ubercharged.net

Indulge me dear reader; just the other day I was playing a game of Team Fortress Two with my good companion Sir Tygrys when an observation was made. Checking the scoreboards, one notices that many of you are sporting digital avatars that are ill-fitting for such a Gentle Manne’s game.

Now perhaps you can get away with this shameful display on other counties of the Internet, but this is Ubercharged; my companion and I agreed we must do something about it.

And so Sir Tygrys, being a master of the arts, began work producing a collection of Team Fortress 2 inspired portraits tailored for Gentle Menne with an eye for the latest in style. Before presentation I must insist that neither of us will be held responsible if, upon glancing these works of art, your monocle falls into your tea.

But without further ado allow me to present to you our works, complete with the accompanying press release from the newly formed T&T Industries:

T&T Industries is happy to announce the release of our very own avatar pack, more precisely the ‘T&T Industries Classy Classes Avatar Pack’.

This pack was specially designed for all of you who understand the need to be classy in all your digital ventures. This splendid pack comes in two styles: BLU and RED, to suit individual customer preferences. You will find that they have been readily scaled down to 184×184 pixels, so they are immediately ready to use on Steam the very moment you download them to your drive.

All of these spiffing avatars were made by two masters of fine art – Sir Tygrys Murdock and Sir Tesla Sherbonk, with extra thanks to Sir Dont for improving the quality of the original images. Should you encounter either of them during your exploits in digital space, be sure to bid them thanks; they’ll be ecstatic to hear their work is appreciated.

Now go ahead and enjoy this fine art as we have prepared for you.

Remember our motto – quality is of the utmost importance and we strive to satisfy all of our customers.

Signed: T&T Industries Chairman of marketing

Willbur McTrackingster

You can download the newly improved v2 pack HERE, thanks to our friend Dont. You may also wish peruse the full sized imagery whilst you await the cheeseboard. Lastly, to those of you whom have no interest in showing some class, may I perchance interest you in a job sweeping out my chimney?

Congratulations go out to Team Soldier, for their recent victory over Team Demoman. Our games have now updated and both classes been issued with a surplus of shiny new toys just in time for Christmas.

No sooner than after we’d been having fun with our new toys, another war began. I am of course referring to the war on the Steam Forums; wherein debate over why each and every new unlockable is overpowered/underpowered continues even now, soaked in bilious vulgarity and contempt.

Let’s get down to the crunch of the matter; I’m not here to discuss the new unlocks, or complain about why they’re not fair. I’m here to talk to you about the class that benefits the most from this update (at least as far as decently sized public servers are concerned); the Scout, and more precisely to tell you WHY, and HOW my fellow scouts can easily turn this update in their favour, by discussing the two updated classes and their unlocks. And I’m going to do it with a level of arrogance and cock-certainty that only a scout player could truly understand. Don’t listen to that Paper fellow, winning all the time is a great thing.

It’s here that the typical soldier, should he somehow have managed to survive this long, would reach for his shotgun and attempt to fend you off with that. No dice, he’s traded that in for a pair of ‘magic’ boots, or maybe even a musical instrument. Laugh some more as he slowly attempts to reload his new gun, and then maybe consider putting him out of his misery.

In this near death state, he might now resort to bringing out the last, gleaming piece of hope that he has in his backpack; the Equaliser. And moves at you with a speed that would almost rival your own. Perhaps he expects you to draw your own melee weapon, and fight him with some ‘honour’. Or maybe he just intends to dig his own grave with the damn thing. Either way, don’t wait around to find out, shoot him dead now. And remember, if you see a soldier sprinting towards you with his Equaliser drawn, it means his health is low enough that you can one-shot him. He’s practically asking for it.

The Drunken Duelists – Demomen

Demomen were never really much of a threat anyway. Their explosive spam has always been much easier to avoid than the Soldier’s, and he’s always had much more of it to avoid than the tin hatted meathead. Well now, perhaps as part of some drunken bet, he’s traded most of his stockpile away for some close combat gear. Close combat is of course, your forte, so why not show him how it’s done.

Shields are an antiquated weapon, and have no place on the modern battlefield; the Chargin’ Targe is no different. Back in the day, bold Scotsmen would charge headlong against their enemy’s line of explosive & incendiary firearms, using their shields to protect them from incoming fire. A technique that is completely ineffective against modern tactics, such as moving out of the way as he runs at you and shooting holes through the shield with a real man’s gun. Or, if you don’t have a real man’s gun, the Force-A-Nature; not only will it knock him back and cause him to fall short, but it’ll line him up nicely for a second, killing shot.

And that is how you sum up that; Scouts enjoy your new update. Don’t rage at me too hard when the occasional competent player figures out how to use those weapons properly either; that’s not my fault – they’re probably just hacking. Oh and have a Merry Christmas now the war is over.

Once again, thanks go to Tygrys for the Gmod images. You can find the full wallpaper sized pics here.

Hello, Scout Players.

I, Paper Shadow, being of sound mind, would like to tell you something.
You are all:

Quick.
Little.
Virgin.
Bastards.

Come on, you may have your mouth wide open, fingers ready to type “You’re lying!” or “You’re an idiot!”, but deep down, you know it to be true. Think about it, with these simple questions:

Which Class is the fastest?
Which Class was the youngest of eight brothers?
Which Class has a Mother that is sleeping with the Spy?
Which Class is a bastard?

If you said “Scout” for all of the questions, then you see why he is what he is.
If not, then whack yourself in the face. Several times. Until you see the errors of your ways.

Of course, you may still continue to argue that the Scout is not what I say he is. I understand that. Except, I’m lying. I don’t understand that. How could you ignore my logical points of logic? No matter, I have more points that you can do nothing but agree with. Because I said so…

First, he is too fast!

There is no denying it. The Scout is fast. Too fast. Waaaaaaaaaaaay too fast. In fact, I would go as far to say he is so fast, he teleports around. No, that’s not because I have a low FPS, and I play on servers on the other side of the world, it’s because the Scout is far too fast for such a fast-paced game like Team Fortress 2. His speed breaks it completely.

Take, for example, a round on Badlands I had a week ago. I was playing as a Spy, and I was trying to catch up to a Scout. I was running, and running, and running, but I never caught up with him. He just zoomed ahead of my normal speed class. I removed the mask from my face, put my Gibus back on, and proceeded to yell profanities into the air. A Pyro, and one that hated people who wore hats out of place or out of season, spotted me from behind, disguise-less, DR-less, and too occupied with my excessive swearing to notice any enemies, and rushed towards me, Backburner ready. Needless to say, I was more burnt than a Sunday Dinner cooked by a drunk Demoman…

All because the Scout is far too fast.

So what would I do to fix this, if I worked at Valve? Well, there is two ways to fix this, without having to remove the Scout (although that works too). First, make the Scout slower. Slower than a Spy, but faster than a Demoman. If anyone asks, say that this is because the Scout recently got hooked on Pizza. Although his character model doesn’t look different, the Scout became fatter and slower than usual. The other solution is to give every class a buggy to drive around, so they can travel really fast, and since everyone is going fast, than no one will be. It would also make CTF maps a lot more fun for those who dislike them…

Second, they are not Soldiers OR Demomen!

You’ve heard it here first folks. Killing Scouts did not help Soldiers or Demomen unlock the secret item during war. A crime I say! But once again, you feel that you must intervene. “But wait, oh crazy one,” you say. “Can’t you say that about any class other than the Soldier and the Demoman?” I could, but there is one major reason why I have chosen Scout. He has the destructive force of the Soldier and the Demoman COMBINED!

Look at this from a competitive point of view. Here is some random guide on Competitive TF2 for those who aren’t too sure about it. Anyway, the average 6v6 team is made up of two Scouts, two Soldiers, a Demoman, and a Medic. A competitive team has had many years to learn the best combination of classes. There is only one Demoman and Medic because they are too weak, and you need power. A second Medic, although you’ll have a higher chance for ubercharges, and possibly two ubercharges at once, would cost one of you power people, and wouldn’t be worth it. The Demoman may have lots of stickies at his disposal, but they take time to use. Speed equals power, my friends (refer to point one of this article)…

So, you have two Scouts and two Soldiers. Surely, the big muscular warmongers with 200 health and rocket launchers are stronger than the itsy-bitsy baseball player with 125hp. But no, it is the Scouts which are stronger. One of the Soldiers can be almost always found being healed by the team’s Medic. That’s right, one of the Soldiers has to be overhealed all the time. Meanwhile, both of the Scouts, who each have less than half the health of the overhealed Soldier, are running around free to cause as much havoc as they want. And being such jackasses, they will do as much as possible!

So, take note people. The only way we can counter such power is by taking the term Fragile Speedster to the extremes. I’m talking about 35 health, and his weapons deal 50% less damage. I’m sure you’ll find that these numbers make perfect sense, and allow the Scout protection from fall damage or stray shots, and makes sure he doesn’t die immediately when he has the Sandman. Oh, and just in case you feel that 35hp makes the Scout underpowered (which, for your information, is impossible), then here’s a little treat for you: having BONK! increases your max health by 15hp. Isn’t that super awesome?

Finally, the Scout can fly!

I’m not pulling your leg here. I haven’t lied once during this article, and as we draw closer to the close, I plan on continuing my truthful and reliable ramblings until you realise how overpowered the Scouts are. And if the previous two good points did not sway your opinion, then this one will really blow you away! It’s about one minute in…

You seeing this? No other class is gonna do that! Thanks to EvilDaedalus for the filming of such devilry (along with some other, not as important stuff) so we can see the witchcraft of a Scout.  Give this man a donation and a community weapon!

Only the Scout could do that. Other classes can go airborne, yeah, but none of them have the amount of control and airtime the Scout has. He just kept going up and down, up and down. No effort needed, all you had to do was aim those stunballs and watch them fly. Gentlemen, this is a problem for all of us. Man, Woman, or Child, if there is a Scout flying by, there is no escape…

So what do we do to fix this? Sadly, this is one of those things that can not be fixed. We can either remove this, or the Scout. And, personally, I feel that removing the Scout is for the best. Give his weapons to other classes. I’m sure the Demo would like a drink that can be him dodge everything for a small while, and the Sniper could think of a few things a baseball that stuns could do, such as prevent a Engineer with two pistols from getting too close. ‘Tis for the best. Trust me.

So, Scout Players, I hope you realise how much your hero sucks. I know it is hard to understand or believe, but this is hard facts. I mean, there are eight equally enjoyable and funny classes. Don’t be addicted to the Boston Batter. Put some variety in your diet. For the Scout is too strong, and if you are too strong, then where is the fun in constantly wiping out waves of opponents, laughing manically as the number of dominations you have rise, and never fall, and watch the land transform, as if the devil himself declared war on your enemies, from the clean fields into a world covered in red blood, with just one clean spot, signifying that there is a hope that a hacker will join and end your rampage, but both you and your foes know that will never happen. And then have it all end when the round does, leaving you sad inside, partly because it is over, but mainly because you do that every single round…

Yep, there’s no fun in winning all the time…

Yo what’s up?

Wasn’t expecting me, was youse?

Anyway, take this situation; it’s a lazy Saturday afternoon. All your homework (assuming you get homework) and chores are done, and you don’t enjoy just lazing around. So you fire up TF2, but there’s no one to play “competitively” with; only pubs around. Sure, they’re fun, but you don’t feel like it, plus you’d like to try and get a little better, which ain’t gonna happen there. What’s one to do?

Here’s a couple suggestions for Soldiers. And maybe Demomen.

BBall

Maybe you’ve heard of it, maybe not. Just to be on the safe side, I’ll explain in detail.

ctf_bball is a deathmatch sort of game, meant to be played 2 on 2, but also works with 1 on 1 (gets boring more easily) or 3 on 3 (more spammy). You’re in a basketball court with only moderate-height walls to jump off, and the objective is to land the flag in the enemy net. You run Soldier or Demoman, with a max of one Demoman. Simple no?

But what’s stopping people from playing something other than those two classes? Nothing, but people, which is alright, since most people who look for bball servers are in a similar mindset. It’s that simple really.

Training includes playing with other good sollys and demomen, and it helps airshots (the enemy needs jumping to score). You could also play scout, though only FaN scouts can reach the net, and it’s pretty iffy. It also helps walljumping (based off long jumps rather than height jumps) and airstrafing (scoring).

There’s a few dedicated bball servers that aren’t locked, plus some regular servers have it on the map list; type “ctf_bball” into the map choice for a collection. UC servers #2 and #3 also have it, although you’ll need an admin to start it. Typical etiquette includes no using sticky bombs to attack, and to a lesser extent, the shotgun is discouraged.

On the subject, there are two different maps that follow the style. One is ctf_pro_bball.

It improves over the original in a few, most notably a shoot-through backboard which prevents people from cheaply knocking you off scoring by shooting it. There’s also ctf_ballin, which is about the same as pro_bball, but a little prettier, and doesn’t limit you to 3 captures. Both look much better than plain ctf_bball though. Give ‘em a run.

Ammomod

This is my personal favorite.

Basically, you fight in an arena against one other person, as either Soldier or Demoman. The map can be a plain room, or based on a notable portion of a stock map, like Gravel Pit’s tower, Badlands Spire, Granary’s mid point, etc..
Both are given 1600 health and unlimited ammo. First one to go down loses.

It’s really simple, but the added health and ammo gives you plenty of room to practice without having to respawn after a few shots. There’s a few servers dedicated to it around; for example, in the US:
- Clan Vortex – 67.212.189.186:27093
- Exodus Society – 216.52.148.129:27015

I mostly go to thenoid’s ammomod, which is at 67.202.71.165:27015. You’ll probably run into some really good players if you do run by, so the best advice I can give is don’t go in expecting to do well.

And if you ever run into Solid Snake, do yourself a favor and have a key bound to “explode.”

Spireking

Spireking is like ghetto ammomod for soldiers – like ammomod, it’s 1v1. There’s a badlands spire in the center of the map, and both players battle for control of the top, where there’s a control point. Unlike ammomod, though, you start with 200 health, but you’re continually resupplied with full ammo and health every 4 seconds. That means that to score a kill, you need to deal out 200 damage in 4 seconds. What better way to do that than by nailing some awesome airshots?

Since spireking doesn’t work well for matches bigger than 1v1, you’re unlikely to find any public servers for it. However, since it’s a standalone map, you don’t need a bunch of mods to run it on your server, as you do with ammomod. This makes it great for clan training. If you have a server, or have access to a private server, give this map a go.

Tr_Walkway

Get it. Now.

Ha, but no seriously. Originally an ESG-only beta by wiseguy and washipato (trust me, it wasn’t that great when it was in beta), it’s now available to the general public, and there probably isn’t any better aerial training bar playing against other people. The launcher is a great asset, and a couple hours on this thing I assure you will greatly improve your prediction skills .Unless they’re already maxed, in which you’ve still got a bunch of commands to mess with to make it harder.

And if you’re like me, when your ping rockets because somebody in the dorm is torrenting… stuff… you can always fire up a listen server.

There’s also modifications for stairstab and eagle stab training in there, but honestly, who falls for stairstabs anymore, and who plays Spy anyway?

And while you’re at it, try a couple headshots.

___________________________________________________________________________

That concludes this article for today. Seriously, get a server, or become friends with someone who does, so you can reap the benefits of Spireking and BBall. Until next time, good night and good luck.

Give a big hand to Secret Agent Clank, on his first contribution to the Competitive TF2 Guide. Future installments of the guide are going to be generally shorter and more specific than the first nine. Thanks for the support, readers. -himmelstoss

Okay, I know it’s not wise to open up old wounds, but bear with me here.

As you might’ve guessed, the Sandman was probably the only unlock which was, more or less, universally slammed – flames hotter than a sheep-shearer’s armpit rising. You could practically feel your computer toasting away by just reading the steam forums from the amount of raw, testosterone fuelled, pre-teen rage. But the recent(ish) update to TF2 has brought on some much needed changes to the weapon, which I hope can let everyone relax a little and maybe even try out the weapon.

Why the Sandman is probably the best it can be

Okay, I’m not going to patronise with you by making a list of all the changes made; nor am I going to try to force you to think that the Sandman has become the best unlock concieved. The basic idea of the Sandman is that it can stun – if you remove that, then it’s not the Sandman. So, under the circumstances, I do think the weapon is probably as balanced as it can be made without removing it altogther. Why not remove it? Well, why not remove the Demoman? How about the Pyro, while we’re at it? Despite the weapon’s largely negative reception, people still use the Sandman and once something has been released, it’s just not right to remove it altogther.

Death

The weapon is now made so that one direct hit from a rocket, a grenade, a sticky, a half charged sniper shot or an arrow can kill you instantly. This means Scouts will die even more often than they did before. This makes the Sandman a somewhat more skilled weapon than previously – Scouts will need to dodge more and not be as careless. Getting up close to a Soldier for a point blank shot can be even more risky. Even if you stun an enemy, but don’t finish them off in time… If you’re standing still, chances are you’ll get a rocket in your face and you’ll be dead! Heavies can recover much more easily with their minigun still spinning away. A Heavy can stack up 540 damage in a single second. If you don’t act fast, you’ll be dead!

The Sandman no longer rewards those who do not bother with aiming or dodging (two pretty major attributes Scouts should have) to such a great extent. Against a Sandman Scout, you can kill them much more easily before they may even get a chance to use the stun on you.

Using it as a Strategic Weapon

I think it’s become sort of drilled into people’s minds that the Sandman will get you killed, guaranteed. This doesn’t have to be the case – the Sandman can be pretty ineffective in groups, where Medics and other teammates make it harder for the Scout to get to his target. Even in a 1v1 situation, as stated above, it’s easier to recover or remove the threat before the stun. The Sandman can be used to stop Engineers from tanking. It can be used to stop a Demoman from planting stickings, or Medics from healing a seemingly unstoppable Heavy. In some ways, the Sandman has made it so that you don’t have to kill someone who’s threatening your team. Perhaps stunning that Demoman planting stickies on the CP will give you an opportunity to capture the point and win the game! Perhaps stopping that Engineer from tanking can help get rid of a sentry nest?

Lastly, just have fun!

Let’s face it. Why play TF2 if all it does is get you angry? Just enjoy your time playing. So what if you die from a stunball? Just shrug it off, get back in there on the respawn and… wait a minute.

…Have fun!

Continuing with the series of competitive TF2 articles written by himmelstoss and myself is an article on the bugger from Boston, the jackass of all trades, the scout.

Now I’m not talking about just any scouts today. No, I’m not even going to mention your run of the mill stun-and-FaN scouts that inhabit 32 man instaspawn servers. Well, I’m not going to mention them outside of this sentence.

Alright. Here we go. You should know by now that there are typically 2 scouts/utilities on a normal 6v6 team. Their main roles are to protect the medic, protect the demoman, flank the enemy and attempt to kill the enemy medic. However, scouts are not limited to these roles by any means. They could certainly rush into the fray of battle, where only experienced soldiers dare to tread, but their speed and ability to deal high damage relatively quickly makes them well suited to hit-and-run attacks on the enemy team, on enemy medics in particular. In addition to hit-and-run attacks, if a scout is good at dodging and can hold his own, they can be quite effective at direct combat.

As far as defending medics, scouts typically only end up doing this if they need healing, or if the pocket and/or roaming soldier is dead. Scouts can be thought of in much the same way that soldiers can, in terms of ‘pocket’ and ‘roaming’ scouts. This is especially true in European leagues, where this an emphasis on keeping the demo alive to deal large amounts of damage. Frequently, one scout will remain with the demoman in order to compensate for the demoman’s weaknesses in direct combat. This leaves the other scout free to flank and observe the enemy – having a scout announcing the enemy medic’s location and status can prove extremely useful.

Now, in a typical 6v6 team, there are two scouts. But since there may not always be a need for them, scouts can serve as utilities, that is, they can switch to another class to better suit the situation. For example, a scout could go pyro (a fairly useful flanking choice on Badlands) or heavy (a very useful tactic, particularly on Turbine). I’ll go into more detail on utilities at a later date.

The scout is very well suited to capturing points. The scout’s fast enough to almost always be first on the point, and the fact that he caps at double speed helps to make him perfectly suited to capturing objectives. Because he will be the first on the point, the scout can establish an early advantage for a team (by clearing the middle point area of enemy scouts). In many matches, the team that captures the middle point early on wins, so scouts should keep this in mind.

When playing a scout, you are not gifted with large amounts of health, so it can be tempting to take health packs. Do not do this, unless an enemy is going for it. Leave health packs to your team’s medic. He can heal you if he gets the pack. You can not heal him.

On the issue of combat, try to avoid firing early. This is especially important in competitive matches. The earlier you fire, the more time the enemy has to react to you. This not only wastes ammo, as the scattergun does much less damage at long range, but when you are playing with highly skilled players, odds are that they will kill you if they have time to react. In summary, if you are undetected, wait until you close in before firing. The scattergun is absurdly strong at close range, so if you can get up close before firing, your efficiency will improve significantly.

Scout is certainly the most controversial class in terms of unlocks. Due to the controversy surrounding the use of these unlocks, many leagues (and even some public servers) have banned the use of them outright. The sandman, in particular, is banned in all serious leagues. The two unlocks that aren’t banned in all leagues, the FaN and Bonk!, see very limited use in actual matches, due to Bonk!’s situational use, and the FaN’s limited damage output and slow reloading speed.

With the recent buff, the FaN is beginning to see wider use in matches, but its slow reloading speed and low clip size hamper its widespread use . As it currently stands, it’s simply more convenient to use the scattergun, due to its higher overall damage output. Assuming you can aim, of course.

With scout, play can be improved with a few small changes. Now the first is going to take some adjusting to, and might need some extra desk space. To make aiming more precise, and to avoid wasting shots, use a lower mousing sensitivity, coupled with a larger mousing area. Personally, I use an 18″x14″ mousemat  with my mouse DPI set to 3200, and my sensitivity set to 0.7 in game. This will help make shots more precise and less jittery, and should make your aim smoother.

Now, with soldier, learning jumps is extremely important. A good soldier should know where the map’s perches are, as well as where the map’s clipping is. This can be just as important for scout, who is easily just as mobile as the soldier, if not more so. While jump maps can be useful for soldiers, they are not nearly as useful for scouts. When practicing scout, learning jumps on stock maps is much more useful.

One extremely useful tactic, particularly in 6v6 play, is to partner with the other scout on your team. A well coordinated scout pair can kill combos if they dodge well and concentrate on separating the medic from his partner. This is an area where the FaN can be useful. If one scout bounces the medic away, the other can kill the medic. This then leaves the medic’s partner alone, and by that time, some of his overheal will have worn off.

One of the main roles of a scout is to finish off targets who are low on health, or ‘lit’. The scout shouldn’t be trying to fight fairly. He should be listening to his team and hunting down wounded targets before they can return to their team’s medic. This is another situation where the FaN can be useful. With the knockback, the scout can bounce targets into a good position to be finished off by himself, or his team.

Well, that should just about do it. Hey, take some of these tips to heart and happy scouting.

-clubtheseals

That’s it. It’s been a week. I’m posting this.

Before I start, I want to mention that this is in no way a definitive post on what should be done with TF2 and the mechanics of said game. These are my opinions, and mine alone, and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Feel free to comment, though.

Anyway, I was on LoR the other day and was wondering to myself “If I were an employee at Valve and I were one of the guys changing the weapons to improve the game (FaN buff anyone?), what would I do?” So I went through the equipment, one by one, and here is a list. If it’s not mentioned, I don’t think it needs changing, but feel free to give your opinions anyway.

Yes, it’s another one of those articles.

Each change will be rated out of five, with 1 being “completely unnecessary change,” 3 being “could work,” and 5 being “great idea, methinks.”

Scout

So I’m going to leave the Scattergun and the FaN alone, firstly because the Scattergun is fine, and secondly because you need perfect aim (not hard at point blank, though) to get that 2 shot kill-anything-but-the-Heavy strikes, which balances it somewhat I suppose. That was a pretty uninspired buff, really.

Pistol
Just about perfect, although a lot of times I find myself wishing I had more ammo, especially when playing soccer. Perhaps Valve could increase the ammo count by one or two clips, although I’m not sure what this would do to balance, particularly in scrims.
Rating: 2 out of 5

BONK! Atomic Punch
Now this thing right here is somewhat of a problem. It’s mostly a gimmicky escape tool, and no really good Scout would surrender his (or her) pistol for a slim chance at escaping (the enemy can easily chase you down). It is DEFINITELY not doing much to fulfil its original goal: to allow Scouts to bypass their #1 nemesis, the sentry. Only a handful of situations sees actual use (distracting a sentry, mostly).

Solution 1: Reduce the slowdown after-effect a little so that Scouts still have a fighting chance, maybe 100%? Speed is their primary weapon, after all, and most who don’t escape to a safe place are easily mowed down anyway.
Rating: 2 out of 5

Solution 2: Allow an alternate fire that causes you to slow down initially, THEN get invulnerability. This would help with the original conception of giving Scouts access to areas previously blocked by sentries. To make up for this, you will be slowed down for ten seconds, with no notice of when the invuln starts. Alternatively, we could have 6-8 seconds of slowdown beforehand, then only have 2 or so seconds after the invuln. Cannot be stopped once activated.
Rating: 3 out of 5

The Sandman
Ahh, yes, the controversial child; now more balanced, although it’s still incredibly irritating to get hit with (and incredibly giggly to use), and still banned from CEVO. However, there’s something on my mind that I’m sure a lot have been thinking of; bind mouse1 to attack with the bat and mouse2 to launch the ball, instead of the current system.
Rating: 5 out of 5

Soldier

Ah yes, the crazy one. I see no necessary or even interesting changes to the class. Dismissed!

Pyro

Now here’s a class I grief  about along with the Scout. However, unlike the Scout, I find it takes a fair bit less skill to use, and is far too rewarding for what it is. A higher skill ceiling and floor platform would be nice to have.

So, here’s my proposals.

Flamethrower
Idea 1: The Compression Blast is ridiculously fun to use, indeed it is, and is very annoying when you face a Pyro who’s actually skilled with who actually uses it. But it’s still the Pyros main, and a pain to encounter. Remember the old, broken, incredibly overpowered Ambassador? Unlike the tough weapon to use it is today, that is what is being used by the flamethrower. I’m not saying we get rid of that though. That would be stupid.

I recommend a slight reduction of the flames hitbox to fit the animations, so that Pyros will actually have to aim more and spam less in order to win their kills. The advantage? Compression blasts take 5 less ammo to use, giving you a total of 10 on a full tank. I’m (partially) sure many would approve.

It would also match the actual animations we see. Even if not, at the very least, change those animations to match what the Pyro can actually do.

Yes, I know the music is weird. Shut up.
Rating: 3 out of 5

The Backburner
This one. Yes… this one.

Well, here’s the deal. Many, many, MANY Pyros use it. And not really “use” it, so much as equip it.

The thing is, too many equip it over the flamethrower because of the occasional free crits and the fact that they never use the airblast anyway (the stingy, teamworkless, usually unskilled twits). Very few actually try ambushing and flanking the original Pyro was made for, and the Backburner was made for, and I guess I don’t blame them too much.

The solution? Originally thought up by Christopher Livingston (creator of Concerned) on his (old) (abandoned) TF2 comic blog 1Fort, this involved reducing the backburners range somewhat and slightly increasing it’s cone of fire + hitbox for crits. The benefits? You can attack bigger groups with it, IF you use it right,  while reducing the number of DURR HURR MUST CHARGE ENEMY type Pyros that consume so many games. I really thought this was a neat idea, number crunching notwithstanding.
Rating: 4 out of 5

Alternatively, reduce the damage from the front, I dunno. 1 out of 5.

Generic flamethrower idea
Make the flamethrowers have to connect with a certain amount of an enemy’s model before it sets him alight. Still does regular damage if you don’t connect enough, but Pyros would also have to do more than touch the enemy for the free 50-60 damage.
What? It could work.
Rating: 2 out of 5

The Flare Gun

This is my beloved in my 70-80 odd hours as Pyro. I love grabbing the attention of Snipers, and setting people on fire at a distance, and it’s not terribly easy to use either (like the flamethrowers). However, a recent update came out; the reverse damage falloff is gone, but it now mini crits enemies that are already on fire.

This I’m not too a big fan of because:
1) I was toataly MLG prO wif flare wepon at long raenge
2) The mini crit requires that the enemy be on fire, and it does 10 extra damage.

The 10 extra damage helps, I suppose, but I’m still not buying it. I could get 10 extra damage easily enough by spamming flames wildly in the enemy’s general direction. 50, in fact. Flaregun meh, revert plz Velav.
Rating: 2 out of 5

Fireaxe

That is all.

Demomahn

Ahh, the controversial Demoman. My 2nd most played class, and one of my favorites. What’s there to change?

In honesty, although I wasn’t in TF2 from the beginning (August of last year), I agree with most, if not all of Valve’s nerfs. 6 grenades would have been way too spammy, as would 32 spare shots (if my sources are right). Stickies would completely lock out areas, and merely moving them takes forever without an airblast (and that’s assuming they’re on the floor), so it’s only right that they can be destroyed (and they can’t be destroyed easily save Heavies). Having grenades explode on ANY contact (if GB isn’t lying) creates a lot of fear (and spam). And sticky spamming is prevalent, so the close range damage nerf was alright (although the least inspired/goodideaish of the nerfs)

What can I bring to the table, then? Sticky spamming is still common, although any Demoman who relies purely on stickies is at a big disadvantage in my point of view. So, perhaps an increase to 5 grenades and a reduction to 7 stickies, or even 6/6? It could work. Maybe. Not all that important, though, come to think of it.
Rating: 2 out of 5

The Heavy

Natasha
DON’T BE JEALOUS, SASHA.

I still find this gun to be woefully underused, due in part to a couple of mistakes (the initial 66% damage miscode before the Scout update and the speed reduction during the Scout update being 25% instead of 75%). So, what’s one to do?

I can’t really tell, to be honest. The better Heavies can aim well enough to kill without needing slowdown to make it easier. It needs to be played a more teamwork style, as mentioned earlier, but then the Heavy is already quite deadly when played together with a team, whichever weapon he uses (not to say that ninja heavies aren’t a threat). Helps ‘gainst Scouts & Pyros, but that’s most of it.

Thoughts?

The KGB

Honestly, who uses the fists after this except for being generally awesome with taunt kills? What heavy uses melee, in fact? How about making the fists always do mini crits?
Rating: 2 out of 5

And that concludes this 1500 word rant! Part dos on the Engineer through to the Spy will be coming out soon*.

Please discuss with civility.

Clank out. ~~

Tick, Tock,
Tick, Tock,
Tick, Tock…

Sometimes, when the time is ticking away, you get ideas. Sometimes, the idea is simple. Sometimes, it’s not…

Tick, Tock,
Tick, Tock…

Most of the time, however, time beats you. Most of the time…

Tick, Tock…

But sometimes…

Tick…

Just sometimes…

Tock…

Something awesome happens…

VICTORY! *Insert Fanfare here*

***

Yes, Spy/Ninja Caps. A technique? An art? An annoyance? Maybe a bit of all three. But deep in the fortress’ walls, in a book containing all lost skills, such as “Offensive Engineering” (Which has been restored as of late), and “Capping the Intel on 2Fort”, there is a section on Spy/Ninja Capping.

Now, there are three different techniques to Spy/Ninja capping. They all have their advantages and disadvantages. They are called “Prepared Capture” (The most popular one), “Over Offensive” and “Incomplete Cover“…

NOTE: This guide was designed for A/D maps only. Spy/Ninja Caps are more essential on those levels, as they can help in a stalemate posistion. In a Linier CP map, they are an annoyance to some players, especially the Prepared Capture. Of course, if a team has gone Over Offensive, or has a Incomplete Cover, they deserved to lose the final point, especially to an Engineer…

Prepared Capture

A Prepared Capture is when you wait for the capture point to be unlocked, and then, when it does, quickly capture the point. You can not do this on Payload, however.

+ Gives the enemy little time to react after the loss of the previous point.
+ Usually no enemy/Sentries around.
+ The easiest/most likely Spy/Ninja Cap to pull.

- As you wait, your team is down one man, which could be a major disadvantage.
- Boring while you wait.
- Sometimes, the enemy can see you on the cameras while they are dead (You know, when you are waiting to respawn, you can look through cameras overlooking capture points), and will hunt you down.

Dustbowl Example: Stage One, Capture Point 2

Although it can be done on any stage, a Prepared Capture can be done easily on Stage One, because it is possible that the attackers find little difficulty in capturing the first point. Hide near the point, so that people coming out of the spawn don’t see you. Once the first point is under your team’s control, get onto the second point and watch the swift capture commence.

Personally, I dislike this method. Every time I do it (Excluding the method explained near the end of the article, but even that sometimes fails), my team is unable to capture the first point. Especially on Stage Three of Dustbowl. Ever waited 20 minutes, hoping your team would actually capture the point? Zorgulon was not impressed when he saw me on the spectator cameras…

Over Offensive

This is when the enemy (The defenders) goes “Over Offensive”, which means that they push from the point to a part in the level. This means that you can easily cap the point while they are away.

+ The enemy is usually too busy fighting to protect the point.
+ Can work on most, if not all, levels (Even Payload).
+ The more your team is failing, the easier it is to do.

- Quite hard to sneak past the enemy.
- Respawned enemies will alert their team, and try their best to stop you while you were expecting an easy capture.
- If you fail, the enemy (usually) falls back and protects the point, preventing further Spy/Ninja Caps.

Dustbowl Example: Stage Three, Capture Point 2

The main battlefront of the area between the first and second point is the little alleyway in-between the points. Whoever owns that section has the attacking advantage. Of course, if the defenders have it, you can easily capture the point from right under their noses. If you can’t get behind them because they have a lot of people at the alley, go down the stairs, which should be an easy, enemy free path to the capture point.

Actually, I recently did this as a Pyro in a three vs four game on Dustbowl. Considering both my team mates were Spies, and were both dead while I was doing this (One died by taunt kill while I was doing this), I think I won this match by myself. I killed a KGB-weilding Heavy with two Flares (Loving the new Mini-Crit Flares BTW) and good old Axi’, and then took the stair route behind the capping Sniper, saw the Heavy crossing the bridge, and when the coast was clear, made my move. When I won, everyone but one person (Who was on my team) left. Ragequit much?

Incomplete Cover

When a Sentry guards the point, but doesn’t cover every corner of the point. Or, in Payload maps, the Sentry can not fire at you because the cart is defending you.

+ Can save your team if the Sentry has stopped all other attempts.
+ Always funny to hear people go “What just happened?”
+ Easy to do on Payload maps.

- Sometimes, an enemy will stop you.
- That Sentry will still be there after you cap the point.
- Harder to do when the enemy has multiple Sentries.

Dustbowl Example: Stage One, Capture Point 1

So the above may have confused you a bit, so listen to this example. So, one of the most popular Sentry locations for this Capture Point is on the stairs, yes? Well, most of the time, that Sentry doesn’t protect the entire point. If you enter from the entrance at the back, staying close to the left wall, and crouch onto the point, the Sentry usually isn’t able to see you there and you can cap the point with ease.

Last time I did this was as a Soldier, with French UC member Laharl (Self Proclaimed DJ of UC) as my Medic. Capped the point, and took down the Sentry with Splash Damage. He seemed to have been impressed with my fête. If you feel like being a team player, inform your team (Especially your Medic) what you are doing. I’ve had a Medic run onto the point while I was doing this…

Right into a Sentry…

***

Now when I say “Spy/Ninja Capping”, I don’t mean that this skill is limited to Spies. Any class can do this, be it Pyro or Sniper (As I have mentioned above). However, there are three classes I suggest to do this. So, without any delay, the classes used for Ninja Capping!

The Spy

The Spy is the most obvious choice for Spy Cappping. After all, it is named after him. When Spy Capping, the Spy can easily do all Spy Capping techniques. He can easily cloak and get behind the enemy to prepare to cap without noticing, in which he can prepare to cap when the point unlocks or capture the point if the defenders are on the offensive. The important thing to note is that, if an Engie builds a Sentry in case his team fails, the Spy can easily destroy it, while the below two classes will have difficultly. Oh, and the new Cloak and Dagger helps as well.

However, the Spy has his weak points. Once spotted, the average player will stand his ground and Spy Check the entire area. This is a problem if this area is near, or even on, the Capture Point. The other thing is that the average Spy can not get into a fight and win. Of course, I do not doubt your skill, but you may need to practice with your revolver/facestabs just in case. Or just pop the Dead Ringer up. Either works, really…

General Example: Pipeline (Stages One or Two, Final Push)

Since the Spy is so versatile at Spy Capping, it’s hard to give him a good example. So, I might as well give one for Pipeline, one of the newest maps. During the final push (The uphill ramps at the end of Stages One and Two), the enemy may choose to focus on defending the point, or pushing their cart. When the former is too weak, or distracted, then is your time to strike!

If there is no Sentries guarding the point, then uncloak or take off your disguise at the head of the payload. Since you don’t have to stay alive for long, all you have to worry about is the enemy running to stop the cart, rather then attacking from a distance. If you can push the cart up the hill, so it no longer falls backwards, then the chances of your team failing reduces so much (Unless the enemy has done the same to you)…

The Scout

The Scout, the fastest of the classes, can easily rush past the enemy and perfect for when the enemy is Over Offensive or have an Incomplete Cover, and can also be useful for a Prepared Capture. The Scout’s BONK! Energy Drink can allow you to safely rush past the enemy safely, at the cost of them catching up. Sometimes, you can use it to distract the enemy from the current objective, making them decide if they should go after you, or stay at the point, splitting up the defence.

However, like the Spy, the Scout has his weaknesses. After the effects of BONK!, the Scout is slow and still pistol-less. You’re only ranged weapon to stop the enemy from advancing is the Sandman, which you will most likely miss when you swing your ball. Oh, and if there is a Sentry ahead, you can kiss your Ninja Cap goodbye…

General Example: Gold Rush (Stage One, Capture Point 1)

The first Capture Point of Gold Rush is a perfect example to use Incomplete Cover to your advantage. The reason this is good for the Scout is he can push the cart twice as fast as the Spy. As the cart reaches the building (Home of one of the most obvious Sentry locations in TF2, along with behind the corner of Dustbowl 2-2 and the final point of Steel), hide to the side of the cart, so you can’t see the Sentry, and it can’t see you.

It’s a bit hard to pull off, due to the fact that enemies go through the tunnel and see you pushing the cart, but try it anyway. When the cart turns the corner, try to move so the cart still protects you. With a little bit of practice, you can easily cap the point without the Sentry even firing a shot…

The Engineer

Some of you fail to realize the effectiveness of an Engie Ninja Cap, and I respect that. After all, what does an Engie do? He builds a Sentry to defend the point right? Well, maybe he can use that Sentry to defend himself. You know, as he caps. You see what I did there?

Basically, our hardhatted friend can easily control a point before it opens, a “Prepared Capture”. The best part is, once he has a Level 3 Sentry controlling the Capture Point, it’s tough to get down. Most of the time, the enemy doesn’t even know it is there before it is too late (a.k.a. you are capping the point).

Mind you, the Engineer has very little tricks in getting behind the enemy. This is the reason Engies are hardly used for Ninja Caps, because it is so hard to get to the point and set a Sentry strong enough to stop enemies before the point is unlocked. Oh, and on some maps, placing a Sentry covering the point is countered as Spawn Camping…

General Example: Steel, Capture Point C

Well, you could try Gravelpit’s last point for the Engie, but usually the enemy finds you, due to the cameras and the beeps from a Sentry. You also need to set up a Dispenser, since there is no metal nearby. However, the third Capture Point on Steel is both ignored until it is unlocked AND near a large ammo crate. Get there by going through the last point (Either through B if A hasn’t been capped, or through A if it has). Simply put a Sentry in a position that covers the two ways the enemies go to defend the point, and put a Dispenser down so you can use it to heal yourself.

Many times have I caught the Capture Point this way. Sometimes, I do die, but at least the gates from B to C (Which take an awfully long time to open) open enough to let my team finish the job. However, if there is a Sentry at E, you may need to take a detour through D (And jump down onto the ledge or pipe connecting to the ledge). But usually, it isn’t a big deal…

***

Well, that’s the basics of Spy Capping for you. The art of being a Ninja is now yours. Now go, practice these techniques, and call yourself a true Ninja of Capping…

Now if I go onto Server 2 while it is on Steel and see a BLU Sentry Farm on C before A is capped, I won’t be happy. I’ve seen it happen before. Luckily, we managed to cap A and B when it did happen…

tl;dr version:

Don’t bother. If you don’t have the patience to read the article, you don’t have the patience to do a Prepared Capture. Don’t know what a Prepared Capture is? Exactly my point… :3

The RED Spy flicked his bloodied knife shut expertly and strolled over suavely to the BLU intelligence briefcase.

Really, it had all been so simple; that little twerp was so easy to mimic, his urgent and cocky manner. And he had the fortune to have that BLU Spy taken out, the one who was actually starting to piece together the puzzles. Those simpletons! That lunkhead Soldier really was unskilled.

As he hauled the intel briefcase over his shoulder, he brushed off dust, lint, and blood off his suit. He had to look the very best. After all, his beau was looking back at him.

Sifting his hands through the compromising photos of his beau – oh yes, the Scout’s mother – he picked one out delicately. It was the one with him and her, going together for a romantic evening on his moped. He smiled wistfully.

“Ahh…ma petite chou-fleur.”

He took the photo and put it delicately in a little frame in his disguise kit; a reminder of the woman he loved.

As he strolled down the now empty hallway, he turned a corner.

Mmpph mmphh mmpphhh

As the Spy walked past the struggling figure, it only struggled and mumbled even harder. It shook violently, apparently not at ease.

Though he was bound up and gagged, the Spy took out his Ambassador – a gun he had procured from one of Europe’s finest smiths and engravers – and pointed it at the figure as if to prevent it from making a sound or escaping. Maybe he wanted to show the beautiful engraving of the figure’s mother on the side of the barrel. Either way, though, he had no intentions to kill him.

The BLU Scout struggled furiously on the ground as he looked at the disappearing Spy with pure hatred. That son of a bitch!

He stretched his grazed wrists in an effort to somehow break the bonds. No luck. And he couldn’t call for help – everybody on his team was basically dead.

He shut his eyes and tried to gather his scattered thoughts together – it had all started with an assignment from the Announcer. Apparently, there was a lead to RED’s new weapon. He was to go check it out.

First of all, he noticed that the subtle blue dot that always accompanied him wasn’t there. By the time he came back, he saw the Sniper’s corpse, the latest victim of the RED Spy.

Exploring the base further, he found the Engineer’s beloved creation, in smithereens. There was the Engineer, shot right between his freakin’ eyes. And the Demoman, shot while he was in the crapper.

The Spy had gotten deep when he reached the hallway to the intel room. The Medic was dispatched, though he was missing his glasses.

Then he had finally encountered the Spy, ready not to take the intel, but to ambush him, the last remaining one. He couldn’t believe how deftly the Spy fought. All those years fighting on the rough streets of South Boston meant absolutely nothing, as the Spy bound and gagged him, as well as slipping him a tranquilizer to keep him immobilized for a while in a discreet hiding spot.

Finally, he had witnessed with horror as the Spy took his form and tricked the Heavy and Soldier. He didn’t see what happened in the intel room, but he heard the struggles. And the stabbing noises proved that the RED Spy was successful even before he came out.

What to do? It was wearing off, but he couldn’t get help. Everybody was dead. What he would do now, he reasoned, was enter the intel room and see the carnage for himself.

As he inched his way to the door, he saw, through the crack, the Soldier and Heavy’s stunned, lifeless, blanched faces. Even more grisly was the BLU Spy’s decapitated head. Friendly fire? The Spy doesn’t tote a shotgun.

The intel was gone, but what was this? Photos? A parting gift? The Scout peered over the counter.

Hours later, when the Medic finally respawned, he arrived at the crime scene to find three corpses – one without a head – and a body that looked a lot like the corpses. It was too much for the poor Scout.

*    *    *

The Scout sat in his room, thumping the Sandman in his hands. In shock. Without a thought. A daydream.

He had kept the photos, but what for? To constantly remind himself of the horror? No, he needed it somehow. It was essential in a way he didn’t know how.

He had escaped the fury of the Announcer today, but that didn’t matter. Everything was coming together like a jigsaw puzzle. He now knew why his Mom skipped out on his baseball games back at Boston. He now knew why Dad was never heard from again.

Dropping the bat, he put his head in his hands, shaking it in despair. The Announcer had just given him another assignment – the RED Spy had to be dealt with, yet sending the whole team in was not an option. He was to go track him down; after all, he was the lone survivor of the massacre.

The Scout took off his hat and scratched it, ill at ease. He was going to have to face his worst nightmare, once again. But he was going to have to pay a visit to somebody before he went spy-hunting.

*  *  *

The Sniper drove the camper van into the parking lot, where he parked it so that the window was facing the apartments.

I like the feel of this thought the Sniper as he gripped the leather wheel of the rented camper van. When the Scout asked the Sniper to accompany him, he immediately listed his contacts in South Boston. Lucky him – he rented a good camper van, and with discounts too.

The Scout hopped off the van, hiding the weapons in his backpack. He almost forgot that he could no longer carry weapons out in the public. As he made his way up to the apartment, he tried to act casually. It wasn’t easy – the receptionist looked at the Scout funnily when he failed to greet her; he used to do that all the time when he still lived there.

The smell of the musty hallway hit him as he took in the nostalgia. Second room from the left he had told the Sniper. He didn’t bring him for nothing, as he entered the room. The door was unlocked.

He almost shed a tear. He was home after years, home after all that had happened ever since he was taken away. There was his Little League trophies, his multiple awards and a picture of his brothers’ mug shots. He smelled his ratty old glove, taking in the odor of the ballpark as well. He even saw his mother’s purse.

“Honey?”

A familiar voice. He turned around to see his mother, dressed in a blue dress as usual. Her hair was in a pony tail, and though she had eight kids to feed and care for on her own, she still kept her form. Good o’ Ma. Her shining, motherly eyes nearly made the Scout break down into tears.

Nearly. Instead, the Scout took out his bat and advanced on her. He scowled and snarled, “Where’s my Mom?”

For a moment, Mrs. Scout looked confused. It only lasted a few seconds. Then she smiled. “What gave it away?”

“She never puts her hair in a ponytail. It’s always pinned-up.”

The RED Spy sighed, dropping his disguise as he flicked out his knife. His back was to the window. “I’d knew you would come back and try to discover for yourself. So predictable. For an answer, it’s yes; your mother is my little darling.”

The Scout felt a pang of grief and shock seize hold of his guts. He advanced on the Spy.

The Spy sighed. “I don’t want to give you trouble, but it looks like it’ll have to wait until your mother is here to give you the harsh truth.”

“Where is she!?”

For once, a look of anger crossed the Spy’s face. “Where is she?” he mocked the Scout in a whinny voice. “She’s with me! Why must you give me so much trouble?”

He circled the room, lighting a cigarette as he paced. The Scout kept his eyes on the professional. 

The Scout’s face contorted to reveal his utter disgust. “You don’t love her; she’s just another woman that you’ll toss away! Like all the other ones you encounter in your…little…missions!” 

The smell of cigarettes filled the room. The Spy blew a smoke ring before responding. “Before I went to South Boston, all the women I’ve met were shallow, mere playthings that cared nothing more than money and mystery. And they wanted me. I didn’t want them; I only used them for my own purposes, no more.”

He continued. “That’s when I met your mother. She was not rich, not famous, and merely middle-class. But all she cared about was her sons, you! You! And where were you? Playing soldier boy in a petty conflict!”

The Scout breathed heavily. He never answered Mom’s postcards to him.

“She needed me, she needed someone who could care for her when you and your petty brothers weren’t there. And for once, I found someone who craved not the physical pleasures of the world, but for something much more.” He pointed at the Scout. “You.”

The Spy looked at the Scout, but this time without the steely, cold eyes. “I could’ve killed you, but I didn’t because you were her son. I still wonder why I spared you; you don’t really care for her anyways.”

The Scout’s throat burned. He was right.

And for once, the Spy looked back with passionate eyes. And he said the following with such conviction, that if you didn’t know him, you had to have believed him.

“Will you end this petty struggle with me? I have contacts; you can be my son, and we can finally start new normal lives, not ones dedicated to meaningless killings and slaughtering.”

Unfortunately, the Scout knew him all right. And at that moment, all he felt was a burning desire to kill that man. All thoughts of Mom and her suffering left him; he remained cynical yet.

“No. No freakin’ way! You’re lying. You never tell the truth! That’s impossible!” cried the Scout as he took out his scattergun. And from the looks on the Scout’s face, the Spy could see someone who could not be changed – someone who was brainwashed by his past life as a mercenary.

The Spy, with a disappointed, weary sigh, shook his head. “I hope enough sense comes to you soon enough, boy.” And with his back to the window, he disappeared.

A shot cracked out, shattering the window and knocking over the purse by the windowsill. The Scout ducked, realizing that the shot, inadvertently, was a distraction that helped the Spy escape.

“Get back, you -”

And with that, the Scout rushed into the hallway, full of malice. Ready to kill. Ready to get rid of the man whose latest victim would be his mother. He felt a cry rising to his throat, ready to ram his bat down the Spy’s throat. He now had a single target. He had a vendetta. That cursed RED Spy.

He had broken some bones in the fall from the window, but no matter. As he sped away in the moped, the RED Spy thought to himself bitterly. That boy could not be changed. And yet…he couldn’t kill him. Not the son of the woman he loved. His thoughts preoccupied him, as he sped off into the distance, into a future where he would never be able to start a new life.

The Sniper looked up from his scope, confused. What was the commotion? Had he hit him? He saw the Spy by the window and shot him. Was he dead? 

He saw a shadowy figure pick up the purse that he had shot down from the windowsill. It looked familiar…who was it? The mysterious figure picked up the purse, examined it curiously, and disappeared from the window. 

However, he was too preoccupied to think any further about the stranger. He was thinking all about the past few days. He had been sent, on a similar mission, to take out that RED Spy. 

The Sniper sifted through the extra photos he had taken on that mission. The RED Spy and the BLU Scout’s mother. He had been gunning for the RED Spy before the massacre, trying to prevent the horrible truth from being leaked out to the Scout. But it was too late.

As he sat back, he was contemplating. He had always thought of the conflict as being between men, nothing more. But what happens when those men’s loved ones were dragged into the fray? What was that?

The Sniper smoked a cigarette. And he only did that when he was extremely stressed out. In which he was. 

I guess that’s war thought the Sniper grimly, as he burned the photos and watched the extra evidence turn to ashes.

So, you’ve been stunned by the Sandman. You’ve raged, got an ulcer, went to the hospital, got better, and raged some more. You went to the nearest forum and complained. GOOD! You’re supposed to do that. At this point, you may be thinking, “What?” Well, let me explain.

It is my observation that VALVe geared the Scout unlocks toward making him even more of an annoying prick than usual. (And maybe something about teamwork) I mean, c’mon, knockback? Uber stopping? Invulnerability? Those are all things that get on your last nerve. The following is a guide to being the most annoying prick as possible.

The Force-a-Nature

People seem to use the regular Scattergun more because they say it does more damage. While this is true, The FaN has more pellets per shot. Therefore, at close range where all the pellets hit, they both do the same damage. The FaN also has a faster firing rate. Therefore, a hit-and-run playstyle is favourable with this weapon. (And will consequently make you more annoying.) This is a great tactic on all classes except the Soldier and the Heavy, as both shots at close range will do more than 180 damage. Also, shooting people off ledges and into sentry/friendly heavy range is great fun. It also acts as a crutch for the loss of double-jump if you choose to use the Sandman (Which you should if you wanna maximize your annoying potential). Or you can triple-jump with it. Your choice.

Bonk!

Bonk! is an optional. The Pistol is an okay backup weapon for mid-range opponents, but I personally don’t use it much. Besides, it’s just too much fun hearing the Scout yell insults at his opponents when they miss him. It’s great for running past Sentry farms, or distracting them so your team can clean up the mess. Another thing to notice is that the knockback you take seems to be doubled. You may think “OMG REMOVBE NOKBAC VAVLE,” but don’t be so hasty. Abusing sentry knock back is one of Bonk!’s strengths. You can, say jump from above the sentry to get to a high ledge, or, use several level three sentries to boost yourself out of their range and right next to a charmingly oblivious Soldier. (I’ve done that before) The latter tactic is very effective at crippling a strong defence from inside. When I got to the RED spawn, I destroyed the Teleporters, and harassed all the people spawning until they focused all their attention on me, rather than the cart, which was already at the first checkpoint. You can also taunt while on Bonk!.

The Sandman

Ah, yes, the Sandman. Possibly one of the most controversial weapons ever introduced into TF2. But what was it that made it controversial again? The Taunt kill? The different model? Oh, yeah, a baseball!

Seriously.

I think too many people are overreacting. In my opinion, The Sandman is more than balanced.

Besides, it’s nice to see the Scout get a team oriented weapon. It rewards you for being far away from your enemy, and running to their position takes time. So, you have to rely on your teammates to finish the job. Plus, it can stun ubers. That’s just plain annoying.

Oh, one more thing. *Ahem* The 50% damage reduction. This is annoying (not for the enemy, but for your team). Both barrels from the FaN on a stunned enemy amounts to about one barrel. You may need backup if you’re planning on killing after a stun. However! There is a short amount of time between the stun wearing off and the enemy regaining control. This sliver of time is about enough to plant both barrels into their chest, and the enemy takes full damage. Be sure to abuse this to its fullest potential.

So, let’s review!

First, you hit a guy with the ball to stun him. The farther the ball travels, the longer he’s gonna be out. Then you laugh at the guy because he ain’t doin’ nothin’ for a while but gettin’ beat on. Finally, get in there and take some cheap shots! You deserve it. So does he. Batter SWING!