ubercharged.net

It is with considerable trepidation that I publish the following announcement, issued by the Administrator for the attention of all readers of Ubercharged.net.

For the immediate attention of all employees

Underlings,

You will recall when, eight months ago and against my better instinct, I relaxed the dress code for company employees. More specifically, I removed the ban on non-practical headgear (a rule that certain employees never took with the deadly sincerity it was meant). This was an act of incredible generosity on my part, and I am sure I need not strain my typewriting muscles with the unnecessary addendum that such acts are not in my nature. Bearing this in mind, it is with the utmost disappointment that I must inform you that a number of employees are already abusing their privileges. Privileges that I may revoke at any time.

As your Administrator, I remind you that I am always watching, and it has consequently come to my attention that many of you have begun to wear headwear that can only be described as inappropriate. There appears to be a mistaken assumption in the workplace that hats bestow a certain authority to the wearer, and any such garment, regardless of how idiotic it appears to all sane personnel, is inherently dignified. Let me tell you in no uncertain terms that this assumption is categorically false. I therefore remind you that none of you has any dignity or authority whatsoever and the only reverence you should be showing is to be directed at me, your employer. An employer that needs no absurd headwear to convey their absolute disdain and anger at those of you who continue to busy themselves with ridiculous accessories.

My assistant reliably informs me that the “Hallowe’en Event” of last year was “fun” and “team-building”, terms which do not feature in my vocabulary, although I was assured they were constructive. As part of this event, our supplier issued many of you with antique opera hats, which, although utterly tasteless and dreadful in every way, were apparently “festive”. At the behest of my advisers, who have subsequently found themselves sealed in disused mine shafts, I allowed you to wear them. To my considerable bafflement, an alarming number of you continue to wear these ghastly accoutrements three months down the line. Although my own observations have not noticed a lack of productivity as a direct result of this, be advised that I am hereby cutting leisure time allowances, effective immediately, just to make sure.

In addition, reports from company medical and psychiatric staff have informed me that there is a sickening tide of what they risibly term “hatmania” among the workforce. An increasing number of individuals are concerning themselves with their headgear to an unhealthy extent. As you are, without exception, third-rate pond scum, I do not trouble myself with your many trivial obsessions. Until, that is, they preclude the efficient completion of the jobs you are being paid to complete. I hereby insist that you cease this foolish blathering about hats and helmets and get back to work before I am forced to “motivate” you. I have received reports of employees (now detained for their own protection) crudely fixing makeshift structures of scrap metal to their foreheads and earnestly telling their bemused comrades that it is a fedora. You will not be so fortunate.

Internal Communications have received countless complaints from some of you that my uncharacteristic charity in repealing the ban, and making the headgear catalogue of our esteemed partners at Mann Co. available to you was somehow not enough. “No,” they bawl like disgusting infants. “You have not given me a hat of my own!”

I consider it my duty as Administrator to respond to such grievances personally, and rest assured all those who complained have been transported to the nearest gravel pit and their heads furnished with small metal accessories by my personal security detail.

As for the rest of you, I end this note by reminding you that you are bloodthirsty mercenaries who are only saved from a life of asylums, prison camps and early death by your employers, who expect you to perform your jobs with complete dedication, and have absolutely no requirements to maintain your basic human rights.

Now, get out of my sight

- The Administrator

PS- All employees are reminded that Mann Co Camera Beard technology is to be used only for work-related espionage and not for the impersonation of historical figures. Henceforth anyone in breach of this will be subject to strict disciplinary action.

You have been warned.

Thanks to Tygrys for another brilliant image of horrible, yet entirely deserved, slaughter.

I might be completely wrong, but I’m guessing you’re a moderately intelligent person, right? You know not to stab yourself with a knife, you know you should never eat yellow snow, and so on. It’s all basic stuff that you learn as a kid and never give a second thought to. But what about the stuff you really should know, but don’t? Like the fact you shouldn’t kill me in any video game ever, because I keep a list of people who do, so that so I can hunt them down and kill them in real life later? You may not think it, but there’s a TON of stuff like that, and a lot of examples of this can be found when you quite simply sit down at your computer and try to frag some n00bs on TF2. Yet never fear! I’m here to guide you down the path to enlightenment, and make you even better than you are now at staying alive and looking awesome in the process.

So let’s begin, shall we? Just one final word of warning; if you act smug and say you know all these already in the comments, you’re going to the top of my kill list.

Airblasting can put out fires!

Indeed, in a massive contradiction to the motto of the Pyro (“Hudda hudda Hu!”, which roughly translates to “BURN EVERYTHING”), it turns out the fire bringer can also be the one who takes fire away. It also turns out to be quite a vital tactic at times as well, especially when a bunch of allies have been caught off guard, and the only health kit has been taken by the one person who didn’t actually need it. In all seriousness, though, a quick airblast can be all it takes to keep an offensive push alive, save the only medic on the team, and much more besides, and it’s that sort of stuff that wins matches.

In that sense, it’s amazing more people don’t know about it… But as I’ve already noted, the general health and well-being of all those around you generally doesn’t turn out to be a big concern when you’ve got a big canister of propane on your back. It can also be slightly justified in the way the feature was just thrown out in an update without much fanfare or discussion, which is odd when it’s something that has the capability to change the whole dynamic of the game. Still, turns out this wasn’t the first time Valve would pull off this trick, as demonstrated by the next example of general ignorance…

Heavies can toss out sandviches for healing goodness!

Yes, another thing an update added with only a line or so to confirm its existence, but equally as useful for many of the same reasons as airblast healing is. In fact, couple this strategy with a Medic/Heavy combo, and you have a fairly easy way of saving the Medic and causing complete and utter chaos to the opposing team at the same time. And, whilst Sandviches do disappear over time, the concept of just tossing one in a safe area as a temporary health kit for someone to grab also seems fairly plausible. The possibilities are almost endless, but hardly any of them will get used because hardly anyone knows you can DO this. Which, to me, is a damn shame.

Press “L” to drop the intelligence!

As you’d expect, heavies are great for clearing rooms that contain the intelligence. They’ll make sentries and defences fall in the blink of an eye, and open the gate towards epic intelligence capturing… That it, of course, if they don’t grab it themselves and lumber out the door extremely slowly whilst bloodthirsty enemies easily catch up. I think there are two reasons for this – The first is that it’s yet another feature of the game that’s not made truly clear. It doesn’t appear anywhere in the game as a hint (Although I may be wrong in this regard), and it seems the only way to actually come across this feature is by chance, or by someone screaming it at you during a tirade of obscenities.

The second reason perhaps has a bit of a darker side to it, due to the fact this reason is that people are generally selfish jerks who want all the glory for themselves. Let’s face it, given the slightest chance we can win the game single-handedly invokes an urge to push forwards that’s hard to resist, even if you’re the biggest team player in the world. So people will cling to the intelligence until they die, for the mere purpose they may get a glorious yet completely pointless few points out of doing it. Perhaps that’s another thing you should know but perhaps don’t – Selfishness such as this generally doesn’t pay off. In fact, it just makes you look like an idiot. Which is bad!

More engineers equal quicker builds!

Now, steady on, by that I don’t mean you should all roll Engineer and turtle in the Intel room. What I actually mean is this – See that lone engineer struggling to get all his gear to a top-notch level during set-up time? Switching to Engineer yourself will help him, be incredibly beneficial, and cause no loss to yourself due to the fact you can just pop back into the spawn room when you’re done and switch classes once again. Likewise, if you spawn in the middle of a fight and see a level one teleporter desperately struggling to teleport the mass of people flocked around it, you can switch classes, get it to a position where the queues are non-existent, and then switch back. The fact this is not only helpful but can gain the admirations of your team means its surprising no-one actually does this, but there you go. Now you know to do it, and knowing is half the battle!

Anyway, this list could go on forever, but I doubt any of you want to read a 6,000 word monologue whilst rolling your eyes and calling me a n00b for stating what you think is the obvious. Still, nothing to stop you posting more useful hints that people do not generally know in the comments below! There’s also nothing stopping you from jamming a fork in your toaster, but I will advise you that one of these ideas is significantly better than the other…

Medics.

Murderous tendencies aside, there’s no doubt that medics have one of the most important jobs on a team. While the job isn’t glamorous, a good medic goes a long way toward winning a round. And to encourage people to play Medic, medics are rewarded with points. Lots of points.

Now, obviously a team needs a medic. If a team indeed has a medic, then it’s certainly good that some brave soul decided to step up to the bat (or is it bonesaw?), and play the rather unglamorous support class. Really, that’s great! But it’s not good that many medics take this as a license to whine.

Well, let me quickly run a quick disclaimer. I like playing medic, though I don’t play it very much. If ever I get bored of playing Demoman or Soldier (my favorite two classes), or if my team desperately needs a medic, then I play medic. Something is quite thrilling about staying alive when everyone is gunning for you.

Z-2 is “Thanks”, we know.

OK! Fine! You get the short end of the stick, we know. You don’t get the glamour of playing soldier or demoman or spy. You don’t get many kills. Sure. Fine. Your point?

HEALING IS YOUR JOB. It’s why you’re playing medic. Unless you’re an amazingly good battle medic (and actually, even if you are), you still should heal people who need it. You can’t hold a grudge against someone and refuse to heal them (Healers against Haloes, anyone?). It makes you the most useless player on the server. You’re even depriving yourself of points as a matter of principle. A really, really misguided principle. Congratulations, you.

Z-2 is a matter of courtesy. I always thank my medics, but I don’t need to. Hell, the game automatically thanks my medic for me!

While it’s good that many players take good care to protect their medics, that’s not their primary job. Their primary job is to kill the enemy. It’s the medic’s responsibility to watch their own back and the back of their patient, and to warn the patient of imminent danger – especially true in a competitive setting. The patient is doing the killing here. Let him concentrate on the killing. It’s considerably simpler to keep the medigun beam locked on the patient than to actually gun an enemy down. The medic, having only to hold the LMB down, should have plenty of time to check around and be completely aware of everything.

The Patient’s Responsibility

The patient has one responsibility regarding his medic: keep him alive. In other words, don’t go out of your medic’s healbeam range. Listen to your medic. Love him [sort of NSFW]. Remember, working with your medic will be beneficial to both of you.

Still no excuse to bitch. Medics, do your job, please.

Thank you.

I am one of those people that rants when he keeps getting killed by a pyro. I fully admit to that, and I admit to it without guilt because when I stop playing, I realize that it’s my fault the pyro ever killed me. Unfortunately, some people don’t see that light. They see him as “W+M1! Noob class! RAAAAAAEEEEGGGGG!” but never admit that pyro is a difficult class to play. Let’s take a look, shall we?

What makes a Pyro so easy to hate?

You may recall way back when Clank stated that afterburn from the pyro’s flamethrower does sixty damage alone. This, according to the tf2wiki,, is true, and is one reason that the pyro is hated–the strong afterburn, which goes on for six seconds, and any smart pyro will lay shotgun/flare gun fire on you as you run, so it’s a bit inaccurate to say that 60 damage is all you’ll take in afterburn damage after facing a pyro.

Another thing the Pyro is hated for is his dps (damage per second). The flamethrower fires at 22.5 particles per second, each particle dealing 4 to 6.8 damage per particle, depending on range. That means the flamethrower, at point blank range, deals 153 damage per second. That means that the Pyro can kill five classes in less than a second, and is capable of killing two classes is approximately seven or eight seconds (153 close range + afterburn, assuming the pyro is killed while laying down the initial 153 damage). So basically, the pyro deals a lot of damage really quickly.

Lastly, a pyro could be hated for his stale style of gameplay. Surely, we’re all familiar with the W+M1 method of Pyro, where a Pyro relies entirely on the W and Mouse 1 keys to play. While this can be entertaining for some, this makes the pyro seem less skillful than other classes like the soldier and demoman. Obviously, as with any other class, there are some extremely skillful pyros (such as the well-known Don Newman)

What’s to not hate about the Pyro?

As stated above, the pyro does a lot of damage in a little bit of time. I probably stated those details in a manner that makes the pyro seem OP. But, surprise, he’s not. Let’s take a look.

The Pyro is the close range/ambush class. The only exception to him being close range is his flare gun, and that’s not a good long range weapon, it does 13-15 damage on impact with six seconds afterburn, a total of maximum 75 damage. Most of the time, it’s used to annoy enemies to run to the nearest health pack and annoy snipers. So, the Pyro is almost entirely close range. That means the Pyro has to get really close to you to reach its full potential. If you can’t spot the close range class running towards you, you’re doing something wrong. A good player is fully aware of his surroundings–mostly for ninjaneers and spies.

Afterburn is a tricky subject. It is surprisingly powerful, and it can easily cause a lot of rage due to the potential of dying right before you get to a health pack or resupply. However, there are a couple of things to consider. When the Spy/Sniper update was initiated, the unlockable weapon Jarate was introduced. Jarate, among other things, was capable of extinguishing fire. After that, an update was made that Pyros can extinguish flames with their compression blast. Heavies have the Sandvich, a transportable health kit that can be used to render the afterburn useless in terms of damage dealt. Every decent team hopefully has at least one medic and at least one engineer who has a dispenser at a minimum level two. Both of which heal at a rate faster than afterburn can destroy. Most medics have the mindset that burning “lit” allies deserve healing the most, then lit allies, then burning allies. With all these to get rid of afterburn’s effects, what’s to complain about?

W+M1 is a tricky subject. Most of the time, that is what a pyro does. He runs ahead, spewing fire everywhere. However, that’s an incredibly legit tactic, and I refer to paragraph one to explain why–Pyro’s still have to get really close to you. Besides, W+M1 is pulled by other classes. I’m looking at you, Heavy Weapons Guy. The Heavy does the very definition of W+M1. And what makes it different from when the pyro does it? Nothing, that’s what. You can’t argue that it’s different because the pyro can move at 100% speed when he spams, because the Heavy’s range (as short as it may be) makes up for his lack of mobility when pursuing targets.

In summary…

A lot of people that hate the Pyro are only frustrated because there’s a Pyro killing them, otherwise they’re usually quiet about it. Really, the best thing to do when somebody complains about a Pyro is to just do nothing. When somebody becomes frustrated, they are most likely not going to base their arguments on logic. All you really should do is just keep going on, arguing with them is pointless. I hope that I’ve changed some opinions with this article.

Credit to Toakal for once more helping me when I’m out of pictures. (He made the second one.)

Wayhey! We’re at the halfway point now, it’s time for an obligatory “thank you” from me for reading thus far.

Okay that’s enough thanking you for one day, let’s get down to business, does anybody notice how often people leave their support such as medics and engineers open, then whine “omgs medic wherez mah healzzzz” or “need a teleporter here x9001″.

It seems to happen all too often, it’s even dumber when the medic charges headlong into battle in front of the class escorting him, then complains “omg protectyourmedic n00bzzzzz”…. let’s get started

19. Don’t endanger your medic

“V. I. D.” – Sun Tzu

Look at it in terms of “time cost.” If you die, you have a 10 second respawn and a 5 sec walk back to the battle; it’s not pleasant, but it’s not a huge deal. Your medic has a 10 sec respawn, plus a 5 second walk, plus a 90 second charge time for his uber.

So you should be trying to kill the enemy medic at all costs. If you know your medic has just used his uber, it’s semi-acceptable to endanger him since you don’t have much to lose and you’re going after an enemy who does, but yet you shouldn’t charge out without a plan to get your medic back to safety.

If you’re an overhealed heavy and you see a rocket heading towards your team, don’t hesitate to jump in front of it and tank it out with the soldier; even if it’s a crit, you have plenty of health to spare.

To use another example – from Pokemon – Blissey is a pokemon with a ridiculously high HP; she (there are no male Blisseys, don’t ask why) is known as a “wall.” That is, she is meant to switch in to sponge up any incoming attacks. Replace Blissey with heavy and you have the same idea; assist by blocking any attacks to your medic.

WARNING: Serious Zone! – Escorting

Escorting a key player is one of the most important things in the game, the most common type of escort relationship is that of a soldier/demo/heavy and a medic. At other times, it could be a fighting class escorting a scout to the intelligence room by clearing the sentries.

The escort has one key role: keep his VIP alive until his aim is accomplished. This can be done by meatshielding (soaking up rockets or bullets), elimination (destroying the threat), or retreating (laying down suppressive fire until you can get support).

In most cases, the escorted class is a medic, engineer, or scout. IT could also be a key attacker such as a demoman to take out a well-positioned sentry gun.

The best way to escort a player would be to physically block the attacker from being able to directly hit his preferred target (the medic) while forcing any attackers to come into his effective range.

Escorting is best seen in clanscrims where the pocket soldier or demoman’s goal is to defend his medic while pushing.

End Serious Zone

20. Watch your time.

“One second is nothing, one million is a statistic” – Josef Stalin

You have a minute on the clock and you’re about to respawn as a medic. Don’t use the normal uber, use a critzer, there’s a high chance that the uber wouldn’t even be charged in time to create an impact on the game, but the critzer might.

Don’t bother building up and coordinating two ubers if you have 60 seconds left on the clock (come to think of it, if you HAD two ubers, you wouldn’t be in that rut in the first place); try to make use of it so that you can cause maximum damage from a safe distance and then sweep in during the final seconds with a big push.

A suicide charge should be used only as a last resort since it will definitely be your last shot. If you want to suicide rush, try to coordinate it so that you can actually take the point.

21. Heavies, Soldiers and Medics first

“Women and children first, then men, then dogs, then cats, mimes, and finally bankers” – Oscar Wilde on the financial crisis

You’re a scout: you can run fast. So…. WHY THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU TAKING THE TELEPORT WHEN THERE’S A HEAVY NEXT TO YOU?

Rude, crude and mean, but very, very logical. Heavies should always be given priority for the teleport; the same goes for soldiers.
Medics are another important class that should be given priority for the teleport. Why? Simple. Although a medic is a fast class, a medic is also a very important class – he needs to be at the front so that he can get health to the people that need it the most – your frontline fighters.

Another special mention of a “fast” class that should be given priority is the engineer, who needs to get to his base faster (because it’s in need of repairs or something like that). Especially if it’s his teleporter, and you know his stuff is under attack.

To sum it all up, here’s a general list of who should get the tele, in a fight, it may vary.

First priority: Heavies, Soldiers, Medics.

First/Second priority: Engineer.

Second: Demomen

Third: Pyros, Spies.

Last: Snipers, Scouts

For your benefit, I’m providing the spray I use below, it works wonders on public and semi-pro servers.

22. Reload, Reload, Reload

“Be prepared” – Sun Tzu

You should spend every second of the fight doing something. If you’re not fighting, you should be healing, and if you’re not healing up, you should be fighting. If you’re not doing either, you should be on the way to the front or heading back from it.

There is one thing you can do while healing or fighting on the move – reloading. You never want to go around a corner – or into any battle, for that matter – with one rocket in the launcher (stupid!). You don’t want to rush in, ubered, with just one sticky in the launcher (stupider!), and you certainly don’t want to successfully outmanoeuvre a heavy only to find that you are out of scatgun ammo (stupidest!).

Make sure that your gun is loaded when you reach the front lines, for weapons which have “interruptible” reloads, you should be reloading all the time.

23. Metal for engies, Healthkits for medics

Do you really need that one rocket that you used to rocket jump? Especially when there’s an engineer that desperately needs to upgrade his gun to level 2?

Likewise, a medic can’t heal himself, so do you really need the health to patch up that 5hp of fall damage?

I’ve said this a million times before, and this will be the last time.

DON’T TAKE THE !@#%!@#&*AMMO AND HEALTH!!

This has been a community service announcement brought to you by me, thank you.

24. Don’t reload, switch to your secondary

“Six bullets against your one?” – James Bond

Mr. Bond got it right there: six bullets are better than one.

You’ve fired off four rockets, and your enemy (a soldier) is still alive. It’s close combat, and he’s fired off his rockets too, so what do you do?

Some will reload their launcher with a single rocket (I often do this if my opponent is injured), which is alright if you are confident of finishing him off in one. But in a one on one, it’s often better to swap to your shotgun and gun him down – you have six shots.

There is also the situation when, as a scout, you’re in close range against an enemy, depending on the situation, you may see fit to reload your scattergun to finish off your opponent in a single shot

WARNING: Serious Zone! – Weapon Proficiency

Sometimes, you’ll find yourself out of ammo for your primary weapon. At these times, it helps to be good or at least have some skills with your secondary or even your melee weapon. You should be capable of doing some damage with a shotgun, pistol, SMG, or even a blutsauger or syringe gun.

Take the time to study the power and effective range of your weapons so that you can be ready for a situation where you’re out of ordnance.

The players who will likely find themselves running out of ammo will be soldiers, demos and heavies (rockets run out fast, and the minigun is a bullet hose), so these are classes who should be well versed in shotgun and stickybomb use. The bottle and the KGB/fists should also be in your arsenal if you need to knockout a weakened opponent at close range.

End Serious Zone

Wow, we’re almost at the halfway mark now, let’s keep going, the most important rule is here! (rule 18)

24/7 2fort
Instarespawn custom sniperfest
I’m really bored so I go join red
And then roll soldier and start beatin all the rest
I don’t like the stupid lucksman players
Arrows don’t need no skill at all

Rocketjumpin all alone
My team are all on the phone
I’m on a side with 5 AFKs
Stupid WM1 pyro
I don’t like the way he blows
I feel like I need to ragequit

I doubt anybody will get what just happened…. let’s see what happens next time…

13. A battle on your terms is a battle won

“Play your advantage against his weakness, bring a gun to a knife fight, bring a machinegun to a gun fight, bring a laser to a machinegun fight” – Oscar Wilde

The enemy is faster than you, but you have more firepower; everything else is even. Obviously, you shouldn’t engage him in a fight of maneuvering, but rather try to force him into an area where your firepower matters. A narrow corridor is a prime example, his speed will count for nothing, but your firepower can be concentrated and focused on him.

Likewise, if you are a scout against a demoman, demomen are poor(er) at close range than at other ranges, and they can’t always hit you if you evade well, but obviously, you don’t want to charge him head on.

So, make use of the area, and lure him to an area where you can dominate him; once again, using Gravelpit as my example, try to force him to point A instead of engaging him in the corridors where your advantage is greatly reduced.

WARNING: Serious Zone! – Concept Content: Battle Simulation

This is the longest concept content section, and for good reason: Before we try to do decide what to do, we must know the kind of situation we want to face the enemy in; therefore, it often pays to try and “simulate” a battle by considering what will happen if you were to engage him, weighing your strengths against his.

Let’s try a real tough fight (not like that scout vs. demo example). I’m a Soldier defending on Gravelpit, I’m patrolling the A to C corridor and run into an enemy demoman approaching from A

To most players, the soldier and demo are often considered *approximately* equal.

What we need to do is to find a situation where I can stack the odds in my favor.

Let’s review what we all know, and then we can calculate the “ideal” decision; it’s critical that you know that fight conditions are never ideal, and this is only a rough sketch.

Since we have the leisure of time here, we can annotate each factor in this fight. Key points in the fight (i.e. the points which will determine the fight) are in bold. Potential factors (i.e. points which may become important, but currently aren’t) are in italics.

-          The demoman is faster

• He can decide where to fight

-          Demoman often prefer to set up stickies if they have the time

• If allowed to do so, he can make maneuvering very hard for me
• I must attack as soon as possible, or retreat.

-          The soldier has direct fire, but no indirect fire

• Open terrain favors me since his advantage is reduced

-          I have 25 more health

• It’s not much, but it acts as a valuable insurance policy

-          Demomen can’t attack at close range without splashing themselves

• At close range, I have my shotgun, or my shovel, he has a bottle.

-          His sticky launcher holds 8 stickies, against my four rockets

• His “direct” weapon has more ammo than I do, which means that when I’m dry, it’s shotgun time

-          I have a shotgun, and he doesn’t

• That last point doesn’t seem so bad, after all, the shotgun is the most versatile weapon in the game, and the demoman doesn’t have that

-          Demomen have a limited range

• My rocket launcher can hit him even when he can’t hit me

-          Soldiers can rocketjump, demomen can’t do it without blowing all his stickies

• Right now, I’m indoors and can’t rocketjump, but if I can bring him to an area where I can, I can outmaneuver him easily

As shown above, there are actually many factors in a fight between two sides, careful consideration must be taken before you try to attack anyone

End Serious Zone

14. Get behind their doctor!

“Screw the Geneva Convention” – Oscar Wilde

The enemy medic is the most vulnerable part of their formation. He’s usually more concerned spotting for targets (as above), and will likely see you, but what can he do about it? If he continues healing, he’s an open target; if his medic buddy falls back, he’s left his back open; if he turns and defends himself, he’s not healing.

Don’t be afraid to rocketjump over enemy lines just to kill their medic; he or she should be your number one target in a battle.

If you manage to kill their medic, then it’s usually more than worth it; even if you have to die while doing so, killing a medic costs him charge time, spawn time, and time which his team has to do without it. If I had to get a killcam shot, this is what I would want to see on it:

See point 19 – Don’t endanger your medic.

WARNING: Serious Zone! – Target Prioritization

Target Prioritization is the art of picking out the most important target in a group of enemies, and picking the most effective use of your ammo using a few criteria.

One way involves picking out what will do the most damage in terms of time taken, very useful for defenders.

For example, a medic with an uber is worth 100 seconds (90 secs give or take Übercharge time, 10 sec spawn time), a soldier is worth 10 seconds (10 sec spawn), a level 1 sentry is worth 15 seconds (5 to build, quite a while, I assume 10, to get it safely), a level 3 is worth considerably more since it takes a long time to build safely.

Another factor is the threat factor, where you evaluate which one is the most direct and immediate danger to you, and act accordingly, for example, the demoman firing at you is an immediate threat, the soldier coming up is not.

Finally, there is the position factor, where a player’s strategic position comes into play, if a soldier is attempting to take high ground like the roof of gravel B or containers in granary, he becomes a priority target as opposed to a soldier who isn’t trying to get into a good position.

End Serious Zone

15. Know your effective range

Don’t be stupid, that minigun isn’t going to do anything to the snipers across 2fort. Stop firing. Yes good job boy, you like suppressive fire. But at this range it’s more “fire” than “suppress”. Besides, he’ll nail you way before you kill him, and it’s a waste of your ammo.

No, really, I’ve seen many players do this and spray their ammo all over the place, then go onto the bridge (without going back for ammo for some reason) and get slaughtered by me, waiting there with a full barrel of rockets as they try to punch or taunt kill me since they don’t have a shotgun either.

Some weapons do little damage at long range, and some do good damage at long range, so, against a heavy, make use of the fact that after you exit the minigun’s medium range, he’ll only be doing 5 damage a bullet, but your rockets will still do well.

Likewise, don’t try to engage a heavy at close range as a soldier in direct combat (if there’s cover, then it’s fine if you use it to your advantage).

WARNING: Serious Zone! – Effective Range

Your effective range is the range at which you can actually kill your opponent effectively. That may have seemed obvious, but it helps to know the range at which you should be engaging your opponents before giving your position away.

Effective range is the range at which your weapons are capable of dealing maximum damage, in most cases, this is at point blank, however, when self-damage is taken into consideration, it may be medium or even long range.

End Serious Zone

16. Play the decoy

“Besiege Wei to rescue Zhao” – Okay, for once, something Sun Tzu actually did say

You might not be well equipped to deal with the target at hand, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not useful. You can act as a decoy, drawing enemies away in order to spread out their defense.

For example, a spy stabs a heavy, cloaks, and beelines his way out of there. Which direction should he run in?

A good answer is back towards his lines, to safety, where he can heal up and go on another sortie, but there is a downside – the enemy knows you’re gone.

The better answer is to run the long way back to your lines, or to some obscure place (e.g. on dustbowl, run for the trench tunnel). You don’t even have to all the way – just pretend to go that direction, and turn around when you’re fully cloaked. Why, you ask?

Simple – by running somewhere obscure, enemies will devote time to finding you, send a pyro to hunt you, and check with their medics. This draws enemies away from their posts engaging your soldiers, demos, and heavies.

If they stay at their posts, you are free to do whatever bad stuff you want to them again, lather, rinse, repeat as needed until all flakes are gone.

Of course, on Gravelpit, this can be put to good use. Should you try to attack B and be repelled, you can try to send a decoy scout to A. You have better mobility since you can switch between the two targets easily. However, they have the two unsavory options of either rushing to defend A and leaving B open (and even then they may lose A anyway), or sitting at B and giving A away.

17. Don’t rely on ambushes

“Don’t use a steak tree, use a ham bush” – Leonidas Trotsky

You can rely on ambushes to give you an advantage over your opponent, but don’t count on them to win a battle, and don’t obstinately stick with the same trick after it has been proven fruitless.

Many stupid pyros have tried the same thing over and over on me with no effect but their unfortunate and very predictable demise. Yes they win the first time through, but it’s really hard to fall for it again.

Think about this scenario on the map Blackmesa, most people would fall for this trap which involves stickies doing damage through grating. The idea is that people would come through the one way door into the blue corridor, and be stuck as they would have to go through the passage; the demoman is then free to blow them up.

It often works once on most players, but over time people will learn to come through alternate routes. Spies may use the dead ringer to force a premature detonation or simply cloak past, scouts may use bonk to bypass the area (though forcing the enemy scout to use bonk instead of a pistol is a victory in itself), and enemy snipers and soldiers can kill the demoman before moving in.

I’ll come back to this situation later with a slightly different picture

See also Point 18 – Don’t count on enemy stupidity

WARNING: Serious Zone! – Diversions and Ambushes

Despite the bad name I may have given it up there in an actual combat situation, an ambush is an excellent diversionary tactic when used in combination with a larger plan.

A pyro running straight (or better yet, jumping) into a pack of enemies (preferably while screaming “Allahu Akbar!”, “CHARGEE!” or “BANZAI!!”) is something that will instantly draw all attention away from your team’s follow up (preferably from another angle), and buys you some time to attack.

This gives you a period of time to follow-up while the enemy stops, drops, and rolls (or dies).

End Serious Zone

18. Don’t count on enemy stupidity

“Hm… he’s a soldier and he’s out of rocket ammo, so as a scout, I can run in and get in a few shots as he tries to reload all four.”

Wrong; you must always assume that the enemy will make the best possible move (you learn this in chess too). Assume that he’ll switch to his shotgun, or that he’ll reload just one rocket instead of four and fire it off at you to juggle you before finishing you off with the shotgun. Just don’t count on him giving you an opening by reloading four rockets.

Always assume that that he’ll make the best possible move in response to what you’re about to do, assume he’ll reflect your rocket, that he’ll see your stickies, that he knows you’re there. If he does do that stupid thing, you’re on top, if he does the smart thing, then it’s all even.

This is the NUMBER ONE mistake that most players make, and it’s appropriate that it’s right in the middle of this guide, do not ever assume your opponent is stupid. That assumption will cost you

There are already some great articles out there about how to play sniper, but I wanted to focus a little more on one aspect of sniping. As a sniper, there come unfortunate times where you must fight classes one on one. This becomes exceptionally difficult for you, because your main weapon is extremely hard to use at close ranges consistently, so I’m here to give you some tips on how to fight each class one on one from both a distance and close quarters. Note: This guide assumes you’re using the standard weapons for sniper.

Scout

Scouts are the fastest class in the game, so hitting their heads is a bit of a problem. At long ranges, it’s best to go for body shots rather than headshots. Scouts only have 125 health, so you don’t even need to fully charge a shot to kill them in one hit. If you’re having trouble hitting them, or you’re not very good at aiming, try to go for multiple quick body shots. Without charging, your rifle does 50 damage, so if you can get 3 fast shots off against him, he’ll be dead. Even if you can only get 1 or 2 shots off, it dramatically increases your chances of killing him with your SMG when he gets close to you.

At close ranges, your chances of hitting a Scout with a sniper are slim to none. Whip out your SMG and fire at him while backpedaling and dodging to the nearest medpak. Both of you have extremely low health, so health is extremely valuable in this situation. If the scout tries to make a run for the nearest medpack before you,  it probably means he’s at a very low health. This is the point where you should whip out your rifle. You should know where the medpack is, so scope in to it, and prepare to snipe the scout right before he actually gets the medpak. DON’T waste a shot trying to go for the headshot on the Scout, because chances are that he’ll die from the partially charged body shot anyway.

Soldier

Soldiers are fairly easy to snipe, because of their slow speed and relatively large heads. However, in a one on one situation, your task becomes a lot harder, because they can rocket jump and cover large distances very quickly. From a distance, you’ll want to go for headshots or charged body shots. If he rocket jumps towards you, and he probably will, DO NOT stand there and try to snipe him in the air. If you do this, you just become a sitting duck for him as he flies towards you from above. Contrary to what your common sense would tell you, run TOWARDS him if he would land on top of you, or PERPENDICULAR to him if he’s not that close. Doing this will create the largest gap between you and him. If you pass directly under him while he is rocket jumping, he will have to turn 180 degrees and re-aim at you. This gives you time to get away from him, and prepare for a rifle shot.

If his rocket jump is successful, and he gets close to you, don’t pull out your SMG or kukri. The soldier has too much health to be killed quickly with an SMG, and the kukri is basically useless because it’s impossible to get close enough to use it. Even if you do get close enough to use the kukri, the soldier has more health than you, so a point blank rocket will kill you and leave the soldier still alive. The best bet at this point is to use the rifle, and to just take really fast quickscope shots at him. Because of his slow speed, his head shouldn’t be hard to hit, and because he took damage from the rocket jump, it should usually almost kill him. If it doesn’t, at this point it is okay to use the SMG and finish him off. However, when trying to snipe him, don’t spend too long aiming at his head, because you just become an easy target for his powerful rockets. Take very fast shots at his head, and if you miss, dodge and try again. These battles are usually the fastest of the one on ones, and it won’t make a difference if you try and make a run for the nearest medpak.

Pyro

Pyros are, in my opinion, one of the easier classes to kill as sniper. At long range, there is nothing they can do except dodge and shoot flares at you. Dodge the flares and headshot them. ‘Nuff said.

At close range, all 3 weapons are equally good against the pyro. Personally, I like to pull out my rifle and just headshot them, and maybe finish them off with the SMG. This is generally easy to do, because many pyros don’t strafe or jump very much, which makes it easy to shoot their head. If you’re on fire while this is happening though, aim for their chests. The fire causes you to automatically recoil, and with luck, it will recoil into their heads. If it doesn’t recoil, you will at least hit their chest and cause enough damage that you can finish them off with the any of the 3 weapons. Also, while you’re doing this, try to head towards a medpak, but don’t stop shooting at him, because chances are you’re going to die unless you kill him first.

Demo

All right. Basically, demo is the exact same thing as soldier. They have a little less health than the soldier, and are a little faster, but the exact same tactics apply to taking them on one on one.

Heavy

Everybody would almost universally agree that heavies are the easiest class to snipe. At long ranges, their minigun is still very accurate, and all you have to do is hide behind cover until you see them stop shooting, and the pop out for an easy headshot with your rifle.

Heavies have the most health in the game, so the only way to make a significant dent in his health is to use your sniper rifle. At close quarters, the best thing to do is to just run away from the heavy while firing your SMG at him. Once you are at a safe distance, try to find cover and headshot him. Remember, he will be wounded from your SMG, so one charged headshot will kill him. He is too slow to keep up with you, so if he ever gets to close, simply run away and try and snipe him again. Also, because he can’t keep up with you, you can run to the nearest medpak and heal up, no problem.

Engi

Engis are probably the 2nd easiest class to kill. At long ranges, their weapons are basically useless, and it is very easy to snipe them while they’re standing still trying to harass you with their pistol, or when they’re working on their buildings. There’s really nothing they can do to stop you, so just dodge a little and headshot them.

In close quarters combat, it is similar to if you were fighting a scout, except slower. You have the choice of using any of your 3 weapons this time, and you can use either the pyro or the scout strategy for fighting them. Just like the scout, you should also run towards a medpak, because you both have low health.

Medic

Yet again, I’m just going to be lazy, and say that medics are just like engis or pyros in long range combat. The needlegun actually does quite a bit of damage to you, so when you’re trying to snipe medics, don’t stand in place too long, because you can die very easily from a mass of needles.

Medics are really quite annoying when it comes to fighting them in close combat though. Your main close quarters combat weapon, the SMG, is nearly useless against their powerful needlegun. Their needlegun does even more damage than your SMG and it gets even worse, because they have more health than you. If they happen to have the blutsauger equipped, which many of them do, you’re at even more of a loss, because they can regain almost half of the health they do to you. The other weapon that is useless against a medic is the kukri. If they’re decent at melee combat, you’re basically dead because it only takes 2 hits from a saw to kill you, but it takes 3 hits from a kukri to kill them. The best thing that you can do to kill a medic is to try your luck at close quarters sniping. A single headshot will kill them, and if you can get off a few body shots, that should kill them as well. These battles are also fast in comparison to the soldier, so don’t bother going to the nearest medpak, unless it’s close.

Sniper

There is only one real strategy to winning a one on one fight with another sniper. If in doubt, assume that they have both better aiming skills than you, and they have a better reaction time. The best thing to do, is to jump around and dodge, and randomly take extremely quick shots at their head. Immediately after you shoot at them, crouch, even if you think you hit them. If they happen to be aiming at your head, and you miss, your crouching may throw off their aim and make them miss the shot. If you did hit them, then you crouched for nothing, but it’s not like it really matters.

There’s an art even to being a weighted companion sniper.

When fighting one on one with a sniper, anything goes. You can try and close quarters snipe them, kukri them to death, or kill them with the SMG. It’s the same as fighting an engi, except they don’t have a shotgun to point blank you with. Health is also a big issue here, and just like the engi and the scout, try and head towards the nearest medpak, but remember, don’t just travel in a straight line path. That just spells headshot.

Spy

Spies are very similar to engineers in the respect that they stand still often while trying to shoot you. The same tactics apply to them as sniping an engi, except they do have a very powerful ambassador that can headshot. As long as you don’t stand still, you should be fine.

In close combat, they’re pretty much just like fighting a sniper or an engi. All 3 weapons will work fine, but remember to not turn your back towards the spy. Doing so will just set him up for a backstab.

Well, that’s it for this tutorial, and I hoped you gained some valuable tips for taking on people in 1v1 battles. Take this advice on to the battlefield, and hopefully you will win that next mano-a-mano deathmatch.

So clubtheseals and himmelstoss have been writing a guide series on competitive play. Unfortunately, the one on the Demoman has sparked the usual can of crap from every Tom, Dick, and Harry who couldn’t pay enough attention to not walk on the stickies.

Now, I could just post a pic or two about the whole issue. Quote the stats. Or easily prove how wrong the people who are STILL whining about it are. In fact, I’ll do some of that!

Props to Nerfnow for this first image. Good comic. Go read it.

And of course, the one I like to quote often.

And of course, the official stats indicate that if any class is overpowered, it’s the Heavy. Most points and kills per hour but least time played?

But that put aside, it seems a whole bunch of people hate a different class, or two, or three. Whatever class it is. And while some of us take it like a man, many feel the need to complain. And, I suppose, with SOME reasoning too.

Scout

Most pubbers won’t complain. They go down easy most of the time, and to use effectively takes a lot of twitch aiming, positioning, flanking, and movement skills. Not to mention sentries completely negate all but the best in many areas. But, given the right player, it is probably “the most borderline overpowered class in the game” (quote by Chro – check it out sometime).

If you hate this class, you hate them because of their speed. With 133% speed, Scouts choose the battles they fight. Coupled with their hitboxes, they’re the hardest class to hit, and to take down a good one takes a measure of skill. The only hard counter to Scouts, of course, is the sentry, and the problem lies with its immobility.

Awesome Scout by PropMedic over at Deviantart.

Soldier

If you’re frustrated with this class, it’s again because you’re fighting a good one (or alternatively, because of crits). The Soldier is essentially the everyman class in Team Fortress; no particular strengths, but as a result, no particular weaknesses either, so you can’t just, say, switch to Pyro and flame every corner until you find him.

Pyro

If you know me, you know that I give this class a lot of flak; the reasoning being that if doing so could get the Demoman super-nerfed, it could work for this too.

I don’t actually think this class is overpowered. Not really. It takes a good amount of skill to play it well. Still, doesn’t change the fact that it’s easy mode. Touch person with fire, person loses 60 health. You’d better have a medic on your team, and that’s no longer a popular job.

Also doesn’t mean I won’t stop trolling them though. DURR LOOK AN ENEMY MUST CHARGE.

…All right, I’ll redeem myself. Here. (Or look at Competitive TF2, Part 7 for some competitive Pyro).

Demoman

And here we are again. What, you gonna cry now?

Two “annoying” features:

Sticky traps. You don’t see them until you’re dead if the Demoman you’re playing against has any sense. To be honest, even if Valve did something stupid like make stickies take 3 or 5 seconds to detonate, people would still complain about this as far as I see.

Indirect fire. The Demoman is certainly capable of confrontations given the right situation, but is also the only class that can kill you without you flicking your mouse and being able to see him.

And of course, sticky throwing, which people claim is easy, but really, grenades are for noobs. Only really good Demomen are sticky exclusive. [Editor's note: ubercharged.net takes no responsibility for impending flame war. Comment nuke is ready and armed for those of you without a sense of humour -himmelstoss].

Heavy

Plain and simple, although I don’t know why more people don’t complain; he takes a ton of damage and dishes out a lot. Good heavies are good at positioning to compensate for their lack of speed, and can kick the crap out of any class. Hell, I personally know several beastly Heavies. They won’t retreat, yet they never go down.

Engineer

Less complaints nowadays, since the class is getting harder to play. Still, the main reason would be the cause of stalemates on push maps and territory control, due to people “defending the point” and claiming to be credit to team. Yes, I’m blaming you guys for Hydro’s lack of popularity.

It’s also the reason why a lot of pubs don’t favor push maps over payload or A/D. Stalemates. In the latter, you either push out or lose. Shame on you.

Medic

I’m probably the first person to complain about medics here (apart from Gold Rush fever). You won’t find many who say Medics are bad or OP, so I’ll play devil’s advocate: MEDICS ARE OP. ZOMG I GOT KILLED BECAUES MEDIC KEPT HEELING MY ENEMY.

Well, partially true. If I face two opponents –at the same time– of lesser skill, I can play attrition and slowly knock one out, then deal with the other, especially given my tendency towards medkits (here’s that article that a younger, more foolish Clank wrote). But if one’s a medic, I HAVE to kill the medic first. Hard, cus he’s fast and can focus on dodging.

Snipers

Yeah, a lot of us here at UC don’t like Snipers, with various reasons (though not me personally). Mainly because he can kill you with the rifle, where he’s out of range of anything you can do (or alternatively with the Huntsman, for those of us who can’t aim) That’s about it, really. Simple as that. I think it’s less justified than other complaints because of the skill it takes (unless you’re using the Huntsman), and those are already questionable.

Also, the taunt. The smug, smug taunt!

Spies

One hit kill from behind. Yeah. Takes a lot of skill and experience, along with luck, but you die in one shot unless you’re checking your back occasionally (and then, the good ones will wait till you’re not paying attention).

* * *

So what have we learned, if anything, from all this?

Frankly, I want to see less complaints. Much less. There are advantages each class has that can be overcome, and if you’re having trouble with one in particular, you need to brush up on his (or her) weaknesses. Not to mention if you find a class that has an advantage over you “overpowered,” you might want to consider Counter Strike. *
Even then, I think it gives more character to a person to have troubles with a class. I get killed by Heavies frequently because of bad decisions.

Hell, if anything, I’m the one who should have uber-rage, having made the stupid decision of maining two classes that are weak against the exact same two classes.

More importantly though, I want little to no complaints unless you are good or have experience with the class. Even better, try it out for a while. If it’s really so overpowered, then you should have no problems playing  and dominating people with it. You know who you are. Quod erat freakin’ demonstrandum.

And no matter what you do, try to enjoy TF2. Cut the rage where possible. If you just can’t, take a break for a while. Try something different, preferably. Buy World of Goo or Mr Robot, or download Research and Development or Afraid of Monsters. Something.

~Clank out

*No, I don’t actually have anything against CS. I think it’s great that it sorta pioneered the team-based shooter; it’s just out of date.

Well, you did it. You managed to stay awake for the Classless Update. It costed you hours of precious time and/or sleep (Depending where you live), but you succeeded in being one of the first players to download the update. And it seems VALVe recognises your achievement, by giving you a rare, level 100 Medal to show your dedication…

Yes, bask in all of its glory. Show off to all your friends. Make all the deathcams with you in so much better. There is nothing this Medal can’t do. This Medal is better than Chuck Norris! Anyone who wears it becomes a God! Why settle for just walking on water when, with this Medal, you can call the water to you and get it to take you to your destination without you even having to lift a finger!

Why, with this Medal, you could finish I Wanna Be The Guy without dying! This Medal has the power to align the planets together, causing whatever disastrous ancient evil of your choice to be awoken. Heck, this Medal allows you to bend bullets to your will! If I was you, I would go get one of these Medals right away if you don’t have one! They are better than anything your girlfriend (Or boyfriend) can do!

Oh, wait…

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, VALVe decided to give the first eleven thousand, one hundred and eleven people who played the Classless Update a Medal unlock for the Soldier. I presume you have seen the new “misc” category in the loadout menu. That is where the Medal goes. There is also this page, if you want some proof of its existence…

So, as you can expect, some people have been rather angry that they could not get a Medal. After all, VALVe only gave out so many (Some of which were deleted by their owners, so people could get their daily facepalm), and the update was released late in the evening in America, which meant the update was released at about 3am in Europe. That means that most Europeans were asleep at the time, so some of those haven’t been very happy to hear that these Medals were given out while they were resting.

I didn’t get a Medal. I was at a camp site at the time, thus I didn’t even know the Medals existed. I wish I did get one, but, to be honest, I would be happy with any non-weapon unlock. I’m one of those unlucky players who has played for a long time since the update, and is yet to earn my very own hat, while people around me have one or two (Or even three) hats, some without having to resort to idling.

So, what should I do? Do I rage to everyone I know, saying how unfair the situation is? Should I stop playing Team Fortress 2, since it clearly hates me? Well the answer is more simple than telling the difference between meerkats and cheap car insurance…

I play some more Team Fortress 2!

(Or spend several hours writing articles about why I should play TF2)

Yes, really.

Why would I stop playing a game I enjoy because I can’t get a rare item? That’s kinda like not going to a theme park because you’re not tall enough the ride a couple of rides; they are always the other rides. Sure, you might have rode them before, but that’s the brilliant part of TF2. There are nine classes, nine different ways of playing. And that’s not including the unlockables…

Some people forget what the hats were added for. They are not some kind of device to enhance your gaming skills, nor are they some kind of advantage in the mist of battle. They are just eye-candy, a way to give the characters more personality, or add more humour to the game.

As for the Medals, yes, you may have missed them, but what says they aren’t coming back, maybe as a random drop? These Medals will most likely come back, since VALVe cares for their customers (And has the ability and time to update their games). I mean, look at the new Sandman. I’ve always liked the Sandman, but not everyone did, so VALVe has done its best to balance it to allow any player, casual or competitive, hat collector or hatless, to accept and enjoy it.

So, before you have a giant rant about the game hating you, think. Ask yourselves if this is an issue that VALVe will pick up on and improve or not. After all, no feature in the game is safe from being changed for balance and/or enjoyment. Just chill, and enjoy the game you have…

HOWEVER!

There is nothing wrong with having a small moan. After all, we are human. We don’t accept everything as it is and say “Oh well,” and carry on. That’s how dictatorships are made. No, people should be allowed to say “Well, actually, I wished that would happen.” It’s only fair, right?

Well, there is a difference between a comment and a full-out rant, and it’s important that people can understand the difference. Some people instantly dismiss any comment about someone not having only of the Medals or Hats as a rant about it. Be honest, have you ever seen someone talk about something that is controversial in the game, and instantly dismiss it that it is the same as every other rant you have read?

No? Let’s just pretend you do…

The thing is, the Medal was an unexpected move, and excludes people from getting one at this current moment. Despite how rare hats are, it is possible that anyone can get one. Chance is a silly thing, because if you say “That’s extremely unlikely”, people can say “Well, what were the chances of you being born?” Statistically speaking, considering the chances of your parents meeting, and their parents meeting, and so fourth, the chances of you being born are extremely less then the chances of getting a hat…

Anyway, the chances of someone getting a hat are low, yet still possible. So, what’s the problem with making the Medals randomly drop like the hats? Some argue that, if VALVe does that, then the Medals lose their value. Well, if you are one of those people, here is a challenge for you. Choose one of the new hats, spend a entire day playing TF2, and count how many people you see with that hat. Come back and tell me how many you see.

The thing is, people are angry for different reasons, and people dislike those people for different reasons. I don’t really understand it entirely either. I’ve given my thoughts about it, but even then, people can argue about them. I don’t like arguments, to be honest. I took a look at the Steam Forums for Medal-related topics. Most of the posts there were pretty much at either end of the argument spectrum. Those who didn’t get one either wish VALVe should make more opportunities to get one, or that VALVe is flawed, greedy and/or stupid. On the other hand, people have attacked those people with sarcastic comments about VALVe’s “stupidity”.

To be honest, I’m not sure what side to support. I disagree with only a limited number of people getting the Medals, but I disagree with the attitude some people have taken towards VALVe and people with Medals. I suggested on the UC forums that players should be able to get one hat of their choice for free, and then unlock the rest normally. Of course, in retrospect, that would make the sight of someone without a hat rarer, since people will most likely pick a hat for their favourite class, and then play as said class. It’s hard to please everyone…

So, where do you stand? Was the way Medals were handed out good, bad, or alright and with room for improvement? May I ask that, when commenting, please don’t cause or contribute to a flame war? I don’t really want to see a repeat of what happened with articles containing the Sandman. KTHXBAI!

Oh, and one last thing…

The person who thought a hatless, bald Engineer was a good idea was clearly wrong. And, thanks to Murphy’s Law, that will be my first hat (or hat removal)…

The Pyro is one of TF2’s most despised classes.  No other class can bring about this much hate in such a short time span.  Many players feel that the Pyro is over powered, and that Valve should make changes to the class.  So, what exactly is the problem with the Pyro?

Why I loathe the Pyro

Well, let us start out with the most cried out complaint.

The Pyro requires no skill to play

All a Pyro must do is hold their Forward and Primary Attack keys, and the can gain multiple kills and dominations.  Most of the time, these functions are the only things that Pyros will do, and will never stray from these actions.  Heck, any newbie can play a Pyro.

There is no way to counter a Pyro

Scouts are killed in less than a second when attacked by a Pyro.  A Scout would have no time to fight back in close quarters, and thus stand no chance against a Pyro.  Heavies will die in 3 seconds, not enough time to rev up the Minigun and fire enough bullets to kill a Pyro.  These classes are designed to be flame bait for the Pyro.

Pyros will never stop chasing a Spy

Pyros will go out of their way to flame every single crevice in the map, and will not stop looking for a Spy until he is burnt black.  They live to make Spies’ lives a living hell, and exist for your pain.

Afterburn causes 60 damage by itself

A Pyro just needs to light a player once, and a large piece of their health is already gone.  Other classes on the Pyro’s team can shoot the player, who is now a lit up sign of “Shoot me please”, at their own leisure, with confidence that they have a guaranteed kill.

Pyros account for a majority of unexpected deaths

Most of these deaths are due to the quick appearance of a Pyro, and the slow reaction time of the player.  The player has little to no time to fire back at the Pyro, and will have to succumb to seeing another killcam shot of the same Pyro that has killed them many times before.

So, with all these points, Valve should change the Pyro, correct?

Why everything I just said is wrong

Most of  these “reasons” why the Pyro is over powered are the same reasons why the Pyro is such a good class.

The Pyro is an accessible class

New players need to adjust to many features in TF2; Sentries, Ubercharge, the glowing dot on the wall, and the Spy are just a few things that can confuse a new player.  Add techniques like rocket/sticky jumping and the new guys will feel intimidated.  These players need something simple and quick to start off, and the Pyro is that class.

The Pyro is a close quarters class

This is covered in more detail in another article, but to sum up the basics, keep your distance.  If you are playing a Scout, use those things called feet and keep your distance.  Unload all of your ammo outside of the Pyro’s range, and you should be fine.  A Pyro can be killed, but the deciding factor is preparation.

Pyros are the single best way to kill a Spy

Outside of Snipers shooting a wandering cloaked Spy, Pyros are the only good way to kill a Spy.  Sure, that fancy looking Wrench in the Engineer’s hand might do some damage, but he’ll be chasing that Spy for some time while having his buildings sapped.  If the Pyro didn’t exist, Engineers would have a hard time keeping their buildings up, which is already hard enough as of this moment (unless you are building in some far away corner).

Afterburn is controllable

You see, in the land of TF2, there is something magical, called the Medic.  The Medic is your friend, he likes to make all those bullet holes and burn marks go away so you can go on another joyful suicide run.  If there are no Medics on your team, then find the nearest health pack and pick it up.  Scouts are known for having a short lifespan, so if you are playing a Scout and get lit, run into a health pack.  With the Scout’s speed, you should be able to make it in time for another Bonk-ing spree.  Go get ‘em, slugger!

Pyros were designed to be an ambush class

Sure, any player can do the classic Pyro rush of running straight and firing at the same time, but a smart Pyro goes behind enemy lines and attacks them from where they are not expecting.  “But Bluefire”, one might argue, “how am I supposed to counter this?  I’m not given a chance to fight back.”  Well, how is this situation any different than a Spy backstab?  You get killed instantly either way, so dealing with an ambushing Pyro should be no different than dealing with a Spy, just check behind yourself every now and then.  Once you have spotted them, you’ve disarmed them by removing their only advantage, surprise.  Just remember not to go after them with your melee weapon.

So, what should be changed about the Pyro?  Absolutely nothing.  The Pyro was made to be an accessible class for new players, and any problems created by the Pyro can be countered quite easily if you know what your class’ limits are and where the nearest source of health is.

Seems more balanced now, doesn’t it?