Mr. Yellow’s engineer guide for a better and healthier life in TF2! #1: General

Hello there. You’re on a defensive team and picked the engineer eh?  Yeah it’s a great class for defence due to the sentry.


Looking good there

But honestly, while you’re standing there whacking the gun the whole round waiting for some action, let me tell you that there is more to the engineer than building stuff, WAY more. I am gonna teach you all about what you can potentially do with him. I tell you that once you’ve nailed everything here; you’re gonna see more points, your team will love you and most importantly, you’re gonna have much more fun with that class.
Keep in mind though that all information here is from how I look at the class (and not necessarily the best one). There are several different playstyles as engineer and I am just covering how i play this class.

The shotgun and the pistol:

Now before you start taking that buildomatic up, i want you to take a good look at your shotgun and your pistol. It may not seem like it at first look, but those 2 weapons are what that can make the engineer himself a big threat to the enemy if used right. Many players really underestimate the engineers own combat potential and get suprised when he is handing their asses back to them.

The shotgun is the weapon you should have up at all times when not engaged in combat, since you never know when there is an enemy coming right out of the corner. It’s your (obviously) best option in close combat and can really dish it out if you aim well. 3-5 well aimed shots is all that’s needed to take down any class. In addition it’s a good tool when sneaking up on a foe who is pressured by your teammates, get a few shots in and he is pretty much dead (in most cases).
One thing to understand though is that you should never reload the shotgun during combat. It takes far too long, your better off switching to your pistol and finish your opponent off with that weapon.

Speaking of the pistol, this thing of beauty is your best option at medium range, long range  and when your enemy is retreating. One full clip is usually enough to down any light class at medium range. 2 clips for the healthier classes minus the heavy. However you’re better off using it as a tool to wind down the enemy while you close in, pull out the shotgun, fire of the 6 shots, then get out and finish him off with the pistol (however, if the one you’re fighting is a soldier or a heavy, just stay away from them in that case unless your going in for a sneak kill).

Actually if you take a close look at the engineer, you realise that he is very similar to the scout. Minus the speed, extra jump and scattergun. The scout would obviously fare better than the engineer if your just going to use those 2 weapons. What the engie lacks in those areas however, he makes it up with his own personal computer contolled assist device of death.


Now we’re talking!

The sentry gun:

What makes the engineer unique is that he is the only class that can give the enemy 2 threats alone; the engineer himself and the sentry. As a key rule, always try to make your foe fight those 2 threats at the same time, since this will really pressure him. As for how to use the sentry, there are 3 different sentry strategies to use; ambushing, flanking (those 2 are also known as ninjaneering) and area denial.

Ambushing is done by hiding the sentry near a common route. Both a good offensive and defensive strategy. It’s all about waiting for the prey to come, jump in as soon as the sentry starts shooting and make him fight both you and your gun. In most cases you will end up as the victor, since the sentry have (hopefully) winded him down enough for you to finish him off with a couple of shots. This tactic is pretty dangerous if you’re far from your teammates however, since you’re pretty powerless if your enemy are coming in great numbers and/or a medic is accompanying him/them. Still, the nice thing about ambushing is that this is a good strategy to make sure your enemy is where you want him; stuck at one place and fully concentrated on your sentry. An opportunity to get in from behind and fire the shotgun point-blank.
Now, if you’re expecting slightly larger opposition while metal is in ambundance as well as having the time to do it, then you may want to upgrade your sentry to level 2 and have more firepower against the incoming forces. However in most cases this isn’t the scenario. I mean you’re better off switching your sentry position to keep your foes constantly guessing. As in, actually using that detonator and find another place to put down your sentry.
Pull that off and your enemy will look around evey corner due to fear off ninja sentries, way to go!


Is it there? Or isn’t it there? That is the question.

Flanking is different from ambushing in that you’re already engaged in combat togheter with your team. What you want to do here is to sneak around the enemy and erect a sentry up behind the enemy lines, facing your opponents directly while they are busy with your teammates. Very risky, but also very rewarding if you manage to do that. This will pretty much win the fight for your team as this will scatter your opponents, letting your teammates take them out easily.
This is also a game of chance though. You never know when an opponent might suddenly look at your direction and immediatly notify the rest of the team. Also the 5 seconds that takes to get the sentry up can feel excruciating while there is a huge rocket fight in front of you. It’s next to impossible to pull this off if this takes place in a enclosed area though.
Your sentry is very vulnerable when getting it out, one shot is pretty much enough to blow it up. In a situation where getting a sentry up can be the difference between winning or losing the battle, you should try using yourself as a meatshield while whacking it since your unable to repair it during setup time. 125 health may be little, but putting yourself in harms way could be the difference of getting the sentry up or not!


The moment when the blue players go “WTF?!”

Area denial is the most common engie strat that is used due to its ease to pull off and how tough it can be to break through it. While it’s generally a defensive one it can also be used offensively. It’s all about denying your opponent access to a area, limiting their mobility or downright refusing them access through a bottleneck.
Since your sentry is facing the oppostion directly (in most situations), your better off getting it up to level 3 as fast as you possible can to meet the incoming threat (when defending). Know where the metal is, always try to pick up scraps from dead opponents. If metal is short then get a dispenser up after the sentry and stay alive while you wait for enough metal.
However, this may not always be the best option. When whacking your sentry you should ask yourself questions like; “Should I get up there and help my teammates instead?”, “Maybe I should get more metal before continuing” and “Was that a spy that just passed me?”. Always analyse your situation. Maybe there are better things to do than getting a level 3 up fast.
Doing this offensively though is different, especially if it’s a normal CP map (as in not a attack/defend one). Trying to stay mobile and togheter with your team is your best option, since battle lines here can swiftly shift. Here you either want to get a sentry up in the middle of a firefight or near the front to give your team a safe spot as well as denying your enemy that particular area. Pulling the former off though is all about luck, but at least you’re giving the enemy a distraction/threat to take down when setting it up. Valuable seconds that your team can exploit to it’s fullest.
The latter is more favorable though, espeically if your team has a medic. The sentry can give the medic much needed cover for him (especially when against scouts) while healing retreating teammates, so that they can go back up and continue the fight. Kind of a “base” of some sorts.


Now here is a good spot

When finding a place to put down your sentry, it’s preffered you place it next to a wall facing away from it (as in the screenshot above). That way the sentry cannot be so easily dispatched from the rear. In addition the enemy you’re ambushing will be farther away from the corner/doorway he came from before the sentry engages him, meaning he will spend more time out in the open exposed to the sentry before he gets back.
Also lower and higher elevations are usually good places to hide your sentry as well, but whether they are good postions or not is map dependant. Oh and don’t be afraid to put it in the middle of an open field sometimes. It’s that place where the enemy least expects to find a sentry.


!!!

Working with other engineers:

Being among the most played classes of all in TF2, there is a high chance that you will encounter other fellow engineers. Particullary on the defending team in attack/defence maps and near your own base protecting the intel in CTF maps.
As a prime rule when working with more engineers; having a higher level sentry is better than having several small ones. This is because the firepower from a level 2/3 is better than 2/3 level 1’s, as well as being easier to maintain due to it’s larger health. So if you see that your engineer buddy have already started getting a sentry gun up, then make sure that you help him maintaining it and level it up to 3 before considering building your own. Also do not hesitate to help maintain allied buildings under attack or clear sappers from it. Your engineer buddy will thank you.
There are exceptions from that rule though.

If there is a place where the engineer population are drastically less, it’s out in the front line together with the assaulting team. However if you do see an engineer here then make sure you co-operate. 2 engineers working together are always better than 2 working alone.
While getting a high level sentry as fast as possible is the best solution for area denial, this isn’t always the case when ambushing or flanking.
When ambushing, you and your buddy should consider your options. Either you want to hide a high level sentry near a common route or you want to play mindgames with the opposition and hide 2 level 1’s instead in different areas. Neither of them is more favourable than the other, so analyse your situation and take the one you consider the best option to go with. However, if you did go with the latter and are still waiting for your opponent to come then by all means go ahead and upgrade one of them.
If your are going to flank, then level 2 and 3 simply isn’t an option. Time is a huge issue here and setting up 2 level 1’s is faster than a single level 2. Flanking is all about disturbing the enemy lines and scatter them, something that a level 1 does well enough. So here just work to get the first sentry up as fast as possible, then immediatly get the 2nd one up a few meters/several feets away. If the first sentry is under attack then don’t hesitate to jump back to the first and maintain it.

Also, when co-operating with engineers on normal CP maps, there is a chance your engineer buddy doesn’t want you to upgrade his sentry. The reason is that battle lines here constantly switch and he is planning on moving his sentry forward. Metal used on a sentry that is going to be detonated anyway is wasted metal. So if he is shouting the “no” command or telling you to stop upgrading it, then do that. Just work on your own sentry instead if your planning to defend the point.

Oh and by the way, do not under any circumstances build the sentries next to each other. You will just make it easier for the enemy to destroy them.


Teamwork is golden!

The rest:

One weapon i haven’t talked about yet is the wrench. Generally i prefer using the shotgun as i find the wrench not as reliable. However, if your opponent constantly try to get in your face and you feel like meleeing then go ahead.

The dispenser is a pretty situational tool in the engineers arsenal. Sometimes there is no use for it at all. Other times it’s the most crucial piece of hardware to set up, even before the sentry (very rare occasions!). But always remember that when setting up a dispenser, you do it for the team and almost never for yourself! You don’t need the dispenser right behind you when maintaining your sentry.  100-150 metal is usually enough to maintain the sentry for one attack because before you exhaust your resources, the enemy have either retreated, been killed or overpowered by your gun.

As mentioned the dispenser is situational, so deciding when to get one up or not, well that is up to you. However, there are some situations when you should really consider getting one up.

When capping or defending points. You usually don’t have much room to manoeuvre around when dodging bullets and explosives. Your options here are either A; continue capping/defending and take the hits or B; stop capping/defending and dodge the incoming bullets/rockets. In many occasions B isn’t an option. A dispenser on the point here would be a welcome relief for your teammates here, since they don’t need to abandon the point for health and/or ammo (usually). Yeah, I know it gets easily destroyed standing there in the middle of everything, but any seconds spent targeting the dispenser are seconds spent NOT aiming at the player capping/defending. In addition, the dispenser is a great way to get a player and particularly a heavy on the point as well.

Many times during a normal CP game, the 2 teams have created fronts and as such, the players will be fighting for every meter. During such fights they usually have to retreat for health.  Having a dispenser at the back supporting the team would certainly help them out and make them come back to the fight quicker, since the medic(s) can’t be everywhere and he usually has to join the assault for the big push. In addition medpacks/ammo isn’t always around when you need it. Either there are too few of them and/or too far behind.

Other situations when to consider a dispenser are:
(1) In arena (in most cases a must).
(2) When your team really REALLY needs health.
(3) When there is little metal in the surrounding area.
(4) To use as a platform, a shield and/or  a blockade.
(5) When your teammates are really pressured and can’t afford going back to heal/refill their weapons.

The teleporter is an important building when the frontline moves slowly. Getting your teammates up there faster can be what that’s needed to win the battle. This one is a must in attack/defence maps.
Also, it’s a very good flanking tool. Getting a teleporter exit behind the enemy lines gives your team another way to attack from.
Using it on normal CP maps though is a different story. The battle lines and the respawn rooms constantly switch all the time here and your just better off sticking to your team, your sentry and fight it out in the front. However always make a teleporter entrance when you have respawned. You never know when you need it. The exception here is during setup time. Since capping the middle point means you will be using your 2nd respawn rooms, then maybe you’re better off putting it near there than at start.
A rewarding way to use teleporters here is ninja capping. Hide a teleporter exit far behind the enemy lines, return back to your team (in most cases the enemy will spot you and blast you to bits, but hopefully you at least succeed at getting the exit up), get an entrance up nearby and continue the fight. Once it’s obvious that your team will get the point,  get enough metal for a sentry and warp in. Build the sentry close to the point and start capping. This is all about luck though as your enemy may already be there preparing their defences.

If the frontline really has stagnated, then getting a forward base may be the best option. This is having the sentry, dispenser and the teleporter together at a close proximity, where the sentry keeps the enemy off, where the teleporter gets teammates up to the front fast and where the dispenser lets teammates have a position to fall back and heal to, before getting back in the fight. The maps where you run into this kind of situation is on attack/defence maps and Hydro.
Don’t build them too close together though, this just makes it easier for spies to sap it and demomen to stickybomb it to bits.


D’oh!

When the situation looks hopeless and the enemy is going to blow your stuff up then don’t stand there, RETREAT! It’s better off to just run away and start over if it’s obvious that your building(s) is doomed. However if you want the last laugh, then detonate it before it gets destroyed. At least your opponent isn’t gonna get that point.

Always look around before placing the sentry and when getting it up. There is always a chance that an enemy might pop up and disturb you (especially a spy), so always look behind you between each whack. If your in a big open field and the enemy could come from every direction (or your paranoid), then circle around your sentry while whacking it or perform sentry gymnastics (constantly jumping over the gun while whacking, tough to pull off though).

And finally, it’s important that YOU stay alive, as you can always get a new sentry up in a few seconds if it gets destroyed. But there is nothing that can revive you and if you die, then there is a high chance that your equipment gets destroyed before you are back in action. Your life will always come before the sentry. The only exception is the one I mentioned on the flanking part.

Now of course, going against different classes in different situation require different reactions. But that will be for another time.

Credit to Toakal for the gmodded screenshots.

Dealing With Class Rushes

From The Team Fortress 2 Xbox 360 Blog:

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In honor of the first title update to the Xbox version of The Orange Box since April 1st, 2008,I decided to throw together a small guide to help you all fight your way through a new trend that has emerged. That trend is Class Rushing.

This new Class Rushing isn’t the one your Grandma used to play. This is a whole new beast that consumes an entire match and is completely unstoppable (except by the host.) While Valve “rushes” to fix this, there is only one thing to do: prepare yourself. So, without, further ado, I present to you a guide written to help you deal with Class Rushes.

The Scout Rush

This rush will haunt your dreams. The sound of pattering feet and “Doc, c’mon man!” will become a trigger of fear in your mind. Never again will you underestimate the power of a 2x capture speed multiplier.

But if you are a Scout who knows when to switch to Pistol, you may become a god. If you didn’t even know you had a Pistol, immediately start dodging and don’t stop. Your friends may wonder why you are hopping around in the Respawn Room, but you will be the better for never stopping the Dodge.

If an enemy Scout runs at you holding a Baseball Bat, take out yours as well and pray for a Critical Hit. If all else fails, hide and taunt until the match ends.

This Rush is best played on: Well and Granary, though it has its moments on Hydro.

The Soldier Rush

I am an excellent Soldier. I know all the best Rocket Jumps. I know when to switch to Shotgun; I know when to switch to Shovel. I crafted the Soldier into an art form through my controller, and yet…when you are in a Soldier Rush, your best bet is to jump/crouch everywhere and shoot at the ground near your enemies.

Sadly, this tactic is neither difficult or particularly inventive, but it works quite well. If you time your shots correctly, your screen will become filled with bloody body parts as your enemies explode. If not, your screen will be full of your own blood and guts.

This Rush is best played on:Gravel Pit and Granary because of excellent verticals.

The Pyro Rush

Take your Shotgun out and don’t switch to Flamethrower unless your enemies can’t see you. Why? Hit detection with the Flamethrower is bad, but a Shotgun blast from point blank can do 90 HP damage. Also, this is the only time in which a Pyro is guaranteed to not get a kill from afterburn damage.

No matter how ugly things become, do not attempt to W+M1 (or Forward+R1 on the Xbox.) The enemy Pyro will naturally backpedal and flame you in return. When moving forward, your flame is shorter. When moving backward, your enemy’s flame is longer. So, yeah, you just died.

And always remember to taunt over your enemy when you kill them. Always.

This Rush is best played on:Dustbowl because the chokepoints keep it from becoming too chaotic.

The Demoman Rush

The grenade spam in this type of rush will bring you fond memories of Team Fortress Classic. But, in all honesty, this is the most fun you will have during a rush. The Demoman is so *cough*overpowered*cough* versatile that acting offensively and defensively as a team actually takes strategy.

It is possible that it will just degrade into spam, as aforementioned, but that is still visually entertaining. In fact, it reminds me a little of a screen from Meet the Demoman.

In this rush, the most important skill you can have is to know when to reload. If you completely waste your ammo (which happens more frequently than you might think), you better hope you aim your Bottle well.

This Rush is best played on: any map, even 2Fort and Hydro. It’s that fun.

The Heavy Rush

WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

When you play this rush, turn down your speakers or you might go deaf. The sound of Sasha spinning and shooting does not cease and if one person is calling a Medic, everyone else is too.

If you are unlucky enough to turn a corner and spot a few Heavies that are already spun up, the remainder of your life will look like you are entering Hyperspace.

Quite frankly, the number of bullets wizzing through the air during a Heavy rush is astounding. You will be taking damage continually, so be ready to run. But to dominate in a Heavy rush, you must know where to find ammo. Ammo is all you need to succeed (unless your aim is terrible.)

This Rush is best played on: Well because health and ammo packs litter the floor. In addition, capturing the final point feels epic.

The Engineer Rush

Prepare for stalemates. Do not attempt on Attack/Defend maps like Dustbowl and Gravel Pit.

Uh, that’s all there is to say about Engineer rushes really.

This Rush is best played on: 2Fort because it nicely complements the general unplayability of the map.

The Sniper Rush

When you play in a match set to Sniper Rush, it will suddenly feel like Halo or Call of Duty.

The quest for team victory dissipates and is replaced with the search for individual glory. Snap shots are very possible as a headshot will kill anyone without a charge. Furthermore, the SMG feels like an Assault Rifle. If you didn’t have to switch to your Kukri to melee, it would become just like those games.

As expected, this rush is a superb way of training to be a good Sniper. If you want to frequent servers like this, you should crank down your sensitivity. Doing so will have a major payoff.

Your best chance of starting a kill streak would be to snipe from unexpected places and to stay in motion. The less the enemy suspects, the better your chance of an easy shot. I could make a Weighted Companion Sniper joke, but this picture will suffice.

This Rush is best played on: 2Fort, obviously. But forget about capping the Intel. Think about blasting out the brains of the guy across the way instead.

The Medic Rush

This type is very odd. The Medic is the best support class, but when he can only support his own kind, things become quirky. You start to realize how powerful the Needle Gun is when you play this rush. At the same time, you wonder if the Ubercharge is really too useful.

With health everywhere, the commodity to watch is ammo, but that rarely becomes a problem. Even when depleted, the Bonesaw deals out a solid amount of damage. But no matter what you do to try to kill an enemy Medic, deaths will be rare. The Medigun heals too fast for long-term damage to be an option.

Therefore, to be effective, you must attack hard and fast. Chase the enemy to the edges of the map and remember to cut corners. It will take a bit, but eventually they will die.

This Rush is best played on: Well, Granary, or Hydro because playing it anywhere else creates bizarre balance issues.

The Spy Rush

Last, but certainly not least. The first thing to do is to forget your disguise. Your not fooling anyone.

Play a couple rounds of all-Spy and everyone will stop using their knifes. The Revolver is king.

When everyone decides to disguise, it is a mess. Chaos erupts because the Spy lacks a good Spychecking weapon. Everyone will want to be a Pyro, but they can’t. Too bad.

If you ignore the loss of espionage, the game is still very fun, and it is teaching you to aim as well. I just wish we had The Ambassador.

This Rush is best played on: 2Fort. Carrying the Intel reveals which team you are on, creating an interesting side effect.

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That’s all for today! I hope you enjoyed the read!

Clank’s Super-Cool Awesome TF2 Improvement Bit! – Part Uno

That’s it. It’s been a week. I’m posting this.

Before I start, I want to mention that this is in no way a definitive post on what should be done with TF2 and the mechanics of said game. These are my opinions, and mine alone, and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Feel free to comment, though.

Anyway, I was on LoR the other day and was wondering to myself “If I were an employee at Valve and I were one of the guys changing the weapons to improve the game (FaN buff anyone?), what would I do?” So I went through the equipment, one by one, and here is a list. If it’s not mentioned, I don’t think it needs changing, but feel free to give your opinions anyway.

Yes, it’s another one of those articles.

Each change will be rated out of five, with 1 being “completely unnecessary change,” 3 being “could work,” and 5 being “great idea, methinks.”

Scout

So I’m going to leave the Scattergun and the FaN alone, firstly because the Scattergun is fine, and secondly because you need perfect aim (not hard at point blank, though) to get that 2 shot kill-anything-but-the-Heavy strikes, which balances it somewhat I suppose. That was a pretty uninspired buff, really.

ctf_2fort0005

Pistol
Just about perfect, although a lot of times I find myself wishing I had more ammo, especially when playing soccer. Perhaps Valve could increase the ammo count by one or two clips, although I’m not sure what this would do to balance, particularly in scrims.
Rating: 2 out of 5

BONK! Atomic Punch
Now this thing right here is somewhat of a problem. It’s mostly a gimmicky escape tool, and no really good Scout would surrender his (or her) pistol for a slim chance at escaping (the enemy can easily chase you down). It is DEFINITELY not doing much to fulfil its original goal: to allow Scouts to bypass their #1 nemesis, the sentry. Only a handful of situations sees actual use (distracting a sentry, mostly).

cp_dustbowl0063

Solution 1: Reduce the slowdown after-effect a little so that Scouts still have a fighting chance, maybe 100%? Speed is their primary weapon, after all, and most who don’t escape to a safe place are easily mowed down anyway.
Rating: 2 out of 5

Solution 2: Allow an alternate fire that causes you to slow down initially, THEN get invulnerability. This would help with the original conception of giving Scouts access to areas previously blocked by sentries. To make up for this, you will be slowed down for ten seconds, with no notice of when the invuln starts. Alternatively, we could have 6-8 seconds of slowdown beforehand, then only have 2 or so seconds after the invuln. Cannot be stopped once activated.
Rating: 3 out of 5

The Sandman
Ahh, yes, the controversial child; now more balanced, although it’s still incredibly irritating to get hit with (and incredibly giggly to use), and still banned from CEVO. However, there’s something on my mind that I’m sure a lot have been thinking of; bind mouse1 to attack with the bat and mouse2 to launch the ball, instead of the current system.
Rating: 5 out of 5

cp_dustbowl0064

Also, I read this. Written by Chro, whom you may have heard of. It could work, but I don’t think it’s necessary until the average Scout develops proper aim with it (all the good ones use the double jump anyway).

Soldier

axl_pull_b30000

Ah yes, the crazy one. I see no necessary or even interesting changes to the class. Dismissed!

Pyro

Now here’s a class I grief  about along with the Scout. However, unlike the Scout, I find it takes a fair bit less skill to use, and is far too rewarding for what it is. A higher skill ceiling and floor platform would be nice to have.

So, here’s my proposals.

Flamethrower
Idea 1: The Compression Blast is ridiculously fun to use, indeed it is, and is very annoying when you face a Pyro who’s actually skilled with who actually uses it. But it’s still the Pyros main, and a pain to encounter. Remember the old, broken, incredibly overpowered Ambassador? Unlike the tough weapon to use it is today, that is what is being used by the flamethrower. I’m not saying we get rid of that though. That would be stupid.

I recommend a slight reduction of the flames hitbox to fit the animations, so that Pyros will actually have to aim more and spam less in order to win their kills. The advantage? Compression blasts take 5 less ammo to use, giving you a total of 10 on a full tank. I’m (partially) sure many would approve.

It would also match the actual animations we see. Even if not, at the very least, change those animations to match what the Pyro can actually do.

Yes, I know the music is weird. Shut up.
Rating: 3 out of 5

The Backburner
This one. Yes… this one.

Well, here’s the deal. Many, many, MANY Pyros use it. And not really “use” it, so much as equip it.

The thing is, too many equip it over the flamethrower because of the occasional free crits and the fact that they never use the airblast anyway (the stingy, teamworkless, usually unskilled twits). Very few actually try ambushing and flanking the original Pyro was made for, and the Backburner was made for, and I guess I don’t blame them too much.

cp_dustbowl0061

The solution? Originally thought up by Christopher Livingston (creator of Concerned) on his (old) (abandoned) TF2 comic blog 1Fort, this involved reducing the backburners range somewhat and slightly increasing it’s cone of fire + hitbox for crits. The benefits? You can attack bigger groups with it, IF you use it right,  while reducing the number of DURR HURR MUST CHARGE ENEMY type Pyros that consume so many games. I really thought this was a neat idea, number crunching notwithstanding.
Rating: 4 out of 5

Alternatively, reduce the damage from the front, I dunno. 1 out of 5.

Generic flamethrower idea
Make the flamethrowers have to connect with a certain amount of an enemy’s model before it sets him alight. Still does regular damage if you don’t connect enough, but Pyros would also have to do more than touch the enemy for the free 50-60 damage.
What? It could work.
Rating: 2 out of 5

The Flare Gun

cp_dustbowl0065

This is my beloved in my 70-80 odd hours as Pyro. I love grabbing the attention of Snipers, and setting people on fire at a distance, and it’s not terribly easy to use either (like the flamethrowers). However, a recent update came out; the reverse damage falloff is gone, but it now mini crits enemies that are already on fire.

This I’m not too a big fan of because:
1) I was toataly MLG prO wif flare wepon at long raenge
2) The mini crit requires that the enemy be on fire, and it does 10 extra damage.

The 10 extra damage helps, I suppose, but I’m still not buying it. I could get 10 extra damage easily enough by spamming flames wildly in the enemy’s general direction. 50, in fact. Flaregun meh, revert plz Velav.
Rating: 2 out of 5

Fireaxe

Copy of arena_lumberyard0066

That is all.

Demomahn

Ahh, the controversial Demoman. My 2nd most played class, and one of my favorites. What’s there to change?

In honesty, although I wasn’t in TF2 from the beginning (August of last year), I agree with most, if not all of Valve’s nerfs. 6 grenades would have been way too spammy, as would 32 spare shots (if my sources are right). Stickies would completely lock out areas, and merely moving them takes forever without an airblast (and that’s assuming they’re on the floor), so it’s only right that they can be destroyed (and they can’t be destroyed easily save Heavies). Having grenades explode on ANY contact (if GB isn’t lying) creates a lot of fear (and spam). And sticky spamming is prevalent, so the close range damage nerf was alright (although the least inspired/goodideaish of the nerfs)

What can I bring to the table, then? Sticky spamming is still common, although any Demoman who relies purely on stickies is at a big disadvantage in my point of view. So, perhaps an increase to 5 grenades and a reduction to 7 stickies, or even 6/6? It could work. Maybe. Not all that important, though, come to think of it.
Rating: 2 out of 5

The Heavy

Natasha
DON’T BE JEALOUS, SASHA.

I still find this gun to be woefully underused, due in part to a couple of mistakes (the initial 66% damage miscode before the Scout update and the speed reduction during the Scout update being 25% instead of 75%). So, what’s one to do?

I can’t really tell, to be honest. The better Heavies can aim well enough to kill without needing slowdown to make it easier. It needs to be played a more teamwork style, as mentioned earlier, but then the Heavy is already quite deadly when played together with a team, whichever weapon he uses (not to say that ninja heavies aren’t a threat). Helps ‘gainst Scouts & Pyros, but that’s most of it.

Thoughts?

The KGB

Copy of cp_meleebarn0068

Honestly, who uses the fists after this except for being generally awesome with taunt kills? What heavy uses melee, in fact? How about making the fists always do mini crits?
Rating: 2 out of 5

And that concludes this 1500 word rant! Part dos on the Engineer through to the Spy will be coming out soon*.

Please discuss with civility.

Clank out. ~~

A Look at TF2’s Unused Content; Part 4

Since Pyrit reminded me I actually should really get this article actually done, here it is, Dracula Guy looks around using GCFScape to find neat stuff and maybe some weird stuff too. Part 4. Valve seems to have removed the most neat thing which was the material of a head that didn’t belong to any of the classes.

turret_gunsturret_mount

Found in the materials GCF under “models/buildables/spawn_room”

This one is pretty obvious. If you remember awhile back I found some old turret models that were probably for protecting the spawn rooms? Well, it seems there were some newer ones at some point that actually fit in with the current TF2 style. It appears only the textures survived though. Under the names, in order here, “turret_gun”, “turret_mount” and “turret_mount_glass”. But “turret_mount_glass” was just a gray circle, so it’s not here. Yes, I was being lazy.

proto_train001
proto_train002

Found in the content GCF under “models/props_vehicles/”

So, these are “proto_train001″ and “proto_train002″. Yes, the texture for them was just a white image. I assume this is some sort of prototype payload cart. Kinda reminds me of Frontier’s cart, with the attachment.

tf2_big

Well, most of you know that the soldier’s rocket launcher used to look like this. You would load the rockets like in TFC, I assume. It seems Valve left an animation used for this rocket model. Video time!



/neatstuffthatyoumighthavealreadyknown

The Importance of a Good Defense

As I’m sure that any three-year-old knows, defence is important in offence-defence matchups. But do people actually realize this, or do they take their defence for granted? It’s an issue I see quite often, sadly. There are a lot of people who think that just having a lot of strong classes and good aim is enough of an equation for success. Wrong.

Why the aforementioned plan fails

Every class only has so much health. So, unless every player is teh uber leet pwnage, you’re most likely to die. So that Engineer behind his level 3 sentry gun is stuck hoping to survive the flood. It’s like trying to survive the ancient biblical flood with a canoe. It can’t be done.

plbadwater0005

What you can do for your defence

While it’s true that no team should consist of turtles, no team should have a lone Engineer, or even just a bunch of Engineers for defence. There should be a team of symbiotic classes working together. Remember, RED plays defence. That means you defend the points. It’s not a fragfest to see how many BLU’s you can kill. Engineers and Pyros are good friends, children. Engineers attract Spies, which are usually easy kills for Pyros. And a dispenser enables an endless health and ammo source for Pyros, which is something a lot of Pyros are concerned about.

Heavies are also delicious side platters for the main course of Engineer a la Sentry Gun. They’re both easy targets for Spies, when alone. But together, they can be a small challenge. Just remember that you can fire an infinite sea of boolets if being healed by a dispenser. That means that you can cover the Sentry Gun’s area in bullets that will disrupt a Spy. A Scout is fine too, because they can lure offence into sentry guns, and then heal at dispensers. They can also help kill spies, since we all know that Scouts are hard to backstab.

Your Defence and you, the defensive offence.

To clarify: How a pushing defence player (trying to hold BLU in the spawn) can co-operate with your defence. Even players that try to fend off BLU in a fragfest-esque struggle can work with the Defence. If you see somebody get past you, but you can’t be bothered to get them, you can alert your team. Don’t try to excuse yourself by saying “I can’t stop to type,” because you should definitely have a mic or headset if you can’t be bothered to type.

Defence is always important, even on Offence, because you should be able to form a forward base with an Engineer *cough*Dustbowl*cough*.

If you can’t co-operate with your defense, you are ruined. As much fun as it is to be that “uber-leet” Demoman soloing the offense, you must realize that that Demoman is like a loose twig holding up the world’s largest dam. Once that Black Scottish cyclops dies, the offense floods over the now weak and defenseless RED and most likely wins the game. After all, Demomen only have 175 health. As such, they are not invincible. Not even with a medic or two.

The game is, as I’m sure you know, TEAM Fortress 2. This means, you guessed it, you work as a team. Now start doing that. Maybe if you work with your offense instead of near it, you won’t have to ragequit. If all else fails, go Engineer and turtle.

gmod1

(Thanks to DoomGuy and Toakal for the pictures.)

The Ring of Change

I’ve never been a Spy player.

Heck no, that would be underestimating it. I’ve NEVER touched the spy expecting good results. That’s more like the truth.

Much like supremesonic, I suffer from the “I suck at this class syndrome”; and although I’ve played as spy sometimes and I’ve felt the thrill and blood rush of a successful infiltration, the fact that it’s hard to see me helping my team as one(and because it’s harder and harder to find a server in which one competent player and one jackass like me aren’t already spying and hogging 2 spots) generally keeps me away from this class.

In fact, the game seems to notice this, and kept the last of the spy new weapons that I lacked from me until some hours ago. That weapon was The Dead Ringer*.

dead_ringer

So… I suppose you’re now expecting some tale about how this marvellous invention saved my dwindling score and helped me become a better spy? No such thing. I still suck. Harder.

No, the thing with its weapon and what I wish to talk about, is not something I experienced as a spy, but something I noticed before but decided to wait until I had the little bugger in my hands to examine it.

I wish to talk, not about what was brought to the table, but rather what was already here.

An Old Friend, Revisited

spymask

Ah, the disguise kit. Such a wonderful tool that as time went by, lost its values as we grew wiser to the tricks of that deceitful little bugger, the spy. Natural selection at its best it would seem, as even some random mutations by Mother Valve which gifted better tools to fool its preys, seem to have failed. It’s true, the disguise kit was seemingly doomed to extinction except when dealing with a sentry or in the few seconds after the invisibility faded.

But Valve solved the issue. And they solved it in the best way possible. You see my dear reader, to solve a problem of balance the method usually employed is to empower the weaker side or take power from the stronger side. In theory this creates a sinusoidal zig zag of balance between the two sides which decreases with the number of measures taken normally on some ratio to a logarithmic scale; like a pendulum slowing to an halt. Reality however is not so beautiful or easy to understand and correct.

So what was the correct way instead of giving it a buff? Simple now that we see it in retrospect. Make the players use it.

For you see, the power of the disguise kit, has got nothing to do with its capabilities but with the use the player makes of it. With the normal watch or the Cloak and Dagger, it is a bad choice to use the disguise when you have such a wonderful tool at your disposal as invisibility on demand. However, like a true tool it is not so much as a choice between a manual or a electric screwdriver, but rather knowing which to use at the proper situation.

The Dead Ringer, took this choice from us.

With the Dead Ringer, the table has turned. The necessity of a disguise is now absolute. Want to get behind the enemy? Fine, disguise yourself and flank them or get invisible in the front lines, find a silent corner and uncloak. But you better have your disguise ready. Although using the Dead Ringer for an uncloak and stab is pretty easy in a pub, in a game with more competent players it will be hard for anyone to uncloak in the middle of the battle and manage to survive being shredded apart by bullets, shotgun shells, rockets and fire. The disguise is essential to a Dead Ringer spy, and as such I’ve found myself being fooled time and time again lately by that Pyro which I did not double check, or by that friendly Heavy that rounded the corner(dammit paper Shadow!).

Thus the disguise was given once more the high profile of the battlefield, and now that we see its use, it is once more feared again. For it is the tool of the impersonators, the invisibility of the masters, and the paper thin shield that cuts through all our defenses.

Gentlemen. A toast, to the disguise, now risen from among us.

spy_clank

*On an related note, I still haven’t gotten a jar of piss, despite my enthusiasm for it.

22 Comments »

Drexer on July 6th 2009 in spy, team fortress 2

Four Hours of Airshot

I’d imagine quite a few readers downloaded tr_airshot_v0 after Secret Agent Clank!’s article about being a great drunken bomb-hazard. Some of you may have it already. I know I did. Because I’m a crazed idiot hardcore, I decided to force myself to play on it for four hours straight.

No, really.

tf2_airsticky

It’s a map where dudes continually soar in a looping wave, you need never reload, and it’ll take you less than an hour to be dominating them all. Join team blue, grab your pipe-launcher, and get to air’sploding people; simple. But is there more to this map? Can I wind it around my fingers and wring every last drop of awesome from it? And are there any ways to maximise my training on there? Let’s find out.

Basic Training

tf2_airbonk

Every class, I think, has one or two professional strategies; this is what makes those Huey Lewis, OMFGNinja-esque skill videos so compelling. It’s the secret shit. I knew the Axtinguisher could be used to improve my W+M1, but I would never have developed the puff + sting on my own. These are gaming Gods, and we are their acolytes. This is as it should be.

But we’ve all been playing for a while now. We know how to shoot rockets at people’s feet. We know how to heal from behind cover. We may not be pros, but we’re adept at the game’s nuances, at least when playing as our class of choice. I may not be able to tell you what kind of hyper-skilled nonsense the 1337 Engies are going to get up to in the next skill video smothering youtube, but I can point you at tr_airshot_v0, and advise: “You could do worse than playing on this map for a while”.

For a start, every class needs to hit dudes that are moving quickly. The Spy has a new gun – why not bust that out and try some mid-air headshots? Some more things you can try:

  • The ever-popular Rocket/Pipebomb airshots, obviously.
  • Mid-air headshots with the sniper rifle, huntsman, ambassador.
  • Skill shots with the flare gun – how many of the bots can you have alight at the same time?
  • Standing on the second level by your spawn, use the FaN to knock back incoming bots.
  • Practice with the Sandman.
  • Practice air detonations with your stickies.
  • I’m sure you’ll come up with more for your preferred class, but that’s the obvious way to use this map – it’s a training map. With hours left, I had to try something a little more inventive.

    Why So Serious?

    tf2_airshovel

    Of course, the really fun things to do, by yourself, involve a bit of light hearted fun (and sv_cheats 1). Try rocket jumping to shovel the blighters in mid-air. As a Heavy, stand so that you block a whole bunch of them at their jumping point, then kill 7 of them with the KGB. Switch to Sasha. Laugh loudly. Bring Sandviches.

    I was getting pretty bored around the two-hour mark, so I put noclip into the console to pass through the level and have a look around. Turns out, the bots spawn in this little corridor behind the map. They edge sideways, then teleport once they reach the end. This means they can all spit out evenly, so you’re not scoring 19 crit-kills at once.

    I quickly put a stop to that. I stood with my body and blocked them – it took ages, so I used host_timescale 5 in the console to speed things up. Soon, all 19 of them were standing in a cluster, occupying the same space. Returning to the arena, I had a blast doing exactly that – turning off noclip, I started firing pipe bombs into the lot of them, creating a spray of bodyparts TF2 hasn’t been able to produce since Meet the Demoman.

    Then I got a little more imaginative. I rolled spy. I typed thirdperson into the console, switched to my knife, and then entered cl_drawhud 0. Then I returned to the spawn corridor. After I’d let them build up, I set host_timescale to 0.4, which makes the flying speed about the same as normal walking speed. Then I returned to the main area for the boss fight.

    tf2_airjenova

    I zoomed around, gradually thinning the layers of Aussie hats and flamethrowers from the Chimera I’d created, tasking myself with killing each of them before they died from fall damage. It was great. It felt like a different game. A much less challenging game, sure, but The Adventures of Noclip Spy sounds like a mod I’d play, nudge nudge. I can only imagine how cool it’d be to do this competitively online.

    In retrospect, I could have done something fancy with gravity here, and there are probably a ton of ways you could improve the map itself specifically to cater to my demented sandbox mode, but I think it was a successful exercise in utilising my creativity to… waste four hours of my life. At least I got good screen shots. Now it’s your turn, Gentlemen: can you think of anything else to do on this map?

    Classes I have never really been good at: The Spy

    Nobody’s perfect. That’s a fact of life, and there’s no denying it applies to Team Fortress 2 as well. You can airshot thousands of scouts and cap millions of points, but at the end of the day you’ll probably die to the Sniper who just decides to fire a no-scope shot from the other side of the map for giggles. We also all have our weaknesses, and even I can accept that I have my own, despite being the dashing and skillful player that can generally dominate you in the blink of an eye. Uh… yeah.

    As you may have guessed by the title of the article, my weakness is the Spy. Even though I do really enjoy playing him, each foray into this class generally ends up with me looking at an end-of-game scoreboard with a ridiculous amount of dominations against me and a pitiful kill-to-death ratio. On top of this, no amount of watching tutorial after tutorial seems to help, and when I’m told it’s something you really learn with experience (Which I accept is true), it does make me wonder why I’m still basically at the skill level I started at after playing the class for almost ten hours. This train of thought, by the way, naturally occurs during those inevitable periods where I am having my face bashed in.

    soldiershovelspycrit

    However, I know the two main reasons why I’m so bad with the Spy. Allow me to share them with you…

    Reason number one: Bad luck

    Yes, I know bad luck is part of playing the Spy. It’s just a sad fact of gaming life that occassionally a Pyro will randomly spray flames in your direction, or a sudden inexplicable change of the direction by the enemy will make you flicker so much it’d be simpler if they just draped you in fairy lights. But to me, it seems like bad luck just follows me around like an extremely stubborn Pyro. To demonstrate, here’s a list of a few “DAMN IT” moments from the past few days that I can actually remember…

    • Getting backstabbed one second after uncloaking due to a sudden enemy spy appearance, then respawning and having the exact same thing happen again.
    • Getting hit by an errant Ubersaw blow from a Medic-on-Medic battle whilst cloaked, after spend 20 frantic seconds moving around only to watch the battle magically continue to move towards me.
    • Being hit by a flare that would of hit the Heavy in front of me, if he hadn’t been shot in the head half a second previously.
    • Getting hit by jarate, escaping about 6 people firing at me whilst getting set on fire, watching the afterburn finish when I only have 2 health left, and then getting shot by a Spy immediately after entering my spawn and marvelling about how lucky I was.

    I know, cry “That’s happened to me” or “This happens because you suck” all you want, because I can tell you want to. However, couple these scenarios with the other ways of dying to an series of unfortunate events, and then note this is only from a few days of play and not from extended periods of time, and perhaps you can sympathise why I have letter-shaped imprints on my forehead due to consistently banging it on the keyboard. To me, playing the Spy releases a constant barrage of disaster I have very little control over, that occur again and again until I finally break and either switch class or (More likely) ragequit.

    Still, I can’t make any excuses for the second reason I suck at the Spy…

    Reason number two: Human stupidity

    I suck because I make the worst. Decisions. EVER. It’s true! I admit it! For each time I successfully sneak into the enemy lines, I’ll probably end up deciding that the best thing to do is to try and stab the Pyro spraying fire everywhere, instead of the sniper standing stock still whilst picking off key targets on our team. It’s not just stretigcal choices I’ll stuff up, either – I’ll stab an engineer behind a sentry gun, only to realise I’ll bring up the ambassador when I press “q” and desperately use my butterfingers to scroll to the sapper in time and salvage the situation. And here’s a fact; I’ll never make it on time. I’ll be in bits on the floor instead. Even the humble backstab can be screwed up, perhaps by clicking too soon and then rushing past the still-alive foe with no disguise on as a result. If you’ve ever wanted to know what a train wreck looks like in slow motion, just join a server I’m playing Spy on and spectate me. It’s a pretty accurate similarity, and you’ll probably get a laugh out of it too.

    Oh, and one more thing; In a one-on-one scenario in an arena match, you being a Spy and the other guy being a Medic, what would you do? Stay in cloak as long as possible and try to grab an oppurtunity when it arises, it stand in full sight on the control point whilst browsing though your disguise kit for the Medic disguise? The answer, of course, is obvious. I, of course, chose to do the other option.

    Still, least I get one reprieve from my idiocy…

    My best friend: The Cloak and Dagger

    If you want to talk about unlocks that drastically change the way a class is played, you’d be a fool not to mention the new Spy watches. Each one opens up brand new strategies and tactics when it comes to overcoming your foe, and the chances are that with a little experimentation you’ll find a Spy watch that perfectly suits the style of Spy you want to play. For me, it’s the Claok and Dagger, allowing me to plan my moves and try to negate all possible fallacies and stupidity before making my strike. The fact you can simply stand in the middle of the open whilst carnage rages around you, whilst the enemy team stays none the wiser, is also something that I extract a great amount of joy from.

    spy-sneakiness-2

    It’s also the Spy watch that has led to my fondest memories of playing the class, which include waiting for almost a minute until a chain of 5 easy backstabs presented itself. I’ve also found it’s better for me than the Dead Ringer when it comes to covering up my mistakes – I’ve seen Ubercharged regulars think they have an easy kill, only for me to cloak up and then watch them fruitlessly attack corners and hidey-holes in an attempt to flush me out. All I have to do is wait, smiling slightly at the panic and desperation they must be feeling, and then finally attacking when they think I’ve gone and they wander off somewhere. It’s via this strategy that makes it so it seems that other people are ragequitting instead, and that’s a good thing.

    Still, it’s not perfect. If anything, I tend to be too cautious, as there’s been occassions where I’ve just spent half a match doing nothing, refusing to attack anyone due to the fact thet looked in my general direction for half a second. Also, as you well know, you can try all you want and plot out the grandest of plans, but the events that actually occur will probably far deviate from what you were expecting. Again, bad luck will rear its ugly head, no matter what you are wearing on your wrist.

    Aw well, can’t win them all. Maybe I’ll go the Scout instead, because after all, there’s no way you can stuff THAT up… Right?

    Armored Fortress – Chapter Three

    So you did mention me to CP podcast. You like me! You really, really like me!

    Area 1, Dustbowl – February 20, 1968, 12:09 P.M.

    The RED Pyro had spent the last two minutes looking for a good ambush spot. His armor had informed him of his prospects, and he had decided on lurking just beside the tunnel entrance to Point A.

    He had a new methane-fueled flamethrower, designed to cling to the circuit-laden plating of the Jackhammer-class armor, especially attracted to cloaked spies. The Engineer had jury-rigged a repulsor blast feature on the nozzle, essentially filling in for the infantry-level airblast.

    While the RED Pyro, Heavy, and Demoman were lurking in wait for the rush of BLU mech troops, the Announcer had called a conference with one of the remaining team members.

    “Your performance was commendable, Soldier. But our defenses were yet overwhelmed.”

    “It’s not my fault, Ma’am. The BLUs used an underhanded tactic that, I believe, is illegal by the Geneva Convention.”

    “Legal or not, we can’t afford to let them do it again. I am submitting command over our forces to you for the time being, and will be coordinating our fallback system at Area 2.”

    “Yes, Ma’am.”

    “And don’t call me ‘Ma’am.’ I work for a living.”

    “Sorry. Yes, Commander.”

    “I warn you, Soldier… You must not fail me again.”

    “Yes, Commander.”

    The Announcer pressed a button on her desk, and a panel opened beneath her. The desk sank into the floor, and the panel sealed the desk in. That crazy Announcer, with all her fancy escape routes.

    ____________________________________________

    Area 1, Dustbowl – February 20, 1968, 12:13 P.M.

    It started innocently enough.  BLU’s forward march of Scouts weren’t even worth tripping the STICK mines over. It continually worsened, though. Soldiers, a Nanocharged Heavy, and even a trio of Demomen. All of them after the disk-shaped supercomputer inside a wooden lean-to that was Point B of Area 1. The RED Soldier, may God rest his weary soul, never got a break.

    “Scout! There’s a wayward Spy in the A1 tunnel! Medic! The Demo’s on his last leg, get over there! And Pyro, for Pete’s sake, SET SOMETHING ON FIRE!

    The battle seesawed between the two sides for a good, long while, until the RED Soldier heard an announcement.

    “I am fully charged!”

    Coming from the eastern tunnel was an oddly paired duo of BLU Medics, one with his Electron Saw out, and one with a nanocannon. The RED Soldier knew he had to explode one of them before it was too late, but by the time that thought processed, it was too late.

    The BLU Medic let the charge loose on his doppelganger, and a wicked transformation occurred. The receiving Medic’s armor smoothed and became streamlined, his helmet simplified into  a visored pickelhaube shape, and his saw melted and reformed into a battery-like syringe. The Medic proceeded to savagely plunge said article into the nearest RED troop, in this case the fleeing Scout. Electricity arced around him, and his armor turned a dull, unreflective shade of gray. The RED Scout dropped to the dirt, utterly and completely dead.

    The BLU Medic took a slight glance at the corpse, as if to take in what he had just done, then leered at the remainder of the remainder of the RED team.

    “I AM ZE ÜBERMENSCH!”

    With a strange sense of deja vu, the RED Soldier took point.

    The Soldier slid by the charged Medic and blew the charg-ing Medic far into the distance with a double-shot of energy rockets. The remaining Medic roared, and made a near-miss on the RED Soldier’s head with the nano-syringe. The Soldier returned that gesture with a few charged-particle rounds to the face. The attack only seemed to anger the Medic, who stabbed heavily, once again missing the Soldier but hitting the Pyro, rushing to back him up.

    The Pyro was subject to the same horrible drain as the Scout, but the Soldier saw the Medic’s needle fill up with a bright silver liquid. As the Medic continued to press the attack, the needle steadily drained. Although it took a few more dead troops and quite a bit of bobbing, weaving, and energy rockets, the Soldier finally put two and two together. The nanomatter inside the needle must have been powering the Medic’s rampage.

    The RED Soldier rocket-jumped over the Medic’s head, goading him to turn around. The Medic did so, but in mid-turn, the Soldier blasted the syringe with an energy rocket. The glass casing cracked a bit, but the nanite-buzzed monster barreled forward again and stabbed. Missile after missile was unloaded at the Medic’s weak spot, but if he ever showed signs of slowing down, the Soldier didn’t notice.

    The BLU Medic stabbed forward again, and the Red Soldier caught his stabbing hand and rolled. The maneuver ended with the Medic lying disoriented against a rock, and the Soldier rather dizzy. However, the newly-reconstituted RED Scout had the presence of mind to run for and grab the BLU Medic’s nano-needle. One tug, two, and then a whack with the B.A.T. and it came off, leaving the bare fleshy arm underneath. The BLU medic’s armor re-segmented and faded into its original blue hue. The power drain, of course, left the BLU Medic feeling like he was coming down off a drug high.

    The RED Soldier walked up to the dazed BLU medic, smirking.

    “What’s the matter? You tired? Need a rest?” The Soldier ripped off the Medic’s helmet, roaring, ”How ’bout you take a NAP!”

    What ensued was a powered-armor-on-soft-fleshy-skin beating, much too graphic to describe here.

    ____________________________________________

    The RED team stood, admiring the Soldier’s handiwork.

    “Wow, rocketman. That’s brutal, even for you,” said the Scout.

    “Oh, it was nothing. Once you get past the hard front part of the skull, the rest is quite easy.”

    “Hey, boys,” interjected the Engineer, “Don’t you feel like we’re forgetting something?”

    An alarm sounded.

    “There’s a spy sapping my sentry!”

    Another alarm sounded.

    “Zhere is a Spy capturing our point!”

    Inside the point 1B shed stood a very smug, very evil-looking BLU Spy. He flicked a cigarette, sneered, and said,

    “May I make a suggestion? RUN.”

    The Point capture alarm sounded, indicating that BLU now had full control over Area 1. The Soldier frantically signaled a general retreat, and the RED team made haste. Through the gates and out of harm’s reach, as the clock reset on the Control Point Grid.

    ____________________________________________

    The BLU Engineer smiled at the report. Both points captured well within the deadline, and only acceptable losses suffered in terms of lives and equipment. He turned to the Announcer.

    “You see? I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

    “You are overconfident. This was only the preliminary invasion. We still have to continue on to area 2 and 3.”

    “And if all goes according to plan, we’ll succeed there, too.”

    The BLU Announcer smiled wickedly at the many diagrams spread on her desk, especially the one labeled “Codename: SANDMAN”.

    “I believe we will, my hard-hatted friend. I do believe we will.”

    ____________________________________________

    Another chapter over and done. You asked for less TF2 in space, and you got it.

    The Heavy: A revolutionary (not really) way of thinking

    Now, I’m not saying I want Team Fortress 2 to be a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game, (I’m now rethinking my dislike of accronyms,) but if this was so, I’d be a Heavy.

    Heavy has the qualities I like in an RPG (GAH) character, high health and biggest weapon. He’d be the tank of any good adventuring party. The Heavy would probably fare much better in a TF2 MMORPG than he is in FPS TF2, where a dedicated Heavy player is hard to find, and Heavies have very little place in competative TF2.

    Now that the introduction is out of the way, I’ve told you a little about myself, and stated what you already now, we come to the part where I tell you why you’re all playing the Heavy wrong.

    Now, not all of you are playing Heavy wrong. Some people get it. The ones who are playing wrong are the one who play 30 minutes of Heavy, then never touch him again, saying he’s useless on a push without a Medic and too vulnerable to Snipers out in the open. These people are wrong, and here is why.

    Check it out

    You're all playing the Heavy wrong

    Do you see that picture? Good, now tell me what class type Heavy is under.

    That’s right, Defense.

    I propose this, Heavies and Sniper should not cross paths. Ever. Unless you have a suicidal Huntsman Sniper or a Heavy who is playing wrong. Snipers should stick to the wide-open spaces, while Heavy takes the insides of buildings.

    Let’s use 2Fort as a wider example of where the classes should be. If you’re on 2Fort playing Pyro, you want to be down in the sewers, preforming hit-and-runs on the enemy base. If you’re a Soldier or a Scout, you want to run for the intelligence. If you’re a Sniper, you’re camping the balcony. If you’re an Engineer, you want to ensure a stalemate by building three Sentries in the ramp room with your Engineer buddies.

    And if you’re the Heavy? Where to you want to be? You want to stick inside your base, on DEFENSE. You’re pretty much a mobile Sentry without auto-aim. Say what you want about Heavy being useless without teammates to help him, if you run into a lone Heavy in a 2Fort base, you are going to run, or die.

    The Heavy is like his best friend the Medic, in that he should always have someone with him. Other players seem to begrudge the Heavy for this, but not the Medic, because if you protect a Medic, he will heal you. However, if you protect a Heavy, he brings his Minigun, his 300 health, and his giant “hit me first” sign to the table. Unless you’re a Medic, you will probably not be the first target while travelling with a Heavy.

    In closing, the reason players denounce the Heavy is that he doesn’t fit into a roll they’ve designed for him. The Heavy truly shines in a defensive position, with friends watching his back. If you simply must charge out into the open, don’t expect to be able to survive headshots. Despite what the Heavy himself will have you believe, he is not bulletproof, don’t expect him to be.

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