ubercharged.net

Author’s notes: Be glad I didn’t put both parts in one article. Also, I am aware I have been neglecting my other projects. I’ll get to them eventually, I’m sorry the stories have been left hanging.

The Plan

“Gentlemen, we have been assembled here today for a job. A job that requires all of our skills.” Madlep uttered in a Australian accent.

“Let me introduce you to your colleagues, since you most likely have never met them before.

Clubtheseals: He had worked as a bouncer at the Russian Mafia’s club here, that is, until a nasty accident related to one of the club’s many seals.

Crab Guy: He was a shrewd business man in the seafood industry, and has made a tidy profit.

Dracula Guy: A man of few words, but a man of many actions. He can get in and out of places easily.

Himmelstoss: Our demolitions expert. He lost an eye in an accident, but that doesn’t matter. Just don’t let him get too drunk.

General Balls: He will be our tech support center. He currently has over 9000 Internets under his belt.

Nalfang: He’s the weapons master for this mission. If you need it, he’s got it.”

Some one whispered quietly, “More like the team fur fag”

Nalfang immediately turned around, holding a pistol, in a blind rage saying “NO I’M NOT.”

“Nal, it was just a joke, calm down for a second.” Madlep said calmingly.

Nalfang, visibly displeased, muttering unintelligible curses, sat back down.

“Continuing on,

Phoenix: Our in-the-field techie. Once stole millions of dollars from the U.S government, and replaced the numbers with Kirby animations.

Secret Agent Clank: He’s our detection unit. He can instantly detect when something’s amiss, no matter where.

SirMax: He’s our intelligence core. He’ll pull up building schematics and information on guard rounds.

The Scoot: The fastest bugger I’ve ever seen. He’s our runner.”

After introducing the members of the team, Madlep proceeded to explain the job.

“We are to infiltrate this building’s management and every day operation. We will plant Phoenix and Crab Guy into the business, with Crab Guy seeking a partnership with the management. Phoenix will come on as a techie, and will plant bugs in the camera systems and alarms. General Balls will monitor guard movements, and send the notes to SirMax to be compiled into one coherent map.”

Every one muttered signs of agreement.

“After this has been accomplished, we will send in our strike team which will consist of Nalfang, Himmelstoss, Dracula Guy, and Clubtheseals. They will penetrate security, reach the vault, gain entrance, steal the loot, and hand it off to The Scoot at an exit. Secret Agent Clank will hang around the building, watching security to warn the strike team if something’s up.The Scoot, now carrying the loot, will run it out to extraction. Any questions?”

“Yeah, how much are we getting paid?” said SirMax.

“We are getting paid…” Madlep said with rising intonation.

Everyone leaned in saying, “Yes?”

“…600 pounds…”

Everyone came in closer saying more loudly then the last time “Yes?”

“…of golden…”

By this time, everyone was in a crowd around Madlep, yelling “YES?!”

“…toast!” Madlep smiled while saying this.

“YAAAAY!” everyone exclaimed, except for Nalfang.

“Eh, golden toast ain’t that bad, at least I can sell it.” said Nalfang with an air of being slightly pleased.

“Now that everyone’s clear with the plan, I say we get to work!” shouted Madlep.

As everyone walked out of the room, Madlep asked General Balls, “Nalfang does know I mean golden-brown, right?”

“Nope”

“Bloody idiot.” Madlep said under his breath.

Continue Reading »

Dear Responders,

It is true that I only play on the Xbox 360 version, which may be confusing when you consider one of my previous posts regarding Arena Mode.  That was a article I wrote based on how the PC community thinks, completely from the outside looking in, and, ultimately, I had little idea what I was talking about.  This article is different because I know very much what I am speaking of.  I should mention, however, that, when I play, I often add people to My Friends if they communicate significantly.  I do not play in a clan, just with people who talk.

Therefore, when I was taking my “survey” of the match sizes, I was giving a result from a very team-orientated, communicative pool.  I understand that many Xbox players are silent, but usually if you start talking someone will respond (since everyone has a headset), and pretty soon you have an excellent team coordinating its efforts.

I am surprised that you Xbox players that commented have big turnouts of 2Fort when you search for matches.  That phase ended months ago, and it is so converse to what I experience that I have doubt you actually play anymore.  When I search for matches, 2Fort only shows up, MAYBE, every other time.  The most popular map on the 360 is definitely Dustbowl.  If you do a custom search for matches, you can always find what you want to play, any time of the day, I guarantee it.

Also, if you think that there were more than 3 patches for the Xbox version of the game, you might want to check this site, it is very reliable.  Thanks for reading!

I play on the Xbox 360 version of Team Fortress 2.  I know, I know: some of you will be cruel to me and others overly sympathetic.  But it really isn’t bad.  After all, it is still Team Fortress 2.

You see, we have a massive update coming and there is a good chance that we will be getting servers (that were previously hosting Left4Dead matches) to play Team Fortress 2 on.  With the multicore update up and running, we can also expect better framerate and, possibly, better graphics.  It is all very exciting, but there is one thing that servers will bring that we don’t want, and that is this:

Thankfully, Valve has stood by its standard of 24 players, so we don’t have to worry about what is happening in that screenshot, but I think you might be surprised to hear that a majority (136 of the 157 I contacted in public matches, which is a little less than 90%) think that 24 players is still too much to have in the six maps available to us.

Why do we think this way?  Well, we have to look at the history of Team Fortress 2 on Xbox 360 to understand.  The game was released on October 10, 2007, and since then, the 360 version has received exactly 3 patches, and the sole purpose of one was to fix a mistake that occurred in an earlier patch.  We have never had a new map or even had exploit/skywalking fixes on the maps we do have.

When it first came out, it was in the time between the releases of Halo 3 and Call of Duty 4.  Additionally, it had severe lag problems caused by people trying to host matches far larger than their connection could actually support.  These two factors would ensure that the game would have limited success on the console, but the community was by no means small, and still isn’t small, as you can find exactly the kind of match you want at any time of the day, usually with a choice of hosts.

What does this all mean?  It means that the people who are playing the game really do want the unique teamwork aspect that Team Fortress 2 has to offer and aren’t there to spam or go solo.  If they were looking for a fragfest or a mindless deathmatch, they would have plenty of other outlets.  In summary, since Team Fortress 2 on Xbox LIVE isn’t that popular, it attracts only the type of people who truly want to experience teamwork and intellectual, strategic combat.

Naturally, their is also exceptions to this rule, and we definitely have our share of griefers, modders and hackers, but they are increasingly avoided by the community as ruiners of the game.

The most popular match size is 16 players (also the maximum allowed), and everyone who owns an Xbox is guaranteed to have a headset.  There is no such thing as all-talk, only teamspeak, and you don’t have to touch any buttons to talk.

All these things (a devoted community, a small rotation of maps, and technical ease of communication) make for very clan-like, competitive games.  Spam isn’t really an option with 16 players, but we fear it may become one with 24.  It is easy to coordinate a team of 8 or less, but a team of 12 might lead to singular thinking and Rambo players.

We would like to see an increase to 18 players on all maps, but only to allow the nine classes to be used simultaneously on one team.  24 is way too much, Valve, unless its Badwater Basin or the map that the community is more excited for than any other:

So, Valve, please do not make the mistake of 12v12 matches on the Xbox 360!  For the love of God, don’t do it!

It actually just started as a typical day on Dustbowl… Our team was pushing forward, the obligatory nest of sentries were guarding the point with a horribly predictable hail of gunfire, and a lot of people were dying. It was this last point that was keeping me playing as a Medic, bringing people back from the brink of death and often trying to lead the push forward with an uber. One Heavy was constantly bleating for healing, even though he ran stupidly into the warzone and sentry fire where my healing goodness was worthless every single time, but I shrugged that off. I was being awesome and having a good time, after all! Well, I was, until…

This message arrived. It was from the person playing the Heavy, with the name removed to protect the idiotic. He was annoyed because I wasn’t on his back all the time and was healing others, so basically he was annoyed because I was playing the class correctly. Yet you’ve heard this all before… You should try and heal everyone as a Medic, prioritize targets when they’re friendly and say thanks, and generally be a good all-rounder that doesn’t stick to one person like mad unless they really need it. It was my goal to keep everyone alive, right? I should keep doing it regardless of idiots, right? Well, yeah, but I took that goal…

And I defied it.

That Heavy constantly calling for a Medic? The one who was trash talking and whining because things weren’t going his way? My goal actually transformed into ensuring I never healed him. Ever. Even if there was a situation whereupon healing him could have won the entire game, I wouldn’t of healed him. I watched him die over and over again, picturing in my mind how frustrated he was getting as I just stared and waited for his untimely demise. The sense of power, knowing that I could control who lives and who dies by my actions, was overwhelming me at that very point. If you annoyed me, you died. If you didn’t, you lived. It was a simple rule, but an effective one. A maniacal smile played upon my lips as the weak fell by the wayside and the strong ones grew under my care… Sorry, am I scaring you yet? Anyway…

I had become an evil Medic, one that chose who was going to have fun and who was going to spend lots of time taking trips to the respawn room. Is this the right way to play the class? Absolutely not. It’s practically the opposite. But is this a fun way of playing the class? I’m ashamed to say that it was. I’d never make it a definitive practise of mine, but I now know that if someone doesn’t treat my medical skills in the right way, I can make them suffer. But its not something limited just to me – You yourself can make the whole game fall into the palm of your hands! Try it some time, if you dare, but be wary with the knowledge that such power could corrupt you in a way that you’ll never turn back…

Cheers to Herpers for the pic!

Server regular (and beastly good soldier) Like Bear` recently pointed these videos out to me. Both of them are frag videos, featuring some of the most ridiculous skills you will ever see. This is blasphemy! This is madness!

Madness? THIS-IS-

ROCKET SCIENCE!

I dare not embed this 236MB monster here, but this is a must-watch. This shows the pro soldier yaug` (currently on the CEVO-P team Sway Gaming) absolutely destroying some of the biggest names in professional TF2. The skill level here is way over 9000. Rocket Science »

The Experiment

This one is a compilation of footage from several players, but it primarily features dummy (currently on the CEVO-P team Complexity) owning it up as Demoman. (Some of this footage is fairly old, just like the previous video, so you may notice him having an abnormally large number of reserve grenades).

The Experiment ~ By Dummy »

…and you thought you were good.

I haven’t played Team Fortress 2 in a week, because one week ago a realized that I’m terrible at it. The realization came to me during a loading screen. I was going to log into my favorite server to just joke around. It’s 100% crits and always is on Mario Kart, so being serious is pretty damn impossible there. It was taking more time than usual to load, and to pass the time I was examining my stats.

Watch in case you don’t know what the Mario Kart map looks like.

There are always a few emotions that come with seeing my stats, my puzzlement when I see my playtime as a Soldier, always so far ahead of the other classes, for some strange reason, a little bit of regret when I see my Medic, Heavy, Pyro, and now Scout stats, which I carelessly Achievement-farmed up to kill sprees in the 200s I didn’t really earn, and a little bit of pride when I see my real best score, a 21-point spree as a Soldier.

But then I realize something. That spree was on duel_duelv2, where I just stood next to a health cabinet in my base and fired out the door. This isn’t my big realization, but it’s the first step. To make myself feel better, I look at my best sprees as other classes. That’s when it begins to sink in. My best sprees are fives, fours, and sometimes threes. I begin to feel uncomfortable, but all hope is not lost, I have the mantra to fall back on.

Team Fortress 2 is not a game about you, it’s about your team. I say this to myself until I feel better again. However, the realization will not let me go. It grabs my throat with cold hard self-discovery. I realize a huge problem with my mantra. Sure, I’ve been on a lot of winning teams before, but I’ve never really helped win the game. I’m not the Scout who rushes through 2fort with the intelligence, protected by the Soldier for the final capture of a long game, or the Engineer who stops the final rush on the last control point of Dustbowl with a dispenser, a sentry, a wrench, and his own sweat, and a friendly Heavy. I’m not even the Soldier or the Heavy helping them win.

In 2Fort, I’m the Demoman who decides to lay down some stickybombs to cover the Scout’s retreat back to our base, and thinks he’ll be a genius by booby-trapping both doors of the enemy base, only to have not placed enough nerfed bombs to kill the Heavy coming out of the first door, and his second trap decimated by a Pyro’s shotgun, only to be final killed from above by a sniper with an SMG.

In Dustbowl, I’m the “Offensive on Defense” Engineer who thinks he’s been so clever by putting up a base in an unexpected place along the BLU team’s route to the final point. I sit there, hammering away at my Sentry, sometimes upgrading my dispenser and my teleporter. I finally get my sentry to that coveted level 3 with just the metal from my dispenser, and in its life it gets off two shots at a passing Scout. Soon I am Stab/Sapped by a Spy.

A bunch of other labels fly into my head, some even from my favorite TF2 site (just guess which site I’m talking about.)

I’m the W+M1 Pyro, I’m the weighted Companion Sniper, and I’m the spider web Demoman. I’ve had the game for a year, and have not gotten any better at it.

I’m a terrible Team Fortress 2 player.

In pure disgust, both at myself and the game, I push back from the desk where my desktop is kept. I sit there for some time, just feeling empty. Back on the desk, my game has finally loaded, and sounds of explosions and laughing drifts through the speakers. I look up and stare at the computer monitor, before I quit the game and walk away. I don’t log out of Steam.

The next week, I avoid the game. I look at the desktop once, preferring instead the surf the web on my five-year-old soundless laptop. I’m extra enthusiastic when my family goes on a four-day trip to the Bahamas, because I can’t bring any computers and don’t have to be reminded of Team Fortress 2. I’m even kind of glad when we spend the weekend back in our terrible summer home in New Jersey, because the desktop there cannot even run Steam, let alone Team Fortress 2. I even delay listening to the new Control Point episode for awhile.

There is one Team Fortress 2 site I keep coming back to, though. The entire week, I keep reading the posts here on Ubercharged.net, and making an attempt to at least lurk on the forms. I don’t really know why, but I just can’t let go of the site.
Then, as I’m checking the forums for about the third time these last ten minutes, I see the answer to my problem. The answer is in the far right corner of the Ubercharged banner, in the back of the RED team. He stands up straight in a spotless white-and-red lab coat, bonesaw in hand, grinning at his teammates like he knows something they don’t.

Stephen Colbert is the answer.

Okay, it’s not really Stephen Colbert, but that’s what I’ve called the Medic ever since I showed my friend a trailer for Team Fortress 2 and he pointed out the (albeit pretty small) similarity between everyone’s favorite terrible doctor and everyone’s favorite terrible Republican.

Regardless, the Medic is still my answer. If I can’t contribute to the team’s win directly, I’ll contribute to other people’s contributions. Every team needs Medics, but sometimes there are no medics. Maybe no one has noticed that there is a Medic shortage, or nobody wants to get all their points through assists.

No longer, though. Now, every team I am one will have at least one Medic. The other team has a right to fear. If they try to stop me, (hopefully) my medic buddy will strike them down with holy rage. If they find me by myself in a hallway, and try to take me out, (hopefully) a barrage of needles will pierce their flesh, actually granting me more health. Then, (hopefully) my upgraded Bonesaw will slice their skull open, and their blood will fuel the last-ditch ubercharge that overwhelms their last engineer and grants my team victory.

I am now A CAREER MEDIC

(Well, not really, since at the time of writing I’m still in my summer house and haven’t played Team Fortress 2 in a week, but hey, I’m gonna try.)

Anyway, I look forward to Ubercharging you soon.

Unless you’re these guys, of course.

From deep within the hidden, entrenched vaults inside the fortified base of the League of Spies, comes a secret so deep, so dark, that those without the necessary intestinal fortitu… okay, I can’t say it with a straight face.
Here’s the gist; some facestabs are NOT accidental. A particularly obscure Spy tactic, experience with the class oftentimes brings one this ability, but it can be done with the proper instruction by itself. Learn this well. It may net you an extra kill and save your life in a particularly bad situation. Maybe. Perhaps. Y’know, if you play a lot of Spy like me. XD (just passed my 100th hour)

There are probably quite a few techniques out there that I haven’t heard of, but here, I bring you two of the ones I use occasionally one because of new knife mechanics I KNOW SUCKS DOESN’T IT NOTHING I CAN DO YET LOLOLOL.

Actually, yeah, Valve would have you believe that they’ve fixed facestabs. Again. Again again. Which I doubt true, because it seems to be occuring a lot more frequently than before. I wouldn’t be surprised if Valve’s been messing with the code behind our backs. But I’ve still got one more that’s somewhat usable, particularly if you’re in a desperate situation. Listen well, agent, and attempt it sometime when you feel you’ve got a perfect situation.

Why am I writing this? Honestly, I have no idea. I just felt that I needed to do something useless before moving onto the next part. Yeah, I wish I knew.
So, here goes. The rest of you…

Technique #1 #2

Requirements:
- Butterfly Knife, model X-1320R
- Decent amount of health (>75)
- Straight line corridor, although not necessary
- Ping of 70 or greater
- Enemy that runs at same speed or faster than you. (Demomen work, in a pinch)

Got the above ingredients? Great. Here’s the (very) situational situation.

Run straight to your enemy’s face, and hope that he starts backpedaling. Or alternatively, head towards a backpedaling enemy’s face and start poking (this is harder). Once he does, you’ll see him start bumping back and forth on your screen. This is the right time to attack. Order now, and I’ll throw in a backstab kill, absolutely free!

I’m really not sure of the entirety of the mechanics, but it seems a combination of lag and hitbox detection do the trick. Basically, the server is detecting you “falling” into the enemy character model, so attacking now would actually strike the back hitbox.

Things you have to make sure of:
- You’re the one running into the enemy first, and holding down W.
- The enemy runs at the same speed or faster than you (based on my testing)
- You don’t do this when you could easily cloak up behind said enemy >.>

Additionally, here’s a video I found on Youtube. They’ve got some different results. From my testing, it works on servers where I have a high ping (>75), not the enemy, and doesn’t work on Heavies on Soldiers because they run too slow. Not sure why that makes it fail. It DOES work on Scouts and Medics, but why you would try it on a Scout beats me. And yes, it may or may not work. Just hope for a dash of luck if you ever find yourself needing to use it. And yeah, it still works after the update.

Here’s something else that’s neat. If you ask me, he just made someone invisible and made him do the stabbing, but if there were a technique like this that didn’t require a still enemy, that would be soooo cooool!

Give it a shot next time you’re free. Should be fun.
Thought this was a waste of your time? I’m sorry, then. Here’s a piece of art to make up for it.

Just had to show that. Honestly, I have no idea how it happened. I just threw a couple of ragdolls away and when I went to look for them, they were like this. oO Really! No part of them is locked in place. It just happened. Don’t believe me? Well, shut up then! >= D

Anyway, happy Spying. And remember kids, whine loud and hard enough and Valve will return the old knife hitboxes.

Editor’s note: Yes, dammit. Old hitboxes, please. -himmelstoss
Greetings from Secret Agent Clank!

As odd as the Team Fortress 2 classes are, whether it be the drunk Demoman or silent but deadly spy, they are not so different from the very people we meet in our every day lives.

Besides from the fact that they kill people for certain secret color-coded organizations run by a particularly dominating middle-aged woman, they exhibit traits that I’m sure many of you have seen in people. In reality. In fact, I think that Valve had certain people in mind when they dreamed up this colorful band of cartoonish characters!

The following will detail certain jobs that these classes may hold (so you can go looking for those people), their personalities (remind you of any of your friends? Acquaintances?), and the likability factor that will see how well you can get along with them.

Here is your chance to meet the class- in reality.

The Scout

Personality and Traits: Foul-mouthed, very cocky and belligerent. Very arrogant and proud to display some sort of athletic ability. Tends to be skinny, young (in the 20s or even adolescent), and white. Likes to workout by jogging and listening to headphones.

Likely Jobs: Cashier, baseball player, track star, UPS brown shirt messengers, newspaper delivery boy, stand-up comedian

Likability Factor: 3 out of 5 if you don’t go picking fights or arguing with him. 2 out of 5 if you’re big.

The Soldier

Personality and Traits: Has a “growling” voice, tends to be the dominating voice. Appears to be late 20s, or 30s. Always seems to wear the same clothes everyday (usually army-related). Always seems to conserve food by eating canned food and rations. Tends to be tough, aggressive, yet not in a cocky sort of way.

Likely Jobs: Soldier, coach, one of those people who encourages people to work out more often at the gym, drill sergeant

Likability Factor: 3 out of 5 if he doesn’t know you that well. 2 out of 5 if he does.

The Pyro

Personality and Traits: Incomprehensible, always seems to be occupied with something else. Anti-social, questionable gender. The guy or girl who’s always there but never noticed. The misfit or outcast

Likely Jobs: ?

Likability Factor: N/A if you don’t know him and he/she doesn’t know you. Varies based on the pyro’s mood at a certain day.

The Heavy

Personality and Traits: Big. Huge. Silent, but unusually violent. Does whatever he wants, because nobody wants to mess with him/her. Gets caught up in bloodlust quite easily when aroused. Surprisingly violent. Likes all sorts of food and being well.

Likely Jobs: Bouncer, PE coach, wrestler, the “silent” bully, chef, patient or guinea pig for experiment

Likability Factor: 5 out of 5 if you’re a doctor or fellow “comrade.” N/A if not noticed

The Demoman

Personality and Traits: Always on the wrong side of the bed every morning. Clumsy, and hurts himself/herself quite easily. Likes fireworks and loud noises. Has an addiction to alcohol and/or always doing something that could really hurt. Has erratic mood swings; jolly at times, surprisingly violent at other times. Mixed race.

Likely Jobs: Demolition, bomb squad member

Likability Factor: It all varies.

The Engineer

Personality and Traits: Laid-back, relaxed, “cool,” never in a rush. The studious, quiet kind of student. Most likely to win the National Science Fair. Doesn’t seem to be too refined or genteel by others. Usually has a drawl, loves parties. Some innuendoes involved. Sexual orientation questionable?

Likely Jobs: Scientist, college professor, physicist, engineer, architect, builder, weapons and ammunition specialist, army engineer

Likability Factor: 4 out of 5. Can get along with most people.

The Sniper

Personality and Traits: Like the pyro, except not seen around that much. Always looking at something far far away. Quiet, hard to find at certain times, though he/she may stay at certain places for long periods of time. Anti-social. Never seems to use the restroom at all.Very patient and still.

Likely Jobs: Surveyor, recon officer, voyeur, guy who looks for cheating couples on Valentine’s Day, eye doctor.

Likability Factor: 2.5 out of 5. Not social at all.

The Medic

Personality and Traits: Always has intellectual criticism, harsh words. Most likely to make some people cry. Has good medical knowledge, though he/she can be very rough and unsteady with hands. Second smartest in class. Hangs out with the tougher, bigger people for protection.

Likely Jobs: Doctor, pharmacist, surgeon, corpsman

Likability Factor: 2.5 out of 5. Again, not too many kind words. 5 out of 5 if you’re big.

The Spy

Personality and Traits: Like the sniper, never seen around. In fact, things happen when he or she doesn’t seem to be around. Anti-social. Very refined, has aura of superiority wherever he or she goes. Most likely to die of first-hand smoking. Hangs out with girls, though they end up getting dumped almost immediately. Very bad at fixing electronics, let alone handling them.

Likely Jobs: guy who looks for cheaters, playboy, gourmand, CIA, critic

Likability Factor: 5 out of 5 if you’re a attractive, usuable girl. Other than that, 2.5 out of 5.

So the next time you see your little brother break your PSP within a few seconds or a classmate transport his or her essentials from one place to another quickly through the use of a machine that utilizes quantum physics, just remember- everybody has a little bit of the Team Fortress 2 classes in them.

So, well done guys. I watch from the outside as you rant on and on about how the Scout’s new bat is overpowered, until Valve had no choice but to stick their fingers in their ears to drown out the noise, and alter it so it’s not as awesome anymore. I applaud your skills in whining, and watch you in admiration as you find the next thing to complain about. Why am I sounding so bitter about all of this? Because I don’t think the Sandman was as big a game-breaker as everyone made it out to be, and unlike those people, I have some reasoning to back this up. Sure, I accept I’m on the 360 and therefore have no concrete proof or pent up frustration about being hit by the thing over and over, but hear me out. It’s time for the defence to state their case…

“I get hit by it all the time!”

Fact – Every class update makes it so 90% of the Team Fortress 2 player population play that class. Fact – That means that the new unlocks will be used by those players. Fact – That means you will be killed by these unlocks. A lot.

To put it another way, I accept that you’re going to be bonk’d a lot, but that’s only because there’s six Scouts running around all trying to do the same thing…. Give it a few weeks and it’s inevitable that it’ll be back down to one or two Scouts a team, and baseballs won’t be flying around with reckless abandon anymore. Indeed, that one Scout may miss or screw up, giving you a good choice to lay the smackdown as he fails in his attempts to kill you. In short, you won’t get hit as much. Happy now?

“It’s hard to avoid, especially at corners!”

It’s odd to me that people are getting upset that when the ball flies at them, they can’t act like they’re in the Matrix and avoid it. They think it should travel through the air as if it was travelling through treacle, giving them ample time to laugh at the apparent n00b Scout as they walk out of the way. Well, let me say this – Get over it! Think of the ball as a special kind of bullet, and then think how stupid it would be if everyone could avoid bullets without having to chug down some Bonk Cola first. If you want to actually avoid it, it should be a matter of pre-empting the move – See a Scout with a bat up ahead? Pretty good bet that he’s going to try and get you with it. Act accordingly!

In the event your idiocy makes it so you screw up, or you’ve been hit when you turn a corner, I ask you this – Where’s your team? This is a team game, after all, and the clue to that is in the name. If you’re being Rambo and rushing off ahead, don’t moan when you get caught out… A good team would blow the Scout to tiny bits before he could even switch weapons to attack properly, and let’s not forget that ball isn’t going to hit everyone all at once. If you’re in a situation where your team would be a hindrance, such as playing the Spy, you could say that it becomes unfair then – But not really. You see, if you’re hit then, you’ve been outsmarted. Your flank has failed, your sapping skills compromised. The chances are you’d be dead after being revealed even without being hit by the ball, and this is the Scout’s reward for outsmarting you and actually getting hit shot on target – Another tricky factor. After all, you can’t kill them every time, and the steps the Scout has to do means their reward is rightfully earned…

“It’s stupid because it can stop Ubers!”

Well, you see, a tiny baseball would logically stop an invincible bullet-spitting machine of de… Actually, yeah, this bit is pretty stupid.

“The force-a-nature cancels out the fact you have no double jump!”

IT DOESN’T. Really, have you even shot the damn thing? Seen it in action? Anything? The upward momentum it gives the Scout is tiny and incomparable to the double jump, meaning that many areas remain unreachable. It’s also very hard to use effectively, and again is incomparable to just pressing the spacebar twice in a row. You see, effective use of the upthrust that the force-a-nature gives you actually arises when the Sandman is not equipped – It allows Scouts to travel to brand new height, hide in new little corners, and generally give the bad guys hell as a result. You won’t be doing stuff like this with the Sandman, put it that way.

Oh, and this just made my brain hurt, so I’m ignoring it because I can. HA.

“I don’t like being stunned!”

I was browsing the Steam Forums a few days ago, looking for arguments I could counter with my dazzling wit and charming charisma, and I was amazed how many times people were using this as a legitimate reason to nerf the Sandman. Sure, I accept that the game is meant to be fun. Sure, I accept I’d get annoyed myself if I lost control due to a well-placed shot by a baseball. Yet that’s not a reason to actually remove it, because then I’d petition to remove the afterburn from the flamethrower, because I hate dying to it. Or crit rockets because it’s not fun that it’s one well-placed rocket by a skilful soldier that killed me. Or every other gun except the one I’m using, because I don’t like people constantly shooting me. This sounding stupid to you? Yes? Good. You get the point.

So, the defence rests – The Sandman wasn’t as stupid as some of you might have made it out to be. Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to be running for the nearest nuclear bunker, because I get the feeling the comments to this are not going to be entirely sympathetic…

It appears once again I over presumed and rushed everything, meaning this article is, for lack of a fancier word, wrong. Please scroll through the comments for Drexer’s post regarding this. For the next day or so I’ll keep the article up before deleting or overwriting it. Can’t say how sorry I am folks. -oldmeme

Before you go on reading, this article goes into some of the minuscule areas of the game and may not entirely affect gameplay for everyone, but is nonetheless interesting.

With the scout update leaving a funny taste in most players mouths, we are starting to see the slow decline now in the number of scouts (and those bloody Sandman Scouts). But of all the unlockable weapons release, including the other classes, the Force-a-Nature is by far my favorite. Simply because it loves being different. Its not a mere take “one positive trait and add a new one”. It is almost an entirely different weapon in terms of Scout playstyle. But I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about the levels for force the FaN exerts when you shoot it for that little extra jump.

To begin, lets look back to pre-Scout update. All you had was a little Double jump. Now imagine yourself jumping from a sizable height and saving your health by executing the double jump. If the ledge is high enough, you will actually lose speed from using the double jump to save yourself.

This is because the force given by jumping goes at a range of somewhere around 80 to 90 degrees of an angle upward. Not to the side. Now to give out that force, the computer needs to give out a strong enough opposing force to let you jump the same height every time. For example, as a Scout, whether I fall a 100 meter height, or 5 meters, I will always reach the same height when I use my double jump to break the fall. This is done by the computer, who comes up with an opposing variable force that will always be equal to x, the exact height the scout reaches with a double jump. This force is variable because of Valve’s handy physics engine that is close to real life physics, gaining speed as you fall, before attaining a constant velocity from falling in those extreme height custom maps.

Here is a handy little picture to show what I mean:

Now this is all well and good, it means you will always get the same height from a double jump. But the interesting fact is that Valve did the very same thing for the Force of Nature (FaN). “What does that mean?” you ask. It means the faster your velocity while in the air, the more force you release to gain the same height every time when you shoot directly down, just like the double jump.

Basically this is a copy paste of the above, but the with the FaN, is that the force is not fixed to a centered direction. You can aim and angle this force. So the force the computer works out to oppose my falling force (I took this to be Kinetic Energy for those following the physics side of this) must be equal to x, were it going straight up. In this case, the force is instead used at an angle and is so great in power, it flings you around like a mouse to a tennis racket.

Again, a helpful picture:

This is why when you double jump and instantly shoot, the opposite direction you are traveling in you do not fly forward. In fact, you lose speed because you are not falling at a fast enough.  So if I double jump in one direction, then instantly shoot, I lose variable speed. But if I jump from the second or fourth point on Badlands, and then shoot at a 45 degree angle downward right before I hit the ground, my multiplied force is exerted sideways. Meaning you get a sharp boost of speed that is faster than scouts running speed.

This may or may not be implemented in-game very well, but I did find it incredibly handy on maps like cp_badlands and pl_badwater which had loads of high drops to manipulate this little feature. Try it for yourself and give a comment if you have have had any fun with it already. As always, thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, this implementation is capped and will not let you shoot yourself to infinity and beyond. The biggest difference will depend on current speed and the angle of which you shoot, best I think at that sweet spot of a 45 degree angle. Use with caution. Not intended for children under the age of three.

Pictures were made by me using Photoshop CS2 and Garry’s Mod. I wanted to work out a sum for this but I am still only through my first year through secondary school Physics and did not get very far… (something along the lines of Ek ? ????Ek = x) . If you are up for the challenge, leave it in the comment box or on the forums. Thanks to indivisible who made an attempt at it for me

EDIT: Spelling mistakes off the port bow cap’n!

Our glorious game has been out for nearly a year and a half. However, not all of you have been there for those full months. There are some who joined around the turn of the wonderful year that was 2008. Others joined up for the updates (Medic, Pyro, Heavy, and Scout if you are blissfully unaware). Perhaps you just joined in the middle of nothing. Regardless, many were absent from the first months of Team Fortress 2. I and Ubercharged.net will now take you back to a time where there were no debates over class updates, achievement farming, or anything like that. I would like to take you all back to Team Fortress 2: October 2007.

CP_Lazytown

Lazytown was the very first custom map for Team Fortress 2, released while the beta was out. For those of you keeping track at home, that’s before the SDK. I can just sense the win.

Layout

Lazytown was a 5 control point map, similar to Well (CP) and Granary. It was roughly Z-shaped. When you exit your spawn, you are on top of a slope overlooking the final point of your side. These were technically the battlements. Descending the slope, there were two paths: forward to the second point and left to the third.

The second point was straightforward, as it was just a medium-sized square of open space with a point in the middle. A path to the left led to the third point. All that was on the left was a room with pipes and a large doorway to the third point.

Either path you took, you would wander into a small rectangular part of land with 2 slopes heading up to the third point.

The point itself was a larger rectangular patch with yet more pipes. There was also a building in the middle of the slopes that could be scaled by Soldiers and Demomen raining ammo from above. Flip it around and there are the fourth and fifth points.

Why It Was Awesome

Again, for you new kiddies, realize there were not a lot of maps back then. There were only 6 (2fort, Granary, Well, Dustbowl, Gravelpit, and Hydro). Any map would be a big deal. Also, since the matches took longer than other maps, you could spend a long time just playing Lazytown and rack up the points.

Why, Now, It Sucks

As the first custom map, not a lot was expected, and not a lot was brought. The entire map looked a bit dull, with rusted reds and blues. The architecture was also uninspired, as the entire map was just inside a series of buildings. The capture times were also agonizing, around the speeds or even slower than Toy Fort. The worst of the traits, however, was the stalemate.
Lazytown did not have the concept of forward spawns. You always spawned from your final point and, thus, had to walk all the way across the map to get to the front lines to die again. Since there were only two ways into a point and patented ways to remove sentries were not invented yet other than an Über (another installment), sentries could shut down an entire area and be safe from damage. Open spaces encouraged Snipers, keeping more people at bay. Even I, a horrible Sniper, got a decent amount of kills. This was all “complimented” by the long timer, reaching around thirty minutes. Although the long time was an improvement, after playing 3 hours without scoring a round point, it gets annoying.

What Happened?

After bigger and better maps came out, as well as the release of the SDK, Lazytown faded away by spring 2008. A newer version came out with forward spawns, but it could not bring the map back to life.

If you really want to play Lazytown, a server may still have it somewhere. While it was taken off FPSBanana a long time ago, you could Google for it, but you might find either the forward-spawn version or the original. There is also an “updated” version called Busytown. While it improves the look and fixes stalemates a bit, it’s just not the same.

One of the few videos on it. Mediocre frag video, but I’m more interested in showing all of you the map:

Tune in next time for the next installment, which will be decided after huffing a large amount of paint.