ubercharged.net

I’ll be brutally honest. I really have no idea how to start this one. This is always something that bugs me whenever I sit down to write something; how do you interest your audience whilst having it not sound inappropriate, without simply using “I’ll get right down to it”? Maybe I’m just obsequious to form, but heck with that, I really have no idea where to begin.

/lampshading

Anyway, there have been a few bits about TF2 nibbling at my ankles, some for quite a while, and some just recently coming into play. Whilst they’re not super important, they’re certainly things I’d like to see added, perhaps with an option to turn them off (although I don’t see why you’d ever want them off, unlike the dingalings).

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Frontier Justice crit activation

This one is fairly recent, given the weapon I’m talking about.
What I want is an action that allows you to toggle on/off any crits you’ve earned for the Justice, using mouse2 (or whatever weird key you have bound to +attack2, you nerd). It’s not a terribly huge deal, but (for example) sometimes I want to take a couple of potshots at enemies far away without wasting my crits, given that there’s less reasons around to use the Luger nowadays…

How it would work: This would start as normal – you’d have crits for your shotgun whenever you’ve earned them, but if you hit mouse2, they’ll shut off until you click it again.

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Invisibility and Dead Ringer icons

Spy is the one class where I always have viewmodels on. This is not to help time melee hits; rather, it’s because I don’t use the class icons on my fairly toasty HUD, and the only way to assure whether you have invisibility on is with the cloak bar, which is odd with the C&D.

Not only that, but I’d like a way to determine whether I have my Dead Ringer out or not, if I so choose to play without viewmodels.

How it would work: Perhaps have the cloak meter glow when you are fully invisible, and have a little cross on it when you’re only semi-invisible? Apart from that, have a Dead Ringer icon next to it whenever you have yours out, and perhaps just an outline when you don’t.

This may be a little confusing for new players though, so I’d just add it as a command that’s off by default.

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Syringe count

It’s just a pet peeve, but I’m someone who uses syringes a fair lot when they actually DO play Medic, blutsauger included.

I also, however, like to heal as much as possible for my charge, so sometimes I’m not so sure if I’ve reloaded yet before hitting a target with the beam. So…

How it would work: Show the syringe count, no matter which weapon you have out. Maybe keep the uber meter permanently on too.

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Grids for Engineers

This is slightly harder to do. In essence, I often find myself spending a second or two more than I’d like aligning my buildings to things like a corner, or just on a cliff, of sorts.

So , you could have the Engineer automatically align his building to the ledge or against the wall in a gridlike section, but the trouble lies with when you want it set diagonally, or don’t want it perfectly on edge.

How it would work: I think it would be handy to have an option that allows this ability. Just a simple console command to give people the choice, off by default, and with which they can script without having to add something silly to the game like +attack3 or +alt2 or anything.

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Glowing bars for items that recharge

Take Jarate, or Bonk, or even the Sandvich now. While the “ding” it makes is a nice touch, sometimes you miss it. Sometimes the bar glitches out and shows that it’s full regardless of the fact that you just used the item.

So here’s a little idea I had: make the bar that shows how far it’s recharged glimmer for a second when you’re fully charged. This would apply to Bonk!, the Sandman, the Banner, stickies, the Targe, the Sandvich, ubers, Jarate, and the spy watches; a sizable portion of weapons.

How it would work: Just a blink of light, maybe a second or so in duration. Alternatively, make the bar turn a different color like green, or make it blink green.

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They’re not very big issues, I’ll admit, but to paraphrase Mr. Croshaw, the niggly little bits in a game which one plays a lot come back to annoy you.

I’ll agree, it’s probably best not to complicate things too much. The thing is, sometimes it’s better to just have a console command for those people who don’t want/need such options, as keeping them out of the multiplayer advanced menu makes it simpler for new players. Some of them, such as the item recharge bar glowing, don’t really need this, while some (like the Engineer grid) do, if there’s any chance at all some people don’t want them.

Anyway, part II will be here at some point. For the time being, anyone got any little things they think would be a good addition to TF2?

sometimes I want to take a couple of potshots at enemies far away without wasting my crits, given that there’s less reason to use the Luger nowadays.

Ibuprofen from the forums continues to do our job for us with this amusing image breaking down the appeal of each Team Fortress 2 class:

Thanks to Bazinga for sending this in. YouTube user thejazzman9475 has been hard at work creating some of the best TF2 videos ever made. Ever. So far, they’re unfinished, but they’re already dripping with freshly painted win.

There are a couple other ones in the works too, featuring the Pyro, the Sniper, and the Engineer. There’s also one with a surprisingly risqué Heavy/Medic pairs dance sequence. I, for one, can’t wait for these to be finished.

Rage. It causes servers to empty, people to get banned, and competitive teams to break up. Team Fortress 2 probably spawns a little more rage than the average shooter, since it has a heavy focus on teamplay. Clutch plays are more difficult in TF2 than in other games, so if your team sucks, you’re going to get burned for it, even if you’re good.

That said, the root of rage, then, is a feeling that you didn’t deserve to die. This often arises from the fact that certain weapons allow players who lack your level of skill to kill you anyway.

I hereby dedicate this article to the idiot who came up with the Sandman. Please don’t pass your genes on to the next generation, whoever you are.

Honorable Mention: Backburner

Well, in light of the fact that there are MANY rageworthy ways to die in TF2, let’s give a quick shoutout to one that doesn’t make the top 5 list: the Backburner. There’s no airblast on this thing, and it has a good damage boost over the regular flame thrower.

Come on. This thing has W+M1 written all over it.

Which is why dying to a Backburner user feels extraordinarily humiliating. When fighting regular Pyros as Soldier, I usually wait until they airblast and then fire a rocket, or fire slightly to the side of the Pyro so that the rocket can’t be reflected back at me. However, you can’t quite tell which variety they’re using when they’re charging at you, and if you use the aforementioned fancy tactics, you’ll take much more damage than you deserve to take.

And before someone asks about the Sandman, it’s not on this list either, though at one point, it would have been. Heavy nerfing has (fortunately) caused the use of the Sandman to drop to near zero.

5. Level 1 Sentry

If you die to one of these, it’s all your fault. Sorry. As if the beep-beep sound isn’t enough to tip you off, it also takes a few seconds to kill you. That’s usually ample time to figure out where the infernal construction is (hell, you even get little directional hit graphics on the screen to tip you off) and get behind cover.

That doesn’t make it any less irritating when you die to one. Like the Backburner, it takes little skill to set up a Sentry. When an Engineer sets one up in the middle of a fierce firefight, he’s almost guaranteed to get some kills, since people greatly misunderestimate the Sentry’s killing potential. I feel that Level 1 Sentry-based rage arises from the fact that to a Ninjaneer, the Sentry is entirely disposable. It takes five seconds to set one up, and it just doesn’t matter when one goes down. There’s just no satisfaction in taking a Level 1 Sentry down, since in the long run, it changes nothing.

4. Reflected Rocket (when you didn’t fire it)

So when you die to one of these, you just don’t deserve it. At all. It’s only thanks to that dumbass Soldier on your team that your virtual body is lying in little bloody giblets. I mean, seriously, why did he have to spam the rocket? You were going to kill the Pyro anyway. Gosh.

It’s definitely quite lulzworthy when you’re the Pyro who got the kill, though. Vid courtesy of TMP, who gets one too many of these kills on me.

3. Facestab

Well, this one’s a glitch that supposedly was fixed innumerable times. It’s a more-or-less unavoidable side-effect of lag compensation, with the game corresponding the position of the knife at some point in time with the position of the back at a different point in time. It’s still a pretty big issue, and is probably a meme by this point.

Yup, it's a meme.

Unfortunately, I’m almost always on the receiving end of these buggers. Yet another reason to hate AT&T and its disadvantageous DSL.

2. Random Critical

Along with the Sandman, this is definitely not one of the TF2 team’s best brainwaves. Random crits cut fun and intense firefights short; they’re very unsatisfying to get kills with (since you didn’t really deserve the kill), and they’re positively rageworthy when you get killed  by one.

The principle behind the crit is reasonable, I suppose. It’s basically there so that unskilled players or a losing team can tip the balance. What the TF2 team probably didn’t grasp is the fact that they act both ways; both teams can get crits. Crits don’t make a last-stage offensive on Dustbowl any easier.

Crits are almost always disabled in tournaments (with the exception of some BS tourneys, notably the Escapist tournament last year). While situational criticals do make for some excellent strategy ( they’re the only reason the Kritzkrieg and the Backburner make any sense, after all), random criticals are just downright painful.

The fact is, whatever arguments you might make for why the critical hit is good absolutely vanish when you walk around a corner into the face of a crocket.

1. Natascha

Sometimes, when I’m going around kicking ass as Scout (in truth, this doesn’t happen very often), I hear a dakka-dakka sound, and my heart sinks.

Look at that smug face. There’s just nothing to love about this weapon when you’re on the receiving end. Consider this from the point of view of a Scout fighting a Heavy. At close range, where the Scout actually can do significant damage, the Minigun will rip the Scout to pieces; at that kind of range, the Heavy definitely has the upper hand in terms of damage output. So the only chance a Scout has is to dance around the Heavy landing meatshots.

The Natascha, in spite of the damage reduction, is still a solid upgrade. If the Heavy catches the Scout in his sights for even a split second, the slowdown will kick in and the Scout will be finished. Against all other classes, the Natascha fairs comparably well. The slowdown makes it far easier for one to keep their sights squared on the enemy. In addition – and very importantly – it keeps enemies in the open. The best way to take down a Heavy is to fire off some shots and then dart back into cover, but the Natascha makes this an impossibility, making potential assailants sitting ducks for the rest of the Heavy’s team. In fact, there are only two scenarios where a Natascha-wielding Heavy will be at a disadvantage–when attacking sentries and when in open combat with another Heavy–and in practice, these are fairly uncommon.

Until this thing’s slowdown is nerfed, the Natascha will remain grossly overpowered and pathetically easy to use. The Natascha is TF2’s equivalent of the CSS autoshotty – the perfect n00bcannon. As long as it stays that way, it will continue to irritate people.

Plus, I mean, the Natascha is the Heavy’s mistress. You don’t want to encourage infidelity, do you?

Every once and a while, a video shows up that’s so good that we’re willing to risk the reader’s ire by putting up another video post. This is definitely one of those videos.

Quick update: The creator has uploaded a comparison reel, for those who didn’t see the original trailer or who just wanted to be even more blown away by the shot-for-shot accuracy.

It is with considerable trepidation that I publish the following announcement, issued by the Administrator for the attention of all readers of Ubercharged.net.

For the immediate attention of all employees

Underlings,

You will recall when, eight months ago and against my better instinct, I relaxed the dress code for company employees. More specifically, I removed the ban on non-practical headgear (a rule that certain employees never took with the deadly sincerity it was meant). This was an act of incredible generosity on my part, and I am sure I need not strain my typewriting muscles with the unnecessary addendum that such acts are not in my nature. Bearing this in mind, it is with the utmost disappointment that I must inform you that a number of employees are already abusing their privileges. Privileges that I may revoke at any time.

As your Administrator, I remind you that I am always watching, and it has consequently come to my attention that many of you have begun to wear headwear that can only be described as inappropriate. There appears to be a mistaken assumption in the workplace that hats bestow a certain authority to the wearer, and any such garment, regardless of how idiotic it appears to all sane personnel, is inherently dignified. Let me tell you in no uncertain terms that this assumption is categorically false. I therefore remind you that none of you has any dignity or authority whatsoever and the only reverence you should be showing is to be directed at me, your employer. An employer that needs no absurd headwear to convey their absolute disdain and anger at those of you who continue to busy themselves with ridiculous accessories.

My assistant reliably informs me that the “Hallowe’en Event” of last year was “fun” and “team-building”, terms which do not feature in my vocabulary, although I was assured they were constructive. As part of this event, our supplier issued many of you with antique opera hats, which, although utterly tasteless and dreadful in every way, were apparently “festive”. At the behest of my advisers, who have subsequently found themselves sealed in disused mine shafts, I allowed you to wear them. To my considerable bafflement, an alarming number of you continue to wear these ghastly accoutrements three months down the line. Although my own observations have not noticed a lack of productivity as a direct result of this, be advised that I am hereby cutting leisure time allowances, effective immediately, just to make sure.

In addition, reports from company medical and psychiatric staff have informed me that there is a sickening tide of what they risibly term “hatmania” among the workforce. An increasing number of individuals are concerning themselves with their headgear to an unhealthy extent. As you are, without exception, third-rate pond scum, I do not trouble myself with your many trivial obsessions. Until, that is, they preclude the efficient completion of the jobs you are being paid to complete. I hereby insist that you cease this foolish blathering about hats and helmets and get back to work before I am forced to “motivate” you. I have received reports of employees (now detained for their own protection) crudely fixing makeshift structures of scrap metal to their foreheads and earnestly telling their bemused comrades that it is a fedora. You will not be so fortunate.

Internal Communications have received countless complaints from some of you that my uncharacteristic charity in repealing the ban, and making the headgear catalogue of our esteemed partners at Mann Co. available to you was somehow not enough. “No,” they bawl like disgusting infants. “You have not given me a hat of my own!”

I consider it my duty as Administrator to respond to such grievances personally, and rest assured all those who complained have been transported to the nearest gravel pit and their heads furnished with small metal accessories by my personal security detail.

As for the rest of you, I end this note by reminding you that you are bloodthirsty mercenaries who are only saved from a life of asylums, prison camps and early death by your employers, who expect you to perform your jobs with complete dedication, and have absolutely no requirements to maintain your basic human rights.

Now, get out of my sight

- The Administrator

PS- All employees are reminded that Mann Co Camera Beard technology is to be used only for work-related espionage and not for the impersonation of historical figures. Henceforth anyone in breach of this will be subject to strict disciplinary action.

You have been warned.

Thanks to Tygrys for another brilliant image of horrible, yet entirely deserved, slaughter.

Indulge me dear reader; just the other day I was playing a game of Team Fortress Two with my good companion Sir Tygrys when an observation was made. Checking the scoreboards, one notices that many of you are sporting digital avatars that are ill-fitting for such a Gentle Manne’s game.

Now perhaps you can get away with this shameful display on other counties of the Internet, but this is Ubercharged; my companion and I agreed we must do something about it.

And so Sir Tygrys, being a master of the arts, began work producing a collection of Team Fortress 2 inspired portraits tailored for Gentle Menne with an eye for the latest in style. Before presentation I must insist that neither of us will be held responsible if, upon glancing these works of art, your monocle falls into your tea.

But without further ado allow me to present to you our works, complete with the accompanying press release from the newly formed T&T Industries:

T&T Industries is happy to announce the release of our very own avatar pack, more precisely the ‘T&T Industries Classy Classes Avatar Pack’.

This pack was specially designed for all of you who understand the need to be classy in all your digital ventures. This splendid pack comes in two styles: BLU and RED, to suit individual customer preferences. You will find that they have been readily scaled down to 184×184 pixels, so they are immediately ready to use on Steam the very moment you download them to your drive.

All of these spiffing avatars were made by two masters of fine art – Sir Tygrys Murdock and Sir Tesla Sherbonk, with extra thanks to Sir Dont for improving the quality of the original images. Should you encounter either of them during your exploits in digital space, be sure to bid them thanks; they’ll be ecstatic to hear their work is appreciated.

Now go ahead and enjoy this fine art as we have prepared for you.

Remember our motto – quality is of the utmost importance and we strive to satisfy all of our customers.

Signed: T&T Industries Chairman of marketing

Willbur McTrackingster

You can download the newly improved v2 pack HERE, thanks to our friend Dont. You may also wish peruse the full sized imagery whilst you await the cheeseboard. Lastly, to those of you whom have no interest in showing some class, may I perchance interest you in a job sweeping out my chimney?

There’s a lot to hate about the Dead Ringer.

It’s widely accepted that most people stopped reliably falling for disguises when looking straight at a player about five days after Team Fortress 2 left closed beta. The disguise isn’t useless, for sure- it keeps sentries from killing you, out of the corner of your eye, if you see the enemy colour you’ll spin around and if you see a friendly you won’t, and in the middle of battle you won’t spy check much. But it’s not as powerful a tool as it used to be, even as it’s tweaked to be more and more believable.

Because of this, a lot of spies use invisibility as their only tool to get behind the enemy and sneak up to their target. If you’re that kind of spy, you’ll probably have dismissed the Dead Ringer right away. Not only can you not uncloak near your target without an ear splitting racket giving you away, but you can’t cloak at will and if you’re even a single percent under full cloak, you can’t cloak at all. With either other watch, uncloaking is still annoyingly loud, but it can be drowned out to some extent by the sounds of battle. And with those watches, even a silver of cloak is enough to make you invisible for at least a moment.

However, the main problem I’ve always had with the Dead Ringer is that it’s so buggy it makes the backstab look accurate.

It often seems to have a delay between when it pops open and when it’s actually going to activate. It will extinguish flames, but Jarate stays on you. You can refill from dispensers, but no shimmer and damage reduction stop after 6.5 seconds. If someone activates your Dead Ringer, it counts as killing you while invisible and gives out false achievements. Ragdoll physics snap in half when the DR is involved. And last but not least, it hands out false dominations and revenges. Dominating a DR spy? Well if you activate his DR, it might just say you got revenge on him. One kill away from a domination on a player and they activate your DR? Well now they’re apparently dominating you, and they just earned Ghastly Gibus Grab. And this is leaving aside the problem of lag causing you to be killed after your Dead Ringer has come up because their bullets are compensated and your watch is not.

But obviously I like the Dead Ringer, or I wouldn’t have made a cheap Dr. Strangelove reference in the title. So what’s so good about it that I can get over all those problems? Two things.

The first thing is that the Dead Ringer allows you to play as aggressively as you want. With the invisibility watch, once you stab someone mid-battle you’re most likely dead. The glut of other enemies hanging around will make it hard to escape even if you do cloak up, because splash or stray bullets will reveal you and tear you to bits. With the Cloak and Dagger, playing aggressively is basically the devil, since it’ll take you an age and a half to get over to enemy lines again, and with the normal watch you likely won’t manage to stay invisible long enough to lose the heat even if you do escape the scene (which you probably won’t.)

However, if you’re using the Dead Ringer, you can stab whenever you feel like it. Sniper with Soldiers hanging around? Big deal. Stab the Sniper and make your escape. Heavy tearing up your team, but with an attentive Medic ready to milk you for an uber? No uber for him, you’ll be gone after one hit. The Dead Ringer is untouchable when it comes to escapes. While some of the enemies will suspect you’re faking it, a lot of them are going to fall for the fake death. Fire is extinguished when it activates, damage is toned down so stray bullets are unlikely to kill you, and most importantly, being damaged won’t cause any flicker effect.

And with that point we come to the second thing, and the reason for the first part of the title. The Dead Ringer gives you FULL invisibility. There’s no “translucent outline” like when you try to sneak around with no cloak using the Cloak and Dagger, no team-coloured shadow like when a wild minigun bullet clips you with normal watches, and short of fire and jarate, nothing in the world is going to show anyone where you are outside of them walking straight into you- and as far the game tells them, you’re dead and gone. And even if you are aflame and being chased by an angry Pyro, the damage resistance means you’ve got a very good chance of surviving until your cloak runs out, giving you six and a half seconds to get back to your team, which last time I checked was about 6.45 seconds more than the normal watch will buy you if you’re on fire.

So yes, you might be a little less in control of your invisibility with the Dead Ringer, and you might be tied to metal more, but to me, that’s a fair price to pay to completely disappear when I hit right click.

Yesterday, 8:30 am. We were already done with out group drills and were onto individual exercises. There I was, trying to maintain a decent sentry, under suppressive fire. But that was not the goal of the exercise.

You see, each of us has to be trained to react, to certain situations, in the blink of an eye. All this sustained fire was for distracting me from the focus, the climax of the exercise: the sentry exit.

A time comes in a sentries life when little balls with sticky spiky ends begin accumulating under its steel legs. One sticky, two sticky – you are too late!  A good engineer does not count stickies but abandons ship and jumps away as soon as possible. That was what I was being conditioned with.

Others get their own exercises. For example that ape, Heavy, has to keep moving and dodging without thinking. Oh wait, he does not think usually. So his exercises makes him think AND dodge.

He has to play chess, against a chess robot *ahem* I designed. Out in the open with several snipers trying to put an arrow into his big but mushy head. Oh and he has to carry a drunk Demoman, who has to be taken to the bathroom every so often – or he will relieve himself atop Heavy, who has to beat the chess robot and keep that alcohol drenched (did I mention also flammable?) Scot alive. You will notice the automated chess player is made up of body parts belonging to a former employee of ours. A former employee who was “check mated”.

Then, Pyro, that freak has it easy. She’s told that one of our spawn rooms is infested with butterflies and she has to stay in there until she torches them all. In reality there are no butterflies, her goggles are so dirty that anywhere she looks she sees little random dots around her. She goes on for hours before her gas and her battery dies out. The Administrator thought of this unique exercise to wear her out, or else that hyperactive wacko won’t let anyone sleep during the mandatory afternoon recess (once she mumbled the first two seconds of TF2 theme over and over for two hours!). Of course our beloved and resourceful Administrator would not let go of all that gas and physical enthusiasm.

The “Butterfly Room”, shortly after its inception, became a conditioning training ground for Spy. He has to stay cloaked, and, do I really need to say, unlit, until “all the butterflies are cleared” (in Pyro’s head, they may be, quite literally). Of course that would be too easy. He also has to listen to and memorize the “Shakespeariclesean Play of the Day” on the radio (his watch can pick up AM radio stations, I swear, it’s true!). Then he has to re-enact flawlessly the whole play for us and the Administrator, in the cafeteria before lunch is served. One slip of the tongue, he gets a lashing, and his meal is given to Heavy (who still eats the plates and the silverware out of hunger anyway).

Ah yes, what was I saying? Oh yes, the sentry exit yesterday. I was fixing my sentry. My senses were keen, my eyes sharp. There came the first sticky. My cue to dash out. But I could not get out in time.

See, ever since last Saturday’s Cafeteria update (which is an internal update, you would not  know), the quality of food drastically increased, with fewer poisonings and reduced occurrence of bloody diarrhoea. I have been told that my figure was getting a bit rounder and softer. So there I was, short of breath, trying to get my chubby buttocks over the dispenser. I got fat! Ah, big time fail.

I am a practical man. Not a muscle man. I am not going to the gym (it smells anyway). I shall have my food, AND my exit. I have been thinking since yesterday and I thought I would share my solution with you.

First I wanted to design a spring board that would eject me up, and away. But obviously flying and falling on a full tummy is neither fun nor a pleasant sight. Then I came up with a fun idea; my own little air compressor gun!

It kind of works like Pyro’s airblast, but more precise. Imagine a thin stream of compressed air. No? Then imagine relieving your bowels through a thin, long pipe. Fun, right?

From early field trials, I can happily say that it can push stickies far far away, and reflect rockets and arrows alike. It is a bit too precise to push back people or put out flames, but that was not the point anyway. Oh and I added a kicker – an air horn! When my tank is full of compressed air I can let it out through the horn and WHHAAAA? Everyone around me is startled. Some jump up, turn around in sudden excitement, or twitch and fire their weapons. I have seen heavies revving up their guns nervously, demos blowing up their stickies prematurely, and spies uncloaking accidentally.

I am not sure if the Administrator is going let me keep it. If worst comes to worst I will be assigned “Officer for Bathroom Hygiene” for a month. Not as bad as “Manager of TP Recycling”, the title Scout held for 11 months, for “portraying the Administrator in negative light via spoken language”.

Alas, there is a price to pay for every single thing that is fun.

And such is life.

Seriously, I am truly surprised that this piece of pure win has only got 800 odd views.