ubercharged.net

I ain’t gonna lie. A semi-pro game of Team fortress 2 where the 2 teams are even and working together fighting tooth and nail for every objective on the map, brings some of the best moments of gaming for me.

Sadly, many times these moments doesn’t last the whole round and sudden events causes one team to steamroll the other. It could be that one absurdly good player who just joined the game that caused it or maybe some of your teammates leaved and suddenly you’re outnumbered.
But no, the most common occurrence ain’t these.  Too  many times, all i have to to do is press TAB to see the most common reason why; around >30% of our team are/or just picked snipers and/or spies.

Who knows why they’ve chosen them to begin with. Maybe it’s to counter that one player who dominates half of our team (in general there really is an unhealthy amount of  obsession about counters in a game focused on teamwork), maybe it’s cause they are the only classes the players feel they are achieving something with, maybe they had good intentions and was trying to do something to help our team or maybe they saw a top player doing great with that class and thought they would achieve more by playing the same class .

These kind of snipers and spies are usually average players, probably nailing a few good kills of important targets, but otherwise nothing special. However, they all have one thing in common; they suck at class selection!

They are what I like to call weenies.

Snipers and spies are what it says on the selection screen, support classes. They can’t fight well at all directly, though are wonderful at picking off key targets. But once your team is full of these guys, things can and will go downhill from there unless 1; there is a significant skill difference between the teams (in your favor) or 2; they have around the same number of spies and snipers as well.

What makes these classes so attractive is pretty much their one-hit kill wonders, but many players fail to see that they are quite weaksauce compared to other classes once you strip them off these tools.

Does the snipers and spies on our team play quite well? Most certainly yes. Does that really justify that these players are actually half of our team? Not at all!

They have mediocre health, low to medium firepower on their alternative weapons and are mostly a minimal threat once engaged. Their only answer once that happens pretty much boils down to running away. They need distractions and those who provide those distractions are the sturdier classes fighting the other team directly (or can) AKA all the other classes (engineer is a minor exception though, we’ll go back to him later). The problem is when there are too few sturdy players fighting directly, the other team will have little problem mopping them up and continue on.
This doesn’t help snipers and spies in any way. Snipers have less time to shoot before getting engaged themselves and less time distracted means more time being aware of sneak attacks, making it harder for spies to be efficent.

I’m gonna repeat all this with an example. Ever heard about the law of inverse ninjutsu?
It basically says that the fewer ninjas there are, the more lethal they become.

Now I know this is pretty much what happens in fiction, but there is some truth to it. I mean, you don’t ever hear (or read) about an army of exceptional ninjas that have taken on an army full of heavily armed samurai now do you?

Like ninjas, spies and snipers are assassins. Their preferable method is to kill an target as quickly as possible without really engaging it at all, just their method of doing it is different. Once the sniper and spies themselves are engaged however, they have pretty much lost the fight.
This will be a problem once the main line of sturdy classes is gone and it would require a tremendous effort from the remaining spies and snipers to even halt the advance of the opposing team.

I guess we all have been a weenie at some time (even me) or still are. But please, if there is something your team usually doesn’t need, it’s more snipers and spies. They are niche classes great at turning a game around when played right, but it’s not someone that can be massed.

So if you decide to roll sniper or spy, you damn sure better know what you are doing!

Dishonourable mention: Engineers

The reason engineers are just given a mention is cause these kinds of weenies aren’t even nearly as common as the other 2. Reason may be that they don’t have a tool that can one-hit kill or that they may take more skill to play well with and make a difference, unless they turtle up. They are also not as helpless as snipers and spies since they have the generally more efficent shotgun, as well as having the sentry to help them in a fight if it’s availible. Still, engineers are usually not the kind of guy a team needs plenty of either.

I wouldn’t qualify engineers as weenies on defence. Sure, having 4 or 5 of them on a defending team ain’t exactly the healthiest way of defending, but as long they don’t build everything in one big farm as well as doing something else other than wacking stuff  it’s kinda fine (though there are beter methods for defence).

To many engineers on the attacking team however, not so good.

Engineers on an attacking team usually do 2 things; they either play pod (creating a forward base) or play offensive and try to sneak in to cause havoc (flanking them or ambushing their supply lines).
Neither should there be too many of. Offensive engineers are pretty much in the same position as spies in that they need distractions. Although 2 or 3 can get a sentry up faster than one can, having too many of them yields predictable results. One engineer playing pod is usually plenty as well.

What about the scouts?

I wouldn’t call scouts a weenie. Unlike the other 3 they can dart in and out of the action, constantly harrassing the enemy team. They are far from helpless in a direct fight and are only a problem for their own team when there aren’t any sturdier classes on it.

Scout assault and “Sentry hill” doesn’t mix well.

On the other hand, scout rushes can be pretty brutal.

Thank you for your time.

Credit to Tygris for the g-mod pictures.

Pandapoops, the soldier who created “Pway a Weal Cwass,” is back with another video. While PaWC was about general soldier strategy, PaWC 2 (or–better, 2PaWC) focuses almost entirely on the new weapons and how you can use them. Definitely worth a watch, if only for the eye-popping airshots–though the instructional material’s quite interesting too

Watch in HD and fullscreen for the best experience, if, of course, your ‘nets can handle it.

And the Ronald Jenkees soundtrack is pretty sweet too.

So, I heard you guys like avatars. And judging by the success of Tesla’s and Tygrys’ two avatar collections, I presume it to be correct. So, I went and set out on a long a tedious task to find T&T Industries, break into it, and steal the latest avatar designs the two made. I was ready to do this, risk everything in order to get (more) fame and popularity, and as such, I made haste to finish this quest…

I failed. Miserably.

Finding T&T Industries wasn’t too hard, and with the Cloak Camp and Dagger, breaking in was the easy, though long and tiresome part. Getting out, now that was painful. You try stealing something and getting outside when there seems to be a fancy, hat wearing guard around every corner, all of which armed and loud, calling other guards to my position. It’s like playing Metal Gear Solid without hiding or shooting any guards. Oh, and then you have the ones with the Rocket Launchers. Urgh. In the end, I decided to value my life more than their ideas, dropped all the briefcases I had and used the Coward and Dagger to make my slow way out of the place. I still have nightmares of the place though…

So, here I was, no ideas stolen, and moving so slow I might as well be a snail, and to top it all off, everyone around me was wearing a hat. And that is when I had this wonderful idea: avatars for the hatless. And I’m not talking about hatless hats because, despite what I said before, the Hatless Engie reminds me of Cortez from Timesplitters, which is always a plus in my books. So, I gathered a couple of hatless people and told them that they sucked because they had no hats, and took a picture of their reaction. Some burst into tears, some burst into angry. One chap almost sent me to the great Capture Point in the sky. A couple of them complained that their Halo/Gibus/Halloween Mask was a hat, and I just shook my head and took the picture. Those with Bill’s Hat, however, simply kicked me “down under”, so I decided to avoid them until I saw them in Left 4 Dead 2, where I would proceed to shoot their groin. That would show them…

Anyway,  with no further delay, the No-Hat-Blues Avatar Pack. It’s not stealing, it’s copying the style of something else, which I have totally gotten away with before. Go enjoy it.

Hey you? Yes you, the fella’ with the classy picture on your Steam/Forum/Other Account. What are you doing? Trying to hide your hatless shame behind a little picture? What is your problem? Are you, like, Sir Super Coward the Third of Cowardland? Be a real man and trap your sadness in these handy avatars of sad, hatless people, just like you!

Made by a hatless person, for hatless people, using the pain and torment of other hatless people, Mr. Shadow captures the grief of the news that these chaps officially suck in a beautiful and classic photographs which I would hang on my wall, had it not been for the fact my walls were already covered with his other masterpieces. The best thing is that there are two versions of these soon-to-be-so-iconic-you’ll-grandchildren-will-know-about-them pictures; one zoomed out, and one zoomed in, so you can decide between seeing the poor saps’ body language or facial expressions. How would you not want one of these to represent you?

And even if you do have hats, you can still have one of these pictures to remind yourself and take joy in the fact that, somewhere, there is someone crying over the fact they have nothing on their heads. So what are you waiting for, a bus? Just right click these amazing snapshots and select “Save Image As…”, and save them somewhere and under a name you can remember so next time you want to stun your foes with something their spend ages looking and remember for the rest of their lives, don’t go for the porn spray, just change your avatar to one of these and by the time they are done looking, you would have already left after winning so many rounds. Something Mr. Shadow wished he had a couple of days ago when he was trying to stealing from T&- err, I mean, he was stealing a capture point from the enemy. Yeah…

Signed: The Post Script Company Manager of Doing Stuff Mr. Shadow is too busy to do

Septa Viscous

Community Fortress has a pretty sweet video series going called eXtelevision (eXtv for short), where eXtine commentates pro-level competitive TF2 matches. If you’re interested in competitive TF2, it’s definitely worth a look for its excellent commentary (plus, the matches are pretty damn intense, if you ask me).

Case in point: an ESEA-Invite match this week. Muscle Milk and Moolians, the underdogs, squared off against Evil Geniuses in a brutal match on Badlands. Part 1 of 4 of the match is embedded below, and you can check out part two, part three, and part four on the CommunityFortress Youtube channel. This is definitely one to watch in HD and fullscreen. And nope, I’m not going to spoil it for you by saying who won

Best part: a new eXtv episode’s released every week. Keep ‘em coming, Community Fortress!

I must say, I’m impressed to see a lot of you displaying some elegance since the publishing of the Classy Classes Avatar Pack. Though from a few I’ve heard complaint; “Garbing yourself in style is all well and good, but it’s winter and I’m bloody freezing.” I’ll agree to a point, wrapping yourself up warm for the winter weather may well be practical, but I’ve always been one to stick to my convictions about looking good… and that’s when it hit me.

It hit me quite hard, on the back of the skull, and the doctors claimed there may have been a rock in it. But I assure you, concussion or no, I am not delusional; A man can dress well and keep warm! I had the nurses get me a phone so I could tell Tygrys right away, so we could begin work on our next project!

Sadly, by the time they let me out of the hospital, most of the snow had been washed away; so I had to visit Tygrys in his homeland of Poland, where the weather was just right to make some wintery avatars.

T&T Industries is pleased to announce the release of our second avatar pack, titled the “Winter Warmers Avatar Pack”.

This pack has been designed with practicality and style foremost in mind. Now you can keep yourselves warm for the cold weather, without dressing down. This pack was designed by the genius mind Sir Tygrys Murdock with help from the morphine-addled mind of Sir Tesla Tank.

Remember our motto – quality is of the utmost importance and we strive to satisfy all of our customers.

Signed: T&T Industries Chairman of marketing

Willbur McTrackingster

You can download the pack of 18 right here, special thanks to arma2.pl and the Crazy Hussars team for providing a permanent link. I’ll leave you with a piece of advice I got from my surgeon; better to stay indoors this winter and play Team Fortress 2 than to do yourself an injury throwing snow at people, and building imaginary ice friends. Have fun now.

In a lot of ways, Team Fortress – as well as every class-based shooter – is a lot like a Jazz concert. You have a limited amount of players, they are all largely different and every one of them gets a chance to shine. This in contrast to the classic Symphony Orchestra Beat-Em-Up, featuring lots of violins for gratification.

Upon closer examination, all of the TF2 classes can be compared to a specific instrument, especially so in competitive play. You might want to turn off any music you’re playing, as the following list contains a boatload of Youtube links.

- Medic -

The Drummer

The drummer is the backbone of any ensemble. He decides the rhythm, and if he makes a fatal move, the entire team collapses. A drum set takes some time to set up, and if you’re a mobile pubber, you could always replace him with a guitar player, but having a drummer increases your efficiency tenfold. The problem is that many novice drummers get a little in over their head and start going solo. Of course, experienced drummers know when this is called for and make it play out well if they have to.

The greatest characteristic the Drummer and the Medic have in common, however, is their one sidedness. A Drummer doesn’t have access to octaves and can’t be reprimanded for not following the tune, only the rhythm. A drummer once told me that was the reason she wanted to be one, and that’s also the reason I play Medic. After all, a Medic heals people regardless of distance, damage falloff, airshots and all that. He acts in a completely different spectrum from the rest of his team, and because of that, you can give any Drummer a sheet and tell him what to do while good ones are yet capable of taking initiatives and quick decisions themselves as to pull their team forward instead of being just necessary.

- Soldier -

The Trumpet

The Trumpet is the tried and true instrument throughout history. Trumpets have announced the advent of kings, honoured valued anthems and intimidated the French populace.The intricate way of producing sound from the trumpet is a hamper at first, as is learning to shoot in front of people and at their feet. But in the end, the Trumpet is the most balanced instrument, capable of carrying the melody with some adjustments or supporting the other players at key moments. Some people, however, aren’t very fond of its shrill, annoying sound.

All in all, the Trumpet has the most frag videos and is quite accessible due to its simple layout. Even more so if it’s a trombone. And with the addition of the Buff Banner, I can say that I totally called it. What other instrument carries the team without leaving the spotlight?

(also, place a mat or something for performers to stand on or they’ll get dribble all over your stage.)

- Scout -

The Saxophone

At first, I was going to attribute the Saxophone to the Soldier and the Trumpet to the Scout. Probably because, being a career medic, I hate their guts and I feel delighted each time I see one of them killed (no offense to trumpet players). But that which makes the Scout actually unique is not his speed or role, it’s that he’s the only player left on the field whose main job is to shoot bullets at people (with the exception of the Heavy). And yet such a simple concept has an incredibly deep learning curve. The Saxophone is most like a flute compared to its brass buddies, including the way one blows into it. It’s also a great choice for completing the main objective (i.e. playing the melody and killing the enemy medic) and is preferred for its flexibility (move speed) and beautiful sound (damage output). It’s no wonder so many people have taken to it, leading to about three per server.

A drawback is that the Sax becomes less effective as more people play. Its sound is nice, but not as far-reaching as that of a trumpet. Just like a saxophone, a Scout needs space to maneuver in. They’re also a lot like violin players.

- Demoman -

The Keyboard

Ah, the keyboard. Capable of mimicking instruments through indirect, digital means, the Keyboard is a very versatile instrument/machine, and no more than one is ever used. Many people think playing it takes no skill because it has all the keys laid down conveniently and, as a result, devalues the performance of “real classes”, but it’s the only choice a Demoman has when he finds his team filled with snipers and spies.

Of course, through utilizing and experimenting with sounds that organic instruments can’t make, the keyboard holds potential of his own. On the other hand, he doesn’t get a whole lot of solos and when he does, it’s out of necessity. In public play, however, the Demoman is either a very classic defense class who lays traps that catch his victims by surprise, or the front line “sticky spamming” class mentioned above.

- Heavy -

The Singer

Now this one is awkward. You don’t see many singers in Jazz anymore, but when you do, no matter how bad or redundant he is, he’ll be the center of attention by both performers and audience. Everyone has to adapt to what he does, where he goes, and if they leave him behind, the singer will look like a dork because he was told we would be fighting Boatmen. The Singer has the least technical difficulty (everyone knows how to use their own voice), but succeeding requires more than that alone.

- And the rest -

As the most used utility class, the Sniper attacks sporadically and from a distance. The fruit of his efforts is rarely seen and he is, as such, the most thankless class. This makes him a lot like the Double Bass, which produces a very low, barely audible sound yet somehow smooths things up for the other players. You also know that when a competitive team shows up with a Sniper, they bloody well mean business.

Opposite to the Saxophonist stands the Clarinet player AKA Engineer, who thrives on large amounts of teammates. In low tier pub games, he’s the central point of defense (like so), but in Jazz, he exists mostly to give his team a boost. He’s never used in Linear 5CP blues, though. Also notable is that the Saxophone was invented as an improvement to the Clarinet, just as people like to think of the Engineer as a slow version of the Scout in direct combat.
(I say they’re wrong, but I digress.)

Let’s not forget the Spy, who can do magnificent things but appears to be such an anomaly amongst the rest of the crew. Like an accordion, a whole lot of people use it and yet many feel special for doing so. Both are exceedingly convulooted and I wonder how they came to exist in the first place. They are the instrument of the People, of the Masses, and rarely see action in the big leagues. But anomalies happen.

And last but not least, and I say this with no regard to the relevant meme, the Pyro is like an electric guitar. On the one hand, he’s a n00b class because people don’t play him to credit a team, more so because rock stars get fame and infinite amounts of sex. On the other hand, the electric guitar’s strength allows him to support teammates in ways a demoman can’t. Recently, I played a round on Badlands where I voided the Scouts by having a Pyro guard me. When Pyros try to steal the show, however, they become a nuisance to their own team. A pyro running in front of the soldier/medic combo alerts the enemy to his general direction before the first rocket is even fired. Just this week, I attended a jazz concert where the guitar and the Saxophone both went all-out and failed. Nevertheless, pyros are great uber partners, but he excels so much better in Rock.

And that’s the end of my list. Next time you intend on spamming the latest Bonk remix on your favourite alltalk-less server, play some Jazz instead. Your team will perform better.
(I wish.)

Originally, I was going to have something up here about taking a break from Eve online, which I don’t even play anymore. Time makes fools of us all, I suppose. Sorry for the long wait, and I’ll see what I can do about getting the next chapter to you faster.

Hey, kids! Do you want to know what the heck is going on? Click on my name at the top of the post, and read anything that has the words “Armored Fortress” at the front!

RED Safehouse, Area 2, Dustbowl – February 20, 1968, 12:20 P.M.

The RED Soldier stood at attention in front of the Announcer’s desk.

“…Reason for mission failure?”

“Major distraction and Spy capture, Commander.”

“Do you have anything to say in your defense?”

“No, Commander.”

“Very well. You are hereby sentenced to ninety hours of grunt work and a demotion.”

Soldier sighed. That was it, then.

“Both suspended.”

Or not. Bizarro Murphy’s Law had a way, after all.

“I’m sorry, Commander?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re in the middle of a war. I can’t afford to take out a star player for something as paltry as negligence. You’re going to go out there and you’re going to kill, God willing. Dismissed.”

____________________________________________

Point 2A, Dustbowl – February 20th, 1968, 12:21 P.M.

The point this time was located on the top of a shack-like building, with slot windows allowing easy passage for any bullets, missiles, lasers, or plasma charges the RED team would want to send BLU’s way.

The pause between the attacks was part of a strategic ceasefire plan put in place by the RED team. It focused all the CPU power of the remaining points on keeping BLU’s progress in check. The BLU point mainframe fought it, of course, but to open those doors required more power than any battlefield held.

Of course, to continue the Counter-SPaMR attack, the RED computers had to stop keeping the doors from opening. So it was sort of a toss-up.

The RED Mainframe released the doors, and games begun.

____________________________________________

Area 2 BLU Resupply Room, Dustbowl – February 20th, 1968, 12:22 P.M.

“Hard-Hat, what’s with the extra gear-up? All I need to do is bash some heads in.”

“Listen, shorty, I’ve got orders from the Announcer. You need to stand still.”

“There any particulars to this particular , uh… particular?”

“Just aim away from the face, and you’ll be fine.”

“Well, what do I call this thing?”

“We’ve codenamed it ’Sandman’.”

____________________________________________

Point 2A, Dustbowl – February 20th, 1968, 12:24:30 P.M.

Here came the restart.

Both teams heard the same voice, possessed by two very different women.

“Mission begins in thirty seconds.”

The RED Medic checked his new armcannon, mounted over his wrist and filled to the brim with newly-developed vampiric flechettes. Those BLUs were good for something, after all.  How they got the energy from the flechettes back to him was officially outside his field, and thus, not his problem.

“Mission begins in twenty seconds.”

The BLU Scout checked the mass of tubing on his right arm. Were those 9-volt batteries stuck in at the elbow? All in all, the rig was evocative of their last technological breakthrough, the pretentiously-named Sigma Cannon.

That one did not end well.

“Mission begins in ten seconds.”

The Pyro stood. And waited. And waited some more.

“Five…”

Waited.

“Four…”

Cracked his knuckles.

“Three…”

Waited.

“Two…”

Clutched his flamethrower.

“One!”

Flipped a thumbs-up to the Medic.

The gates opened and the sirens wailed, but nobody on the BLU team really noticed. They were a bit occupied with the invincible, gold-colored fire-spewing RED Pyro, who was enjoying himself just a bit too much.

____________________________________________

“I! AM! ON! FIRE!”

The BLU advance had been thrown into disarray by the  flames. The RED Pyro was by no means invincible anymore, but the medic behind him and the rather troublesome rest of the RED team meant no one could get near them.

Running away, as he often did, the BLU scout noticed the mass of machinery bolted onto his left arm. Figuring it was now or never, he took aim. the cannon’s innards rumbled, the barrel glowed white, and a large ball of electricity soared through the air. While impressive, the shot had the side effect of knocking the BLU Scout flat on his tin-plated rear end, which meant he missed everything that followed.

First, the Medic and Pyro froze. They were still alive, but the suits completely failed to respond. The RED team, if you’ll pardon the pun, sort of lost their fire at this point. The two taking point both downed by a single weapon? A good cause for retreat.

The BLU Demoman, now devoid of any burning sensations whatsoever, waltzed up to the stunned pair.

“All ye fine dandies…” He took a swig of his alcohol. “Prancin’ about. Not so tough now, is ya! IS YA!”

The Medic said nothing. The Pyro said something. No one was quite sure what.

“Well, then. If yer gonna be like that, I’ll just take mah friends an’ go.”

As the BLU team rushed to the point without him, the BLU Demoman took his time planting each individual STICK bomb around the two REDs’ feet. As he swaggered out the door, he gave a drunken salute and yelled, “Cheers, mates!”

The RED Medic and Pyro reappeared in the SPaMR room half a minute later.

____________________________________________

The BLU Scout looked over all he had wrought, and it was good.

The RED team was retreating to the second point. That was good.

The Announcer had congratulated him on a job well done. That too, was good.

A stray RED grenade had landed between his feet, and was about to explode.

That was not good.

____________________________________________

Point 2B, Dustbowl – February 20th, 1968, 12:58 P.M.

The RED Soldier had little time, but he went at it anyway.

“WHAT was that, you scum-sucking maggots!?”

“Soldier, you really must calm down. Your blood pressure-”

“Is FINE, Professor von Tooth Fairy! If I see another run like that, I’ll…!”

The RED Pyro interrupted the Soldier’s righteous indignation with a mumbling tirade of his own. We’re not sure, exactly, but it’s rather certain that it contained every expletive he knew.

“MY mother is dead and buried! Do not TELL me what happened about my mother!”

The Pyro was in the middle of a retort, when the Announcer interrupted their verbal combat.

“Alert! Our perimeter is being breached!”

All arguements momentarily forgotten, the Soldier and Pyro turned with the rest of the team, weapons facing the doorway.

____________________________________________

Ahh, it’s good to be back. Let me know how this one turned out.

It is with considerable trepidation that I publish the following announcement, issued by the Administrator for the attention of all readers of Ubercharged.net.

For the immediate attention of all employees

Underlings,

You will recall when, eight months ago and against my better instinct, I relaxed the dress code for company employees. More specifically, I removed the ban on non-practical headgear (a rule that certain employees never took with the deadly sincerity it was meant). This was an act of incredible generosity on my part, and I am sure I need not strain my typewriting muscles with the unnecessary addendum that such acts are not in my nature. Bearing this in mind, it is with the utmost disappointment that I must inform you that a number of employees are already abusing their privileges. Privileges that I may revoke at any time.

As your Administrator, I remind you that I am always watching, and it has consequently come to my attention that many of you have begun to wear headwear that can only be described as inappropriate. There appears to be a mistaken assumption in the workplace that hats bestow a certain authority to the wearer, and any such garment, regardless of how idiotic it appears to all sane personnel, is inherently dignified. Let me tell you in no uncertain terms that this assumption is categorically false. I therefore remind you that none of you has any dignity or authority whatsoever and the only reverence you should be showing is to be directed at me, your employer. An employer that needs no absurd headwear to convey their absolute disdain and anger at those of you who continue to busy themselves with ridiculous accessories.

My assistant reliably informs me that the “Hallowe’en Event” of last year was “fun” and “team-building”, terms which do not feature in my vocabulary, although I was assured they were constructive. As part of this event, our supplier issued many of you with antique opera hats, which, although utterly tasteless and dreadful in every way, were apparently “festive”. At the behest of my advisers, who have subsequently found themselves sealed in disused mine shafts, I allowed you to wear them. To my considerable bafflement, an alarming number of you continue to wear these ghastly accoutrements three months down the line. Although my own observations have not noticed a lack of productivity as a direct result of this, be advised that I am hereby cutting leisure time allowances, effective immediately, just to make sure.

In addition, reports from company medical and psychiatric staff have informed me that there is a sickening tide of what they risibly term “hatmania” among the workforce. An increasing number of individuals are concerning themselves with their headgear to an unhealthy extent. As you are, without exception, third-rate pond scum, I do not trouble myself with your many trivial obsessions. Until, that is, they preclude the efficient completion of the jobs you are being paid to complete. I hereby insist that you cease this foolish blathering about hats and helmets and get back to work before I am forced to “motivate” you. I have received reports of employees (now detained for their own protection) crudely fixing makeshift structures of scrap metal to their foreheads and earnestly telling their bemused comrades that it is a fedora. You will not be so fortunate.

Internal Communications have received countless complaints from some of you that my uncharacteristic charity in repealing the ban, and making the headgear catalogue of our esteemed partners at Mann Co. available to you was somehow not enough. “No,” they bawl like disgusting infants. “You have not given me a hat of my own!”

I consider it my duty as Administrator to respond to such grievances personally, and rest assured all those who complained have been transported to the nearest gravel pit and their heads furnished with small metal accessories by my personal security detail.

As for the rest of you, I end this note by reminding you that you are bloodthirsty mercenaries who are only saved from a life of asylums, prison camps and early death by your employers, who expect you to perform your jobs with complete dedication, and have absolutely no requirements to maintain your basic human rights.

Now, get out of my sight

- The Administrator

PS- All employees are reminded that Mann Co Camera Beard technology is to be used only for work-related espionage and not for the impersonation of historical figures. Henceforth anyone in breach of this will be subject to strict disciplinary action.

You have been warned.

Thanks to Tygrys for another brilliant image of horrible, yet entirely deserved, slaughter.

While many TF2 fansites have been steadily declining (or dying, like Control Point ), others have been on the uptick. Foremost among the latter is Community Fortress.

Community Fortress focuses more on the competitive scene of TF2, but fortunately, with far less xenophobia than GotFrag. Indeed, if you’re looking to get into the TF2 competitive scene, this might just be the place to start; they have a mentor-mentee system to help ease players in. They also host some pick-up games, and right now, they’re hosting a 4v4 KOTH tournament (a format which hasn’t caught on too much in the American competitive scene, but might soon enough).

Also, they’re building a wiki focused entirely on the competitive aspect of TF2, which is worth a read for its thoroughness. It’s far more specific than TF2wiki and way more in-depth than UC’s competitive TF2 guide.

When I first started playing Team Fortress 2 back in the day, it was when the Pyro update was released, since then I always had a grudge against the Pyro, especially those who wield the Backburner. The Backburner has always gotten the short end of the stick when it came to being an unlockable weapon. Those who use it are proclaimed to be “noobs,” and it is often deemed the reason why Pyros are referred to as being “W + M1”. I never had much interest in using the Backburner due to these reasons, as well as its lack of airblast.

It wasn’t until a little while ago I decided to try an experiment in which I would play as a Backburner Pyro for 2 hours. After playing I gained new respect for Backburner, so much so that I actually use the Backburner more then the regular flamethrower. I then decided to take the next step and try to write a guide to give players new insight into the Backburner Pyro play style and maybe change a few peoples opinions on the weapon. So let’s get this guide started.

“Thh Bhcgburnhr” – The Backburner

The Backburner is the Pyros first unlockable weapon which quite obviously replaces his flamethrower; it was created to make Pyros better at ambushing. When the Pyro update was released all the way back on the 19th of July, 2008, it was completely different compared to its present day counter-part. I’m sure that everyone recalls when the Backburner had the +50 health boost, where anyone using the Backburner would rush into battle head on and obliterate the opposition, thus creating the dreaded stereotype that has stuck with this weapon to this day… “W + M1”. The Backburner, however, has retained its ability to get 100% critical hits when attacking an enemy from the back. The only problem with the Backburner is that the area in which the Backburner will get crits is much smaller than the area a Spy would need to backstab someone.

“Trrlth rf thh trhdh” – Tools of the Trade

When playing a Backburner Pyro, having the right weapons for the job separates success and failure. Remember, your goal as a Backburner Pyro is to ambush foes from their blind spots and get in close to deal massive damage quickly. This section will only focus on your secondary and melee weapons.

The Shotgun

The standard sidearm for three classes as well as the primary weapon for our pal the Engineer, the shotgun is a powerful close range weapon, able to pump out 80-90 damage at point blank range; along with firing almost two shots a second, it can deal almost 160-180 damage per second. The shotgun is best used at close range; the same with the Backburner. Using both together would allow you to deal massive damage very quickly if you utilize the critical hits the Backburner gets. If you fail at killing the enemy quickly, switching to the shotgun allows you to deal a killing blow. The main drawback to the shotgun is that it is not very effective at long ranges, though this drawback isn’t new to the Pyro, since close range is this class’ bread and butter (or should I say toast and butter?) You can also utilize the shotgun to take pot-shots at fleeing enemies, to make sure that they don’t get away. The shotgun also gives you the ability to keep Soldiers and Demoman at bay due to the lack if an airblast; your bullets also allow you to destroy enemy sticky bomb traps.

The Flare Gun

The flare gun is the unlock able secondary weapon for the Pyro; it gives the Pyro more of a ranged game in terms of combat, allowing him to shoot flares over long distances to set his enemies ablaze. This gives the Pyro some ranged game but makes him more vulnerable when faced up close when short on ammo. The flare does about 27-33 damage upon a hitting it’s target; however since the flare sets the victim alight, the burn damage adds a total of 60 extra damage into the mix, making a total of about 87- 93 damage for a full burn. The drawbacks of this weapon are that it is only one shot per clip, two second reload time and that the damage it deals is not “sudden.” However, the flare gun is good for finishing off fleeing enemies, if they are on fire, you can score a mini-crit with a flare, if they arn’t on fire, they will be now. Being a Backburner Pyro means getting in close and taking out targets quickly, the flare gun would not be that great of an asset because of the fact that it puts out little damage initially; you can kill an enemy with a flare, but it gives him more time to retaliate and can lead you to your death.

The Fire Axe

What’s better than lighting someone on fire? How about lighting them on fire and then hitting them with a fire axe! The fire axe is as powerful as every other melee weapon (excluding the Scouts bats and the Butterfly knife) which is about 59-72 damage per hit. There isn’t anything special about the fire axe; it’s just a normal weapon.

The Axtinguisher

How can you improve a fire axe? Why not switch it out for a battle axe and wrap it in barbed wire? The Axtinguisher, the Pyros unlockable melee weapon, is a deadly weapon when used against an opponent who is on fire. While the axtinguisher is a weak weapon by default (23-43 damage per strike), its special ability is that, when used to strike a flaming enemy, it will score a critical hit which does a total of 195 damage. The axtinguisher is a great weapon, but is also a bit problematic at times, in order for it to be the most effective; the victim needs to be on fire, so you have to give yourself away by lighting the enemy on fire then trying to switch to your axe to finish them off. It would probably be easier to use the critical hits of the backburner since that should be your goal as a BB Pyro. The axtinguisher would be a wise choice in the event you attack from an angle in which you are not getting critical hits up close, then it would be wise to go in for the kill. However, the Axtinguisher is also more difficult to use due to the lack of the airblast, you won’t be able to push your enemies into a position where you can land the killing blow.

The Hadouken

The Pyro is also a master of a deadly technique from the realm of Street Fighter. By focusing, Pyros can release red hot flames from their palms themselves. This technique is so powerful, that getting caught in its blast will lead the victim to a instant fiery death. Tremble in fear at the Pyros greatest weapon… The Hadouken!

Ok, ok, the hadouken isn’t really a weapon; it is however the Pyros secondary weapon taunt that can deliver a killing blow. With both limited range and usability, it works out better as homage then a full blown tactic. Now, I can’t say I’m adept when it comes to killing enemies with this taunt, however, Don Newman is. I had a discussion with General Balls about Newman and his Pyro skills, he said the following.

*General Balls: You do realise that taunt-kills infuse you with the excess power of the soul that you murdered.
*General Balls: It’s true.
*General Balls: That’s why he’s such a good Pyro.
*General Balls: Because of taunt-killing.

That would certainly explain why Newman is such a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield. After that discussion, I asked Don if he could write some tips and tricks about hadouken for this article: he accepted and here’s what he had to say.

“There are two ways to score successful taunt kills with the pyro. The first is a matter of catching your opponent off-guard. If they are unaware, you can either taunt them while they are stationary (as is the case with snipers), or you can taunt them around tight corners where they do not suspect you and may pass through your line of fire. This approach is most effective when the location of your taunt is somewhere mundane, not near an objective or other major push point in a map. However, taunting repeatedly in the same location is an easy way to make an enemy aware of presence. It is best to infrequently use an ideal position so that they do not anticipate your presence and their impending humiliation.

The other way to score a taunt kill is to take advantage of a player when they cannot move out of the way of your taunt. This often occurs when they themselves are attempting to score a taunt kill and, being the alert and aware player that you are, you avoid their frivolous attempt. Instead, you can turn this situation on its head by taunt-killing them before they escape from their own failed taunt. The same applies to heavies eating sandviches or when the map ends and you have a few seconds to reflect on the scoreboard. If you are close enough to an enemy when the map ends, taunt away! It will be the most embarrassing death they have ever suffered, particularly if they won the map. Taunt killing an enemy in your own spawn can be the silver lining on the cloud of utter shame and defeat you will have already experienced by losing.

Remember; don’t abuse the hadouken in game to try and get kills, it isn’t effective and will most likely cost you your life, so stick with your weapons which were meant for killing.”

The best combination of weapons to use while wielding the Backburner would be the shotgun and the fire axe. The shotgun is more powerful at the close ranges needed while playing the Backburner Pyro; the fire axe gives better power if you are caught up close unexpectedly because you won’t be able to get your enemies where you want them to finish them off with the Axtinguisher. You can still choose to use both the flare and axtinguisher, it all depends on what you feel works better for you.

“Hmbuthhng nn Flhngng”- Ambushing and Flanking

The Backburner was designed to get players to use the Pyro for ambushing; which is what the Pyro is meant to do. Ambushing is crucial tactic for Pyros, especially those that are wielding the Backburner; as that is where it is the most effective. Here are a few tips when it comes to ambushing and flanking.

- Attack from unexpected areas, if the enemy doesn’t see you coming, you are able to deal more damage before they can retaliate. Don’t charge straight into battle, it’s not effective and it makes you look stupid; can you say W + M1?

- Try to outsmart your enemies. If you are spotted by enemies and you can’t win in a face to face confrontation, retreat. Get out of your enemies field of view and try to think of what he / she is expecting you to do. If you act as if you are going one way, they will most likely try to cut you off. Use this to your advantage; take a different route and ambush them with the Backburner.

- When hiding around a corner, make sure you are fully concealed. Remember that your flamethrower extends out in front of you; this can tip enemies off that you are around the corner. Either switch to a smaller weapon that is easier to conceal such as the axe while waiting for enemies to run by, or hide farther back so your flamethrower is fully hidden as well.

- Mix up your routes and hiding places, this works will with the first tip. If you take the same route multiple times or continually use the same hiding places the enemy will most likely catch on and will be prepared for the encounter. Try to find several routes or hiding places and mix them up to be less predicable.

By utilizing these tactics you can be able to catch groups of enemies off guard and take them out quickly and effectively with minimal resistance.

Thrlduhhrth nn Dhmrmhn – Soldiers and Demomen

Soldiers and Demomen are a lot harder to fight without an airblast to reflect their projectiles. Try not to get caught up in a battle against either of these classes at range, you will be severally outmatched. Try to catch them off guard and get in close so you increase the chances of winning the battle without sustaining too much damage. If you are caught in a battle against either of these classes at range, don’t try to win as you are severally overpowered when it comes to ranged weaponry. Try to get them to an area where they will be more susceptible to your flamethrower and shotgun; it would also be good to take pot shots at the enemy with your ranged weapon while retreating so you can damage them before they get in to close. Don’t forget that you can destroy those pesky sticky bombs by shooting them with your shotgun; take out the trap and catch the Demoman off guard.

In the most recent class update for TF2 we saw the Soldier and Demoman going head on in a War. While the Soldier came out triumphant, his new unlocks don’t make him that much of a different threat to the Pyro, seeing as his only new weapon that is a threat to you is the Direct Hit. You won’t have much of a chance at range against a DH Soldier, try to take pot shots at him with your shotgun or flare gun and run away.

The Demoman however has a completely new bag of tricks at his disposal, the biggest being his new close combat gear, the combination of the Chargin’ Targe and the Eyelander. With this combination, Demomen are now more resilient to all your flame based weaponry, taking only 50% of the damage. His new toys also allow him to chase you down by giving him a charge attack, as well as a speed boost by killing enemies with his sword. If you are in a fight with a Demoman who is wielding these weapons, make sure to keep your distance. Try to set him on fire and take him out with your shotgun or a swift melee attack (best recommended if you use the axtinguisher). Remember, is shield protects against fire, not bullets or melee.

“Uhn crncluthuhrn” – In conclusion

I hope you found this article insightful and that maybe you gained some new respect when it comes to wielding the Backburner. Don’t instantly regard those using this weapon as a “noob”, because who knows, you might end up feeling the tingle of critical flames running up your spine when you least suspect it.

Special thanks to Don Newman for his contribution and help, and to Tygrys for creating some of the pictures in this article.