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Ibuprofen from the forums continues to do our job for us with this amusing image breaking down the appeal of each Team Fortress 2 class:

Some of you may have heard that CEVO is banning the Sandman, Natascha, and the Wrangler for the upcoming season, a decision that’s met with a lot of controversy. The arguments against banning them are rather obvious, but between CEVO’s forum and a topic on our own forum, a few excellent explanations have popped up to explain why they’ve chosen to ban these weapons

Starting off general with a theme that covers two of these bans, from Ubercharged forum member ibuprofen:

Didn’t the competitive scene say that Scouts are borderline overpowered?

The quote was that Scout is the only “borderline overpowered” class. This means that if a player can hit every meatshot, He is overpowered compared to any other class that can get every shot, i.e a Sniper getting headshots with every shot will not be as effective as a Scout hitting every shot.

Also, for those who don’t agree with Natascha being banned, think of it like this. There are 5 combat classes on a team of 6. One of them is running Natascha. This player has begun to attack an enemy. This enemy’s mobility is now non-existent. Not only can they not escape, but they are a piss easy target for the 4 other players on a team. Competitive players aren’t like your usual pub player; we hit our shots. Therefore, imagine being the enemy when a single bullet begins a cycle of helplessness.

TF2 is a game of momentum and mobility. If one player can destroy the mobility of every class on the enemy team, that team will probably take mid and gain major momentum. This is a major game breaker. Note how every class (not Medic obviously) that is standard in comp play is extremely maneuverable or has a method of gaining instant mobility.

A response to “Well, can’t the enemy just use a Sniper and easily counter the Heavy using Natascha?” again from ibuprofen.

OK, I’ll break it down for you to understand it better.

The Sniper’s advantage is that he can eliminate targets from range. His damage does not amplify depending on distance. He is able to get “picks;” kills that allow the pushing team an advantage of having a player over them. The best “pick” is a medic pick, where a medic is eliminated from the enemy team. Snipers can do this at a range, which is why they are favorable. However, this is the only thing they are able to do; frag. Scouts can frag as well. However, Scouts move extremely fast, have a double jump, are able to outmaneuverer explosives classes and fight through spam. They can also avoid a Soldier juggle. Scouts can insert themselves into a battle, complete their objective, and remove themselves just as easily and quickly. Scouts capture at 2x the regular rate. A Sniper can do none of these things.

The mid fight is very important in competitive play, because the game is about momentum, as I mentioned. However, problematically, the Sniper is always late to the mid fight, which means the team’s Scout has a 1v2 fight at mid against the other team’s scouts. He also has to protect the team’s Demo and flank the enemy Demo, both of which are at mid. If you just don’t run scouts at all, first of all, your team’s Demo is dead instantly. Second, by the time your powerhouse gets to the fight, the point is already half capped. Thirdly, the enemy Demo will have stickies up the exits, trapping the combo. The enemy scouts will also have an advantage on the flank, etc.. etc… the list goes on. So, the team’s Scout is fucked at mid when you’re running a Sniper, jeopardizing the mid fight. That’s point #1.

The Sniper must be protected at all times. If a Soldier knocks him up in the air with a rocket, there is literally NOTHING the Sniper can do, as he cannot scope in nor outstrafe the extremely easily second rocket to complete the juggle. If the Sniper is ambushed from a blind spot by a Scout, he is dead before he came humanly react. Before you say, NO NO I’M A 1337 SNIPER I GET ALL THE SHOTS, keep in mind it takes 200ms for your shots to register as 150dmg headshots and not as null 50dmg bodyshots regardless. Add reaction time and lag (avg on central servers is 70ms) and you begin to realize how weak the Sniper is. The enemy team has TWO of these flanking classes, so if they ambush you at the same time, which they often do, you are dead before you can kill either. So essentially, you’re playing two classes down when you run a Sniper, since one has to babysit him. That is point #2.

The Sniper can do 150dmg a pop with a quickscope. This takes out unbuffed Scouts and Medics. In less time than it takes to do this, a Scout can deal two meatshots. Therefore, in the same time, the Scout could have killed any Scout (Buffed or otherwise), a Medic, an unbuffed Soldier, an unbuffed Demo, and put a buffed Demo in red to be pistoled easily. The Sniper can charge up, however, for 450 dmg. However, this takes four seconds. In these four seconds, the Scout can have popped out much more than 450 dmg. This is point #3.

Moving on to the Wrangler, here again from ibuprofen

This is just typical competitive crap. Why would a competitive clan/league or whatever ban weapons that provide a TACTICAL ADVANTAGE. Nat Heavies can be damn useful in a defense. The Sandman was damn useful before it got nerfed to oblivion and The Wrangler opened up a new skillset for the Engie.

This is what I don’t understand about competitive teams, they’re always banging on about skill yet when a weapon comes along that gives less experienced players an advantage over them, they’re quick to call for nerfs and bans as opposed to – oh I dunno… avoiding them?

I talked about the Natascha early on, but on the Wrangler, it makes a lot of sense. I’m not going to go to far into it, but in competitive play, sentries exist only to make enemies pop their uber early. Picture the Badlands choke when the offensive team is pushing out from yard after losing the mid fight. They have to fight uphill (THE worst position you could ever be in) and it is a back and forth struggle to peak out and get a pick so that their team could move in. Players flank from the house and scouts sneak in from the back side to ninja cap.

Now, what the team that has middle can do is they can run an Engineer and set up a level 3 sentry on the train car and wrangle it. This effectively shuts down both chokes and makes it impossible for the other team to push out. If they push out of the usual choke, they will get spammed in by a Sentry with a 66% damage reduction shield (seven stickybombs to frag) and double fire rate. If they try to push out house, the Sentry can just turn to the left and cover that too. So really, their only option is to push from valley (the area under the bridge), and this is a SEVERE disadvantage. Remember what I said about uphill fights behind the worst possible obstacle you could face? The valley is ten times more steep than the choke. Even when pushing out from here, the Sentry can still target you if you pop out. It will take literally the entire length of an ubercharge to kill a sentry. Which is not fair considering how fast the Engineer can build and maintain a sentry.

Like I said, I won’t go too far into it (there are loads of other problems), but to summarize, the Wrangler makes chokes impossible to push through and the entire game becomes a steamroll for whatever team wins mid.

Bellsprout, also from the UC forums, outlines the main reasons behind all three bans.

The only strategies that these weapons are good for are that of stalemating the game. The game revolves around Ubers, right? The Sandman is able to stun the Medic before he can Uber meaning he’ll be die. Or it can be used to stun the Soldier while he’s building Uber leaving the Medic defenceless. I should mention that by stun in those sentences I mean the speed nerf/unable to use weapons state.

The Natascha means that that an Ubered pair will go in and HAVE to focus that Heavy with 450 health, else he’ll stop any retreat. If there’s two of them then you’re just being stalemated as it is pretty much impossible to kill the two – especially if there’s a Medic with Uber. However because the team has two heavies it’s very difficult to push second. meaning stalemate.

The Wrangler means that an Uber is necessary to JUST kill the sentry. If there’s another engineer with another Wrangled sentry then you will lose. Simple. Once again, pushing to second is very difficult.

French Toast, one of our authors particularly well known for being part of the comp guide adds a side note about why guaranteeing that someone will die is so taboo.

The issue stems from the size difference between the average pub game and the average competitive game. When I stress to say “every little thing matters 10x more in a game with half the players”, I literally mean everything. It’s hard for a player used to comparatively large games to wrap their minds around because losing one or two guys in a pub only means another filling his place. If you’re down a man in 6s, that one man you just lost means a lot more in terms of fire power and coverage.

Laerin from our forums explains the “cannot move hence death” aspect a little more clearly

It’s been mentioned time and time again how the Natascha’s slowdown leaves players completely at the mercy of others. The scout, soldier and demoman are used instead of say two heavies becuase of their speed and versatility. The heavy is meant to be a tank with a high DPS and large amount of health but by trading off it’s speed. But the Natascha robs other classes of their speed and manueverability; the most important thing they have over the heavy. A soldier cannot rocket jump away. A scout cannot run away – or even get close to him. In one-on-one situations, unless you are right beside a means of escape, your two options are either to kill the heavy (the class with the higher DPS and health) or die. In most cases however, you will be a sitting duck to the other classes and your set of options will have dwindled by one.

This last one is from Sigma, over the CEVO forums

Quote: Originally Posted by Hawkeye
The Natascha ban is simply idiotic. It’s been around for a few seasons, used, no one had issues with it, it is not over-powered otherwise we would’ve seen the Heavy/Natascha a whole lot more then on maps to fend off scouts and more teams winning maps running Natascha heavies.
Natascha heavies came out on every map this season in invite (and almost every match of the lan, often doubled up). It’s to the point that even mid fights, where the heavy is traditionally terrible due to his speed, would see a heavy showing up. The increased speed + reduced spin time turned heavy from situational to crazy good. I don’t know about open or other leagues, but if players there aren’t using it it’s a result of not trying it and seeing how broken it is. Scouts pretty much cannot make any plays once a natascha heavy is spun up. They get hit by 1 bullet, are totally frozen + get directed + die. Soldiers and demomen can’t peek corners, because the bullet stream will cause them to be too slow to escape from the return spam. As a medic, you pretty much have to treat the natascha heavy as a sniper — once he slows you, you take damage from almost every rocket, so you have to stay out of LoS. If you suggest getting a heavy of your own or a sniper to counter it, sure, that works, but the game slows to a crawl and is no longer fun.

On the other hand, heavies are extremely effective for creating a health advantage through sandvich use and following up pushes with the huge 450hp buff. This remains unchanged with the regular minigun (and is in fact more exciting, because the heavy exchange happens much faster). The heavy can still hold the flank 1v2, but only if he has good tracking — as opposed to the natascha version, where he can sit spun up on a corner and get a guaranteed kill on any scout that peeks it.

AG used natascha heavies as much or more than the other invite teams, and all of us agree that the weapon is way too strong. By the end of the season Otter refused to use it in scrims because it was so lame, and it was so easy to use that there was no point in practicing it.

Quote:Originally Posted by Bodknocks
Banning Wrangler just seems really odd. I feel like it’s a huge knee-jerk reaction to the item. I don’t really know what else to say other than that, did people honestly think Engie would start being main classed and that Wrangler was going to dominate the scene? I just don’t really understand why this is supposedly overpowered in 6v6 environment, it’s definitely an upgrade from the pistol (lol) but that’s not a good reason to have it banned.
It only takes a couple scrims on gpit to see what’s wrong with it. Sentries have no damage falloff. This is fine if they have limited range, but when you can put a gun in a sniper’s position and spam huge damage from long range, then pick up said gun and hide it once it (eventually) gets damaged, the attacking team has no counter. The engy can sit at spawn with his gun, get free damage on any team that decides to push through C, then pick it up, teleport to B, and put it super far away from the doors to spam more long-range damage. You can try things like double-DHing it, but you still need 6 or more rockets to bring it down (thanks to the ridiculous shield), and the engy can easily just pick it up and hide it, the shield will let it live long enough. Heck, you could even rocket jump a teleporter to the roof and teleport your gun (and team) up there (without having to deal with the old problems of taking a long time to get up and being vulnerable to snipers). Who wants to push B with a heavy, level 3 infinite range sentry, sniper, demo, med, soldier all sitting on the roof? I know I don’t.

Hopefully, this helps you better understand CEVO’s decision. If not, however, let me just close with a couple of choice comments from French Toast

The minute people stop thinking of competitive player as this separate group of completely foreign players, the sooner you realize that everyone plays the same game. It’s the same thing as some people liking 32 man, roll the dice servers, or other people preferring 18 man 24/7 arena servers. Competitive players are just another bunch that like to play the game the way they like, and it happens that the leagues agree that it’s the most competitive way to play, so they host tournaments for that style.

It’s our little corner of the world, and the actions the leagues take are our concerns. If you can’t accept our reasoning, which has been rather beautifully laid out before you in this thread, for following certain rules, and banning the use of certain weapons, we don’t care. Why? It doesn’t affect you, it’s our little corner of the TF2 world and we enjoy it the way we have it.

Ahh, drawbacks. What wonders await thee in the exciting (or, for some people, annoying) world of unlockable weapons. Forgoing balance discussions and ideas, we will discuss what I think are drawbacks to unlocks that haven’t really been explored or have been neglected.

Every unlockable weapon has to have a drawback, even if it’s just an artificial drawback like the “reduced damage” on the Axtinguisher. Bar a few weapons (which will go unmentioned), there must be a reason you’d want to use the original weapon apart from aesthetic and fun, otherwise the unlockable isn’t really an alternative.

Most commonly, the drawback is lack of access to the original weapon, with over 10 items carrying this effect, i.e. you trade a weapon for another completely different one, such as the Sandvich.
After that, Valve most often uses a “lost ability” status and reduced damage, followed by health penalty and slower firing rate (see KGB).

This author, however, would like to make a statement. You see, things such as health, speed, and damage dealt are what I like to call “passive” weapon statistics. They’re not in your control, and giving a class a buff without really requiring the player to do anything isn’t very interesting.
This not only makes them a little boring to start with, but also requires no input on the part of the player as far as the benefit/drawback goes. Giving the heavy, say, a speed boost to 350 units at the cost of some health is just a stats change, and while I don’t disapprove of a G.R.U.E. style unlock, where you can go with these kinds of unlocks are limited at best. Sure, it’s a different skillset when the numbers matter, but TF2 isn’t an MMO. Or at least, not yet, anyway.

All that said, here are the few drawbacks to a weapons bonus that I think deserve a little attention.

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Ammo count

Ah yes, ammo. Two weapons currently feature this, the Force-a-Nature (although it doesn’t really count), and the Frontier Justice.

Ammo management is an important aspect of the Soldier, and to a lesser extent, the Heavy, Demoman and Scout. Knowing how many rockets you have left in the clip is a pretty important aspect of any competent Soldier, seeing as he has limited killing ability after expending them all, and he cannot run around/away like a little bunny while reloading.

Ammo management, however, isn’t quite something that’s on the mind of many other classes such as the Sniper and Pyro. Introducing such a thing into a weapon would certainly go a way towards what I believe is a new skill set.

For example: What if the Heavy had a weapon (we’ll call her “Ludmila“), that increased the Heavy’s base run speed to 280 units, but he has to reload a new chain belt every 40 shots? Bar the animation budget, it would certainly be more interesting to see how this plays out. Plus, no random crits.

And actually, that ties in directly to my next point…

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Reload time

Ah yes, again the thing that mainly the Soldier (and Demoman) have to take into account. 6 of the unlocks don’t even have these (discounting “cocking”), but a gun with a decent reload time also takes management skills.

But forget purely reload time for a second. TF2 itself allows you to interrupt any and all your reloads to continue firing the remainder of your clip. What if, and I stress if, you had a weapon that COULDN’T be interrupted in the middle of reloading?

This idea came to me while watching Pistol Frenzy 2; a traditional reload where you’d have to get an appropriate time to reload when combined with a substantial reload time.
For instance, say we get a shotgun with an 8 shell revolver-style magazine. It does a base damage of only 50, and you can’t interrupt the reload, but the reload time is the same as 4 shells on a normal shotgun. You’d have more ammo to work with, but you’d also have to watch out because you can’t pull a round or two out while reloading, and it makes you think more about combat readiness. Also, no random crits.

Now before all the jarheads come in with their CS:S comparisons, hear me out. Consider how it would add to a certain weapon’s drawback: you’d have to be paying attention to your ammo, and pick an appropriate time to reload, such as in the company of teammates or when you’re sure no one can get to you before you finish. I think it would be a decent drawback compared to, say, no random crits, albeit a little boring.

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Reserve ammo

A subtopic of Limited Ammo Count, this looks into the ammo you can spare on the battlefield.

TF2 in it’s original form, as well as TFC, used to give you a bucketload of ammo to go crazy on. Soldiers and Demos used to have tons of ammo for their main weapons back in the day, and now ammo management is more important as the game changed.

Remnants of these days are still present in TF2 with weapons where your current ammo isn’t too much of a hassle. This includes all shotguns, the sniper rifle, the syringe gun, all sentries, the minigun (think about how 200 ammo was considered “a small amount” by the development team), and the flamethrower, although the compression blast reduces this somewhat.
Most notably, think about how the Engineer has 200 spare 9mm bullets, and goddamn, even with the autopistol that’s a crazy amount.

Valve has taken a look into this with unlockables already; the huntsman gives you (somewhat) limited ammo, as does the flare gun (although 16 flares is still quite a lot for it’s firing rate). I do think that limited ammo can make an interesting drawback, and to heck with Engineers complaining about their metal.

Regardless, it’s not something that can stand up as a drawback by itself. A shotgun that, say, deals 100 base damage with only 10 extra shots would be a pretty devastating weapon, and would encourage suicide runs anyway, even if it had no random crits.

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Anyway, hopefully I’ve been able to provide some insight into these weapon design ideas as far as ammunition ideas go. Ignoring “brand new weapons,” feel free to throw in any ideas you may have as far as stat changes and new design goes. And who knows, if they’re good, I’d be so inclined to ask permission to put them on the front page.

As a concluding point, as much as I’ve said stats don’t usually make for the most fun weapons, I am putting together some ideas for what would make more interesting weapon advantages.

Something I’ve noticed is Valve’s plentiful use of crits, and as of late, mini crits, in their weapon designs. But, like I said, the amount of damage you pump out (while being an important part of gameplay) is a boring design to put into weapons as an advantage, even in the form of crits (for example, the direct hit).

So, in the next post, expect a few different ideas for advantages that don’t simply ditch the set weapon designs themselves. Not plain unlockable ideas, but ideas that can be part of an unlockable. Thank you, and good night.

It is now nearly twelve weeks since the disaster at a Gray Gravel (GG) site in the badlands of New Mexico. In mid-April, a gravel pit exploded in an alleged assault on a weapons facility hidden there. Still the dire repercussions of the catastrophe linger. Gone are the familiar sounds of eagles calling and gunfights raging; the only thing one can hear is the relentless crunch crunch crunch of the unrefined gravel that continues to spill into the countryside. In whatever direction one cares to look, the vista is the same.

It is not just the scenic mesas and suspicious-looking industrial sites that are being overwhelmed. The very livelihoods of the locals have been utterly swamped by a torrent of small stones. Over 86% of New Mexico’s workforce are employed as mercenaries by Builders League United and Reliable Excavation & Demolition, the two giants of New Mexican industry. With their usual battlegrounds buried under up to two feet of gravel, these mercenaries are unable to work.

“Have you ever tried walking through this much unrefined gravel?” Asked one such employee, Dell Conagher. “You’re just constantly sliding and stumbling. And I can tell you: falling on that stuff hurts.” He raises his hands, which are visibly imprinted by the tiny stones. “Now imagine fighting in it. It’s out of the question.”

Instead, these soldiers of fortune must occupy themselves with clearing the badlands of the ocean of gravel that stretches to the horizon. It’s backbreaking labour, and the pay – provided by Gray Gravel co. as part of the compulsory reparations programme hurriedly rushed through Congress – is much less than they are used to. Another victim, a Scottish expatriate, has had to sell his luxurious mansion to fund his alcoholism, which it can only be assumed was triggered by the crisis.

It seems the mercenaries will continue to shovel for quite some time, too, as even three months after the explosion, gravel continues to pour from the pit. GG have faced stern criticism from both locals and the Government for their failure to stem the deluge, but company representatives blame the difficult terrain and constant industrial warfare. Mr Conagher is not convinced:-

“Industrial warfare? There ain’t been any industrial warfare! Not since we’re all cleaning up this goddamn gravel. Sure, there’s the banditos that occasionally come up from the south, but that’s nothing a few well-trained mercenary squads couldn’t crush. As for the terrain, have they ever thought of flying stuff in on one of those blimps the Australians have been conjuring up? I’ll tell you what the problem is: those moustache-twirling Brits don’t want to pay up.”

Indeed, a lot of local ire has focused on the fact that GG is originally a British company, and its current CEO is an Englishman, Isambard Beaufort Gray. Mr Gray was unavailable for comment, as he was having his moustache recurled. It has been claimed, however, that GG is simply a front, a cover organisation for a secret offshoot of Builder’s League United, but BLU representatives have declined to comment.

There is a growing consensus that such an incident should never be allowed to happen again. President Kennedy has called for a total end to building gravel pits so deep in the dangerous badlands, pending a review into the environmental and social impacts such ventures can have. This has displeased other gravel corporations, who say that the rising price and dwindling reserves of gravel worldwide force them to delve ever further into previously impractical locations.

But what of the present situation? Non-mercenary locals are worried about the potential health risks associated with being exposed to unrefined gravel. GG has made several official press conferences reassuring the people that the gravel is harmless “unless ingested”. Health officials, however are more cautious, urging people to remain indoors. Some commentators have even reignited rumours – denied for over a century – that New Mexico gravel is in fact “fool’s gravel”, which is toxic. The International Gravel Standards Agency is currently conducting trials.

In a large house near the afflicted Badwater Basin, I came across a single mother and her young son. Concerned for his health, she will not allow him to play in the gravel. The boy, clearly devastated by his confinement, was alternating between hyperactive pacing and sucking his thumb. I asked the lady how she was coping:-

“Well, obviously it’s not ideal – my son always likes to go out to play with his little friends. It’s no fun for him and it’s no fun for me.  He’s just hanging around at home, which is not something I want when I have visitors. I’ve had to put my own life on hold.”

As I depart into the gravel-tinged sunset, I see yet another truck, full to bursting with gravel. I watch it struggle its way across the stony ground towards the coast, where it will be shipped to Canada and dumped in the lakes and national parks. Oddly, no-one has yet criticised GG for its method of disposal.

Picture credits: Tygrys; Scout’s Mom model: Rebbacus.

Every once and a while, a video shows up that’s so good that we’re willing to risk the reader’s ire by putting up another video post. This is definitely one of those videos.

Quick update: The creator has uploaded a comparison reel, for those who didn’t see the original trailer or who just wanted to be even more blown away by the shot-for-shot accuracy.

Indulge me dear reader; just the other day I was playing a game of Team Fortress Two with my good companion Sir Tygrys when an observation was made. Checking the scoreboards, one notices that many of you are sporting digital avatars that are ill-fitting for such a Gentle Manne’s game.

Now perhaps you can get away with this shameful display on other counties of the Internet, but this is Ubercharged; my companion and I agreed we must do something about it.

And so Sir Tygrys, being a master of the arts, began work producing a collection of Team Fortress 2 inspired portraits tailored for Gentle Menne with an eye for the latest in style. Before presentation I must insist that neither of us will be held responsible if, upon glancing these works of art, your monocle falls into your tea.

But without further ado allow me to present to you our works, complete with the accompanying press release from the newly formed T&T Industries:

T&T Industries is happy to announce the release of our very own avatar pack, more precisely the ‘T&T Industries Classy Classes Avatar Pack’.

This pack was specially designed for all of you who understand the need to be classy in all your digital ventures. This splendid pack comes in two styles: BLU and RED, to suit individual customer preferences. You will find that they have been readily scaled down to 184×184 pixels, so they are immediately ready to use on Steam the very moment you download them to your drive.

All of these spiffing avatars were made by two masters of fine art – Sir Tygrys Murdock and Sir Tesla Sherbonk, with extra thanks to Sir Dont for improving the quality of the original images. Should you encounter either of them during your exploits in digital space, be sure to bid them thanks; they’ll be ecstatic to hear their work is appreciated.

Now go ahead and enjoy this fine art as we have prepared for you.

Remember our motto – quality is of the utmost importance and we strive to satisfy all of our customers.

Signed: T&T Industries Chairman of marketing

Willbur McTrackingster

You can download the newly improved v2 pack HERE, thanks to our friend Dont. You may also wish peruse the full sized imagery whilst you await the cheeseboard. Lastly, to those of you whom have no interest in showing some class, may I perchance interest you in a job sweeping out my chimney?

Congratulations go out to Team Soldier, for their recent victory over Team Demoman. Our games have now updated and both classes been issued with a surplus of shiny new toys just in time for Christmas.

No sooner than after we’d been having fun with our new toys, another war began. I am of course referring to the war on the Steam Forums; wherein debate over why each and every new unlockable is overpowered/underpowered continues even now, soaked in bilious vulgarity and contempt.

Let’s get down to the crunch of the matter; I’m not here to discuss the new unlocks, or complain about why they’re not fair. I’m here to talk to you about the class that benefits the most from this update (at least as far as decently sized public servers are concerned); the Scout, and more precisely to tell you WHY, and HOW my fellow scouts can easily turn this update in their favour, by discussing the two updated classes and their unlocks. And I’m going to do it with a level of arrogance and cock-certainty that only a scout player could truly understand. Don’t listen to that Paper fellow, winning all the time is a great thing.

It’s here that the typical soldier, should he somehow have managed to survive this long, would reach for his shotgun and attempt to fend you off with that. No dice, he’s traded that in for a pair of ‘magic’ boots, or maybe even a musical instrument. Laugh some more as he slowly attempts to reload his new gun, and then maybe consider putting him out of his misery.

In this near death state, he might now resort to bringing out the last, gleaming piece of hope that he has in his backpack; the Equaliser. And moves at you with a speed that would almost rival your own. Perhaps he expects you to draw your own melee weapon, and fight him with some ‘honour’. Or maybe he just intends to dig his own grave with the damn thing. Either way, don’t wait around to find out, shoot him dead now. And remember, if you see a soldier sprinting towards you with his Equaliser drawn, it means his health is low enough that you can one-shot him. He’s practically asking for it.

The Drunken Duelists – Demomen

Demomen were never really much of a threat anyway. Their explosive spam has always been much easier to avoid than the Soldier’s, and he’s always had much more of it to avoid than the tin hatted meathead. Well now, perhaps as part of some drunken bet, he’s traded most of his stockpile away for some close combat gear. Close combat is of course, your forte, so why not show him how it’s done.

Shields are an antiquated weapon, and have no place on the modern battlefield; the Chargin’ Targe is no different. Back in the day, bold Scotsmen would charge headlong against their enemy’s line of explosive & incendiary firearms, using their shields to protect them from incoming fire. A technique that is completely ineffective against modern tactics, such as moving out of the way as he runs at you and shooting holes through the shield with a real man’s gun. Or, if you don’t have a real man’s gun, the Force-A-Nature; not only will it knock him back and cause him to fall short, but it’ll line him up nicely for a second, killing shot.

And that is how you sum up that; Scouts enjoy your new update. Don’t rage at me too hard when the occasional competent player figures out how to use those weapons properly either; that’s not my fault – they’re probably just hacking. Oh and have a Merry Christmas now the war is over.

Once again, thanks go to Tygrys for the Gmod images. You can find the full wallpaper sized pics here.

Hello, Scout Players.

I, Paper Shadow, being of sound mind, would like to tell you something.
You are all:

Quick.
Little.
Virgin.
Bastards.

Come on, you may have your mouth wide open, fingers ready to type “You’re lying!” or “You’re an idiot!”, but deep down, you know it to be true. Think about it, with these simple questions:

Which Class is the fastest?
Which Class was the youngest of eight brothers?
Which Class has a Mother that is sleeping with the Spy?
Which Class is a bastard?

If you said “Scout” for all of the questions, then you see why he is what he is.
If not, then whack yourself in the face. Several times. Until you see the errors of your ways.

Of course, you may still continue to argue that the Scout is not what I say he is. I understand that. Except, I’m lying. I don’t understand that. How could you ignore my logical points of logic? No matter, I have more points that you can do nothing but agree with. Because I said so…

First, he is too fast!

There is no denying it. The Scout is fast. Too fast. Waaaaaaaaaaaay too fast. In fact, I would go as far to say he is so fast, he teleports around. No, that’s not because I have a low FPS, and I play on servers on the other side of the world, it’s because the Scout is far too fast for such a fast-paced game like Team Fortress 2. His speed breaks it completely.

Take, for example, a round on Badlands I had a week ago. I was playing as a Spy, and I was trying to catch up to a Scout. I was running, and running, and running, but I never caught up with him. He just zoomed ahead of my normal speed class. I removed the mask from my face, put my Gibus back on, and proceeded to yell profanities into the air. A Pyro, and one that hated people who wore hats out of place or out of season, spotted me from behind, disguise-less, DR-less, and too occupied with my excessive swearing to notice any enemies, and rushed towards me, Backburner ready. Needless to say, I was more burnt than a Sunday Dinner cooked by a drunk Demoman…

All because the Scout is far too fast.

So what would I do to fix this, if I worked at Valve? Well, there is two ways to fix this, without having to remove the Scout (although that works too). First, make the Scout slower. Slower than a Spy, but faster than a Demoman. If anyone asks, say that this is because the Scout recently got hooked on Pizza. Although his character model doesn’t look different, the Scout became fatter and slower than usual. The other solution is to give every class a buggy to drive around, so they can travel really fast, and since everyone is going fast, than no one will be. It would also make CTF maps a lot more fun for those who dislike them…

Second, they are not Soldiers OR Demomen!

You’ve heard it here first folks. Killing Scouts did not help Soldiers or Demomen unlock the secret item during war. A crime I say! But once again, you feel that you must intervene. “But wait, oh crazy one,” you say. “Can’t you say that about any class other than the Soldier and the Demoman?” I could, but there is one major reason why I have chosen Scout. He has the destructive force of the Soldier and the Demoman COMBINED!

Look at this from a competitive point of view. Here is some random guide on Competitive TF2 for those who aren’t too sure about it. Anyway, the average 6v6 team is made up of two Scouts, two Soldiers, a Demoman, and a Medic. A competitive team has had many years to learn the best combination of classes. There is only one Demoman and Medic because they are too weak, and you need power. A second Medic, although you’ll have a higher chance for ubercharges, and possibly two ubercharges at once, would cost one of you power people, and wouldn’t be worth it. The Demoman may have lots of stickies at his disposal, but they take time to use. Speed equals power, my friends (refer to point one of this article)…

So, you have two Scouts and two Soldiers. Surely, the big muscular warmongers with 200 health and rocket launchers are stronger than the itsy-bitsy baseball player with 125hp. But no, it is the Scouts which are stronger. One of the Soldiers can be almost always found being healed by the team’s Medic. That’s right, one of the Soldiers has to be overhealed all the time. Meanwhile, both of the Scouts, who each have less than half the health of the overhealed Soldier, are running around free to cause as much havoc as they want. And being such jackasses, they will do as much as possible!

So, take note people. The only way we can counter such power is by taking the term Fragile Speedster to the extremes. I’m talking about 35 health, and his weapons deal 50% less damage. I’m sure you’ll find that these numbers make perfect sense, and allow the Scout protection from fall damage or stray shots, and makes sure he doesn’t die immediately when he has the Sandman. Oh, and just in case you feel that 35hp makes the Scout underpowered (which, for your information, is impossible), then here’s a little treat for you: having BONK! increases your max health by 15hp. Isn’t that super awesome?

Finally, the Scout can fly!

I’m not pulling your leg here. I haven’t lied once during this article, and as we draw closer to the close, I plan on continuing my truthful and reliable ramblings until you realise how overpowered the Scouts are. And if the previous two good points did not sway your opinion, then this one will really blow you away! It’s about one minute in…

You seeing this? No other class is gonna do that! Thanks to EvilDaedalus for the filming of such devilry (along with some other, not as important stuff) so we can see the witchcraft of a Scout.  Give this man a donation and a community weapon!

Only the Scout could do that. Other classes can go airborne, yeah, but none of them have the amount of control and airtime the Scout has. He just kept going up and down, up and down. No effort needed, all you had to do was aim those stunballs and watch them fly. Gentlemen, this is a problem for all of us. Man, Woman, or Child, if there is a Scout flying by, there is no escape…

So what do we do to fix this? Sadly, this is one of those things that can not be fixed. We can either remove this, or the Scout. And, personally, I feel that removing the Scout is for the best. Give his weapons to other classes. I’m sure the Demo would like a drink that can be him dodge everything for a small while, and the Sniper could think of a few things a baseball that stuns could do, such as prevent a Engineer with two pistols from getting too close. ‘Tis for the best. Trust me.

So, Scout Players, I hope you realise how much your hero sucks. I know it is hard to understand or believe, but this is hard facts. I mean, there are eight equally enjoyable and funny classes. Don’t be addicted to the Boston Batter. Put some variety in your diet. For the Scout is too strong, and if you are too strong, then where is the fun in constantly wiping out waves of opponents, laughing manically as the number of dominations you have rise, and never fall, and watch the land transform, as if the devil himself declared war on your enemies, from the clean fields into a world covered in red blood, with just one clean spot, signifying that there is a hope that a hacker will join and end your rampage, but both you and your foes know that will never happen. And then have it all end when the round does, leaving you sad inside, partly because it is over, but mainly because you do that every single round…

Yep, there’s no fun in winning all the time…

Yo what’s up?

Wasn’t expecting me, was youse?

Anyway, take this situation; it’s a lazy Saturday afternoon. All your homework (assuming you get homework) and chores are done, and you don’t enjoy just lazing around. So you fire up TF2, but there’s no one to play “competitively” with; only pubs around. Sure, they’re fun, but you don’t feel like it, plus you’d like to try and get a little better, which ain’t gonna happen there. What’s one to do?

Here’s a couple suggestions for Soldiers. And maybe Demomen.

BBall

Maybe you’ve heard of it, maybe not. Just to be on the safe side, I’ll explain in detail.

ctf_bball is a deathmatch sort of game, meant to be played 2 on 2, but also works with 1 on 1 (gets boring more easily) or 3 on 3 (more spammy). You’re in a basketball court with only moderate-height walls to jump off, and the objective is to land the flag in the enemy net. You run Soldier or Demoman, with a max of one Demoman. Simple no?

But what’s stopping people from playing something other than those two classes? Nothing, but people, which is alright, since most people who look for bball servers are in a similar mindset. It’s that simple really.

Training includes playing with other good sollys and demomen, and it helps airshots (the enemy needs jumping to score). You could also play scout, though only FaN scouts can reach the net, and it’s pretty iffy. It also helps walljumping (based off long jumps rather than height jumps) and airstrafing (scoring).

There’s a few dedicated bball servers that aren’t locked, plus some regular servers have it on the map list; type “ctf_bball” into the map choice for a collection. UC servers #2 and #3 also have it, although you’ll need an admin to start it. Typical etiquette includes no using sticky bombs to attack, and to a lesser extent, the shotgun is discouraged.

On the subject, there are two different maps that follow the style. One is ctf_pro_bball.

It improves over the original in a few, most notably a shoot-through backboard which prevents people from cheaply knocking you off scoring by shooting it. There’s also ctf_ballin, which is about the same as pro_bball, but a little prettier, and doesn’t limit you to 3 captures. Both look much better than plain ctf_bball though. Give ‘em a run.

Ammomod

This is my personal favorite.

Basically, you fight in an arena against one other person, as either Soldier or Demoman. The map can be a plain room, or based on a notable portion of a stock map, like Gravel Pit’s tower, Badlands Spire, Granary’s mid point, etc..
Both are given 1600 health and unlimited ammo. First one to go down loses.

It’s really simple, but the added health and ammo gives you plenty of room to practice without having to respawn after a few shots. There’s a few servers dedicated to it around; for example, in the US:
- Clan Vortex – 67.212.189.186:27093
- Exodus Society – 216.52.148.129:27015

I mostly go to thenoid’s ammomod, which is at 67.202.71.165:27015. You’ll probably run into some really good players if you do run by, so the best advice I can give is don’t go in expecting to do well.

And if you ever run into Solid Snake, do yourself a favor and have a key bound to “explode.”

Spireking

Spireking is like ghetto ammomod for soldiers – like ammomod, it’s 1v1. There’s a badlands spire in the center of the map, and both players battle for control of the top, where there’s a control point. Unlike ammomod, though, you start with 200 health, but you’re continually resupplied with full ammo and health every 4 seconds. That means that to score a kill, you need to deal out 200 damage in 4 seconds. What better way to do that than by nailing some awesome airshots?

Since spireking doesn’t work well for matches bigger than 1v1, you’re unlikely to find any public servers for it. However, since it’s a standalone map, you don’t need a bunch of mods to run it on your server, as you do with ammomod. This makes it great for clan training. If you have a server, or have access to a private server, give this map a go.

Tr_Walkway

Get it. Now.

Ha, but no seriously. Originally an ESG-only beta by wiseguy and washipato (trust me, it wasn’t that great when it was in beta), it’s now available to the general public, and there probably isn’t any better aerial training bar playing against other people. The launcher is a great asset, and a couple hours on this thing I assure you will greatly improve your prediction skills .Unless they’re already maxed, in which you’ve still got a bunch of commands to mess with to make it harder.

And if you’re like me, when your ping rockets because somebody in the dorm is torrenting… stuff… you can always fire up a listen server.

There’s also modifications for stairstab and eagle stab training in there, but honestly, who falls for stairstabs anymore, and who plays Spy anyway?

And while you’re at it, try a couple headshots.

___________________________________________________________________________

That concludes this article for today. Seriously, get a server, or become friends with someone who does, so you can reap the benefits of Spireking and BBall. Until next time, good night and good luck.

Give a big hand to Secret Agent Clank, on his first contribution to the Competitive TF2 Guide. Future installments of the guide are going to be generally shorter and more specific than the first nine. Thanks for the support, readers. -himmelstoss

Okay, I know it’s not wise to open up old wounds, but bear with me here.

As you might’ve guessed, the Sandman was probably the only unlock which was, more or less, universally slammed – flames hotter than a sheep-shearer’s armpit rising. You could practically feel your computer toasting away by just reading the steam forums from the amount of raw, testosterone fuelled, pre-teen rage. But the recent(ish) update to TF2 has brought on some much needed changes to the weapon, which I hope can let everyone relax a little and maybe even try out the weapon.

Why the Sandman is probably the best it can be

Okay, I’m not going to patronise with you by making a list of all the changes made; nor am I going to try to force you to think that the Sandman has become the best unlock concieved. The basic idea of the Sandman is that it can stun – if you remove that, then it’s not the Sandman. So, under the circumstances, I do think the weapon is probably as balanced as it can be made without removing it altogther. Why not remove it? Well, why not remove the Demoman? How about the Pyro, while we’re at it? Despite the weapon’s largely negative reception, people still use the Sandman and once something has been released, it’s just not right to remove it altogther.

Death

The weapon is now made so that one direct hit from a rocket, a grenade, a sticky, a half charged sniper shot or an arrow can kill you instantly. This means Scouts will die even more often than they did before. This makes the Sandman a somewhat more skilled weapon than previously – Scouts will need to dodge more and not be as careless. Getting up close to a Soldier for a point blank shot can be even more risky. Even if you stun an enemy, but don’t finish them off in time… If you’re standing still, chances are you’ll get a rocket in your face and you’ll be dead! Heavies can recover much more easily with their minigun still spinning away. A Heavy can stack up 540 damage in a single second. If you don’t act fast, you’ll be dead!

The Sandman no longer rewards those who do not bother with aiming or dodging (two pretty major attributes Scouts should have) to such a great extent. Against a Sandman Scout, you can kill them much more easily before they may even get a chance to use the stun on you.

Using it as a Strategic Weapon

I think it’s become sort of drilled into people’s minds that the Sandman will get you killed, guaranteed. This doesn’t have to be the case – the Sandman can be pretty ineffective in groups, where Medics and other teammates make it harder for the Scout to get to his target. Even in a 1v1 situation, as stated above, it’s easier to recover or remove the threat before the stun. The Sandman can be used to stop Engineers from tanking. It can be used to stop a Demoman from planting stickings, or Medics from healing a seemingly unstoppable Heavy. In some ways, the Sandman has made it so that you don’t have to kill someone who’s threatening your team. Perhaps stunning that Demoman planting stickies on the CP will give you an opportunity to capture the point and win the game! Perhaps stopping that Engineer from tanking can help get rid of a sentry nest?

Lastly, just have fun!

Let’s face it. Why play TF2 if all it does is get you angry? Just enjoy your time playing. So what if you die from a stunball? Just shrug it off, get back in there on the respawn and… wait a minute.

…Have fun!