Great title, right? Don’t worry. I’m not going to be talking down at anyone during this guide. If anyone is a dunderhead at sniping of any kind, it’s me. So how does a D-head like myself go about telling anyone else how to do their job? Simple: I’m not going to.

I said “effective” huntsmanning, not “pr0″ or “1337″ or any other superior-sounding, number-infused adjective. Once you read my guide, you’ll know how to make yourself felt on the battlefield, and maybe get a kill or two.

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Point Numero Uno: The Huntsman is… different.

The first and most important thing you can do as a huntsmanning Sniper is to Lead Your Targets. In fact, I could just copy those three words until they were big enough to fill an article and you would know roughly 90 percent of what you need to know to function with a bow. It’s that important.

And the very fact that you’re using a projectile weapon leads to some very different methods of execution. As a general rule of thumb, if you see a Sniper-prone target (Heavy, Medic, Engineer, etc) and a bit of cover, aiming between the two will give you an almost certain hit.

Also, the Huntsman has a much wider hitbox, and thus can be spammed much easier than the Rifle can. Not to the extent of any sort of explosive, but generally you only have to aim in the direction of anything colored different to you. You’ll hit something. I promise.

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Point X+1: Get in close.

Not melee range, lord no. I mean around the effective range of the SMG. You remember that tiny number, don’t you? Keep it in the back of your brain. We’ll talk about it later.

Closing the gap gives you a few advantages over everyone else in the field. Rifle-using Snipers (the pansies) don’t react well to an invasion of their personal space, and tend to swing their machete wildly at anything that intrudes on their personal bubble. Panic, of course, leads to disorganization, and while he’s beating the crap out of an imaginary Spy and looking the other way, you can bow and arrow him to death.

While no one else will be quite as discomfited at having a Sniper getting up-close-and-personal, it does help you in a way that kind of negates Act I of my first point: you don’t have to lead as much. So we’re back to the classic Monkey Island formula: Point, hold, and click. Of course, don’t hold too long, or some Scout with half a brain will bring you up-to-date on modern technology. Violently.

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Point Number the Next: Know how you’re going to kill them.

While a long stick with a pointy bit on the end is no doubt impressive, sometimes it’s just not enough. Sometimes, you need to use your secondary weapon to augment the murder a bit. Ignoring the Razorback for a minute (because that’s only for Rifle-users who willingly give themselves tunnel vision), you have two very good choices.

S.M.G.: The Finishing Move

Similar to a hunter in the wild, you use your tradition-laden longbow to tag the brute you’re aiming at, and then end him with a bullet (or 25) to the brainpan. The trick here is to start far, and then move in for some better shooting. This works better on larger, isolated prey, such as a straggler Heavy or Soldier. Just make sure to approach from a direction different from the one you shot him in. An arrow in the liver is a quick attention-grabber.

Jarate: The Boosted Attack

This one’s sort of the opposite to the SMG philosophy. To pull this off, you need to start close and Jarate all over your quarry, then backpedal and snap a shot at him while he pursues you for showing him who truly is the boss. As with the strategy, you also should target the opposite kind of class. This one works best on the lighter enemies who you can’t be asked to get a headshot on, like Pyros and Medics.

Of course, Scouts are a variable in all of this. In any case, the buggers don’t warrant either of the secondaries, because a snapshot will either randomly hit their head, ending the threat, or impale them so bad that they run all the way back to the resupply room, crying for mommy. Unless they’re not sissies or have been drinking extract of Saxton Hale, in which case you should head straight for your own lines posthaste, only turning around to try and nail the little squirt again.

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Point Second-From-the-Last: Huntsmen’s advantages and why the Razorback is rubbish.

Let’s count out the myriad ways The Huntsman is better, shall we?

• It lets you move faster, which anyone who’s ever died by Pyro will appreciate.
• You keep that wide field-of-view your dad paid so much for.
• It gives you limited indirect fire.

Now let’s see the Rifle’s pros.

• It flat-out does more damage, always a plus.
• You don’t have to lead, because nothing slow enough to be hit at that distance would need to be.
• It’s way more accurate.
• People won’t accuse you of being a “huntspam noob” if you use it; instead, you’ll be “a f*king hax0r, admin ban nao plzz.”
• You know what, that’s all I can really think of.

And all joking aside, that may be enough to give both of these a good niche on the battlefield. But that’s not what we’re here for, so let’s focus on using the Huntsman’s boons to their booniest.

The most obvious is to constantly check your flank and never let a second pass without either killing someone or knowing everything about your surroundings, all the time. If a Spy cloaks in the corner of your vision while you’re lining up a shot, just swivel your view down to him and take him out. You’re doing everyone on your team a favor.

The Razorback was made for traditionally thinking (yes, thinking) Snipers who can’t be asked to move from their designated campgrounds to check for spies. Since you’re a Hunterman, you’ll be on the move and constantly aware. Therefore, it’s worth little to you.

There’s one last thing, although not an advantage, that you really need to know. Nocking the arrow and charging your shot slows you down, though not as much as scoping in with the rifle.

Charge shots have a few advantages: besides the higher damage, the arrows also move faster. A caveat: if you keep the huntsman charged for too long, the accuracy decreases (when this happens, the sniper’s arms shake slightly from the exertion of holding the drawn bow). Fear not, though! Instead of wasting the shot, you can de-nock the arrow by pressing the right mouse button.

Charging a shot is analogous to spinning up as a Heavy, and as such, you need to know when to pack it up and head for them there hills. If you’re faced with more than one fast mover, or a boatload of high-health classes, you’re probably better off living to fight again than holding your ground. It wasn’t terribly nice ground, anyway.

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Point Very Definitely Final Dungeon: Practice.

No amount of me telling you what to do will make up for not going out there and doing it. Believe me, I read up on the latest in TF2ology before I even bought the game, and I was still a newbie, come Day One. You’re going to get out there, you’re going to kill, and you’re going to get good at it. On that day, you’ll look back at this Complete Dunderhead’s Guide and remember how far you’ve come. And on that day, I hope you’ll write in and thank me.

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In conclusion, and without a moment to spare:

1. The Huntsman is inherently different from the Rifle. Embrace that, and you’re a step closer to victory.
2. You’re better off being closer to the target than normal Snipers need to be.
3. Your secondary weapons have their place. Use them.
4. Keep moving, keep alert, and keep away from the Razorback.
5. Get out there and play!

A special thank you goes to Tygrys for the illustrations.

A long while ago in March 2009, I remember reading a rant about how useless the Heavy is, how easily attacks are countered and how he fancies himself as a sentry with legs. “What utter rubbish” I thought – and went back to playing as a Heavy on my clan’s pub, or to dominate the hell out of a insta-respawn 2fort server; depending on my mood…

Here’s the thing: a lot of players that play the Heavy are new to the game. Look at the packaging and look at the store page on Steam and what do you see? Naturally, your attention is drawn to the Heavy. So new players will play him, get owned hard and never touch him again.

If you’re sitting there thinking “I’m skilled with another class so why would I be interested in playing the Heavy?” Well here’s my answer – most people don’t fully understand the importance of strategy and teamwork. Strategy plays an important role in Heavy gameplay; every decision you make has to be criticized to achieve the best outcomes. The other thing that plays an important role in Heavy gameplay is communication and not just with a Medic. Theoretically, learning how to play a Heavy well should improve your overall understanding of this game’s logic and strategy – no matter what class you’re playing. Yeah, cool ‘eh? Now let’s get cracking, there’s a lot of stuff to cover.

1. Think before you shoot

How many times have you heard a whirring noise followed by the cries of a slain Heavy? For me, loads of times. Those players make the most fatal mistake any Heavy can make: Revving in the wrong place. I know you’ve done it before – you’ll wind up your gun and walk to defend or attack whatever it is you’re attacking or defending.

The reason this is such a bad idea is obvious – every enemy and his dog will prepare for a Heavy encounter if they hear you revving your gun in the distance and will make detours to avoid/kill you. Never alert enemies of your presence until they’re in range.

So where is the right place to rev? If at least one of these is true, you know you’re in a good place:

• You are in the open and as close as you can get to your foes
• You are in (or at the end of) a corridor with enemies that can be killed before they can fall back into cover
• You are in a blindspot (e.g. a place where a cursory glance won’t reveal your location)
• You are above unaware enemies (e.g. on a bridge or the opening of a tunnel)
• You are near Health and Ammo supplies (e.g. the centre hut on Dustbowl, Level 2-CP 2)

Before you fight the enemy, weigh up the chances of you winning the battle. These can be varied by the number of hostiles in the area, whether you have a medic, the skill of the enemy/enemies you’re fighting, whether you have your gun spinning, how much Health you have and so on. If you know you can’t win, retreat or approach from another angle – don’t bite off more than you can chew or you’ll be eating “Crocket & Winbomb Stew a la Facestab” for dinner.

Medium range is the most ideal place to be, but nothing trumps close range combat more than a volley of point blank minigun rounds. Think it’s hard to get at close range with the big guy? Think again! Say you were overlooking the tunnel exit on Badwater Basin – you can jump down while revving and you’ll be ready to fire before you land. Overhealed Soldiers and Heavies will be shredded in seconds, but be warned that most classes will find it easier to hit you due to your huge frame and poor manoeuvrability – and will wise up after the initial chaos dies down.

2. Pay attention to your surroundings

Pay close attention to the sights, sounds and things around you – for example, memorize the locations of health and ammo so you can fall back on them when you need to, learn the locations of Snipers just by peering out from an opening then move around them, listen out for the decloak sound on a Spy’s watch. This information should already be second nature to the more seasoned players, but is all the more important for a Heavy.

Take each death as a lesson of the things you did wrong and learn from them. Here’s a typical scenario you’ll face as a Heavy: Think back to a time when a Spy seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, now think about how he got there. Was he waiting around the corner waiting for you to go past? Was he crouching on top of some crates out of the way where you would normally fire your gun? Did he convince you with a cunning disguise? You’re a 300 pound mountain of Russian who eats forty cakes a day so how did a skinny dork in a monkey-suit top you? Now you have an idea on how he did it, take steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

The other thing you need to pay attention to are your hit indicators – they show up on your HUD in the direction the impact came from; the larger the indicator, the greater the damage.

3. Befriending a Buddy

Before you shoot off a comment about the Heavy always needing a Medic, don’t – allow me to explain. The Heavy is a defensive class by nature, therefore it is his main job to defend – period. However, when a Heavy is on the offensive he can quickly become a sitting duck by every Tom, Dick and Harry on the other team. Very quickly, your concerns shift towards getting enough health and ammo to survive. When a Medic works with a Heavy he takes away the a lot of the Health concerns, leaving you to just worry about getting enough ammo to do your job – and since you’ll kill plenty of enemies you’ll be up to your knees in ammo. (and bodies)

One essential tool you’ll need when playing Medic buddy is the microphone – you need to efficiently impart enemy locations in order to keep you, your Medic and the rest of your team safe. I personally use Mumble because it’s free and most clans and communities host servers for them, it has an overlay which displays who is talking and it’s customizable. Otherwise, there’s nothing wrong with using the in-game VOIP.

Your Medic should never stay glued to you the entire time, so bring him to the frontline and let the Medic heal your pals – remember that everyone wins in the end, they get their health and the Medic gets his uber much quicker. Spread the love, don’t hog it all. And don’t hog the health if your Medic is in desperate need of it, the Medigun won’t heal its user.

Most players will attempt to kill your Medic if you’re not paying attention, so if your gun is spinning and the Medic’s health starts dropping, turn round and kill whoever it is attempting to plug your mate. Have your Medic spot threats to both of you instead of having him sit there like a goofy German duck gawking at you until either of you die.

Pay attention to your own health too – if you see your health going down quickly retreat into cover and let the Medic heal you. Don’t pick up health packs if you can help it, you’ll help your Medic build the Uber much quicker and he’ll be able to fall back on it if he needs it.

4. Ubercharges and Kritzkriegs

Whichever Medigun your Medics are carrying into battle will come with two very different game-plans. With an Uber, you can charge straight into the fray and tear up a defensive team, taking out Sentries and high priority targets such as Demomen, Pyros, Heavies and Soldiers – provided they don’t quickly run away or use an uber to counter-attack.

Kritz on the other hand require you to protect your Medic even after he activates the charge. The 10 seconds of non-stop critical hits from your minigun will still be effective at long range since falloff doesn’t affect their trajectory.

Usually, I’ll ask the Medic to equip whatever floats his boat, but when a situation starts to rear its ugly head I won’t hesitate to ask them to switch.

5. Going solo

A Medic can be useful, but sometimes you will be faced with the task of coping without him. This video demonstrates Heavy gameplay with rare assistance from a Medic who didn’t know how to ubercharge, I highly recommend it.

Here’s the gist of the video for the benefit of the guide:

• Without a Medic, stay on defence (that doesn’t mean sitting at a dispenser shooting at nothing)
• Stay somewhere where health and ammo is in plentiful supply and deter enemies from taking the route you’re covering
• Offensives on your own are suicide, use the prescience of attacking units to push forward to compensate for the lack of a Medic

6. Your secondary and melee weapons

The Heavy loves his Sandvich, in fact he loved it so much when it was announced as a weapon he would often die eating his last meal. Now witnessing a large Russian stopping in the middle of a battlefield to eat a ham, cheese, lettuce and tomato sandwich on white bread with no concern for the danger around him is no longer a joke – provided he pulls it off.

You now have the option to drop the snack to the life of your Medic or another near-death comrade, aim using the crosshairs and drop it so the target walks into it. Just remember to stop by another health pack at full HP to get your lunch back. It’s also useful if you’re being chased by enemies if you’re low on health – just equip the Sandvich, drop it, nom it and equip your gun. The Sandvich is one heck of a lifeline, as well as tasty.

If you would prefer to have something other than your fists to defend yourself with when you run out of ammo, or need to shoot enemies when you don’t have time to rev up – bring your shotgun. It usually catches people unaware whilst you are moving as they expect you to just rev your minigun. It is also handy for retreating while laying down suppressive fire.

The gloves are risky, but if you can pull off a punch you have a limited time to rain hell on the other team. If you’re planning on taking the gloves, equip the shotgun and not the Sandvich – you’ll waste three seconds equipping and revving up the minigun, as opposed to equipping the shotgun which gets you more bang for your buck (unless you happen to kill two guys with the KGB of course). Likewise, use the fists if you’re planning on taking the Sandvich – people will do their best to gank you if they see you eating, the fists swing quicker which gives you more of a fighting chance.

7. Class Matchups

Knowing how the enemy will attack you will make a big difference. So here I’ve listed all the classes and how they usually attack you, and how best to deal with them. To quote Sun Tzu: “Know thy self, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories.”

Scout

Scouts are the polar-opposite of the Heavy. They will attempt to flank you when the opportunity arises and will gun for your Medic. They will also attempt to irritate you by jumping around your head like a maniac or just strafing around you at point blank plugging you in the guts or allowing other classes to take pot-shots at you while you’re distracted.

The best way to kill Scouts is to get them in the open and mow them down at medium range before they attempt to do anything. If a Scout is abusing cover with the FaN, just don’t challenge them. They’ll simply push you away from where you want to go every time. Just wait until they’re in the open and he’ll wish he had the other gun once you rip him to shreds.

Scouts with the Sandman will have less health, so do your best to avoid his stun balls and mow him down when he realises his tactic didn’t work.

Soldier

The Solly is big and slow just like you, but he makes up for this with his agility and his ability to fire from cover. A full volley of four direct hits will kill a Heavy without a Medic, so do your best to avoid them and kill him at medium range.

Soldiers are usual culprits for abusing cover since their stock rocket launcher can hit you with splash damage while they’re around a corner. Not only that but Stock and Direct Hit Soldiers give anyone a hard time in corridors, but you especially because of your huge physique and slow speed. Plan ahead to avoid situations like this.

Soldiers will try to gain a height advantage by rocket jumping, if he gets to higher ground you become an easier target to hit and you will have trouble hitting him back. Put a stop to this by shooting them while they’re airborne – with luck he won’t be able to make the connection with the higher ground due to the knockback and either way he’ll lose ammo and health. If he does make the connection, try to finish him off or call to your teammates to do it for you. Alternatively, you can occupy the higher ground he’s trying to reach so you can kill him while he’s weakened. Just be ready for him and don’t take too long about it.

Pyro

Obviously the typical W+M1 strategy employed by noob Pyros will be of no concern to you as long as you’re prepared and even when you aren’t you’ll probably trump him if you’re at full health. You’ll need to be worried when he tries to flank you and use his Backburner.

Smarter Pyros will airblast you away from key areas or when you’re Ubered, or even use the airblast sting combo (ignite, AB, Axtinguish), so just tear into them with the minigun at mid-range before they have a chance to puff you around like a meaty-or.

Demomen

Besides Snipers and Spies, these guys will be giving you the most trouble. They’re very similar to Soldiers but have the benefits of indirect fire. The Demoman can fire four grenades and a full volley of four direct hits will kill a Heavy without a Medic. Deal with them like you would with Soldiers. Kill at close to medium range and quickly. If you’re dealing with a charge swordsman, he doesn’t pose more of a threat but keep both eyes out for him. Similarly if he tries to gain a height advantage rev up and shoot them while they’re airborne and weakened.

Watch out for sticky carpets, if you see a Demoman laying a sticky carpet at your feet, unrev and get out of there. Even with a Medic helping you, you will not survive the damage. If you jump on your way out, it might soften the blow and propel yourself to safety.

Don’t get lured into a sticky trap. If you see him retreating into a tunnel or a corridor (even when he’s spent his pipe ammo), assume he’s luring you into a trap. Keep in mind your minigun is suitable for nullifying the threat of sticky bombs if you ignore this. Alternatively, you can go back and approach the situation another way.

Heavy

A simple head on battle between two Heavies produces mixed results every time. It all depends on certain factors such as who winds up first, who has more health, who has more backup and so on.

If you come across a Natasha wielding Heavy, wind up and kill them if they’re in range, otherwise just get in cover. Their bullets can render you almost immobile Also, don’t try and wind up if a nearby enemy Heavy is revving his gun in your direction, just get into cover. If you can, wait until he unrevs and kill him then.

Engineer

Engineers are silly men with silly hats and even sillier guns, so they often rely on their sentries to do all the work for them.

On its own a Sentry is not too much a problem if you have Medic, but it’s a bigger problem if an Engie is repairing the sentry from behind. Ideally, you want to be as close as possible to the gun so you can destroy it. If you have a Medic with an uber ready, tell him to use it and run towards the sentry while you’re linked. Since the Sentry is programmed to target the nearest threat, you’ll find it easier to walk up as close as you need to get, rev and kill the sentry.

Note: A Kritz charge will not kill sentries or other buildings faster.

Once their sentries are down, they have a few options. First, they can run away really fast; just mow them down. Second, they can stand there and get shredded while sitting there fixing nothing. And finally third (and this never gets old) discover new-found superhuman powers and decide to charge you with the plan of braining you with a lucky wrench crit… In any case you won’t have problems with the silly suicidal super-hero engies.

Medic

Medics don’t usually attack other people; they are often helping others to stay alive. This makes your job harder, so they should be prime targets.

When he Ubercharges, you have little chance of evading his target’s path of destruction. While it is possible to escape, your most likely option is to either slow the enemy down by getting in their way, giving them less time to cause havoc, or simply get your Medic to Uber you too. This usually results in the Ubered pair to retreat… AT SPEED!

The only other thing he can do to annoy you is running around you at melee range using the Ubersaw. Don’t bother getting your fists out – the Medic is much quicker than you and will avoid your punches with relative ease. Just rev up for the two seconds because the Ubersaw has its own swing delay.

Sniper

Snipers are almost always present at battlements where they have optimal view of area to cover, and will be too far away for the minigun to do any good damage. So never attack from his range – it’s a stupid idea. Just avoid their line of sight and you should be fine, learn about their movements and compensate. You don’t have to fight every battle to win a war.

If you really have a burning desire to kill Snipers, the best way to do this is to plan a route to them while they’re busy sniping. It can’t be done on open planned maps like Badwater, but it works wonders in 2Fort and incites torrents of rage.

Spy

Spies will always cloak around you and attack from behind, that is unless the Spy is played by an idiot.

Spies love attacking from blindspots, and most love slow, easy targets like Heavies. Be wary of these places and come prepared. Regularly check behind you or have people report sightings of Spies. They will be less likely to attack you and everyone else appears to know what’s going on behind you. Then again, just appearing to know doesn’t make it 100% safe, so listen out for decloaks and footfalls when you know people aren’t around.

Oh yeah, class by class analyses are only good for dealing with individual battles so if you engage more foes than one think about who poses more of a threat and take them out.

Conclusion

The Heavy is an easy target to bash by careless players because of how supposedly “useless” he is, despite the huge contribution he makes to his team. He is underplayed, underrated, and underestimated. In the right hands however…

He becomes the underdog…
The dark horse…
The Heavy Weapons Guy!

Probably the first thing you think of when you hear “The War Update” is a legion of flailing Highlanders touring around for your head. Many uprisings popped up with angry plebeians proclaiming that the Demoman should be demolishing things rather than cutting up his fellow man. The truth is that the Demoman was already just fine at demolishing, just like the Soldier was doing his job properly. More power for the demolishing demoman would’ve led to mass engineers on strike, and more ammo for the homely trap-setter would’ve been too boring. The solution was something entirely unheard of; turning the class into something entirely unrelated to its premise. Valve could’ve elected either the Soldier or the Demoman as the embodiment of this new tenth class, and I suspect they went with the Demoman because claymores.

However, just like with the Razorback, traditionally thinking (yes, thinking) demomen have been given a new toy to play with: the Scottish Resistance. Although the Resistance doesn’t contain catastrophic amounts of boring like the Razorback, it’s still not as potent as it could be. The main problem is that Resistin’ Demos just end up feeling less efficient than if they were using the regular Sticky Launcher and paying taxes like good citizens. That’s why I’m taking the time to describe, in detail, six things the Scottish Resistance is better at than the Winbomb Launcher.

Trap-Spotting

“Stop sitting around and do something!” – Berrito Mussolini

This is the capital (and most boring) purpose the Resistance has been advertised for. You put bombs around multiple doorways, pick a corner and wait. Wait until an unfortunate sod comes in, at which point you twitch in his direction and detonate all over him. More controlled twitchers (likely ex-CSS players) will rig a door on both sides, always keeping one set of stickies at hand in case a second poofter shows up. The big dilemma here is that you can’t place yourself too inclined with the doorway, or selective detonation becomes impossible (the crosshair isn’t adjusted to the cone of detonation); stand too much in front and your prey will see you before coming through. You could make use of this, though. Trick the enemy into taking an alternate route that has also been rigged, then feel bad as he denotes your trickery as ’spam’.

One thing I like to do to mess with people is to set up a trap, then throw a bunch of stickies at the enemy. Ever since the game’s initial release in 2007, players have been taught that one detonated sticky means a completely defenseless demoman. Sure, the Resistance stickies are visually distinct, but no sod is going to suspect you of planning ahead of time until it’s too late.

Another fun anecdote: on our UK-based server, Laharl concealed all fourteen stickies behind the intelligence in ctf_sawmill. I thought he was doin’ it wrong until I saw him blow up the medic+targelander combo that was running amok.

Carpet Weaving

“A fancy carpet for me to shit on.” – Diogenes

I believe this is where the true potential of the weapon lies. Dot a corridor with any number of stickies between eight and fourteen, and the enemy isn’t going to advance. Your entire creation won’t be ruined anymore by a single scout’s (no longer as spectacular) acrobatics, as you can choose to devote only part of your stickies to his combustion. After putting your carpet in place, you can proceed to spam the enemy team like you usually would. So you see, you’ll have not one, not two, but two and a half primary weapons. You’re like a bagpiper with three hands!

Just make sure you NEVER stand on your carpet. While it should sound awesome to fend off attackers from atop your own handiwork, Valve implemented a ‘buff’ to detonate stickies directly under you, supposedly for sticky jumping. Why do that when you have your own base to rig? To make matters worse, the detonation range is shorter than the distance one would use for horizontal jumping. Initially, the stickies’ whole prime time was ignored for point blank stickies. This led to:

Sticky-Punching

“A scout in your face is better than a spy in your back.” – Oscar Wilde

The non-existent prime time allowed you to detonate stickies before they were even properly fired, turning the Resistance into some manner of twisted, self-mutilating Scattergun. The Scouts, Pyros and Spies would either burst in tears due to nostalgia or think nothing is off because they’re used to being exploded by things they can’t see. It was a blast punishing those cocky ne’er-do-wells for their hubris, even if it had me blow up too in the process. Particularly devestating is an ubered ’sploder; the enemy would think nothing dangerous of a Demoman running idly into a bunch of enemies, allowing me to project eight point blank blasts into their face. It was like being a suicide bomber who can’t die. The kritzkrieg, however, is an entirely different story.

One other quirk of sticky-punching was sticky-punch-jumping. Aiming downward while jumping projected you perfectly forward (not useful on Orange X) with the power of three stickies and the damage of only two. Trying to aim your jumps apart from this method is More often than not, you’ll end up ramming yourself into the ground, dying from fall damage. So it really was nothing like this.

Alas, the prime time has been re-added in a recent patch, making sticky jumping with the Resistance even more clunky. Complete removal of the tweak will likely make the following tactic more viable:

Suicide Bombing

“I invade your country in the name of liberty!” – George W. Bush

Here’s what you do. Go to an enemy control point and get your stickies all over it.  As you’re capping, the enemy will likely send flimsy scouts and pyros your way, followed by seasoned but slower soldiers and heavies. Before, all you could do was try and dispatch the scout with scrumpy or blow up the both of you in the name of honour and scout-killing. With the Resistance, you can ensure his destruction while you continue towards capture. Especially effective on A/D maps; the stickies’ longer prime time won’t matter because by the time the enemy gets to you, their point will have been impurified. You can also try confounding attackers on the final point of cp_badlands (you know, when you jump up and get stuck somewhere in the silo).

Use this tactic and you’re almost certain to capture the final point. Well, if Valve changes the weapon. Until then, the Resistance is still most efficient at…

Spawncamping

“The classes must be evened out at regular intervals.” – Leon Trotski

Okay, you may not want to hear it and you probably already know, but on unmoderated servers, the Scottish Resistance can effectively lock down a team. The main drawback of spawncamping with the regular Sticky Launcher is that your entire collection of stickies is wasted with each smelly unfortunate killed. With the resistance, you can add layers of spam in front of the spawn door, or if that’s not subtle enough, try rigging all four sides of the door! You’ll have plenty of time to patch up after each detonation. Like with Trap-Spotting, many fools will think the coast is clear when the first of your victims blows up.

In case you don’t like 32-man instant respawn 2fort/cp_orange_william, you can try doing this at the BLU exits in Gravelpit. Not even UC2’s admins will slay you (I think).

Distinguished Destruction

(hain)

“A Targelander is to a Resistance user what a Hoplite is to a Belgian falling out of a tree.” – Gaius Julius Ceasar

Okay, I admit it. The Resistance feels like a nerfed sticky launcher. But because of that, it’s so much more immersing and fun! Plus, the kill icon is stylish, and says “I have just outwitted you in a way not typical of your preconceptions of a demoman!” Eventually I switched back to the Sticky Launcher because the point blank detonations were annoying me, and when I did, it made the Demoman seem such a boring class. Even though I could do this again, the gratification was lost. This happens when you try doing things the easy way, rather than the sexy way.

Remember when the weapon was first revealed? The CQC kit had stepped on many a demoman’s toes. Now a particularly awesome weapon was revealed, and already the Poor and Irish couldn’t bear with the thought of having to deal with fourteen stickies. When the update hit us, the Targelanders rose to power en masse and the Resistance was dismissed as awkward and disappointing just because it can’t be spammed with as easily. In my days of Resisting, I made many cretins call me a ’spammer’ regardless. I used to entrench myself in the enemy’s vents on ctf_turbine and blow up a team’s worth of players, much to the amusement of my vent-mates. For this alone do I find it worthwhile to use the Scottish Resistance.

When I first started playing Team Fortress 2 back in the day, it was when the Pyro update was released, since then I always had a grudge against the Pyro, especially those who wield the Backburner. The Backburner has always gotten the short end of the stick when it came to being an unlockable weapon. Those who use it are proclaimed to be “noobs,” and it is often deemed the reason why Pyros are referred to as being “W + M1”. I never had much interest in using the Backburner due to these reasons, as well as its lack of airblast.

It wasn’t until a little while ago I decided to try an experiment in which I would play as a Backburner Pyro for 2 hours. After playing I gained new respect for Backburner, so much so that I actually use the Backburner more then the regular flamethrower. I then decided to take the next step and try to write a guide to give players new insight into the Backburner Pyro play style and maybe change a few peoples opinions on the weapon. So let’s get this guide started.

“Thh Bhcgburnhr” – The Backburner

The Backburner is the Pyros first unlockable weapon which quite obviously replaces his flamethrower; it was created to make Pyros better at ambushing. When the Pyro update was released all the way back on the 19th of July, 2008, it was completely different compared to its present day counter-part. I’m sure that everyone recalls when the Backburner had the +50 health boost, where anyone using the Backburner would rush into battle head on and obliterate the opposition, thus creating the dreaded stereotype that has stuck with this weapon to this day… “W + M1”. The Backburner, however, has retained its ability to get 100% critical hits when attacking an enemy from the back. The only problem with the Backburner is that the area in which the Backburner will get crits is much smaller than the area a Spy would need to backstab someone.

“Trrlth rf thh trhdh” – Tools of the Trade

When playing a Backburner Pyro, having the right weapons for the job separates success and failure. Remember, your goal as a Backburner Pyro is to ambush foes from their blind spots and get in close to deal massive damage quickly. This section will only focus on your secondary and melee weapons.

The Shotgun

The standard sidearm for three classes as well as the primary weapon for our pal the Engineer, the shotgun is a powerful close range weapon, able to pump out 80-90 damage at point blank range; along with firing almost two shots a second, it can deal almost 160-180 damage per second. The shotgun is best used at close range; the same with the Backburner. Using both together would allow you to deal massive damage very quickly if you utilize the critical hits the Backburner gets. If you fail at killing the enemy quickly, switching to the shotgun allows you to deal a killing blow. The main drawback to the shotgun is that it is not very effective at long ranges, though this drawback isn’t new to the Pyro, since close range is this class’ bread and butter (or should I say toast and butter?) You can also utilize the shotgun to take pot-shots at fleeing enemies, to make sure that they don’t get away. The shotgun also gives you the ability to keep Soldiers and Demoman at bay due to the lack if an airblast; your bullets also allow you to destroy enemy sticky bomb traps.

The Flare Gun

The flare gun is the unlock able secondary weapon for the Pyro; it gives the Pyro more of a ranged game in terms of combat, allowing him to shoot flares over long distances to set his enemies ablaze. This gives the Pyro some ranged game but makes him more vulnerable when faced up close when short on ammo. The flare does about 27-33 damage upon a hitting it’s target; however since the flare sets the victim alight, the burn damage adds a total of 60 extra damage into the mix, making a total of about 87- 93 damage for a full burn. The drawbacks of this weapon are that it is only one shot per clip, two second reload time and that the damage it deals is not “sudden.” However, the flare gun is good for finishing off fleeing enemies, if they are on fire, you can score a mini-crit with a flare, if they arn’t on fire, they will be now. Being a Backburner Pyro means getting in close and taking out targets quickly, the flare gun would not be that great of an asset because of the fact that it puts out little damage initially; you can kill an enemy with a flare, but it gives him more time to retaliate and can lead you to your death.

The Fire Axe

What’s better than lighting someone on fire? How about lighting them on fire and then hitting them with a fire axe! The fire axe is as powerful as every other melee weapon (excluding the Scouts bats and the Butterfly knife) which is about 59-72 damage per hit. There isn’t anything special about the fire axe; it’s just a normal weapon.

The Axtinguisher

How can you improve a fire axe? Why not switch it out for a battle axe and wrap it in barbed wire? The Axtinguisher, the Pyros unlockable melee weapon, is a deadly weapon when used against an opponent who is on fire. While the axtinguisher is a weak weapon by default (23-43 damage per strike), its special ability is that, when used to strike a flaming enemy, it will score a critical hit which does a total of 195 damage. The axtinguisher is a great weapon, but is also a bit problematic at times, in order for it to be the most effective; the victim needs to be on fire, so you have to give yourself away by lighting the enemy on fire then trying to switch to your axe to finish them off. It would probably be easier to use the critical hits of the backburner since that should be your goal as a BB Pyro. The axtinguisher would be a wise choice in the event you attack from an angle in which you are not getting critical hits up close, then it would be wise to go in for the kill. However, the Axtinguisher is also more difficult to use due to the lack of the airblast, you won’t be able to push your enemies into a position where you can land the killing blow.

The Hadouken

The Pyro is also a master of a deadly technique from the realm of Street Fighter. By focusing, Pyros can release red hot flames from their palms themselves. This technique is so powerful, that getting caught in its blast will lead the victim to a instant fiery death. Tremble in fear at the Pyros greatest weapon… The Hadouken!

Ok, ok, the hadouken isn’t really a weapon; it is however the Pyros secondary weapon taunt that can deliver a killing blow. With both limited range and usability, it works out better as homage then a full blown tactic. Now, I can’t say I’m adept when it comes to killing enemies with this taunt, however, Don Newman is. I had a discussion with General Balls about Newman and his Pyro skills, he said the following.

*General Balls: You do realise that taunt-kills infuse you with the excess power of the soul that you murdered.
*General Balls: It’s true.
*General Balls: That’s why he’s such a good Pyro.
*General Balls: Because of taunt-killing.

That would certainly explain why Newman is such a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield. After that discussion, I asked Don if he could write some tips and tricks about hadouken for this article: he accepted and here’s what he had to say.

“There are two ways to score successful taunt kills with the pyro. The first is a matter of catching your opponent off-guard. If they are unaware, you can either taunt them while they are stationary (as is the case with snipers), or you can taunt them around tight corners where they do not suspect you and may pass through your line of fire. This approach is most effective when the location of your taunt is somewhere mundane, not near an objective or other major push point in a map. However, taunting repeatedly in the same location is an easy way to make an enemy aware of presence. It is best to infrequently use an ideal position so that they do not anticipate your presence and their impending humiliation.

The other way to score a taunt kill is to take advantage of a player when they cannot move out of the way of your taunt. This often occurs when they themselves are attempting to score a taunt kill and, being the alert and aware player that you are, you avoid their frivolous attempt. Instead, you can turn this situation on its head by taunt-killing them before they escape from their own failed taunt. The same applies to heavies eating sandviches or when the map ends and you have a few seconds to reflect on the scoreboard. If you are close enough to an enemy when the map ends, taunt away! It will be the most embarrassing death they have ever suffered, particularly if they won the map. Taunt killing an enemy in your own spawn can be the silver lining on the cloud of utter shame and defeat you will have already experienced by losing.

Remember; don’t abuse the hadouken in game to try and get kills, it isn’t effective and will most likely cost you your life, so stick with your weapons which were meant for killing.”

The best combination of weapons to use while wielding the Backburner would be the shotgun and the fire axe. The shotgun is more powerful at the close ranges needed while playing the Backburner Pyro; the fire axe gives better power if you are caught up close unexpectedly because you won’t be able to get your enemies where you want them to finish them off with the Axtinguisher. You can still choose to use both the flare and axtinguisher, it all depends on what you feel works better for you.

“Hmbuthhng nn Flhngng”- Ambushing and Flanking

The Backburner was designed to get players to use the Pyro for ambushing; which is what the Pyro is meant to do. Ambushing is crucial tactic for Pyros, especially those that are wielding the Backburner; as that is where it is the most effective. Here are a few tips when it comes to ambushing and flanking.

- Attack from unexpected areas, if the enemy doesn’t see you coming, you are able to deal more damage before they can retaliate. Don’t charge straight into battle, it’s not effective and it makes you look stupid; can you say W + M1?

- Try to outsmart your enemies. If you are spotted by enemies and you can’t win in a face to face confrontation, retreat. Get out of your enemies field of view and try to think of what he / she is expecting you to do. If you act as if you are going one way, they will most likely try to cut you off. Use this to your advantage; take a different route and ambush them with the Backburner.

- When hiding around a corner, make sure you are fully concealed. Remember that your flamethrower extends out in front of you; this can tip enemies off that you are around the corner. Either switch to a smaller weapon that is easier to conceal such as the axe while waiting for enemies to run by, or hide farther back so your flamethrower is fully hidden as well.

- Mix up your routes and hiding places, this works will with the first tip. If you take the same route multiple times or continually use the same hiding places the enemy will most likely catch on and will be prepared for the encounter. Try to find several routes or hiding places and mix them up to be less predicable.

By utilizing these tactics you can be able to catch groups of enemies off guard and take them out quickly and effectively with minimal resistance.

Thrlduhhrth nn Dhmrmhn – Soldiers and Demomen

Soldiers and Demomen are a lot harder to fight without an airblast to reflect their projectiles. Try not to get caught up in a battle against either of these classes at range, you will be severally outmatched. Try to catch them off guard and get in close so you increase the chances of winning the battle without sustaining too much damage. If you are caught in a battle against either of these classes at range, don’t try to win as you are severally overpowered when it comes to ranged weaponry. Try to get them to an area where they will be more susceptible to your flamethrower and shotgun; it would also be good to take pot shots at the enemy with your ranged weapon while retreating so you can damage them before they get in to close. Don’t forget that you can destroy those pesky sticky bombs by shooting them with your shotgun; take out the trap and catch the Demoman off guard.

In the most recent class update for TF2 we saw the Soldier and Demoman going head on in a War. While the Soldier came out triumphant, his new unlocks don’t make him that much of a different threat to the Pyro, seeing as his only new weapon that is a threat to you is the Direct Hit. You won’t have much of a chance at range against a DH Soldier, try to take pot shots at him with your shotgun or flare gun and run away.

The Demoman however has a completely new bag of tricks at his disposal, the biggest being his new close combat gear, the combination of the Chargin’ Targe and the Eyelander. With this combination, Demomen are now more resilient to all your flame based weaponry, taking only 50% of the damage. His new toys also allow him to chase you down by giving him a charge attack, as well as a speed boost by killing enemies with his sword. If you are in a fight with a Demoman who is wielding these weapons, make sure to keep your distance. Try to set him on fire and take him out with your shotgun or a swift melee attack (best recommended if you use the axtinguisher). Remember, is shield protects against fire, not bullets or melee.

“Uhn crncluthuhrn” – In conclusion

I hope you found this article insightful and that maybe you gained some new respect when it comes to wielding the Backburner. Don’t instantly regard those using this weapon as a “noob”, because who knows, you might end up feeling the tingle of critical flames running up your spine when you least suspect it.

Special thanks to Don Newman for his contribution and help, and to Tygrys for creating some of the pictures in this article.

I might be completely wrong, but I’m guessing you’re a moderately intelligent person, right? You know not to stab yourself with a knife, you know you should never eat yellow snow, and so on. It’s all basic stuff that you learn as a kid and never give a second thought to. But what about the stuff you really should know, but don’t? Like the fact you shouldn’t kill me in any video game ever, because I keep a list of people who do, so that so I can hunt them down and kill them in real life later? You may not think it, but there’s a TON of stuff like that, and a lot of examples of this can be found when you quite simply sit down at your computer and try to frag some n00bs on TF2. Yet never fear! I’m here to guide you down the path to enlightenment, and make you even better than you are now at staying alive and looking awesome in the process.

So let’s begin, shall we? Just one final word of warning; if you act smug and say you know all these already in the comments, you’re going to the top of my kill list.

Airblasting can put out fires!

Indeed, in a massive contradiction to the motto of the Pyro (“Hudda hudda Hu!”, which roughly translates to “BURN EVERYTHING”), it turns out the fire bringer can also be the one who takes fire away. It also turns out to be quite a vital tactic at times as well, especially when a bunch of allies have been caught off guard, and the only health kit has been taken by the one person who didn’t actually need it. In all seriousness, though, a quick airblast can be all it takes to keep an offensive push alive, save the only medic on the team, and much more besides, and it’s that sort of stuff that wins matches.

In that sense, it’s amazing more people don’t know about it… But as I’ve already noted, the general health and well-being of all those around you generally doesn’t turn out to be a big concern when you’ve got a big canister of propane on your back. It can also be slightly justified in the way the feature was just thrown out in an update without much fanfare or discussion, which is odd when it’s something that has the capability to change the whole dynamic of the game. Still, turns out this wasn’t the first time Valve would pull off this trick, as demonstrated by the next example of general ignorance…

Heavies can toss out sandviches for healing goodness!

Yes, another thing an update added with only a line or so to confirm its existence, but equally as useful for many of the same reasons as airblast healing is. In fact, couple this strategy with a Medic/Heavy combo, and you have a fairly easy way of saving the Medic and causing complete and utter chaos to the opposing team at the same time. And, whilst Sandviches do disappear over time, the concept of just tossing one in a safe area as a temporary health kit for someone to grab also seems fairly plausible. The possibilities are almost endless, but hardly any of them will get used because hardly anyone knows you can DO this. Which, to me, is a damn shame.

Press “L” to drop the intelligence!

As you’d expect, heavies are great for clearing rooms that contain the intelligence. They’ll make sentries and defences fall in the blink of an eye, and open the gate towards epic intelligence capturing… That it, of course, if they don’t grab it themselves and lumber out the door extremely slowly whilst bloodthirsty enemies easily catch up. I think there are two reasons for this – The first is that it’s yet another feature of the game that’s not made truly clear. It doesn’t appear anywhere in the game as a hint (Although I may be wrong in this regard), and it seems the only way to actually come across this feature is by chance, or by someone screaming it at you during a tirade of obscenities.

The second reason perhaps has a bit of a darker side to it, due to the fact this reason is that people are generally selfish jerks who want all the glory for themselves. Let’s face it, given the slightest chance we can win the game single-handedly invokes an urge to push forwards that’s hard to resist, even if you’re the biggest team player in the world. So people will cling to the intelligence until they die, for the mere purpose they may get a glorious yet completely pointless few points out of doing it. Perhaps that’s another thing you should know but perhaps don’t – Selfishness such as this generally doesn’t pay off. In fact, it just makes you look like an idiot. Which is bad!

More engineers equal quicker builds!

Now, steady on, by that I don’t mean you should all roll Engineer and turtle in the Intel room. What I actually mean is this – See that lone engineer struggling to get all his gear to a top-notch level during set-up time? Switching to Engineer yourself will help him, be incredibly beneficial, and cause no loss to yourself due to the fact you can just pop back into the spawn room when you’re done and switch classes once again. Likewise, if you spawn in the middle of a fight and see a level one teleporter desperately struggling to teleport the mass of people flocked around it, you can switch classes, get it to a position where the queues are non-existent, and then switch back. The fact this is not only helpful but can gain the admirations of your team means its surprising no-one actually does this, but there you go. Now you know to do it, and knowing is half the battle!

Anyway, this list could go on forever, but I doubt any of you want to read a 6,000 word monologue whilst rolling your eyes and calling me a n00b for stating what you think is the obvious. Still, nothing to stop you posting more useful hints that people do not generally know in the comments below! There’s also nothing stopping you from jamming a fork in your toaster, but I will advise you that one of these ideas is significantly better than the other…

With the crafting system in place, people are doing all they can to science themselves a hat. History is being written, and a handy way to figure out how to go from here is to look back at our ancestors. That’s right! Despite the infinite resources and the fact that you don’t actually need hats to survive (most people don’t anyway), the secret of success lies in the economy, and how others have gone about it in the past.

Let’s take a look at the different approaches, shall we?

The Mercantile Approach

Presuming that there will be a trading system, the economic commonwealth will be filled with loud-mouthed complainers, sleazy traders who trick their way to other people’s items with blueprints that don’t exist, and soulless ecology-destroyers who idle all night long. You, however, are an honest participant. Your enjoyment of this new system is secured so long as there is variation in your backpack. You are no collector, you only need a starting capital and from there, you will eventually have had every hat on your head, regardless of whether you still have them. To you, every hat is of equal worth, and you see opportunity in how this idea differentiates you from others, who tends to favour huge flashy headwear like the Tyrant’s Helm over subtle pieces. You see no loss in letting your Stovepipe go in return for a Soldier’s Stash, as big obnoxious hats lose their novelty after a while, and there is always some sort of war nut who will gladly trade you his Brigade Helmet for it. If there is a hat you want particularly, you will trade yourself a path to it.

The Socialist Approach

When the international soup turns sour, nations often revert back to this system. You crave no ushankas or professionally handmade panamas with over ten thousand weaves per square inch, you just want a hat above your head, and you turn to Robin Walker for this. Unlike the drop system, collecting twenty pieces of candy will give you a paper bag to call your own, shabby though it may be in comparison to those prosperous ‘fros and dazzling cowboy hats. After all, you just want something to put in that hat slot of yours, to utilise this new odd addition to the game, even if you’re not an outstanding member of society who just so happened to be good at making propaganda posters. You hope Valve will instate a New Deal and increase the hat drop rate once again, so that every humble player can feel the thrill of wearing a Rubber Glove on his crown.

The Militaristic Approach

The French philosopher Voltaire once wrote that “Where most states have an army, the Prussian army has a state.” If there will be a mechanic where dominating a player will net you his hat, then I see massive undercover teamstackers who pull a cooperative effort to dominate as many hat-wearers as possible. This includes letting one person mooch off assists and kills on one particular enemy, or ensuring a medic’s assist for as many kills against the enemy team as possible, or even rolling one heavy with six medics. The spoils will then be inventoried and distributed amongst the valiant warriors; their medic gets Joe’s Pickelhaube, the airshotting menace will wear Soldier-Bob’s bloodied Stainless Pot and the seemingly aimbotting Supersniper gets nothing, as everyone who gets a Trophy Belt is unable to appreciate it and will have traded it for some more craven hat.

Ironically, if a dominated player loses their hat (which I don’t see happening), then the Spies are going to rage so hard. They will let it slide for now, but once they meet you again in battle, they will spare no effort in making you pay for your dickery.

The Liberalist Approach

Ah yes, this is how it all went down during the Industrial Revolution in Western Europe. The rich bourgeois had political power and the Poor and Irish (or Belgian, or British) lived under a roof the size of your living room along with their livestock in a street with two hundred of these abodes in a row and no sewage. The wealthy hat-wearing industrialists cheated the analphabetic population and made them work sixteen hours a day… But that was all about food and hygiene! Why should we feel guilty to laugh at those raging over cosmetic items they don’t deserve. It is your opinion that achievement-related hats were an absolute mistake. Yes, a hat that anyone can get destroys all meaning it could’ve had. There’s a reason why the Poor and Irish are Poor and Irish; they can’t be bothered to indulge in repetitive, ungainly labour – or in this case, non-labour; that’s right, no hat-craving pauper has the right to complain if they don’t want to sacrifice something in return, that is to say, the extra large electric bill and a good night’s sleep if they have their computer in their bedroom. So you see, a hat on your head proves that you are a gentleman of fortune, that you care for your country (or online multiplayer game), regardless of ugly worthless halos that you never received. Nevertheless, there are some smelly fortunates who’ve won the lottery and received a hat during their first week of playing pyro, but they be damned. Anomalies happen in capitalism.

Oh, what’s that you say? Twenty energy drinks, but no Bonk Helmet? Well, if you hand them all over to me, I’ll use my own resources to craft three of those helmets you desire so much, and even give one back to you! In fact, if you idle and keep giving all your items to me, you’ll even get a hat from me every once in a while!

The Collectivist Approach

Not to be confused with the Communist Approach, which involves invading Valve HQ and giving everyone every hat, or the Marxist approach, where people go on a hat-strike until all bugs are fixed. A collectivist movement will spring up from the initiative of one man; you, for example. Since hats are so rare, shouldn’t we be enjoying them with our community rather than taunting one another? Obviously lacking physical means of enforcement, you erect a system entirely dependant on good faith; you do not wish to gamble the populace’s hard-earned duplicates away by crafting scrap metal. Rather, you put your money on the random drop system. You recruit a large group of havenots and, preferably, havers and wantmores, and you make them pledge that they will give you all of their hats and continue doing so if they find more. You will then distribute these hats among yourself and those you recruited, and everyone will get a hat they like. Players who turn in lots of hats, be it through stachanov-like idling or Rockefeller-like luck, will even receive a Service Medal they can keep. This system is made to attract idling grandmasters such as Youme who underappreciate every hat they get, and the humble no-hat who is content with little.

Of course, no one ever intends to attract the whining hatless trash but it happens anyway, so there is no guarantee that some unscrupulous person won’t run off with the hat you gave him and will never return it. Furthermore, it is highly unlikely that enough rich men will show up to fund hats for everyone who enlisted, which means you will either have to keep the hats until you have enough, which will lead to suspicion and strikes, or play favourites and give hats to some while the rest still feels cheated. You could also attract have-lots-of-hats by giving them one-of-a-kind items or exclusive rights on your server, thereby fortifying the class struggle you had hoped to combat. No, this system was doomed IRL and it certainly is here.

The Protectionist Approach

You’ve probably noticed how this list went from moderate to extreme. This last entry, though, is not particularly special – in fact, it’s an often recurring element of mercantilism – but it is by far the most successful in its genius simplicity.

Protectionism is the trickery used by the French to make the whole continent unknowingly work their butts off to support their economy. Import of resources is greatly encouraged with state-funded prices but import of products is burdened with heavy tolls. Likewise, export of resources is abolished and exporting handcrafted products is the way to go. You, as a protectionist, take advantage of the populace’s short-sightedness. Many have said that trading will only be good between items and between hats, but crafting changes all that. You craft the first crappy hat you can make with the duplicates lying around in your inventory, and then you auction it to the hatless who will gladly give you every dupe they have for that one hat. You proceed to craft more hats, as that guy’s duplicates tie in nicely with the ones you had left, and you continue to sell that Brigade Helmet for fifteen backburners and sandviches which, combined with the twenty Jarates you got for your Yellow Belt, allow you to make at least five Haggis Hats. The Poor and Irish will come to you because you are that generous person who gives hats away in return for silly duplicates. They will check tf2items and wonder where you get all your hats, and then cease thinking about it when they see that Baker Boy they’ve always wanted! They will even give you their seven Eyelanders, which are still rare so close after the update.

Whether or not you wish to take my advice to heart and become a headwear tycoon, I hope I’ve at least forewarned you as to the tricks of others.

Props to Laerin for three of these pictures

As you’ve all been told thousands of times, this game requires good teamwork if you want to ensure victory for yourself. Some of you might think of teamwork as just running to your teammate’s aid and helping him take out that pyro, or chasing off that pesky scout, or healing him when he’s been clogged up with bullets. There’s more to it than that. It’s the small things that you do that can save time and frustration and lead to better teamwork and victory. When we ignore our team and fail to help them, our victory becomes captured like our control points. Here’s a few tips on what small things you can do to help your teammates:

Self Spy-Checking
Most people out there like to spycheck everyone they meet, mostly Engineers and Snipers. It’s an important tactic that people use to keep themselves and others safe from spies. Make your teammate’s life easier and spy-check yourself for them. That Heavy-Medic pair won’t have to stop and waste time checking you. That Pyro won’t have to run after you to check you. Best of all, your team won’t have to waste their ammo on nothing. Show that you really are on their side. Shoot the floor. Swing your melee weapon over and over. Or if you’re feeling jolly, taunt. Last time I checked, spies can’t do that. By doing this, your team has one less person to check and more time to upgrade that sentry or push forward and capture that point! This is especially useful for lowering the stress for Engineers. Upon approaching their sentry nest, you should always expose yourself as a teammate so that they won’t have to run at you with their wrench and waste time spy-checking you when there might be a real spy around or when they could be upgrading their buildings. Same deal with Snipers, although it might not matter because half the time they’re too busy looking in their scopes to even notice you walk past. Silly Snipers…

Run Towards Your Medic
Well, you just got injured real bad. Who ya’ gonna’ call? The Medic of course. But don’t expect your wonderful doctor to instamatically, automagically pop up right in front of you and hook you up. No sir! When you call for a Medic, save him the extra walk and calmly run up to him. There’s no sense in having your Medic run out into the open and put himself in danger of death by some sniper or scout. Remember, one less Medic means more pain for your team. Oh, and if you get to the Medic, don’t be one of those stupid people who runs circles around him and dies because the doc couldn’t get a fix on you.

Welcoming The New
Face it. It’s happened to us all at least once and will happen again sometime soon. A person new to TF2 joins your team and they’re doing a seriously crap job. They’re dying left and right, wasting ubers, the usual. Do you tell them to GTFO and uninstall the game? Do you tell them to ALT+f4 for free hats? Certainly not. The last thing you’d want to do is to discourage someone from becoming better at a game they seemingly enjoy. We all know the saying “practice makes perfect”, so it’s better to help a new person out then to ridicule them about how much they suck. Why, we all sucked when we first played TF2. And just how did we get so much better? We learned from our mistakes and other players. The next time you see a newbie on your team failing miserably, offer him a few helpful points such as:
• Don’t W+M1.
• Always check for spies.
• Don’t mindlessly charge out into the open.
• Shoot the ground near the enemy as a soldier.
• You can’t use the flamethrower underwater.
• A scout capping a point counts as two players.
You know, normal, everyday things that most players know. Although some may need to get used to the game, others are fast learners and can quickly become a good addition to your team.

Inform Your Team of Their Surroundings
It’s obvious isn’t it? It’s very helpful to inform your teammates of what’s going on around them, whether it be pointing out a spy, notifying your team of a well hidden sniper, or just advising there’s a pyro right around the corner. Telling your Medic with a ready ubercharge that there’s a spy behind him ready to stab will prevent a large amount of frustration. It means a great deal to engineers when you inform them what spies are disguised as and if they’re heading towards them or not. All it takes is simply yelling into your mic or quickly typing up a message in chat. Go with the sure thing. Watch your team’s back, and they’ll watch yours.

Just a couple of these small things can be very helpful to you and your team. Remember them, and a swell victory will be shared between you and your team.

Special Thanks to Tygrys for the gmod pics.

So the new update has been live for a couple of days now. It brought us some cool and highly annoying unlocks (especially the Eyelander – I hate that frickin’ thing) but it also changed the normal TF life for us. And here I want to tell you what has changed for the fire–loving maniac – the Pyro – and some tips on how to better survive in this explosive madness.

Chapter 1: The Black Scotsmen

Well, most importantly, you still have to dodge Grenades and watch out for Sticky carpets. But besides that, the ways of fighting melee Demomen has changed; wild Scotsmen are charging around with their swords and it’s easier to survive the new Sticky Launcher. So let’s get straight to the point.

Eyelander + Chargin’ Targe combo

For some odd reason a WOODEN targe gives the Demoman protection against flames, so forget about using your Flamethrower (but not entirely). First things first: throw away the Flare Gun if you’re using it. Sure, sniping people from far away and pissing off those damned Snipers sure is fun, but it won’t help you defeat the Scotsmen. So instead equip the old but reliable Shotgun and listen to this. When you see a Demoman dumb enough to charge you, let him taste your Shotty. By the time he’s halfway to you he should be pretty much dead. Although if he isn’t, don’t go for a fair melee fight. Step aside and when he flies past you, puff him with your Flamethrower, airblast him, and as he tries to kill some air swinging his sword wildly, run up to him and greet him with your Axtinguisher. Congratulations! You achieved your objective of killing him without him even touching you, and also caused some MASSIVE rage from his side. Even if he has only either the Eyelander or the Chargin’ Targe, the same advice applies.

The Scottish Resistance

Now this one is fun to fight against. You see, the Demoman can’t randomly detonate his Stickies when he has this unlock equipped. He has to actually aim at them. So this gives us a perfect opportunity to pass the field without much fighting. Just check your surroundings and if you don’t see any Demomen staring at the Stickies you’re about to cross, you’re pretty much free to go. If, however, you spot a Demoman who’s seen you there are two ways of dealing with it. First option – find an alternate route. Second option – if he’s close enough, you should try to scare him off with your Shotgun. If he’s within medium range, he’ll retreat after three or four hits screaming for a Medic, and you’ll be free to pass.

Chapter 2: The American Civilian Soldier

Yeah, this fellah here will actually change your play style a little, mainly due to one of his new unlocks – the Direct Hit. This will force you to be a little bit more stealthy than you were before, because you won’t be able to charge around as freely as you could before the update. But… that’s pretty much it. Anyway:

The Direct Hit

As I mentioned before, you will be forced to be more aware of the enemy Soldiers. This is because of the speed at which the missile from this weapon travels and the damage it deals when you’re hit. Sure, it’s still possible to reflect these rockets, but it’s really hard. Think of airblasting a Hunstman arrow. It’s really similar in this case. Second thing – damage. Even when you’ve lost just 30 HP you can be one shotted by the Soldier. Moreover, if you even just jump and the rocket hits you, it will count as an airshot and will give the Soldier a minicrit which will instagib you- even at full health. So pretty much the only semi–safe way of fighting this weapon is by catching Soldiers off guard from a place where they can’t see you or ambushing them. Also, when doing so try to not jump if it’s not necessary. That random rocket may hit you and kill you. You can also try to fight him with your Shotgun at medium range, but it isn’t really effective. So be aware of these enemies, as they’re one of the toughest foes you will run into (for now – until a possible update to the unlocks comes out).

The Equalizer a.k.a. the Imbalizer

Well this one is one hell of a overpowered unlock here. When you’re below 40 HP you instakill every class that has 150 HP and less AND on top of that your speed is raised to that of a Scout. But despite all of that it is pretty easy to fight simply because when you see a Soldier dashing at you with his Equalizer out, you just know that he’s really low on health. So again you pull out your old, reliable Shotgun and load him full of buckshot when he comes into medium range. Usually one shot is more than enough to kill such a threat. However if he catches you off guard at close range you’re pretty much dead unless you have catlike reflexes and you can turn around and kill him in the very second he hits you.

Now before you complain about it in the comments, I didn’t cover the Buff Banner or the Gunboats because they aren’t really weapons. The Buff Banner is a “weapon” that affects teammates so think of it as a glorified Jarate. Fight it the same ways you fight when you’re covered in piss – just hide and wait till the effect wears off and then go and kill ‘em.

So good luck, fellow Pyros, and kill as many of those damned explosive using classes as you can.

Oh, and Merry Christmas from Central Europe to all you Uberchargers out there!

Thanks to Tesla Tank for the title as I couldn’t come up with anything good.

There’s a lot to hate about the Dead Ringer.

It’s widely accepted that most people stopped reliably falling for disguises when looking straight at a player about five days after Team Fortress 2 left closed beta. The disguise isn’t useless, for sure- it keeps sentries from killing you, out of the corner of your eye, if you see the enemy colour you’ll spin around and if you see a friendly you won’t, and in the middle of battle you won’t spy check much. But it’s not as powerful a tool as it used to be, even as it’s tweaked to be more and more believable.

Because of this, a lot of spies use invisibility as their only tool to get behind the enemy and sneak up to their target. If you’re that kind of spy, you’ll probably have dismissed the Dead Ringer right away. Not only can you not uncloak near your target without an ear splitting racket giving you away, but you can’t cloak at will and if you’re even a single percent under full cloak, you can’t cloak at all. With either other watch, uncloaking is still annoyingly loud, but it can be drowned out to some extent by the sounds of battle. And with those watches, even a silver of cloak is enough to make you invisible for at least a moment.

However, the main problem I’ve always had with the Dead Ringer is that it’s so buggy it makes the backstab look accurate.

It often seems to have a delay between when it pops open and when it’s actually going to activate. It will extinguish flames, but Jarate stays on you. You can refill from dispensers, but no shimmer and damage reduction stop after 6.5 seconds. If someone activates your Dead Ringer, it counts as killing you while invisible and gives out false achievements. Ragdoll physics snap in half when the DR is involved. And last but not least, it hands out false dominations and revenges. Dominating a DR spy? Well if you activate his DR, it might just say you got revenge on him. One kill away from a domination on a player and they activate your DR? Well now they’re apparently dominating you, and they just earned Ghastly Gibus Grab. And this is leaving aside the problem of lag causing you to be killed after your Dead Ringer has come up because their bullets are compensated and your watch is not.

But obviously I like the Dead Ringer, or I wouldn’t have made a cheap Dr. Strangelove reference in the title. So what’s so good about it that I can get over all those problems? Two things.

The first thing is that the Dead Ringer allows you to play as aggressively as you want. With the invisibility watch, once you stab someone mid-battle you’re most likely dead. The glut of other enemies hanging around will make it hard to escape even if you do cloak up, because splash or stray bullets will reveal you and tear you to bits. With the Cloak and Dagger, playing aggressively is basically the devil, since it’ll take you an age and a half to get over to enemy lines again, and with the normal watch you likely won’t manage to stay invisible long enough to lose the heat even if you do escape the scene (which you probably won’t.)

However, if you’re using the Dead Ringer, you can stab whenever you feel like it. Sniper with Soldiers hanging around? Big deal. Stab the Sniper and make your escape. Heavy tearing up your team, but with an attentive Medic ready to milk you for an uber? No uber for him, you’ll be gone after one hit. The Dead Ringer is untouchable when it comes to escapes. While some of the enemies will suspect you’re faking it, a lot of them are going to fall for the fake death. Fire is extinguished when it activates, damage is toned down so stray bullets are unlikely to kill you, and most importantly, being damaged won’t cause any flicker effect.

And with that point we come to the second thing, and the reason for the first part of the title. The Dead Ringer gives you FULL invisibility. There’s no “translucent outline” like when you try to sneak around with no cloak using the Cloak and Dagger, no team-coloured shadow like when a wild minigun bullet clips you with normal watches, and short of fire and jarate, nothing in the world is going to show anyone where you are outside of them walking straight into you- and as far the game tells them, you’re dead and gone. And even if you are aflame and being chased by an angry Pyro, the damage resistance means you’ve got a very good chance of surviving until your cloak runs out, giving you six and a half seconds to get back to your team, which last time I checked was about 6.45 seconds more than the normal watch will buy you if you’re on fire.

So yes, you might be a little less in control of your invisibility with the Dead Ringer, and you might be tied to metal more, but to me, that’s a fair price to pay to completely disappear when I hit right click.

Know yourself and know your enemy and in a hundred battles you will be victorious. - Sun Tzu

Yes. What the old Chinese said also applies to Team Fortress 2. More specifically if you know what your enemy will fall for, you already have an advantage.
Basicly fooling your enemy helps you win a battle in a dynamic and, sometimes normally otherwise lost, battle. It’s been countless of times I’ve won a nearly lost battle just by knowing that my enemy will chase after me and preparing a fast ambush at a better position for him.
Now straight to the point.

Fooling tactic # 1 – corners

The most efficient, in my opinion, way of giving you the upper hand in a close fight. What you do here is pretend to retreat while gaining a better position to attack your enemy and making him think you’re in a pretty bad shape or out of ammo or both. I’ll give you an example: I’m a RED Pyro running to B to get rid of those pesky BLU’s on point B. I run to B from my spawn through the left entrance when I encounter a BLU Scout heading my way from the direction of the rocks behind B. Now here I shoot a couple of shots at him with my Shotgun to get his attention. When he gets closer and damages me a bit I fall back to the entrance where I was previously running through pretending to retreat. Most likely the Scout WILL chase after me as he wants me really dead (and that kill point too). When I’m sure the Scout won’t see me I stop retreating and prepare for an ambush. Just as the Scout passes me by I flame him with my Flamethrower and finish him off with the Axtinguisher. Simple as that.

Fooling tactic # 2 – fake voice commands

Many people forget about this one but it’s as viable as all other tactics mentioned here. Now you may think most people will not fall for it but surprisingly many people actually get caught with their pants down by doing this. What you do here is really simple – you fool your foe by giving him a fake information which he’ll most likely rely on. For example – hit Z + 5 to say “Go Right” while you go in the exact opposite direction. What it will cause is your enemy going to your left because he heard you saying that. In the meantime you can get on his flank without him even noticing it and giving you a huge advantage in a fight. Really similar thing applies to faking the Ubercharge. Just hit X + 8 and you’ll see enemy reacting to your movements at the very least a little bit different because they think you have that tool of destruction of yours in your hands. What this will this cause is enemies seeking for cover as there’s no direct technique to combat an Ubercharge than to hide behind cover and wait for the Ubercharge to pass. This gives you a more freely movement on the battlefield for about 20 seconds as this is the time for the enemy to know that you actually don’t have that Ubercharge but it’s more than enough to get better positions than you’d get when “normally” coming out on them. Just make sure you don’t make it super obvious yelling “I am charged!” and doing nothing in a middle of a fight.

Fooling tactic # 3 – decoys & distractions

This is a more team oriented tactic as it involves multiple teammates for it to work. I’ll take Gravel Pit as my example map once again (pretty basic one though). You’re BLU and you can not get rid of that pesky Sentry on B and time is running out. What you do here is send a couple of teammates (preferably 3) to the point where enemies defense is weaker and force them to get reinforcements from the second point, in this case A. If your enemy falls for it most likely B is now guarded by an Engineer with his Sentry and an optional other teammate. This is the time when a Spy (or a Soldier/Demoman) comes into action. Now that the Sentry is only guarded by those two people it’s easier for a Spy to get to the Sentry and sap it. As the Spy saps the Sentry, rest of your team should be now running towards B to help your Spy destroy the Sentry (if the Sentry is in a bad position you can optionally spam it to death with rockets/grenades). Your enemy knows now that you’re on B but they can’t send all of their units to help defend it because they still have problems on A (if your decoys are good enough of course). Even if they send all of their units to get rid of the enemies B and eventually kill them all, there’s a high possibility that you’ll capture A as there’s no opposition and the point itself is half captured. So you will either get A or B. Nonetheless you achieved your goal of receiving extra time to capture that second point.
Distracting an enemy from a flanking teammate also works wonders. Sandvich Heavy paired with a Soldier or a Pyro can also wreak some serious havoc if a couple of foes try to kill your Heavy.

Fooling tactic # 4 – luring

There’s nothing more useful than a Scout with a brain which helps his teammates kill their enemies. I’m bringing out the Scout here because apparently he’s the best luring unit out there, especially with the BONK! Yes, I know… Everyone will say BONK! is useless but believe me – it isn’t. It can assure you that someone will follow you after you use it because everyone is aware of the slowdown effect after using it. So use it to your advantage! Locate a nearby friendly Sentry or a Heavy in a tight area and lure a group of enemies into its range of fire. Sure, it will work only once but you have accomplished your goal. You helped your team kill a couple of enemies which could make it possible for them to capture a control point or capture enemy intel. The same can do any other fast class – Pyros, Spies, Medics, Snipers and Engies. Just go out there and get their attention and run like hell to your teammates. They sure will be grateful for your help as the enemy going after a easy kill forgets about his surroundings and easily gets caught in an ambush.

But the most important is…

… teamwork! I haven’t discovered anything new here but with teamwork these tactics can be even more effective than done alone. Fact is that your team can combine all of these four tactics they can assure you a total victory. So pay attention to what your teammates are doing and try to cooperate with them as much as you can. I can assure you that in the game of TEAM Fortress it will help you because these tips alone can’t win you a game and so can’t you alone.

That’s all for the fooling tactics that I know at least. I’m sure there are plenty more of them and plenty more variations of them but these are the most important in my opinion. Make sure to combine them and cooperate with your teammates when using them and surely you will have more successes than loses.