pyro, a Demoman, and a Medic (I think the Heavy left, or went Engie, or maybe I chose to ignore him) defending Gold Rush from a balanced team of Soldiers, Heavies, Medics, Spies .etc. I press tab to see the current scores. The highest scoring player on BLU had more then double the score of the highest scoring player on RED. That might be because of all the Payload-Moving BLU has been doing, but that is no excuse for my team’s lack of success. The three highest scoring players on our team were the Demoman, the Pyro, and Me. Whoever said Pubbers only worry about the amount of points they had was clearly wrong in this case.

I forget how the match went, but I know it didn’t go well. I did notice one thing late into that last round. I decided to see what classes my team had. We had less Engies. We had Soldiers and the like. It seems like my team had some sort of plan after all. Make Sentries, wait for them to be destroyed, change class. It is either that, or maybe they realised that Sentry Farms don’t always work. I like to think the former is true, and that there was some intelligence on my team…

We lost swiftly and painfully. I was hoping for some amazing Krit kills, but all I got were Sentries, a defense tactic where the Kritzkreg is useless. I left after that round. You could say I ragequitted. I learnt/remembered two important lessons from that match.

1. Using the Kritzkreg requires teamwork and communication. I’ve manage to do some kritzing on the UC server, because I know the people on the UC server. You can go to PUBs and use it, but if you are with friends, you trust them more and they trust you more. Communication for Kritzkregs is just as important as it is for Ubers. Or maybe even more, since an Uber can be activated to save yourself or your Medic Buddy. Having a mic helps. Being with friends and using a mic is even better.
2. Sentry Farms aren’t the best defence. The reason they work is because the most of the enemy dies by your non-Engineer friends. If all the enemies are fighting a Sentry Farm with the Engies whacking their Sentries, they will destroy it one Building at a time. You need non-Engies to kill their Medics, Demos, and other enemies.

I write this article for those two reasons. Don’t suffer the Anti-Kritz Defense like I did! Talk to your team, stick with some friends, and for the your team’s sake, do not play as an Engineer if you team already has 3!

It was two in the morning and Angus hadn’t slept a wink. The orphanage was infamous for its poor living quarters. Take away the mattress and you wouldn’t feel a difference, he thought.

But it wasn’t just the beds that kept him up. He had a hangover. At two in the morning. His first one, in fact – droplets of bitter alcohol had only run down his tender throat several hours ago at early noon. Every time he shifted in the bed, he felt his insides sway back and fourth like a precarious fishing boat out on the North Sea. As the ocean of his bodily fluids twisted and turned, he limped once more to the bathroom. As he knelt, looking down into the grimy toilet seat, he thought to himself. ‘Some people get addicted to this stuff’. He puked. ‘At least I know I’ll never become an alcoholic’.

It was two in the afternoon when Angus finally got out of bed. Although the sickness had passed, he still felt as if someone had been setting off explosions in his head. He quickly changed and went down the creaky steps to the kitchen to make himself some brunch. It was surprising nobody had arisen him sooner, then he remembered it was a Sunday, the ‘day of rest’. Angus couldn’t be bothered with it. As he poured out some soggy cereal, Malcolm drifted through. Malcolm was like a ghost; he haunted the residents of the orphanage like a poltergeist, appearing when it was preferable that he didn’t.

“Hey, looks like the alcho got himself up” he sneered.

“Shut it, Malcolm. I don’t drink.” Angus grunted, chewing his cereal vigorously.

“What did you have? A wee dram? Buckie?”

“No. Just scrumpy.”

“Haha, really?” He let out a snort as he laughed. “So just some apple juice with alcohol?”

Angus let out a long sigh. His head began to pulse.

“Alcohol and bomb making are a terrible combination, you know.” Malcolm smiled, his eyes almost lifeless within their sockets.

“Don’t bring up this crap again.” Angus snapped.

“Hey, I’m not the one who blew up his adoptive parents to smitheroons.”

Angus clenched the spoon in his hand tightly. Malcolm would bring back memories that Angus had wished he’d forgotten. He was six years old when his first set of parents died from an ‘unexplained explosion’ from within their house… Something to do with the heating element in the oven being tampered with. By a six year old. It was an accident, of course, and in fact Angus remembers little of the incident.

“Sod off, man.” Angus retorted.

“Fine, whatever. I’ll be seeing you tonight.”

“Tonight? What’s happening tonight?”

“Guy Fawkes.”

With that, Malcolm drifted out of the door in which he came. Angus had completely forgotten about Guy Fawkes, after his small debacle the night before. Even as a small child, he had always been intrigued by explosives. With his first adoptive parents, he remembered tumbling outside to see the fireworks being set off. The beautiful shades of red and green, the glittering streaks of colour across a pitch black sky. During his early teens, he attempted to make his very own fireworks, ones which would be brighter, stronger and more striking than any seen before. Unfortunately, the only thing his fireworks did strike was a hole through the kitchen wall. Since then, Angus had to take his gear out in the woods. Until he started a minor forest fire, of course. The Forestry Commission were ‘nothing short of mad’ at Angus for his little experiments, leading him to simply stop his disastrous hobbies altogether. The closest he got to anything explosive in recent years was at Guy Fawkes, were he was allowed to light a single squib. It wasn’t ideal, but it was better than nothing, Angus thought. He better get ready.

Night approached quickly in the winter. Ullapool was a great town for Guy Fawkes; no big cities around to cause light pollution, no distracting noise. Nothing but the gentle rocking of the boats in the dock. Nothing but darkness. Everyone had already gathered around the bonfire by the time Angus stumbled into the crowd. Ms. Bruce, the ‘head’ of the orphanage, stood around the group of eager faces, auburn from the glow of the fire.

“Now, then.” She pursed her lips. “Now that we’re all here, would you care to start us off, Angus?”

The group of faces all turned and stared at him. Timidly he walked over to the first firework, crudely planted into the ground.

“Now remember your goggles and here’s a match.”

Ms. Bruce thrust the safety specs and an already lit match into his hands. She puckered her lips as she watched him. Angus could see the hairs on her upper lip merge together and make a subtle moustache. But then, something caught his eye… A woman. One he hadn’t seen before; it was not uncommon for the occasional out of town visitor to come and watch the fireworks, but something was different about this one. She wore a plaid, dark red suit and a face as sour as a lemon. She was a sassenach, a city liver. Within the crowd of grubby orphans and salty seamen, she stuck out like a painfully sore thumb.With a quick gulp, Angus walked over and lit the firework, then walked back. The woman watched Angus intently as he did, keeping a close eye on his every action.  A hissing came slowly out of the squib before quickly launching off into the sky. A gentle ‘bang’ was heard, then a splodge of colour emerged on the dark canvas. It was finished within seconds. Angus sighed at the unsurprisingly feeble firework, then returned to his spot in the crowd. Now aware of his mysterious watcher, he couldn’t concentrate on the fireworks. Everywhere he looked, he saw her in the corner of his eye… Watching.

And so another Bonfire Night had come and gone. As soon as the last Roman candle had burnt out, Angus hurried away. He couldn’t stand the sight of this woman any longer. But as he walked away, so did she. He quickend his pace, and so did she. ‘Oh God’, he thought. ‘She’s going to get me!’

And she did. Her hand clutched onto his shoulder like an owl catching it’s prey. He jumped and let out a small yelp.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry for frightening you unannounced.’ She said, although he could sense of sarcasm in her tone.

“What do you want?” Angus barked.

“Now now, no need to be so rash, my boy.”

“Aye? An’ why have you been spyin’ on me?”

“My contractors have certain… Interests, per say, in your… talents.”

She gave him a gentle, bitter smile. She smelt strongly of dodgy cigarettes.

“My… talents?” Angus asked inquisitively.

“You’ve got quite a hand with explosives.”

Angus’ hard double jumped. “What? How the hell…?”

“Don’t fret. My contractors are aware that you want a bit more freedom from this place.”

She slipped a small card into his hand. On it, in big letters, was ‘Reliable Excavation Demolition’. He had heard of the name before. They were one of the biggest businesses in the whole world, matched only by another, equally powerful company. He looked long at the card, before turning to face the woman. He noticed her lipstick was as red as her suit.

“A car will come to pick you up next week, after your graduation. I’ll be seeing you.” She gave out a whistle.

She turned quickly and walked around a corner. Angus ran around to catch her, but she had vanished, cloaked into the darkness of the night. So many questions, yet none of them answered. He looked back at the card, studying it. He gave out a chuckle when he realised the companies’ name was an acronym for ‘red’.

‘I think I need a drink’, he thought as he trundled back to the old orphanage.

Here’s another nice TF2 AI bot vid put together by USK clan. Its a similar concept to Mass AI by EvilDaedalus, but does some cool stuff with the technique. There are some impressive set pieces (included the most epic pyro tennis match ever).

USK Clan – Team Fortress 2

Playing around with bots in TF2. First, I just wanted to check if they can do rocket tennis, obviously. Well, they can, but also so much more. Even though bot functionality is ridiculously limited.

Check out our servers:
1. {USK} Clan Server 1 80.190.208.19:27111
2. {USK} Clan Server 2 85.236.100.245:27615
3. {USK} Clan Server 3 217.163.28.49:27015

For more information, please go to http://usk-clan.com

Spotted over at Manta Engie (EvilDaedaulus’s site).

Reliable Excavation Demolition, 2nd Level
Desk of Scouting Officer for Demolition
June 16, 1968
8:00 AM

Evaluation Meeting Requested

“Come in, have a seat”. He had never seen her face, see was either a nameless voice, shouting commands out on the battlefield, or an unspeakable shadow in the dark gloomy room that she occupied. “As you know, we have always approved of, well, different methods. But, our organization doesn’t exactly… approve of some of the changes to your inventory.”

“Is this about the bat?” There was a slight pause as she took a drag from her cigarette. “Yes, yes it is. But not just the bat.” “Ah jeez, I god damn knew it! It’s not my fault I want to fracture peoples skulls!” “I have the administrator from BLU on hold, right now. You know the rocket above the Dustbowl territory? Which you lost I may remind you.” “Yeah.” “Well, she says if we don’t do something about your inventory, she’ll launch it at the nearest area.”

“You do know the agreements we made when we started this whole territory swap around mini-war thing, we were to never disadvantage one or the other corporation. And epically, not remove control from the, hem, excuse me, contestants of these battles.” He cringed at those words, knowing the consequences that could come. He seemed to remember those who had cheated in the past on there Weapon Selection.

“Here, I had the Engineer, god knows his name anymore, draw up some diagrams for a new design.”

Knucklehead Killer

“I believe the changes our hard-hatted friend made are that he removed the knock back from the weapon, but, the weapon will crit when you are in the air, above your enemy, rewarding the offensive scout who takes risks and is able to dodge his enemies and attacks well, instead of allowing him to avoid confrontation, like our large Russian friend would say, like a little baby coward.”

Bonk! Energy Drink; Manly Man Edition*

“I’ve noticed that this is the actually underpowered weapon in your new inventory, but it’s still an actually decent idea. It only seems to work well when you actually coordinate with a teammate, which you rarely do. We’ve had the Medic and Engineer work together to perfect the formula for the drink. They’ve uped the dosage of radiation, allowing for an increase time, added a tracker to the drink which will show up on your teammates HUDs, allowing them to find you and help you take down a sentry. And finally, they’ve reduced the knock back off sentry gun fire when you are shot at by them.”

* Bonk! Energy Drink; Manly Man Edition not pictured due to test subjects experiencing radness overload. In it’s place is the First Blood achievement. Because it’s almost as cool.

The Bambino

“This weapon is more straightforward approach to your Baseball Bat. When you hit someone with the baseball, you get crits against them when using the bat for around 10 seconds. It still gives you an advantage, but not one that assures you a one on one victory, and not one that assures your team absolute protection against ubercharges.”

“Is that it m’am?”

“Yes, that is all. Just one more thing.”

“Yes m’am?”

“Do not fail me again.”

Another update has come and (sort of) gone and we are still no closer to finding out what’s really under the pyro’s mask.  Is nobody else bothered by this?  Meet the Sandvich was disappointing enough, but it was better than nothing.  I have been promising my non-team-fortress-playing friends that they will shortly be able to meet one of the three remaining classes since the heavy update and they’re getting a little impatient.  Their desire for amusing machinima videos might turn to a desire for permanently detaching my skin if they are not appeased quickly.  So what is the holdup?  I have a few ideas.

Perfectionism

Valve has an annoying habit of constantly delaying.  They will miss multiple deadlines in the name of “getting things right”.  Of course, they usually do get things right so nobody really holds this against them.  And I gotta admit, when I watch the next meet the team video (if it ever comes out), I’ll expect a lot.  So maybe they’re right to wait.

Or maybe they’re jerks

Entirely possible.  I can just picture the programmers sitting in their wicked den, cackling at their own cruelty.  Have they no mercy?  No.  No they don’t.  Just look at Team Fortress 2.  Valve has ruined it so ruthlessly and so frequently (at least once a week since it was released) that it can hardly be considered a game any more.  Now it’s just a virtual torture machine.  The missing videos are just another ploy to cause widespread misery.  And it’s working.  Yes, evil programmers.  That has to be it.

Unless

Something happened to the voice actors.  Humans are shockingly fragile.  I mean one crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chloride, one errant twitch…

and KABLOOIE!

Er.  Yes.  Thank you.

Any time, laddie.

Thanks?

Anyway, if something were to happen to the voice actors, how would Valve go about finding replacements?  Now, you might spout some nonsense about auditions and people being able to imitate voices and the great wealth of talent in the world but the point is that there is nothing they could do. Of course, if this really is/was/will be the reason, you think Valve might say something.  Or maybe release a scout update featuring coded voice acting that was actually a cry for help.  Have you played the Bonk taunts backwards?  Spooky stuff, man.

Alien abduction?

Could be.

Perhaps they no longer think it is effective marketing

That would be a shame.  I bought Team Fortress 2 because I met the team (and because of a free weekend).  Both of these are excellent strategies for hooking people in; I offer myself as proof.  And even when it comes to people like my bloodthirsty friends, the videos spread the knowledge of TF2 around which can’t be a bad thing.  After all, if they tell their friends who tell their friends who tell their friends who… well, you can see where I’m going with this.  So please, Valve.  Let us meet the medic/pyro/spy.  And let it be soon.

I’m not sure my skin can handle much more of a wait.

While playing with a friend of mine, having a rather boring match at TC_Hydro, we decided to leave the server and give Lumberyard a chance. The problem in Arena maps lies within their restrictions.

Something that bothers me is the fact that I am not allowed to choose between BLU and RED. When playing with friends, I always want to play with them. The worst case is: You will be in different teams, playing against each other. Then you will always end up killing each other, probably because you already know all of his strategies. This is an important problem, especially when you play the Spy. Because, you know, the Spy relies on stealth. Another problem is that my friend decided to play the Pyro this night. I guess you know what that means. My body is made of paper, one touch of his flamethrower, and I am dead (Why does the spy even smoke? Isn’t he afraid that someday he will burn himself with a cigarette? Still everyone continues to talk about the Spy as the smartest class..)
So, while my friend was having fun, I clearly didn’t have any. I decided to use my brain. I thought about using my knowledge of the movement-pattern of the cruel Pyro.

Indeed, I managed to stay alive, longer than the previous times. Now I was getting confident. Actually I managed to stab some people AND also avoid my friend, the cruel, cruel Pyro. But while I did my work as good as I could, the Pyro did his share, too. We both killed the whole team. Me, the blue Spy, killed one red Sniper, two Heavies and one scout (lucky revolver crit FTW!!). The cruel bastard, who was once my friend, lit up two blue scouts, and the rest of my team.

Now, the showdown: My friend and me. It was difficult to find him, but after a while, he just tried to capture the point. This was my chance. I was being sneaky as a rat, and I managed get behind him. The Pyro was clever enough to circle-strafe around the point, but with a perfect timing, I decloaked, and was ready to stab him.

But I didn’t. I hesitated. I still don’t know why. But something hindered me. After all, he was still my friend. I just couldn’t stab him. It was my death sentence, as I thought. The Pyro quickly turned around and pointed his flamethrower at me. I closed my eyes, sadly awaiting my inescapable death. But for my surprise, he hesitated too. I don’t know what was wrong with us, but in this moment, magic was in the air. We, the arch-enemies, we just didn’t do it. We didn’t follow the rules. There was no war, no blood, instead we laid down our weapons (metaphorically, of course). This moment was strange.

“O, I am fortune’s fool!”

Standing in front of each other, we just couldn’t do what the people wanted us to do. In this moment, we realized the people on the server would be angry at us. Well, we were delaying the start of the next round. We imagined them screaming and insulting us, but we both just didn’t care. Because soon a dream infected us. A perfect world. It should be like TF2, but without the killing. Imagine people, no matter what colour, living happily together. People could actually be productive in a world like this. Everybody could help anybody. Imagine a world where Engineers would build something which doesn’t shoot at people. Something useful. Heavys could use their strength to transport heavy materials.

Our vision became clearer, but then we thought about our position in this peaceful world. We were both skilled to kill. I was just a skinny little middle-european guy with a knife, and he was the flamethrower-wielding guy (or girl?) who forgot to visit a speech therapist.

“Spy loved Pyro, Pyro felt the same, When he put his arms around her, He said Julie, baby, you’re my flame,Thou givest fever.”

Eventually, we did what everyone is doing after spending a lot of time with someone while being bored. We just felt in love…(Yes, the Pyro is a girl. A Spy cannot be gay, of course!) We teased each other, ran around and we were just being happy. Finally we could do whatever we wanted to do. We also did things. Dirty things. As you can see in this picture, we had some kind of sex. Well, a Tf2-style of sex. After that, we decided to do a little picnic and breath some fresh air. Fortunately Pyro made a snapshot of me at the picnic. It’s a little bit strange, because I was dancing. But this cute little girl deserves a place for her pictures.

O Pyro, Pyro! wherefore art thou Pyro?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a BLU.

This is me, jumping on a log. It was fun for a while, Pyro made more snapshots. We had a great time, but we both knew it couldn’t last. Her family was the biggest enemy of my family. They had a strange on-going feud. The REDs were very angry at the BLUs, they were killing each other since many years. Pyro knew that. And I knew that too. It couln’t last… There was only one way, one route to choose. Suicide.. I didn’t talk about this with Pyro, but while she was changing her clothes, I jumped from the log right into my death. Pyro couldn’t live in a world without me. She followed me, she chose the same path. We were dead, and the War and the Hate had won again. Before our death, I took a last snapshot of Pyro. It was made in the good times. Until now it reminds me, how it felt to be in love. It was a short period, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me…

A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun for sorrow will not show his head.
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
Some shall be pardon’d, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Spy and his Pyro.

-A fantastic story from a new author. it really brought a tear to my eye, this is the kind of thing we need. Bang up job! – Phoenix

The Demoman’s sticky bomb has been a controversial aspect of TF2 since it was introduced.  Too many people complained that it was excessively overpowered or extremely unfair, and that it should be removed from the game.  Valve addressed the problem with an update that introduced the aspect in which the sticky could be deactivated and destroyed subsequent to a few bullets fired into it.  Even so, the sticky bomb is still under much controversy.  Therefore, we should take action!  We should use the sticky bomb for different activities other than getting a plethora of points!

1: Toy

Let’s face the facts; new toys are needed. There’s lead in the paint, Barbie’s a slut, and LEGO is rich enough as it is. The Demoman is here to fix the problem! The sticky bomb is great for a child’s toy. You could attach it to a string to make a yoyo or play a game of catch with your friends. No matter how boring a day could be, it could always be fun with the sticky bomb!

2: Boost for Your Car

Is your car unbearably slow? Are gas prices catching up to you? The Demoman could fix both of those problems with a few sticky bombs! Apply directly to the back bumper, and when you need that extra boost, just detonate! Your car will be the fastest on the road in no time!

3: Baseball

Baseball is a game that could never be abolished, but sometimes it could get very boring! Using the same baseballs every day could get quite monotonous. However, if you use the Demoman’s sticky bomb in place of the baseball, there will never be a dull moment at the park!

4: Pranks

Do you have an ignorant family member or an idiot room mate? The sticky bomb is an excellent item to prank your friend or foe. The pointy exterior and ability to explode are only a couple of the features included. The possibilities for payback are endless!

5: Fireworks

If your celebration needs a fix, then turn nowhere else but the Demoman’s sticky bomb. Fireworks are expensive and illegal in some regions. The sticky bomb could replace fireworks any day, and the explosion is much bigger and more deadly…deadly fun that is!

When you look at the title, you think, “Oh boy, another rant.” Not so. I’m not talking about kinds of Scout players, I’m talking about loadouts and their specific advantages. Each weapon has specific uses, and there are three loadouts I’m going to talk about here.

The Defensive Scout

Primary: Scattergun

Secondary: Pistol

Melee: Sandman

This loadout has incredible firepower but slightly limited mobility. The Offensive Scout has a total of 86 shots at his disposal, plus however many baseballs he can regenerate in one life. His lost double-jump is a small price to pay, as a defensive player is rarely on the move. In the case of a rush in another part of the base, there are no official non-arena maps I have seen that require vertical movement to quickly get from A to B.

One thing to remember is that, although it takes away your double jump, the sandman in no other way impedes you. If there is a way out of a fatal situation, just run. You’re neither as damaging as a Pyro, nor as slow.

The Offensive Scout

Primary: Force-A-Nature

Secondary: BONK!

Melee: Bat

This loadout is all about mobility and speed. The Triple-jump afforded by the FaN allows a scout to get to more places than it is sensible to discuss in an average article. The BONK drink also allows for a sprint across an enemy’s line of fire to get to a more advantageous position (though you’d better be sure you can get there in six seconds).

The Offensive Scout can get to many places most others can’t, with a chunk of health left that the average Spy or Soldier envies. This loadout will get the Scout where he needs to go, in as tight a deadline as he needs.

If he’s not an idiot, that is.

The Support Scout

Primary: Force-A-Nature

Secondary: Pistol

Melee: Sandman

This is an odd mix, but only as odd as a Scout being a team player. This loadout is geared towards team aid, keeping other teammates out of harm’s way whilst slowing down the enemy. The FaN makes up for the loss of a double jump, and allows the scout to push an enemy away from a threatening position.

The Pistol is a valuable asset for drawing an enemy’s attention. If a spy is in a good position, you can draw his target into a distracted and vulnerable position. “Sitting Duck,” I think, is the accepted term.

The Sandman lends itself to some pretty spectacular kill assists. Take, for example, a scenario I call “Headhunter”. You, as scout, have partnered up with a sniper. You can go around the map, stunning enemies at just enough range for the sniper to get a good headshot on them. A pretty deadly, if unconventional, combination.

And there you have it. Those are my three loadouts, which I’ll get around to using as soon as I unlock more than one weapon.

Credit for the G-Mod Images goes to Dracula Guy. Thanks, man.

The Scout update may not be the worst to come (Sentry nests, Sniper duels and much spychecking is yet to follow), but many people who find the Boston boy infuriating have inevitably been infuriated by his class pack. Here’s a list of tips for the other classes on how to survive those Scout rushes.

Soldier

Go download tr_airshot. Now. Got it? Good, now play it until your eyes begin burning, because you need to learn how to shoot airborne targets – fast. A double jumping Scout is probably the hardest moving target to hit (besides cloaked spies, but they don’t count) and so your rocket prediction skills need to be on the mark to get these guys. If you still have trouble blowing up people in mid-air, then it’s time to discover you have a shotgun. Never used it before, most likely, but it’s still useful in tricky situations (a la sudden scout rushes).

Pyro

Not so good here. The Scout can avoid you with minimal effort, so you’re gonna need a Flare Gun. Much like the Solider previously, prediction skills are essential. As for the other weapons, it’s up to you. The Backburner will reduce Scouts to ashes in less than a second, but the chances of keeping up with a Scout when they’re running all over the place is unlikely. The Flamethrower is good with the compression blast to keep them away, but that’s about it. Above all though, ambush. Ambush, ambush, ambush.

Demoman

Think the Soldier had it bad? Unfortunately, the Scottish bombmaker is at an even worse disadvantage. You can’t use stickies effectively (unless they’re used for what they were bloody designed for – ambushes) as the Scouts are going to avoid them quite easily, so it’s time to do something no Demoman has done for many, many years.
Use the grenade launcher.
I know, it’s scary and it actually requires skill, but one or two head-on pipe bombs will blow these Scouts up like hilariously morbid piñatas. Just remember the same tricks as our Soldier friend, but take in projectile arcs and distance and all that stuff you should have learnt in Physics.

Heavy

Natascha and you are going on a date. Main course? Dead Scouts, with a side order of pain.
Okay, bad one-liner over.
Natascha has be cited by the community as a rather ineffective weapon, but those rumours have been swept away along with the many Scout corpses after the destruction wrought by Heavy’s second mistress. Slowed down, the Scout will find himself powerless and, while weaker than Sasha, Natascha is still going to rip these ‘puny men’ to shreds.
I believe, as of now, the slowdown effect on Natascha is very glitchy; sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t. As soon as Valve fix this inconvenience however, the Heavy will find himself actually useful instead of being cited as bloody useless by some people.

Engineer

You lucky Texans, you. Savor this update while the Pyros and Spies suffer, because this is perhaps the most fun you’ll ever have. Well, against enemy Scouts.

Enemy Scouts will be sentry fodder… unless they have Bonk, but they’ll still be knocked back substantially until they get tired and teammates can finish the job. However, you might find a considerable amount of friendly Scouts hogging your teleporters and repeatedly yelling for dispensers.
Nonetheless, your sentry kill count will be reaching new heights. Just don’t let it go to your head, the Demoman or Spy update may be next…

Medic

LOOK. AROUND. ALWAYS. Scouts are notorious for wiping you out in classic “search and destroy” fashion. Much like the Spy, but a lot faster and a lot harder to hit. If you’re intent on being the Doctor, then pick your patients well. Ideally, it should be a Heavy as the other three ideal Medic buddies (Soldier, Demoman and Pyro) are going to have trouble taking Scouts down.
Don’t be afraid to use your syringe gun, though. You’d be surprised how well it takes down Scouts. Bonesaws and Ubersaws are also useful if the Scout is trying to bat you to death.
Oh yeah, if you’re determined to be such a douchebag and try and get that “You’ll Feel a Little Prick” achievement, do it now. If you truly must.

Sniper

Remember that old phrase with guns “shoot where they’re going to be”? Yeah, that’s quite helpful right now.

Scouts are easily the most difficult targets to snipe – let alone headshot – due to their fast speed and double jumping skill. First of all, if the Scout sees you, get the hell out of there. Kukri won’t save you now and the submachine gun is pitiful, even against these pests with 125 health. Keep a low profile and get them when they’re unaware or distracted. Charged bodyshots will take these little pests down quite easily as well, by the way. When done, run off and find a new spot. The Scout will come looking upon respawn.
Just keep an eye out for more than just Spies now, basically.

Spy

Did you know you have a revolver? Go check, I’ll wait.
…
See?
Yes, the revolver may not be the most significant weapon for the Spy as most people will recognize the knife and disguise kit, but this little magnum here is bloody useful. It’s accurate, it’s got good range and a critical shot will more than likely kill a Scout in one shot. Yes. One.
Of course, if you’re still intent on stabbing people, then just try and keep up with the Scout and wait for his inevitable “running backwards while shooting” trick. They’ll bring their backs to you.
Oh yeah, Scouts will spycheck you quite frequently. Don’t take too many chances – just keep cloaked as much as possible (disappearing ammo boxes might be alerting to the attentive ones, though).

Overall Advice

Don’t get hit by the Sandman.

Seriously. It’s not fun.

I was afraid of the scout update. That’s not to say that I was afraid of the new unlockables. Not in the least. The Sandman seemed like a fun new toy, Bonk was exactly what I had wanted for an alternate pistol, and the Force-A-Nature (a.k.a. the third jump) was so exciting that I had a few brief and distressing spasms. What scared me was the inevitable horde of selfish scouts interested in nothing more than unlocking the new weapons then tormenting the other scouts with them. A soon-to-be selfish scout myself, I could tell it would be a nightmare. I wanted to have nothing to do with it. And looking over the achievements on the night (or day, depending on the part of the world you inhabit) of the update, I realized that I wouldn’t have to.

You can achieve nine (yes, nine) of the new scout achievements completely on your own.* For those of you who don’t know, nine is one less than ten. With ten achievements, you get the Force-A-Nature. Only one cooperative achievement and I’d be triple-jumping all over the place. I knew what I had to do. Forget Team Fortress 2; I work alone.

Six achievements in, I realized something I hadn’t even considered. Hopping about on ctf_turbine, back and forth, alone, is outstandingly boring. Valve, in clever anticipation of my antics, had made TF2 a game that wasn’t any fun not to play.

So I gave up and joined a random server. It was, as predicted, a nightmare. Whenever I spawned, I was killed instantly by the swarm of scouts who were camping. If I ever made it past them I would be killed by the sentry that three separate scouts were trying (and failing) to take down with the sentry. Everyone on my team was only interested in achievements, and everyone on the other team was a griefer (this is always the case). I disconnected.

The next ten-or-so games I joined were all the same. I didn’t own TF2 back during the pyro update and I had never really believed the horror stories of that dark age. Now that I’ve played during the worst hours of the scout-fest (which is still going on), I think they might be true. Once I joined an achievement box, but that was worse than anyplace else I’d been. At any point, I could have joined the ubercharged server, a safe haven from achievement-whoring scouts. Unfortunately, I was an achievement-whoring scout.

Despairing of ever getting my lovely new gun, I said to myself, “one more game, then I’m done.” The map was cp_egypt_final. The gravity was low. Everyone was a scout. And it was beautiful. Within a minute, the Force-A-Nature was mine and the fight was really on. Until an admin made gravity come back. With gravity on, the fun was gone. I quit.

But my experiences of the night had taught me something: solo achievements, although lonely and boring, are a good thing that should be encouraged. They are good simply because the other ways of getting achievements are so bad. If with every pack there were ten or so achievements that could be easily had alone, it might relieve some of the post-pack rush. Sure, everyone would still be spies or engineers or whatever the updated class is. But at least they’d spend less time trying to unlock the new weapons and more time actually using them.

I suppose that you could just unlock the achievements naturally, but who does that?

*For those wondering, five of the heavy achievements (not counting Konspicuous Konsumption as you have to unlock the Sandvich first which requires interactive achievements) can be unlocked solo, and none of the pyro or medic achievments can. The solo scout achievements are Batter Up, I’m Bat Man, No Hitter, Race for the Pennant, Round Tripper, Set the Table, Side Retired, Triple Play, and Triple Steal. I don’t count Stealing Home because I could find no way to achieve it on my own. The easiest way I figured would be an arena game with a capture point but you can’t play an arena game by yourself.

But wait!

There is actually a way to get some other achievements alone; use bots. Of course, this method doesn’t work for a lot of achievements, such as ones where the bot needs to be underwater, but you should be able to unlock quite a few more fairly quickly without dealing with griefers or suffering the soul-crushing boredom I did. The lot of the solo-achiever is a lonely one; don’t make your isolation any longer or more difficult than it has to be. However Himmelstoss has written a guide on how you too can work this miracle.

Read it here: just remember, this isn’t always 100% effective; it occasionally doesn’t work.

If everyone uses this method, we might see the end of achievement-farmers for good. It’s far-fetched, I know, but isn’t it a lovely thought?