Cage The Payload – Ain’t No Rest For The Medic
Well, we haven’t had one of these in a long time, have we? Since most of you who commented seem to have thought that my last article was serious and 100% true, I have to resort to some good old “copy style and paste” humour. To the tune of “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked” by Cage The Elephant…
I was walking to the point,
When out the corner of my eye,
I saw a fickle little thing approaching me.
He said “I’ve never seen a man,
So in need of a Medic,
Could you use a little company?”Then scurrying like some mice,
The Scout called for the Medic thrice,
So the Medic healed him and sent him on his way.
I said “You’re such a nice honest guy,
Why you do this to yourself?”
He looked at me and this is what he said:“Oh, there ain’t no rest for the Medic,
Ubers don’t grow on trees.
I got Heavies to save,
I got Soldiers to heal,
There ain’t any medkits left in this world for me.
And no I can’t slow down,
I can’t change class,
Though you know, I wish I could.
No there ain’t no rest for the Medic,
Until we disconnect for good”.Not even fifteen minutes later,
I’m still walking to the point,
When I heard a beep of a gun hidden out of sight.
And then someone sweeps up from behind,
And puts a shotgun up to my head,
He made it clear he wasn’t looking for a fight.He said “Get away from my buildings,
I want your promise not your life,
But if you try to attack them I won’t think twice.”
I told him “You can have my word,
But first you know I got to ask,
What made you want to live this kind of life?”He said “There ain’t no rest for the Engie,
Sentries don’t grow on trees.
I got dispensers to make,
I got teles to build,
There ain’t any ammo kits left in this world for me.
And no I can’t slow down,
I can’t change class,
Though you know, I wish I could.
Oh no, there ain’t no rest for the Engie,
Until we disconnect for good”.Now a couple rounds have passed,
And I was sitting at my spawn,
The game was winding down and coming to an end.
So I turned on the scoreboard,
And scanned over the points,
And what I saw I almost couldn’t comprehend.I saw a sniping man just been banned he’d use hax for the last round,
He stuffed his point amount with unrighteous guaranteed kills.
But even still I can’t say much,
Because I know we’re all the same,
Oh yes we all seek out to get many kills.You know there ain’t no rest for the Fortress,
Teamwork don’t grow on trees.
We got intel to cap,
We got carts to push,
There ain’t any weapons left in this world for free.
And no, we can’t slow down,
We can’t change class,
Though you know, we wish we could.
No there ain’t no rest for the Fortress,
Until we disconnect for good…
Stumble it!
Jammers responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:03 am #
This is pure awesome. I was reading along with the music and everything!
BornAcidBBC responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:05 am #
Wow well done, great video game song just got better.
Phyxius responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:08 am #
That was pure win.
SmallIvoryKnight responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:11 am #
This is made of win and awesome.
pulf responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:11 am #
Where can I get a version of that song without vocals.
Connor Lonske/Ex-Battle Medic responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:25 am #
Cool, I liked that song and now I have vocals that suits my occupation.
himmelstoss responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:32 am #
Very nice.
orange!Gamer responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 10:39 am #
Win song post is Win
Gufu responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 11:11 am #
Sorry, but just… no.
KommanderCevin responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 11:27 am #
This makes me want to jump in to some TF2. And I will. Nice job.
BaconLegs responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 11:35 am #
Story of my life.
Someone’s gotta sing this!
Zim responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 12:29 pm #
Epic! Really nice work.
Mike responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 12:42 pm #
Man, every time I see one of these articles I have to play tf2. Thanks for forcing me to do something I enjoy. Love, Mike.
Dan responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 1:42 pm #
I hate the song but the “re-lyricing” was a pretty good job.
Yam responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 3:45 pm #
Sir/Madam/Barely Human Awesome Machine
I applaud your efforts … truly you are a man among worlds
noodleboy347 responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 4:03 pm #
Haha epic
Jackal responded on 06 Jan 2010 at 11:22 pm #
Sounds like someone has been playing Borderlands.
The Black Watch responded on 07 Jan 2010 at 5:39 am #
Pure win.
Mr. Shiny Object responded on 07 Jan 2010 at 8:38 am #
pretty epic. Not only did the lyrics fit the beat, but they resembled the original lyrics and the general flow and connotation of the meaning. It was really easy to keep track while listening and reading.
But you still really need someone to sing this.
Deathangel responded on 07 Jan 2010 at 9:44 pm #
Fuck yeah Borderlands
nice rewrite!
Niveks responded on 08 Jan 2010 at 6:43 am #
Any Good voice to song this?
ubersauce responded on 08 Jan 2010 at 9:49 am #
Sounds like someone’s played borderlands… =p
but yeah, this song is frakkin’ epic.
ArmsAreLoud responded on 08 Jan 2010 at 3:56 pm #
Very nice. Great song, great alternate lyrics. Woulda liked a verse for the Heavy, but it’s great as is.
EchelonThree responded on 09 Jan 2010 at 4:21 am #
The big problem is that it wasn’t really original, it just seems like changing the nouns and leaving everything else from the original song untouched….
Sinister Minister responded on 09 Jan 2010 at 5:43 am #
It’s got nothing to do with Borderlands, even though the song is in the game. I hear it on the radio quite often, actually.
snipers_get_the_head responded on 09 Jan 2010 at 7:58 am #
Oh people, lay off him. Yeah, it wasn’t changed much. But the medic paragraph was genius, the “can’t change class” was great, and it’s a pretty hard song to parody. Maybe not an A+, but certainly pretty good.
General Goose (not being arsed to log in) responded on 09 Jan 2010 at 1:04 pm #
Wunderbar, Paper Shadow. Du hast talent in writing about the problems de Medic faces.
War_Wrecker responded on 10 Jan 2010 at 5:38 am #
Notice its intellectual classes, not for instance, the heavy, and the soldier, or god forbid, the pyro. I mean do we need lines of “MAGGOT”, “Hudda HMM HMM Hudda” and “VZZZADADADA CRY SOME MORE”