I’ll be brutally honest. I really have no idea how to start this one. This is always something that bugs me whenever I sit down to write something; how do you interest your audience whilst having it not sound inappropriate, without simply using “I’ll get right down to it”? Maybe I’m just obsequious to form, but heck with that, I really have no idea where to begin.

/lampshading

Anyway, there have been a few bits about TF2 nibbling at my ankles, some for quite a while, and some just recently coming into play. Whilst they’re not super important, they’re certainly things I’d like to see added, perhaps with an option to turn them off (although I don’t see why you’d ever want them off, unlike the dingalings).

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Frontier Justice crit activation

This one is fairly recent, given the weapon I’m talking about.
What I want is an action that allows you to toggle on/off any crits you’ve earned for the Justice, using mouse2 (or whatever weird key you have bound to +attack2, you nerd). It’s not a terribly huge deal, but (for example) sometimes I want to take a couple of potshots at enemies far away without wasting my crits, given that there’s less reasons around to use the Luger nowadays…

How it would work: This would start as normal – you’d have crits for your shotgun whenever you’ve earned them, but if you hit mouse2, they’ll shut off until you click it again.

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Invisibility and Dead Ringer icons

Spy is the one class where I always have viewmodels on. This is not to help time melee hits; rather, it’s because I don’t use the class icons on my fairly toasty HUD, and the only way to assure whether you have invisibility on is with the cloak bar, which is odd with the C&D.

Not only that, but I’d like a way to determine whether I have my Dead Ringer out or not, if I so choose to play without viewmodels.

How it would work: Perhaps have the cloak meter glow when you are fully invisible, and have a little cross on it when you’re only semi-invisible? Apart from that, have a Dead Ringer icon next to it whenever you have yours out, and perhaps just an outline when you don’t.

This may be a little confusing for new players though, so I’d just add it as a command that’s off by default.

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Syringe count

It’s just a pet peeve, but I’m someone who uses syringes a fair lot when they actually DO play Medic, blutsauger included.

I also, however, like to heal as much as possible for my charge, so sometimes I’m not so sure if I’ve reloaded yet before hitting a target with the beam. So…

How it would work: Show the syringe count, no matter which weapon you have out. Maybe keep the uber meter permanently on too.

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Grids for Engineers

This is slightly harder to do. In essence, I often find myself spending a second or two more than I’d like aligning my buildings to things like a corner, or just on a cliff, of sorts.

So , you could have the Engineer automatically align his building to the ledge or against the wall in a gridlike section, but the trouble lies with when you want it set diagonally, or don’t want it perfectly on edge.

How it would work: I think it would be handy to have an option that allows this ability. Just a simple console command to give people the choice, off by default, and with which they can script without having to add something silly to the game like +attack3 or +alt2 or anything.

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Glowing bars for items that recharge

Take Jarate, or Bonk, or even the Sandvich now. While the “ding” it makes is a nice touch, sometimes you miss it. Sometimes the bar glitches out and shows that it’s full regardless of the fact that you just used the item.

So here’s a little idea I had: make the bar that shows how far it’s recharged glimmer for a second when you’re fully charged. This would apply to Bonk!, the Sandman, the Banner, stickies, the Targe, the Sandvich, ubers, Jarate, and the spy watches; a sizable portion of weapons.

How it would work: Just a blink of light, maybe a second or so in duration. Alternatively, make the bar turn a different color like green, or make it blink green.

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They’re not very big issues, I’ll admit, but to paraphrase Mr. Croshaw, the niggly little bits in a game which one plays a lot come back to annoy you.

I’ll agree, it’s probably best not to complicate things too much. The thing is, sometimes it’s better to just have a console command for those people who don’t want/need such options, as keeping them out of the multiplayer advanced menu makes it simpler for new players. Some of them, such as the item recharge bar glowing, don’t really need this, while some (like the Engineer grid) do, if there’s any chance at all some people don’t want them.

Anyway, part II will be here at some point. For the time being, anyone got any little things they think would be a good addition to TF2?

sometimes I want to take a couple of potshots at enemies far away without wasting my crits, given that there’s less reason to use the Luger nowadays.

Ibuprofen from the forums continues to do our job for us with this amusing image breaking down the appeal of each Team Fortress 2 class:

Some of you may have heard that CEVO is banning the Sandman, Natascha, and the Wrangler for the upcoming season, a decision that’s met with a lot of controversy. The arguments against banning them are rather obvious, but between CEVO’s forum and a topic on our own forum, a few excellent explanations have popped up to explain why they’ve chosen to ban these weapons

Starting off general with a theme that covers two of these bans, from Ubercharged forum member ibuprofen:

Didn’t the competitive scene say that Scouts are borderline overpowered?

The quote was that Scout is the only “borderline overpowered” class. This means that if a player can hit every meatshot, He is overpowered compared to any other class that can get every shot, i.e a Sniper getting headshots with every shot will not be as effective as a Scout hitting every shot.

Also, for those who don’t agree with Natascha being banned, think of it like this. There are 5 combat classes on a team of 6. One of them is running Natascha. This player has begun to attack an enemy. This enemy’s mobility is now non-existent. Not only can they not escape, but they are a piss easy target for the 4 other players on a team. Competitive players aren’t like your usual pub player; we hit our shots. Therefore, imagine being the enemy when a single bullet begins a cycle of helplessness.

TF2 is a game of momentum and mobility. If one player can destroy the mobility of every class on the enemy team, that team will probably take mid and gain major momentum. This is a major game breaker. Note how every class (not Medic obviously) that is standard in comp play is extremely maneuverable or has a method of gaining instant mobility.

A response to “Well, can’t the enemy just use a Sniper and easily counter the Heavy using Natascha?” again from ibuprofen.

OK, I’ll break it down for you to understand it better.

The Sniper’s advantage is that he can eliminate targets from range. His damage does not amplify depending on distance. He is able to get “picks;” kills that allow the pushing team an advantage of having a player over them. The best “pick” is a medic pick, where a medic is eliminated from the enemy team. Snipers can do this at a range, which is why they are favorable. However, this is the only thing they are able to do; frag. Scouts can frag as well. However, Scouts move extremely fast, have a double jump, are able to outmaneuverer explosives classes and fight through spam. They can also avoid a Soldier juggle. Scouts can insert themselves into a battle, complete their objective, and remove themselves just as easily and quickly. Scouts capture at 2x the regular rate. A Sniper can do none of these things.

The mid fight is very important in competitive play, because the game is about momentum, as I mentioned. However, problematically, the Sniper is always late to the mid fight, which means the team’s Scout has a 1v2 fight at mid against the other team’s scouts. He also has to protect the team’s Demo and flank the enemy Demo, both of which are at mid. If you just don’t run scouts at all, first of all, your team’s Demo is dead instantly. Second, by the time your powerhouse gets to the fight, the point is already half capped. Thirdly, the enemy Demo will have stickies up the exits, trapping the combo. The enemy scouts will also have an advantage on the flank, etc.. etc… the list goes on. So, the team’s Scout is fucked at mid when you’re running a Sniper, jeopardizing the mid fight. That’s point #1.

The Sniper must be protected at all times. If a Soldier knocks him up in the air with a rocket, there is literally NOTHING the Sniper can do, as he cannot scope in nor outstrafe the extremely easily second rocket to complete the juggle. If the Sniper is ambushed from a blind spot by a Scout, he is dead before he came humanly react. Before you say, NO NO I’M A 1337 SNIPER I GET ALL THE SHOTS, keep in mind it takes 200ms for your shots to register as 150dmg headshots and not as null 50dmg bodyshots regardless. Add reaction time and lag (avg on central servers is 70ms) and you begin to realize how weak the Sniper is. The enemy team has TWO of these flanking classes, so if they ambush you at the same time, which they often do, you are dead before you can kill either. So essentially, you’re playing two classes down when you run a Sniper, since one has to babysit him. That is point #2.

The Sniper can do 150dmg a pop with a quickscope. This takes out unbuffed Scouts and Medics. In less time than it takes to do this, a Scout can deal two meatshots. Therefore, in the same time, the Scout could have killed any Scout (Buffed or otherwise), a Medic, an unbuffed Soldier, an unbuffed Demo, and put a buffed Demo in red to be pistoled easily. The Sniper can charge up, however, for 450 dmg. However, this takes four seconds. In these four seconds, the Scout can have popped out much more than 450 dmg. This is point #3.

Moving on to the Wrangler, here again from ibuprofen

This is just typical competitive crap. Why would a competitive clan/league or whatever ban weapons that provide a TACTICAL ADVANTAGE. Nat Heavies can be damn useful in a defense. The Sandman was damn useful before it got nerfed to oblivion and The Wrangler opened up a new skillset for the Engie.

This is what I don’t understand about competitive teams, they’re always banging on about skill yet when a weapon comes along that gives less experienced players an advantage over them, they’re quick to call for nerfs and bans as opposed to – oh I dunno… avoiding them?

I talked about the Natascha early on, but on the Wrangler, it makes a lot of sense. I’m not going to go to far into it, but in competitive play, sentries exist only to make enemies pop their uber early. Picture the Badlands choke when the offensive team is pushing out from yard after losing the mid fight. They have to fight uphill (THE worst position you could ever be in) and it is a back and forth struggle to peak out and get a pick so that their team could move in. Players flank from the house and scouts sneak in from the back side to ninja cap.

Now, what the team that has middle can do is they can run an Engineer and set up a level 3 sentry on the train car and wrangle it. This effectively shuts down both chokes and makes it impossible for the other team to push out. If they push out of the usual choke, they will get spammed in by a Sentry with a 66% damage reduction shield (seven stickybombs to frag) and double fire rate. If they try to push out house, the Sentry can just turn to the left and cover that too. So really, their only option is to push from valley (the area under the bridge), and this is a SEVERE disadvantage. Remember what I said about uphill fights behind the worst possible obstacle you could face? The valley is ten times more steep than the choke. Even when pushing out from here, the Sentry can still target you if you pop out. It will take literally the entire length of an ubercharge to kill a sentry. Which is not fair considering how fast the Engineer can build and maintain a sentry.

Like I said, I won’t go too far into it (there are loads of other problems), but to summarize, the Wrangler makes chokes impossible to push through and the entire game becomes a steamroll for whatever team wins mid.

Bellsprout, also from the UC forums, outlines the main reasons behind all three bans.

The only strategies that these weapons are good for are that of stalemating the game. The game revolves around Ubers, right? The Sandman is able to stun the Medic before he can Uber meaning he’ll be die. Or it can be used to stun the Soldier while he’s building Uber leaving the Medic defenceless. I should mention that by stun in those sentences I mean the speed nerf/unable to use weapons state.

The Natascha means that that an Ubered pair will go in and HAVE to focus that Heavy with 450 health, else he’ll stop any retreat. If there’s two of them then you’re just being stalemated as it is pretty much impossible to kill the two – especially if there’s a Medic with Uber. However because the team has two heavies it’s very difficult to push second. meaning stalemate.

The Wrangler means that an Uber is necessary to JUST kill the sentry. If there’s another engineer with another Wrangled sentry then you will lose. Simple. Once again, pushing to second is very difficult.

French Toast, one of our authors particularly well known for being part of the comp guide adds a side note about why guaranteeing that someone will die is so taboo.

The issue stems from the size difference between the average pub game and the average competitive game. When I stress to say “every little thing matters 10x more in a game with half the players”, I literally mean everything. It’s hard for a player used to comparatively large games to wrap their minds around because losing one or two guys in a pub only means another filling his place. If you’re down a man in 6s, that one man you just lost means a lot more in terms of fire power and coverage.

Laerin from our forums explains the “cannot move hence death” aspect a little more clearly

It’s been mentioned time and time again how the Natascha’s slowdown leaves players completely at the mercy of others. The scout, soldier and demoman are used instead of say two heavies becuase of their speed and versatility. The heavy is meant to be a tank with a high DPS and large amount of health but by trading off it’s speed. But the Natascha robs other classes of their speed and manueverability; the most important thing they have over the heavy. A soldier cannot rocket jump away. A scout cannot run away – or even get close to him. In one-on-one situations, unless you are right beside a means of escape, your two options are either to kill the heavy (the class with the higher DPS and health) or die. In most cases however, you will be a sitting duck to the other classes and your set of options will have dwindled by one.

This last one is from Sigma, over the CEVO forums

Quote: Originally Posted by Hawkeye
The Natascha ban is simply idiotic. It’s been around for a few seasons, used, no one had issues with it, it is not over-powered otherwise we would’ve seen the Heavy/Natascha a whole lot more then on maps to fend off scouts and more teams winning maps running Natascha heavies.
Natascha heavies came out on every map this season in invite (and almost every match of the lan, often doubled up). It’s to the point that even mid fights, where the heavy is traditionally terrible due to his speed, would see a heavy showing up. The increased speed + reduced spin time turned heavy from situational to crazy good. I don’t know about open or other leagues, but if players there aren’t using it it’s a result of not trying it and seeing how broken it is. Scouts pretty much cannot make any plays once a natascha heavy is spun up. They get hit by 1 bullet, are totally frozen + get directed + die. Soldiers and demomen can’t peek corners, because the bullet stream will cause them to be too slow to escape from the return spam. As a medic, you pretty much have to treat the natascha heavy as a sniper — once he slows you, you take damage from almost every rocket, so you have to stay out of LoS. If you suggest getting a heavy of your own or a sniper to counter it, sure, that works, but the game slows to a crawl and is no longer fun.

On the other hand, heavies are extremely effective for creating a health advantage through sandvich use and following up pushes with the huge 450hp buff. This remains unchanged with the regular minigun (and is in fact more exciting, because the heavy exchange happens much faster). The heavy can still hold the flank 1v2, but only if he has good tracking — as opposed to the natascha version, where he can sit spun up on a corner and get a guaranteed kill on any scout that peeks it.

AG used natascha heavies as much or more than the other invite teams, and all of us agree that the weapon is way too strong. By the end of the season Otter refused to use it in scrims because it was so lame, and it was so easy to use that there was no point in practicing it.

Quote:Originally Posted by Bodknocks
Banning Wrangler just seems really odd. I feel like it’s a huge knee-jerk reaction to the item. I don’t really know what else to say other than that, did people honestly think Engie would start being main classed and that Wrangler was going to dominate the scene? I just don’t really understand why this is supposedly overpowered in 6v6 environment, it’s definitely an upgrade from the pistol (lol) but that’s not a good reason to have it banned.
It only takes a couple scrims on gpit to see what’s wrong with it. Sentries have no damage falloff. This is fine if they have limited range, but when you can put a gun in a sniper’s position and spam huge damage from long range, then pick up said gun and hide it once it (eventually) gets damaged, the attacking team has no counter. The engy can sit at spawn with his gun, get free damage on any team that decides to push through C, then pick it up, teleport to B, and put it super far away from the doors to spam more long-range damage. You can try things like double-DHing it, but you still need 6 or more rockets to bring it down (thanks to the ridiculous shield), and the engy can easily just pick it up and hide it, the shield will let it live long enough. Heck, you could even rocket jump a teleporter to the roof and teleport your gun (and team) up there (without having to deal with the old problems of taking a long time to get up and being vulnerable to snipers). Who wants to push B with a heavy, level 3 infinite range sentry, sniper, demo, med, soldier all sitting on the roof? I know I don’t.

Hopefully, this helps you better understand CEVO’s decision. If not, however, let me just close with a couple of choice comments from French Toast

The minute people stop thinking of competitive player as this separate group of completely foreign players, the sooner you realize that everyone plays the same game. It’s the same thing as some people liking 32 man, roll the dice servers, or other people preferring 18 man 24/7 arena servers. Competitive players are just another bunch that like to play the game the way they like, and it happens that the leagues agree that it’s the most competitive way to play, so they host tournaments for that style.

It’s our little corner of the world, and the actions the leagues take are our concerns. If you can’t accept our reasoning, which has been rather beautifully laid out before you in this thread, for following certain rules, and banning the use of certain weapons, we don’t care. Why? It doesn’t affect you, it’s our little corner of the TF2 world and we enjoy it the way we have it.

Thanks to Bazinga for sending this in. YouTube user thejazzman9475 has been hard at work creating some of the best TF2 videos ever made. Ever. So far, they’re unfinished, but they’re already dripping with freshly painted win.

There are a couple other ones in the works too, featuring the Pyro, the Sniper, and the Engineer. There’s also one with a surprisingly risqué Heavy/Medic pairs dance sequence. I, for one, can’t wait for these to be finished.

It is now nearly twelve weeks since the disaster at a Gray Gravel (GG) site in the badlands of New Mexico. In mid-April, a gravel pit exploded in an alleged assault on a weapons facility hidden there. Still the dire repercussions of the catastrophe linger. Gone are the familiar sounds of eagles calling and gunfights raging; the only thing one can hear is the relentless crunch crunch crunch of the unrefined gravel that continues to spill into the countryside. In whatever direction one cares to look, the vista is the same.

It is not just the scenic mesas and suspicious-looking industrial sites that are being overwhelmed. The very livelihoods of the locals have been utterly swamped by a torrent of small stones. Over 86% of New Mexico’s workforce are employed as mercenaries by Builders League United and Reliable Excavation & Demolition, the two giants of New Mexican industry. With their usual battlegrounds buried under up to two feet of gravel, these mercenaries are unable to work.

“Have you ever tried walking through this much unrefined gravel?” Asked one such employee, Dell Conagher. “You’re just constantly sliding and stumbling. And I can tell you: falling on that stuff hurts.” He raises his hands, which are visibly imprinted by the tiny stones. “Now imagine fighting in it. It’s out of the question.”

Instead, these soldiers of fortune must occupy themselves with clearing the badlands of the ocean of gravel that stretches to the horizon. It’s backbreaking labour, and the pay – provided by Gray Gravel co. as part of the compulsory reparations programme hurriedly rushed through Congress – is much less than they are used to. Another victim, a Scottish expatriate, has had to sell his luxurious mansion to fund his alcoholism, which it can only be assumed was triggered by the crisis.

It seems the mercenaries will continue to shovel for quite some time, too, as even three months after the explosion, gravel continues to pour from the pit. GG have faced stern criticism from both locals and the Government for their failure to stem the deluge, but company representatives blame the difficult terrain and constant industrial warfare. Mr Conagher is not convinced:-

“Industrial warfare? There ain’t been any industrial warfare! Not since we’re all cleaning up this goddamn gravel. Sure, there’s the banditos that occasionally come up from the south, but that’s nothing a few well-trained mercenary squads couldn’t crush. As for the terrain, have they ever thought of flying stuff in on one of those blimps the Australians have been conjuring up? I’ll tell you what the problem is: those moustache-twirling Brits don’t want to pay up.”

Indeed, a lot of local ire has focused on the fact that GG is originally a British company, and its current CEO is an Englishman, Isambard Beaufort Gray. Mr Gray was unavailable for comment, as he was having his moustache recurled. It has been claimed, however, that GG is simply a front, a cover organisation for a secret offshoot of Builder’s League United, but BLU representatives have declined to comment.

There is a growing consensus that such an incident should never be allowed to happen again. President Kennedy has called for a total end to building gravel pits so deep in the dangerous badlands, pending a review into the environmental and social impacts such ventures can have. This has displeased other gravel corporations, who say that the rising price and dwindling reserves of gravel worldwide force them to delve ever further into previously impractical locations.

But what of the present situation? Non-mercenary locals are worried about the potential health risks associated with being exposed to unrefined gravel. GG has made several official press conferences reassuring the people that the gravel is harmless “unless ingested”. Health officials, however are more cautious, urging people to remain indoors. Some commentators have even reignited rumours – denied for over a century – that New Mexico gravel is in fact “fool’s gravel”, which is toxic. The International Gravel Standards Agency is currently conducting trials.

In a large house near the afflicted Badwater Basin, I came across a single mother and her young son. Concerned for his health, she will not allow him to play in the gravel. The boy, clearly devastated by his confinement, was alternating between hyperactive pacing and sucking his thumb. I asked the lady how she was coping:-

“Well, obviously it’s not ideal – my son always likes to go out to play with his little friends. It’s no fun for him and it’s no fun for me.  He’s just hanging around at home, which is not something I want when I have visitors. I’ve had to put my own life on hold.”

As I depart into the gravel-tinged sunset, I see yet another truck, full to bursting with gravel. I watch it struggle its way across the stony ground towards the coast, where it will be shipped to Canada and dumped in the lakes and national parks. Oddly, no-one has yet criticised GG for its method of disposal.

Picture credits: Tygrys; Scout’s Mom model: Rebbacus.

In the (annoying) words of Extine, yaaaaooo.

Welcome to another episode of Script Shop, for the month of July.

Now I went and posted some scripts I’d found useful last time, and dropped a few because Valve fixed those (like my beloved autopistol, the Demoman targe turn, and the BONK! slowdown). There were however a select few self-righteous twits who had no other argument than “play it like it was meant to be played”; ironically, the same words that came from Infinity Ward about MW2, and we all know how that particular series is going.

But! Forget about that, because there are really no gameplay effects from this issue. I’ve been messing with some weapon animations when I’ve had viewmodels on, and today I’ll be posting two of them for your amusement and possible use. Onwards ho!

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Installation

That is, if you need this.

Simply copy and paste the coded text into your class.cfg, depending on what class it’s for.

If there are any key rebinds, you’ll have to add defaulters to your other classes to set them back to normal. To do that, use this:
bind mouse1 +attack
bind mouse2 +attack2
bind 1 slot1
bind 2 slot2
bind 3 slot3
unbind k
unbind semicolon
unbind "'"
Either
1) Copy and paste it to the top of every class config file you have, or
2) create a new text file called defaultbinds.cfg in your team fortress 2\tf\cfg folder, paste it into this file, and at the top of every class cfg, add “exec defaultbinds”

In addition, DO NOT use either of these on a server which doesn’t allow the wait command, as this will crash your game. To check, type sv_allow_wait_command into the console and make sure it’s set to 1.

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Sniper “recoil” animation

Most half-decent snipers, now, would notice that sometimes, their rifle “reloads” slower than the default animation. Some, then, would notice that this is a little glitch in the weapon switching animations that’s been in TF2, where if you select a different weapon a specific time after firing a shot, it delays the rifle animation.

So here’s a script that does that automatically!
// Slow cocking animation script
// By Secret Agent Clank
// =====================
alias +slowreload "+attack; wait 80; slot3; wait 10; slot1"
alias -slowreload "-attack"


alias slowcockprimary "slot1; wait 25; bind mouse1 +slowreload"
alias slowcocksecondary "slot2; wait 25; bind mouse1 +attack"
alias slowcockternary "slot3; wait 25; bind mouse1 +attack"
alias normalcock "bind mouse1 +attack; bind 1 slot1; bind 2 slot2; bind 3 slot3"
alias slowcock "bind mouse1 +slowreload; bind 1 slowcockprimary; bind 2 slowcocksecondary; bind 3 slowcockternary"


bind "semicolon" "normalcock; echo normalRifleAnimation"
bind "'" "slowcock; echo slowRifleAnimation"
echo "; -> normal // ' -> slowcock"
// =====================
Here, I’ve bound the semicolon ( ; ) to the normal rifle, and apostrophe ( ‘ ) to the slow cocking script, but you can reset those buttons if you want. And don’t worry if it skips the animation; the rifle attack interval is 1.5 seconds and this is faster than that.

In addition, we all know what joke you’re thinking off now, and you should be ashamed if you type it out.

WARNING: This is not set up to be used with q, or the mousewheel, by the way, since I don’t do that.

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Engineer Pistol Twirl

Here’s my other new one, which plays with the Engineer and his handgun equipping animation.

// Engy pistol spinny
// ==================
alias +lugertrick "-reload; alias repeat_function +repeat; +repeat"
alias -lugertrick "alias repeat_function stoprepeating"
alias repeat_function "+repeat"
alias +repeat "slot1; wait 3; -repeat"
alias -repeat "slot2; wait 20; repeat_function"
alias stoprepeating ""

alias +handguntrick "-reload; alias repeat_function +repeathand; +repeathand"
alias -handguntrick "alias repeat_function stoprepeating"
alias repeat_function "+repeathand"
alias +repeathand "slot1; wait 3; -repeathand"
alias -repeathand "slot2; wait 40; repeat_function"
alias stoprepeating ""

bind mouse5 +lugertrick

bind k handgunspin
alias handgunspin "bind mouse5 +handguntrick; bind k lugerspin; echo handgunTrick"
alias lugerspin "bind mouse5 +lugertrick; bind k handgunspin; echo lugerTrick"
Here, ( mouse5 ) is bound to spin the pistol, since I have +attack2 for my Engineer bound to mouse2.

In addition, ( K ) will switch between a longer and shorter delay: these buttons you can change.

I’ve planned out the wait times to be a good animation for my ping and FPS, which is 20 for the Lugermorph and 40 for the regular Pistol. By default, it sticks to the Lugermorph (which if you don’t have, by the way, automatically puts you in the uncool crowd), and pressing ( K ) will switch that to the longer delay needed for the Pistol animation (in my opinion).

These wait times you can alter to suit your own tastes.

In addition, you’ll end up with your pistol out, but feel free to switch to anything else.

___________________________________________________________________________

So, these are just a couple of fun things I’ve been messing around with. Try them out for yourself, and don’t be afraid to mess with the code either! Nothing ventured nothing gained, or some such malarkey.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be waiting for the Engineers guitar-based melee weapon.

EDIT: Okay, slightly late for this but I just remembered to add this in. The thing is, configs and framerates are different for different people: what this means is this affects the wait command differently (since it doesn’t like to behave itself). Chances are if you install it, you’ll have to experiment with your own wait values, most likely the 80 for the sniper and the 40 and 20 for the Engineer.

This is probably easier with windowed mode; just keep the files open, save it for new values, and “exec engineer” or “exec sniper” for either class, until you get the values you’re satisfied with.

Engineer: this would be based on how it looks to you.

Sniper: Work on averages. If it’s -not happening- more often, add a few points to the wait. If the -switching to kukri and back animation plays- more often, lose a few points.

That is all.

EDIT2: Swapped ( mouse2 ) and ( mouse5 ) for the pistol twirl since +attack2 is now more useful for the Engineer, and fixed quotation marks.

Rage. It causes servers to empty, people to get banned, and competitive teams to break up. Team Fortress 2 probably spawns a little more rage than the average shooter, since it has a heavy focus on teamplay. Clutch plays are more difficult in TF2 than in other games, so if your team sucks, you’re going to get burned for it, even if you’re good.

That said, the root of rage, then, is a feeling that you didn’t deserve to die. This often arises from the fact that certain weapons allow players who lack your level of skill to kill you anyway.

I hereby dedicate this article to the idiot who came up with the Sandman. Please don’t pass your genes on to the next generation, whoever you are.

Honorable Mention: Backburner

Well, in light of the fact that there are MANY rageworthy ways to die in TF2, let’s give a quick shoutout to one that doesn’t make the top 5 list: the Backburner. There’s no airblast on this thing, and it has a good damage boost over the regular flame thrower.

Come on. This thing has W+M1 written all over it.

Which is why dying to a Backburner user feels extraordinarily humiliating. When fighting regular Pyros as Soldier, I usually wait until they airblast and then fire a rocket, or fire slightly to the side of the Pyro so that the rocket can’t be reflected back at me. However, you can’t quite tell which variety they’re using when they’re charging at you, and if you use the aforementioned fancy tactics, you’ll take much more damage than you deserve to take.

And before someone asks about the Sandman, it’s not on this list either, though at one point, it would have been. Heavy nerfing has (fortunately) caused the use of the Sandman to drop to near zero.

5. Level 1 Sentry

If you die to one of these, it’s all your fault. Sorry. As if the beep-beep sound isn’t enough to tip you off, it also takes a few seconds to kill you. That’s usually ample time to figure out where the infernal construction is (hell, you even get little directional hit graphics on the screen to tip you off) and get behind cover.

That doesn’t make it any less irritating when you die to one. Like the Backburner, it takes little skill to set up a Sentry. When an Engineer sets one up in the middle of a fierce firefight, he’s almost guaranteed to get some kills, since people greatly misunderestimate the Sentry’s killing potential. I feel that Level 1 Sentry-based rage arises from the fact that to a Ninjaneer, the Sentry is entirely disposable. It takes five seconds to set one up, and it just doesn’t matter when one goes down. There’s just no satisfaction in taking a Level 1 Sentry down, since in the long run, it changes nothing.

4. Reflected Rocket (when you didn’t fire it)

So when you die to one of these, you just don’t deserve it. At all. It’s only thanks to that dumbass Soldier on your team that your virtual body is lying in little bloody giblets. I mean, seriously, why did he have to spam the rocket? You were going to kill the Pyro anyway. Gosh.

It’s definitely quite lulzworthy when you’re the Pyro who got the kill, though. Vid courtesy of TMP, who gets one too many of these kills on me.

3. Facestab

Well, this one’s a glitch that supposedly was fixed innumerable times. It’s a more-or-less unavoidable side-effect of lag compensation, with the game corresponding the position of the knife at some point in time with the position of the back at a different point in time. It’s still a pretty big issue, and is probably a meme by this point.

Yup, it's a meme.

Unfortunately, I’m almost always on the receiving end of these buggers. Yet another reason to hate AT&T and its disadvantageous DSL.

2. Random Critical

Along with the Sandman, this is definitely not one of the TF2 team’s best brainwaves. Random crits cut fun and intense firefights short; they’re very unsatisfying to get kills with (since you didn’t really deserve the kill), and they’re positively rageworthy when you get killed  by one.

The principle behind the crit is reasonable, I suppose. It’s basically there so that unskilled players or a losing team can tip the balance. What the TF2 team probably didn’t grasp is the fact that they act both ways; both teams can get crits. Crits don’t make a last-stage offensive on Dustbowl any easier.

Crits are almost always disabled in tournaments (with the exception of some BS tourneys, notably the Escapist tournament last year). While situational criticals do make for some excellent strategy ( they’re the only reason the Kritzkrieg and the Backburner make any sense, after all), random criticals are just downright painful.

The fact is, whatever arguments you might make for why the critical hit is good absolutely vanish when you walk around a corner into the face of a crocket.

1. Natascha

Sometimes, when I’m going around kicking ass as Scout (in truth, this doesn’t happen very often), I hear a dakka-dakka sound, and my heart sinks.

Look at that smug face. There’s just nothing to love about this weapon when you’re on the receiving end. Consider this from the point of view of a Scout fighting a Heavy. At close range, where the Scout actually can do significant damage, the Minigun will rip the Scout to pieces; at that kind of range, the Heavy definitely has the upper hand in terms of damage output. So the only chance a Scout has is to dance around the Heavy landing meatshots.

The Natascha, in spite of the damage reduction, is still a solid upgrade. If the Heavy catches the Scout in his sights for even a split second, the slowdown will kick in and the Scout will be finished. Against all other classes, the Natascha fairs comparably well. The slowdown makes it far easier for one to keep their sights squared on the enemy. In addition – and very importantly – it keeps enemies in the open. The best way to take down a Heavy is to fire off some shots and then dart back into cover, but the Natascha makes this an impossibility, making potential assailants sitting ducks for the rest of the Heavy’s team. In fact, there are only two scenarios where a Natascha-wielding Heavy will be at a disadvantage–when attacking sentries and when in open combat with another Heavy–and in practice, these are fairly uncommon.

Until this thing’s slowdown is nerfed, the Natascha will remain grossly overpowered and pathetically easy to use. The Natascha is TF2’s equivalent of the CSS autoshotty – the perfect n00bcannon. As long as it stays that way, it will continue to irritate people.

Plus, I mean, the Natascha is the Heavy’s mistress. You don’t want to encourage infidelity, do you?

Disclaimer: This was not meant to be the second renaissance of music or similar, only a fun alteration of the lyrics to suit the TF2 universe. The unrestrained rhythm of the music doesn’t help as well. So don’t start fuming out of your nostrils already.

Based on this specific version of the song.

“YOU”

“YOU!”

“YES YOU!”

“STAND STILL PYRO!”

When we changed servers and went to 2Fort
There were certain engineers who would
Camp the point any way they could

By pouring their derision
Upon anyone we killed
And exposing our location
However carefully hidden from the BLUs

“What have we here Pyro?
Console commands?
A cheat code?
Oh a guide no less
A strategy guide everybody!
The Pyro reckons himself a proper player”

“Heavy get back
I’m all right Medic
Keep your hands of my metal”

“Absolute rubbish Pyro
Change back to Engineer”

“Repeat after me”
“A level 3 dispenser is made from a total of five hundred metal, with one hundred metal as the build cost and subconsequent upgrade of two hundred metal…”

But in the fort, it was well known
When they got home at night, the thin and
Psychopathic announcer would thrash them
Within inches of their lives.

We don’t need no intel camping
We don’t need no sewer control
No cheap kills outside the spawnroom
Engies leave them Pyros alone!
Hey! Engies! Leave them Pyros alone!
All in all it’s just another camper in 2Fort.

“Wrong, Do it again!”

All in all you’re just another camper in 2Fort.

We don’t need no intel camping
We don’t need no sewer control
No cheap kills outside the spawnroom
Engies leave the Pyros alone

Hey! Engies! Leave us Pyros alone!
All in all you’re just another camper in 2Fort.
All in all you’re just another camper in 2Fort.

Every once and a while, a video shows up that’s so good that we’re willing to risk the reader’s ire by putting up another video post. This is definitely one of those videos.

Quick update: The creator has uploaded a comparison reel, for those who didn’t see the original trailer or who just wanted to be even more blown away by the shot-for-shot accuracy.

Today, our beloved Administrator was expecting some important guests, a business party led by Mr.Mann himself, so in case he wanted to tour the facilities, we were asked to trim our toe nails and refrain from using the bathrooms. Not working was fun, but we had to wait standing with our newly washed and ironed uniforms, without creasing them. Finally, there was a hush and the Administrator rushed in to our Barracks alone, walked over to me and mumbled something about making a lot of money from apples, and that I was to build new weapons to be unveiled as part of some kick off event.

Interesting, I just realized that we never had a single actual apple in our compound, and that I only saw them on TV.

Anyway, I headed back to my workshop. I had so many ideas, because I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately because I had a lot of time while mechanically wrenching sentries like a robot. Then it occurred to me, heck, I am an engineer, and I solve practical problems. And there, keeping sentries alive was a mundane task which I should be relieved off.

I recently was assigned an engineering intern, he was from Europe or something, but I don’t know what became of him, maybe the Administrator set him up to participate in target practice, you know, as a target. So I had to build my own assistant.

The Nurse

Oh she is a beauty. And a doll. Always swinging the wrench, relentlessly.

She also dispenses health, ammo and metal. You know what, I tried something new and made her completely mechanical – no electronics. That means she is not sappable – eat that you back stabbing lizards! On the downside she can not be fixed in the field, really. Oh and she is a bit slow, you know, she can fix a sentry when a random pyro decides to attack, or when a traitorous snake pulls a sap-by, but she can’t handle a coordinated attack.

This baby can not multitask as well, it either dispenses OR repairs. Some of the folks on my team may have no honor or ethics, but I am an exception. I managed to mechanically build in the prime directive, so the Nurse will switch to healing whenever a human comes nearby. She has healing hands. Robot hands. Cold, metal fingers that deliver healing.

Some of the guys said that this fingery healing leaves them feeling somewhat violated, but I say to them “go suck on a medkit if you don’t like my robot”.

Rejuvenation at the expense of being touched inappropriately. But such is life.*

Here is what I am going to put down on my slide presentation for the Administrator.

• replaces dispenser
• mainly used to babysit sentries
• repairs other buildings, and is also a level 1 or slower dispenser
• can heal/repair ONE person/building at a time
• her prime directive prioritizes healing humans over fixing machines, so it stops repairing when a player is nearby
• can NOT be sapped or repaired
• she looks like the maid robot from Jetsons, and she gropes players as she heals them

————————————-

Well, what else? Let’s revisit the sentry, shall we? Ah, she is one my masterpieces. A symbol of accuracy and versatility. For she pounces targets with fierce precision, whether she is deployed on offense, on defense, on your front lawn or in your glove compartment.

Maybe I should think outside the box for this one – how about something inaccurate, and not versatile?

The Cannon

Because bullets don’t pierce ubercharges. But explosions send them flying up. This baby shoots cannon balls in an arc that are more or less aimed at enemy’s feet.

I built this darling using a special armor I casted by melting scrap demoman targes. Take that, overconfident pyros, soldiers and demomen!

Of course there are some issues with this new material, it takes a lot of resources to build, re arm and repair this cannon. It moves slowly and fires slowly. I remember once testing this thing during one of our drills. An enemy scout came in front of the gun – didn’t notice me or the cannon – knelt down, tied his shoes and went off… BEFORE THE CANNON COULD FIRE. Well, really, I see this more as a defensive compliment to the sentry gun. The cannon sends them flying, the sentry pins them mid air.

Here is a picture of an early prototype I was testing with that intern I mentioned.

A recap of my major points for those of you mentally challenged:

• replaces sentry gun
• shoots cannon balls, in an arc, at enemy feet, with moderate damage.  Imagine a sticky bomb launching sentry, with stickies exploding on contact with ground, or flesh.
• the explosive effect can propel enemies flying up, which may help defend against ubercharges
• very slow turn and firing speed, which means is less effective against faster classes and in close range
• has armor made of whatever demoman’s targe is made of; resists explosive and fire damage
• has huge metal cost to build, and is not upgradable

———————————————-

Okay, okay. Now something for the teleporter. Teleporter is an innovation in quantum physics, and you blokeheads do not come near even under-appreciating it.  ”Need a teleporter here.” As if it grew on trees. Sigh.

Have you ever fought on Granary? Badlands? Any place where spawn rooms move back and forth as capture points change hands? Building a teleporter becomes futile and I end up running back and forth with a toolbox in hand. I am sure you think that it looks funny. And I will make sure that if you find it funny, you will suffer for it.

But back to quantum physics.  An entry and exit point fixed in space is required to move people safely at relatively sublight speeds. But if we were to drop our safety requirements, I could just build something to throw people at sublight speeds towards a location that is within a certain probabilistic distance from an exit “beacon” :

The Sublight Sling

This is a sling. There is an entry pad, just like a teleporter, and it throws you to my vicinity at a sub light speed. Sounds easy, right? No it’s not. I have to carry a highly radioactive beacon under my hat. But it works. Oh the things I have endure for you. My piss has turned indigo since I started working on this, I mean, I did not know bodily fluids could come out in such fancy colors. Except for demoman’s blood. It’s more like alcohol diluted with a bit of blood. Think of orange juice, but more putrid.

A case of raining men, I say, Hallelujah.

Here is what it comes down to, folks:

• replaces teleporter (you don’t say?)
• only an entrance is built, an exit is not required
• “throws” users to my location, wherever I am, useful or not
• works like a level 1 teleporter or slower
• sling is inactive while I am waiting for respawn

I will kindly ask you to knock before using the sling, however.

Can’t I get a moment’s piece, goddammit? And close the door!

*thanks to Kitalpha for the groping robot idea