Quite often in gaming an update will roll round and introduce new things to the players. Team Fortress 2 can pretty much hold a record for how many updates it has released, from the major game patches that introduced new weapons and achievements to the small ones that made the smallest of bugfixes, they’ve always had something for everyone. Gamers rejoice!

However, after all these updates there are still some things wrong with the game. Maybe you’ve noticed them and maybe they’ve slowly been bothering you. So, with the Engineer Update just around the corner I thought I’d share with you my favourite tweaks and mods available from FPSBanana, all of which do their best to patch up these errors. Feel free to leave a comment of your own recommended performance tweaks and I’ll add them right here, but bear in mind that this list is looking for a specific type of mod. It must contribute to or even improve the visual splendour and art style of the game. I’m not looking for ‘realistic’ mods, or mods that change the models outright. (there are a few exceptions)

DISCLAIMER: It is recommended you back up your game files before attempting to install these mods. As is the nature of custom content they are provided “as is” and aren’t guaranteed to work with your installation. Always consult the instructions and readme files provided with the mods so you don’t screw stuff up. A lot of these skins require a powerful rig but I’m guessing you’re already aware of this since you’ve already read this much of the guide. Also as with any other user created content some of these mods will only work on a whitelisted server, or one with sv_pure set to 0.

Something you’ll see quite a lot in this guide are mods designed to patch stuff that haven’t been updated since TF2’s beta-stages of development. Note the default icon for the Spy class for example, its shows the beta Spy – the new Spy has a pinstripe suit. Other classes still show the beta shading, so this mod updates the class icons with the current textures and shading.

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/guis/20517
Credits: fOku5

What other HUD mod gives you advice on improving your tactics in game? This mod makes a very useful contribution to the ever-changing rules of TF2 combat. It’s also good if you’re bored of reading the same basic advice in-between loading. It includes tips on how to use unlockable weapons and even a few joke tips.

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/guis/20854
Credits: Shugo Takahashi

The bucket icons were never updated to match the shading and texturing when the style was updated. This mod uses the official Valve Backpack icons for the base weapons, resized and reformatted to replace the originals. Note to Valve – if you’re going to flat-out ignore updating a default part of the game – what’s the point of having it in the first place? Nobody I know uses the bucket anyway.

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/guis/20643
Credits: Shugo Takahashi

The first set of hats that came out had huge, ugly icons. So Shugo here changed them to match the later ones, just like he did with the bucket icons. For the sake of uniformity he edited some of the newer ones but if you would rather keep those ones, just don’t install them.

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/guis/22296
Credits: Shugo Takahashi

The next time you’re in single player build up an ubercharge and uber an Engineer. Now look at his face – the invuln goggles texture will go across his nose. That’s right; the ubercharge skins were never updated from Beta. This skin pack uses textures based on the modern player models. This will affect all nine classes on both teams as they all have problems with their textures.

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/74875
Credits: Shugo Takahashi

Whether you’re stealing plans to build a mega-death laser or the blueprints for the perfect clown car, make the intelligence briefcase worth dying for and slap a new texture on this bad boy! (note: will not fix that seal to stop important documents flying out)

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/66376
Credits: {H.H} Boba Fett

The flamethrower, the bane of spies and loved by newbies everywhere (don’t flame me). Want to make it even cooler (I mean hotter) by adding a yummy high-res texture? This is the mod for you! Download it and Spies everywhere will faint at the very sight of it (or faint after bumping into you, results may vary).

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/30659
Credits: DDbrother821

From here-on, you’ll start to notice these are reskins of unlockable weapons in the game. The only possible explanation for this is that Valve likes to cut corners when skinning the new weapons so they’re released on time. Such as the case with the Kritzkrieg, the texture is bland and ugly. This new texture has been painstakingly blown up to a massive 2048×2048px resolution, making the original texture look inferior

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/48749
Credits: 90SK

Made by the same guy that made the previous skin, the higher-res backburner updates the design with yet another 2048×2048px texture. There is also a medium res texture at 1024×1024px if your computer can’t handle that much awesome. While it does lack in team-based colouring (much like the original), there is the option to keep or remove the snake eye and use a stripe design.

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/48867
Credits: 90SK

The Ambassador was a notoriously lazy skinning job. The engraving looked illegible, the colour scheme was awkward and they even forgot to put a hole in the barrel for bullets to go through. This skin solves this problem by applying an equal amount of detail throughout the whole model, changed the colouring and materials on the gun to make it look like real metal and added shading. (Oh yeah, don’t forget the bullet hole)

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/66290
Credits: Argle Bargle

Why would you make a weapon unlock that is just a pair of boxing gloves? Weren’t boxing gloves invented to prevent injury to fist fighting? What bloody sense does that make? By wrapping them in barbed wire it at least makes a bit more sense. But still, why not have the fists dipped into hot glue and broken glass like in Kickboxer? That would be dope.

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/67826
Credits: Evil_Ice

A higher res Energy drink… ‘nuff said…

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/60732
Credits: BrainZ

You know, for a video game company that released a groundbreaking game about a physicist that went around shooting aliens, soldiers and zombies, you would think they’d know a little bit about physics. Alas, the jarate, no matter how much you move will only jiggle a bit after you equip it. Installing this add-on makes the jar of wee jiggle around in the jar when you move (if it’s really that important to you).

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/77423
Credits: Sparkwire

Pop quiz: You introduce a class that has a gun that can fire a maximum of six grenades, the developers decide it’s too powerful and decide to reduce the number of grenades that can be fired by two. What is the maximum number of grenades that class will be able to fire now? If you guessed four, you should shoot yourself for guessing.

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/61893
Credits: Ampersand

This pack makes an improvement on the original gibs by increasing the texture file size to 1024×512px, combining the gib skins with the official player skins. Oh yeah, the originals weren’t updated from the beta stages.

Link: http://www.fpsbanana.com/skins/49262
Credits: The Kins

That concludes this guide for TF2 improvements. With that, I end this article with an open statement to Valve: Maybe you guys think I’m being a pedantic tosser and like nitpicking. That’s not the case, for the most part TF2 has raised the bar in the video gaming industry with its stellar art direction, offbeat humor and unique gameplay- and raises that bar even further whenever an update is released. But that is certainly no excuse to flat out neglect certain parts of your game because if left to their own devices for long enough they’ll keep coming back to irritate players just like me.

Hell, if you’re feeling generous how about you make these mods official and give the authors community weapons? (hint hint)

I reckon most of you are shitting bridges over the dreaded “all-class hats”, which have infected the heads of many players. Fear not! I’ve braved the filthy wastes of FPSbanana and have elected the best skins that replace these hats, so that the rate at which you see the same hats is divided by nine. Fortunately (perhaps intentionally) all hats except the Cheater’s Lament have a different model for each class, so that they can be replaced individually.
Note that each custom model has to be made to replace one specific in-game hat. And let me warn you that you can’t rename a custom hat model to have it replace a hat it wasn’t intended to, because that’ll break the whole thing because checksums or something. This is annoying in relation to some stellar hats that were made before the Gibus’ inclusion. Normally, the author supplies models for each of the class’ hats, or at least one for the gibus.

One very interesting thing to know is that on pure servers, custom models aren’t rendered at all rather than being replaced with the defaults (also because checksums). Normally this is bad (installing a custom Pyro model will make them invisible on pure servers) but seeing as you don’t want to see the Gibuses and Halos and Berets anyway…

So, let’s get cracking. You can replace them with any existing hat if you so wish, but why not use the oppurtunity to put some extra culture into the game at the expense of a hat you won’t miss anyway? For global replacements, you can use the Irish Derby Hat or the unused Boater model. Or an extra soldier helmet for all of the classes. See also Team-Coloured Berets, they’re spiffy. Note that you can delete the files for whichever class’ hat(s) you don’t want replaced, so you can mix and match until you have a combination you like.

Pyro is the most popular for the hat-making manne, as any piece of random crap suits him. For the most pedestrian option, take a look at the Snow Hat. For the excentric, the TV is for you. My favourite is the Chicken Butt. The legs jiggle!

As for the Heavy, you can adorn his head with a Valve or a Brain Slug. Connoisseurs will appreciate the Captain Falcon ensemble, but I use the Dunce Cap. It suits the gibus-wearing populace well. You can also use this epicly awesome Stalin hairdo, which I have installed for the Beret. Another beret-only replacement is the Budenovka.

Speaking of facial hair, you’d be surprised what a simple moustache can do for the Medic. If you’re tired of seeing camera beards, have fun not noticing this Unsettlingly Thin Glue-on Moustache – combine with this for epic Washington. If you somehow don’t like the wig, there’s also the Prisoner’s hat.

I’ve only found one Demoman Gibus replacer I like, the Tricorne, and it’s so beatiful I’ve even gotten to wearing the Gibus myself. Unfortunately, the Soldier, Engineer and Scout aren’t so lucky. There’s the Lampshade, the Mortarboard and the sub-standard Sailor Hat… I’d prefer you considered the all-class packs listed above.

Personally, I was underwhelmed by the Towers of Hats; they just seemed like a pile of random headwear slapped together. So some people made class-specific towers, which you can find here and here. All that remains now is the Cheater’s Lament. I haven’t seen one in ages, but you can install a fake razorback to confuse yourself when you do. Or just replace it with “fucking nothing” if you like. This unrelated jiggleboned Tuque might be worth looking at…as are these fixed Grenade Launcher and Pipe Launcher. And if you wanted the Chargin’ Targe to be more easily noticed, consider this silhouette-changing Kilt (with optional plaid texture)! Just remember that you don’t want these to be invisible should you meet a pure server.

There might be hats on the site that appeal to your tastes but not to mine, so do take a look yourself if you care to – I haven’t even talked about the handful of awesome hats that don’t replace the gibus, beret or halo. Like the French Hat of Surrendering.

So, I heard you guys like avatars. And judging by the success of Tesla’s and Tygrys’ two avatar collections, I presume it to be correct. So, I went and set out on a long a tedious task to find T&T Industries, break into it, and steal the latest avatar designs the two made. I was ready to do this, risk everything in order to get (more) fame and popularity, and as such, I made haste to finish this quest…

I failed. Miserably.

Finding T&T Industries wasn’t too hard, and with the Cloak Camp and Dagger, breaking in was the easy, though long and tiresome part. Getting out, now that was painful. You try stealing something and getting outside when there seems to be a fancy, hat wearing guard around every corner, all of which armed and loud, calling other guards to my position. It’s like playing Metal Gear Solid without hiding or shooting any guards. Oh, and then you have the ones with the Rocket Launchers. Urgh. In the end, I decided to value my life more than their ideas, dropped all the briefcases I had and used the Coward and Dagger to make my slow way out of the place. I still have nightmares of the place though…

So, here I was, no ideas stolen, and moving so slow I might as well be a snail, and to top it all off, everyone around me was wearing a hat. And that is when I had this wonderful idea: avatars for the hatless. And I’m not talking about hatless hats because, despite what I said before, the Hatless Engie reminds me of Cortez from Timesplitters, which is always a plus in my books. So, I gathered a couple of hatless people and told them that they sucked because they had no hats, and took a picture of their reaction. Some burst into tears, some burst into angry. One chap almost sent me to the great Capture Point in the sky. A couple of them complained that their Halo/Gibus/Halloween Mask was a hat, and I just shook my head and took the picture. Those with Bill’s Hat, however, simply kicked me “down under”, so I decided to avoid them until I saw them in Left 4 Dead 2, where I would proceed to shoot their groin. That would show them…

Anyway,  with no further delay, the No-Hat-Blues Avatar Pack. It’s not stealing, it’s copying the style of something else, which I have totally gotten away with before. Go enjoy it.

Hey you? Yes you, the fella’ with the classy picture on your Steam/Forum/Other Account. What are you doing? Trying to hide your hatless shame behind a little picture? What is your problem? Are you, like, Sir Super Coward the Third of Cowardland? Be a real man and trap your sadness in these handy avatars of sad, hatless people, just like you!

Made by a hatless person, for hatless people, using the pain and torment of other hatless people, Mr. Shadow captures the grief of the news that these chaps officially suck in a beautiful and classic photographs which I would hang on my wall, had it not been for the fact my walls were already covered with his other masterpieces. The best thing is that there are two versions of these soon-to-be-so-iconic-you’ll-grandchildren-will-know-about-them pictures; one zoomed out, and one zoomed in, so you can decide between seeing the poor saps’ body language or facial expressions. How would you not want one of these to represent you?

And even if you do have hats, you can still have one of these pictures to remind yourself and take joy in the fact that, somewhere, there is someone crying over the fact they have nothing on their heads. So what are you waiting for, a bus? Just right click these amazing snapshots and select “Save Image As…”, and save them somewhere and under a name you can remember so next time you want to stun your foes with something their spend ages looking and remember for the rest of their lives, don’t go for the porn spray, just change your avatar to one of these and by the time they are done looking, you would have already left after winning so many rounds. Something Mr. Shadow wished he had a couple of days ago when he was trying to stealing from T&- err, I mean, he was stealing a capture point from the enemy. Yeah…

Signed: The Post Script Company Manager of Doing Stuff Mr. Shadow is too busy to do

Septa Viscous

I must say, I’m impressed to see a lot of you displaying some elegance since the publishing of the Classy Classes Avatar Pack. Though from a few I’ve heard complaint; “Garbing yourself in style is all well and good, but it’s winter and I’m bloody freezing.” I’ll agree to a point, wrapping yourself up warm for the winter weather may well be practical, but I’ve always been one to stick to my convictions about looking good… and that’s when it hit me.

It hit me quite hard, on the back of the skull, and the doctors claimed there may have been a rock in it. But I assure you, concussion or no, I am not delusional; A man can dress well and keep warm! I had the nurses get me a phone so I could tell Tygrys right away, so we could begin work on our next project!

Sadly, by the time they let me out of the hospital, most of the snow had been washed away; so I had to visit Tygrys in his homeland of Poland, where the weather was just right to make some wintery avatars.

T&T Industries is pleased to announce the release of our second avatar pack, titled the “Winter Warmers Avatar Pack”.

This pack has been designed with practicality and style foremost in mind. Now you can keep yourselves warm for the cold weather, without dressing down. This pack was designed by the genius mind Sir Tygrys Murdock with help from the morphine-addled mind of Sir Tesla Tank.

Remember our motto – quality is of the utmost importance and we strive to satisfy all of our customers.

Signed: T&T Industries Chairman of marketing

Willbur McTrackingster

You can download the pack of 18 right here, special thanks to arma2.pl and the Crazy Hussars team for providing a permanent link. I’ll leave you with a piece of advice I got from my surgeon; better to stay indoors this winter and play Team Fortress 2 than to do yourself an injury throwing snow at people, and building imaginary ice friends. Have fun now.

No, I’m not dead. I’ve just been out of interwebs range for a few weeks, and have been lazy for a few months prior to that.

Wes Wilson of Dead Workers Party fame of Control Point fame forwarded through a sad little note about the CP podcast being no more. I’ve been a fan of theirs since the start, and have listened to pretty much everything – well, except for a couple of trainwreck episodes I skipped through… but the rest is gold

Here’s the blurb

The Dead Workers Party releases their final episode of the Control Point podcast in anticipation of their new project, Nation of Gamers.

The Dead Workers Party has been releasing weekly episodes of Control Point for over two years. The surprisingly successful Team Fortress 2 podcast has been receiving over 12,000 downloads per episode and was known for its irreverent humor, well produced radio dramas and parodies. With over 125 hours of content on a first person shooter, the episodes had largely become a showcase of community creativity and listener-generated content. Control Point was even linked via the official Valve Team Fortress blog to celebrate their efforts in helping to build the community around their game.

Despite a continually growing audience, Episode 100 marks the end of the podcast run. Comprised of an extensive hour and a half radio drama about trying to save Valve Software from a malevolent takeover, the story of “Legends” ties up two years worth of community in-jokes and paves the way for the hosts to move on to another project. Three months in the making, the production serves as a “grand finale” for the show, featuring an original script, original songs, and a parody of Lonely Island’s “I’m on a Boat”.

The Dead Workers Party is recording the first episode of their new gaming podcast, Nation of Gamers, on Sunday January 10th. The new show will bring the energy and humor of Control Point to a wider audience, focusing their discussions on more precise elements of gaming life, and building their existing community with gamers from all genres. This date also marks the first session in their new recording studio, and can be watched live on UStream. The episode will be released on both the Control Point and Nation of Gamers podcast feed on Wendesday, January 13th. Valve products are predicted to still have a strong presence in the new show.

The Dead Workers Party is a film production company from Huntsville, Alabama. Their studio features a 45′ green screen and a RED ONE HD digital camera. They began podcasting in 2005 and host a network of podcasts from a variety of hosts. Other shows on their network include World of WoW, Multiplaying, Random Chatter, Lost Chatter, and Tech Chatter, as well as many discontinued ventures, such as The Daily Gamer, WARP, and The Safe House.

###

Links of Interest:

Control Point
Dead Workers Party Network
Episode 100
Control Point mention on the Team Fortress Blog
Dead Workers Party live UStream feed
Dead Workers Party on Youtube

Farewell CP, you’ve been a huge part of the TF2 world

Looking forward to the new projects though, and glad to see the guys are keeping on chugging with newer, shinier toys.

Indulge me dear reader; just the other day I was playing a game of Team Fortress Two with my good companion Sir Tygrys when an observation was made. Checking the scoreboards, one notices that many of you are sporting digital avatars that are ill-fitting for such a Gentle Manne’s game.

Now perhaps you can get away with this shameful display on other counties of the Internet, but this is Ubercharged; my companion and I agreed we must do something about it.

And so Sir Tygrys, being a master of the arts, began work producing a collection of Team Fortress 2 inspired portraits tailored for Gentle Menne with an eye for the latest in style. Before presentation I must insist that neither of us will be held responsible if, upon glancing these works of art, your monocle falls into your tea.

But without further ado allow me to present to you our works, complete with the accompanying press release from the newly formed T&T Industries:

T&T Industries is happy to announce the release of our very own avatar pack, more precisely the ‘T&T Industries Classy Classes Avatar Pack’.

This pack was specially designed for all of you who understand the need to be classy in all your digital ventures. This splendid pack comes in two styles: BLU and RED, to suit individual customer preferences. You will find that they have been readily scaled down to 184×184 pixels, so they are immediately ready to use on Steam the very moment you download them to your drive.

All of these spiffing avatars were made by two masters of fine art – Sir Tygrys Murdock and Sir Tesla Sherbonk, with extra thanks to Sir Dont for improving the quality of the original images. Should you encounter either of them during your exploits in digital space, be sure to bid them thanks; they’ll be ecstatic to hear their work is appreciated.

Now go ahead and enjoy this fine art as we have prepared for you.

Remember our motto – quality is of the utmost importance and we strive to satisfy all of our customers.

Signed: T&T Industries Chairman of marketing

Willbur McTrackingster

You can download the newly improved v2 pack HERE, thanks to our friend Dont. You may also wish peruse the full sized imagery whilst you await the cheeseboard. Lastly, to those of you whom have no interest in showing some class, may I perchance interest you in a job sweeping out my chimney?

Click for Full Size

It’s been one crazy year for Team Fortress 2, we’ve seen everything from stopping an ubercharge in its tracks with merely a baseball to splitting the community in half through WAR which left over 12,500,000 Soldiers and Demomen dead. This year, five more classes got their grubby little hands on all new toys; Scouts are now running around with the ability to stun enemies or give themselves a third jump, Snipers are taking aim with bows and arrows or fighting back with their own kind of karate. Spies are now making you wonder if they really are dead, Soldiers are rallying their teammates for glory on the battlefield and Demomen are charging into battle with swords and shields. 

This year also introduced us to hats, the “King of the Hill” and “Payload Race” game modes and 12 new maps. We finally got to “Meet the Spy,” Saxton Hale gave us Thrilling Tales, we got scared out of our socks by the ghost of Zepheniah Mann for trying to steal his hat and learned the true history to why RED and BLU are fighting.

As the year ends and takes the decade with it, we’d like to thank Valve and the TF2 community for giving us such a great year for our favourite game. We’d also like to thank all of you who visit the site and prowl through our forums. We hope to see you all in 2010!

A background version of the image can be found here.

Know yourself and know your enemy and in a hundred battles you will be victorious. - Sun Tzu

Yes. What the old Chinese said also applies to Team Fortress 2. More specifically if you know what your enemy will fall for, you already have an advantage.
Basicly fooling your enemy helps you win a battle in a dynamic and, sometimes normally otherwise lost, battle. It’s been countless of times I’ve won a nearly lost battle just by knowing that my enemy will chase after me and preparing a fast ambush at a better position for him.
Now straight to the point.

Fooling tactic # 1 – corners

The most efficient, in my opinion, way of giving you the upper hand in a close fight. What you do here is pretend to retreat while gaining a better position to attack your enemy and making him think you’re in a pretty bad shape or out of ammo or both. I’ll give you an example: I’m a RED Pyro running to B to get rid of those pesky BLU’s on point B. I run to B from my spawn through the left entrance when I encounter a BLU Scout heading my way from the direction of the rocks behind B. Now here I shoot a couple of shots at him with my Shotgun to get his attention. When he gets closer and damages me a bit I fall back to the entrance where I was previously running through pretending to retreat. Most likely the Scout WILL chase after me as he wants me really dead (and that kill point too). When I’m sure the Scout won’t see me I stop retreating and prepare for an ambush. Just as the Scout passes me by I flame him with my Flamethrower and finish him off with the Axtinguisher. Simple as that.

Fooling tactic # 2 – fake voice commands

Many people forget about this one but it’s as viable as all other tactics mentioned here. Now you may think most people will not fall for it but surprisingly many people actually get caught with their pants down by doing this. What you do here is really simple – you fool your foe by giving him a fake information which he’ll most likely rely on. For example – hit Z + 5 to say “Go Right” while you go in the exact opposite direction. What it will cause is your enemy going to your left because he heard you saying that. In the meantime you can get on his flank without him even noticing it and giving you a huge advantage in a fight. Really similar thing applies to faking the Ubercharge. Just hit X + 8 and you’ll see enemy reacting to your movements at the very least a little bit different because they think you have that tool of destruction of yours in your hands. What this will this cause is enemies seeking for cover as there’s no direct technique to combat an Ubercharge than to hide behind cover and wait for the Ubercharge to pass. This gives you a more freely movement on the battlefield for about 20 seconds as this is the time for the enemy to know that you actually don’t have that Ubercharge but it’s more than enough to get better positions than you’d get when “normally” coming out on them. Just make sure you don’t make it super obvious yelling “I am charged!” and doing nothing in a middle of a fight.

Fooling tactic # 3 – decoys & distractions

This is a more team oriented tactic as it involves multiple teammates for it to work. I’ll take Gravel Pit as my example map once again (pretty basic one though). You’re BLU and you can not get rid of that pesky Sentry on B and time is running out. What you do here is send a couple of teammates (preferably 3) to the point where enemies defense is weaker and force them to get reinforcements from the second point, in this case A. If your enemy falls for it most likely B is now guarded by an Engineer with his Sentry and an optional other teammate. This is the time when a Spy (or a Soldier/Demoman) comes into action. Now that the Sentry is only guarded by those two people it’s easier for a Spy to get to the Sentry and sap it. As the Spy saps the Sentry, rest of your team should be now running towards B to help your Spy destroy the Sentry (if the Sentry is in a bad position you can optionally spam it to death with rockets/grenades). Your enemy knows now that you’re on B but they can’t send all of their units to help defend it because they still have problems on A (if your decoys are good enough of course). Even if they send all of their units to get rid of the enemies B and eventually kill them all, there’s a high possibility that you’ll capture A as there’s no opposition and the point itself is half captured. So you will either get A or B. Nonetheless you achieved your goal of receiving extra time to capture that second point.
Distracting an enemy from a flanking teammate also works wonders. Sandvich Heavy paired with a Soldier or a Pyro can also wreak some serious havoc if a couple of foes try to kill your Heavy.

Fooling tactic # 4 – luring

There’s nothing more useful than a Scout with a brain which helps his teammates kill their enemies. I’m bringing out the Scout here because apparently he’s the best luring unit out there, especially with the BONK! Yes, I know… Everyone will say BONK! is useless but believe me – it isn’t. It can assure you that someone will follow you after you use it because everyone is aware of the slowdown effect after using it. So use it to your advantage! Locate a nearby friendly Sentry or a Heavy in a tight area and lure a group of enemies into its range of fire. Sure, it will work only once but you have accomplished your goal. You helped your team kill a couple of enemies which could make it possible for them to capture a control point or capture enemy intel. The same can do any other fast class – Pyros, Spies, Medics, Snipers and Engies. Just go out there and get their attention and run like hell to your teammates. They sure will be grateful for your help as the enemy going after a easy kill forgets about his surroundings and easily gets caught in an ambush.

But the most important is…

… teamwork! I haven’t discovered anything new here but with teamwork these tactics can be even more effective than done alone. Fact is that your team can combine all of these four tactics they can assure you a total victory. So pay attention to what your teammates are doing and try to cooperate with them as much as you can. I can assure you that in the game of TEAM Fortress it will help you because these tips alone can’t win you a game and so can’t you alone.

That’s all for the fooling tactics that I know at least. I’m sure there are plenty more of them and plenty more variations of them but these are the most important in my opinion. Make sure to combine them and cooperate with your teammates when using them and surely you will have more successes than loses.

In a quantity that has not been seen since the appearance of Cuddle Pyro, we now bring to you the cutest personification of a Team Fortress 2 Character into real life. Those are the results when you combine Halloween and gaming parents.

Please be warned, watching this is not recommended if you are somewhere where people will look at you strangely due to a “DAWWWWW” reaction.

You can check out more photos by following the link, even of the 1 year old heavy:

[from Crafster via Kotaku]

Oh, and because it is pretty much obligatory here in Ubercharged.net:

“ENTIRE TEAM IS BABIES!”-Heavy Weapons Guy

Well guys,this is is, the final part of Thirty Six of Rules, I hope you’ve all enjoyed it, thanks for reading and supporting my guide, see you when my next one is released, I’ll be adapting my defense guide for Ubercharged, in different sections, of course, since it’s 60 pages long o.0.

Until next time, this is EchelonThree, thanks for reading!

31. Backpedal if he’s attacking you, but turn and run forward if he’s out of range

It’s a little known fact that you’re slower when backpedalling. So what does this mean?

It means that if a pyro is rushing you and you turn around and fire, he’ll catch you eventually (if you’re not a scout, medics will get caught). However, if you turn and run, that means that he’ll never catch up to you. A good pyro will pull out the shotgun and pray that he gets you.

If he’s already within range, you won’t escape him, so you might as well fight him.

If he’s out of range, you (as a faster class) are likely to be ill equipped to engage a pyro anyway, since that means you’re either an engineer (shotgun vs. flamethrower), sniper (SMG vs. flamethrower), Medic (you’re better off running anyway, don’t fight if you don’t have to!), or spy (you kidding?).

If you’re slower than a pyro and he’s closing into range, then you should fight him (and you’ll probably beat him), since you won’t get away anyway, and fighting is your only real chance.

But be creative – if you think you can get away with a rocket jump, by all means go for it.

Thanks to TF2F Nullname who points out that it’s faster to backpedal while strafing (i.e. hold down back while strafing) than it is to simply backpedal.

32. Don’t charge a heavy. Ever.

“THIS IS SASHAAAAAAAAA!” – Leonidas Trotsky

You’re a pyro and you see a heavy, gun fully revved, down the corridor. Would you charge him?

A few seconds of thinking will tell you the answer is no, but if this is so, then why do so many pyros wind up going w+m1 at heavies?

Maybe it’s because a flamethrower is a close range weapon? So is the minigun.

Let’s ask this question: if you were a demoman, would you rush a heavy with your grenades?

Once again, no, so if health isn’t the reason (demo and pyro have the same health), then it must be the weapon.

So, why does a flamethrower seem to give someone the feeling that accords him the invincibility of extreme capability of being and having superhuman strength, endurance, and leetawsomeness make benefit glorious pyro to charge a heavy?

I don’t know, but I do know this: Don’t charge a competent heavy, you WILL lose. Your odds are much better if his gun isn’t spinning when you engage him, but still, you’re best off not attacking him head on.

I’ve received a torrent of hate mail regarding this point…. yes I know a soldier can beat a heavy at close range, but he wins by using cover, not by charging the mobile meat shredder.

33. The game is TEAM fortress.

ATTENTION: Halo players, you are NOT the Master Chief, and this is NOT a super soldier game

The enemies are NOT grunts; don’t go charging in yourself unless you’re sure of what you’re doing. This is a team game; no one class is equipped to handle every situation (except the *insert profanity here* overpowered demo).

Unless you’re trying to eliminate a key target like a sentry or a medic, you shouldn’t be charging in without support.

Until then, I’ll be in my bunker, hiding from the flood of hate mail I’ll likely receive.
WARNING: Serious Zone! – Aggression

Aggression is how aggressive you are in battle. (doh!)

Well, that means how much you push out against the opponent. How can you define aggression? Simple.

Usually, in a fight, both sides want to avoid opposing fire by one of two methods – evasion or cover. Evasion involves moving to throw off the guns of the opposing force. Cover is… well… cover – put something behind yourself and the bullet and you’re safe from direct damage. In a fight, cover is generally preferred over evasion.

In any single engagement, the “aggressive” or attacking side is generally the one who is evading, and the defender is seeking cover. It’s an age-old matchup between mobile warfare and a static position.

More importantly, being aggressive means that you enjoy the advantage of the “initiative”. This means that you can determine the pace of the battle by pressing or retreating, you can take your time to reload as you can dodge, and you have the first shot. (There are some people who work well on defense, like myself – I HATE attacking)

Now, being aggressive means that you’re taking a risk, as you will have to leave a safe covered position, maintain pressure on the defender (to prevent him from taking the advantage), and keep yourself safe.

Foolish aggression involves the ancient fighting technique that can best be described as “Frothing mouth, flailing arm” – charging the enemy recklessly with guns blazing.

There is a thin line between that and controlled aggression. Unlike the foolish attacker, the controlled attacker always has a backup plan to fall back and resupply.

End Serious Zone.

34. Fool your enemy

The M1 Garand rifle (not in TF2, what a pity) made a distinctive “ping” sound when an (automatically) ejected rifle clip hit the ground. At that point, everybody and his brother knew you were out of ammunition and had to reload, including an enemy who would be waiting to shoot you when your clip was empty. As such, many marines were killed because of their ping…. (okay that was a REALLY bad joke)

If your enemy is engaging you in direct combat, calling for a doc will signal that you’re “injured” to everyone, including your enemy.

What do the two have in common? Simple: they are both excellent opportunities to turn the fight against your enemy.

In the case of the M1, marines in Vietnam would throw an empty rifle clip on the ground, wait for the enemy to pop his head up, and pop a cap into him. Likewise, by calling out for a medic, you have given him an opening to come at you (while he thinks you are “injured”) and finish you off.

Unnecessarily calling for a medic may cause him to be overaggressive and greedy, and you can use this time to plan the perfect ambush. Oh, and of course, it may help you save your medic.

Of course, tell your medic first that you’re not calling for him via teamchat or the voicecom.

See also point 18. – Don’t count on enemy stupidity

35. Know when to hold ‘em, Know when to fold ‘em

“You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away, and know when to run.” – Kenny Rogers

You’re an engi, and an uber heavy has just emptied a belt or two of ammo into your gun at close range, what do you do?

Most people will keep on whacking the gun in a losing battle. A smart engi will take the time to escape and set up a gun somewhere else.  As you can see here, our other engineers are falling back, leaving the level 2 sentry to distract the ubered demoman. (my gun has just been finished off by a sniper).

In this other picture below, we see another part of the game, our guns have been destroyed but we’ve managed to bleed a significant portion of their time away, they’re down to one minute now.

We won the game without them taking a single point

The same principle can be applied to you as a soldier caught in the open against a heavy at close range, you have to choose between fighting him (and praying that someone gives you an assist or that you get an assist after you die), rocketjumping away and falling back (you’ll take some damage but live to fight again). In this case, running away on foot is not an option, the minigun will cut you into shreds.

Learn to identify times where the best thing to do is simply cut your losses and fall back.

36. Never take anything for granted until that timer hits 0

“You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.” – Kenny Rogers

Gravelpit point C, 10 seconds left. Red players decide that they’ll win for sure and charge forward to get the kills during the humiliation round; in that time, a blu spy gets onto the point and captures it.

You should stand on the point until the end (watch for overtime!) and make sure that when you’ve won the game, you really have won the game. Even in the last five seconds, we keep a heavy and soldier on the point to prevent any last-second charges.

End

So that’s thirty-six simple rules which should greatly improve your overall combat effectiveness, no frills, just good strategy.

In traditional style, I’ve not gone into aiming techniques, how to do a rocketjump, or any other technicalities of the sort, it’s my belief that any player can become a strong player if they play smart instead of playing hard, that’s what this guide is about.

I really hope you’ve all found it useful, and that you’ve enjoyed reading this guide as much as I have writing it.

So, see you on the servers!

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Control Point, Gamereplays.org, Edgegamers.org, TeamFortress2Fort.com, Ubercharged.net

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