“Location: Disclosed”, for instance, whether intentional or not, just feels wrong to read.

And calling the Soldier Sgt. Nick seems kind of weird, as this is tf2, and nobody has a name.

And then there’s more subtle stuff like overuse of GCA and general diction, stuff like “mingling among the men earning trust of every soldier until it has secured a position of trust where no one will suspect said GCA” feels odd to read.
I don’t know if anyone other than me consciously picks up on this stuff though.

However I liked the ideas behind it and thought it was generally amusing, so keep up the good work!