A Report on the Recent Abduction of the First Server
IMPORTANT!
TO ALL CONVICTS OF LOCOMOTIVE SECTOR ONE
It has come to my attention that a notable portion of the prison population have abstained from attending the satanic murder rituals in the designated happy corner at section UC1 of the campus. Reports from the field have indicated to me that not only are our play-things refraining from offering up their depraved souls for holy cleansing in the coals of our Lord the Locomotive Deity, but they are so far fallen as to offer up weak nonsensical excuses for their absence.
A list of invalid excuses for absence that have been and/or will be made is as follows:
- “I didn’t know that section UC1 had moved 300 miles South.”
- “I have recently lost my arm/my leg/control of my bowels and feel less-than-inclined to make the trip.”
- “I have been stabbed/bludgeoned/molested/shot/yelled at.” (or any combination)
- “I watch Neighbours.”
- “I’m not a prisoner.”
- “I don’t know who the Train God is.”
- Any excuse which, in any way or form, mentions or insinuates the word ‘but’. There are no buts.
Any convict who makes, or appears to our staff to be avoiding making these excuses will be incarcerated in the mines of a free Korean MMO of our choice for an indefinite period of time.
I would like to remind all convicts that continued absence from section UC1 will result in dire consequences. All absent prisoners to date have had derogatory remarks entered in their criminal profiles and, as above, any peon that deliberately continues to avoid their designated happy corner in section UC1 will be assigned to WoW duty in the gold mines. It is absolutely unacceptable for any UC member to deny the Train God their soul, and we will enforce his will in the strictest method possible.
Your patience hasn’t been noted,
General Balls
UC Warden
IF YOU WISH TO MAKE AN EXCUSE TO OUR STAFF UNRELATED TO THE ONES LISTED PREVIOUSLY, DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING AS IT WILL INVALIDATE IT
Despite our vigilance, and the subsequent posting of the UC1 Server’s new IP on the server banner to the right of this page, it seems that several prisoners have voiced concerns over their inability to find the happy corner after it’s recent move to Los Angeles. While it is certainly my place to question the mental capacity of such convicts, bypassing this phase allows me more time to both remind you all of the section’s location and think up suitable punishment for such incompetence.
Now read closely, because I’m not going to repeat this for the illiterate. The new IP for UC Server #1 ‘The Cult of the Locomotive’ is:
63.215.74.192:27015
Alternatively, the lazy amongst you can click the first server banner on the right to join UC1.
You have no excuse now,
General Balls
UC Warden
General Balls on October 13th 2009 in community, news, server, team fortress 2, ubercharged
Stumble it!
Jackal responded on 13 Oct 2009 at 4:38 pm #
About fuckin time!
himmelstoss responded on 13 Oct 2009 at 4:47 pm #
For the record, it moved 400 miles SOUTH.
Jackal responded on 13 Oct 2009 at 4:48 pm #
@himmel
Don’t correct him, or else Aussies might invade…
General Balls responded on 13 Oct 2009 at 4:50 pm #
@himmel
Hurp.
Changed.
As if I need to understand your silly little country.
http://www.mapcrow.info/Distance_between_Los_Angeles_US_and_San_Jose_US.html
Corodan responded on 13 Oct 2009 at 5:07 pm #
Well, that cleared stuff up.
Derp. :U
himmelstoss responded on 13 Oct 2009 at 6:21 pm #
@GB: The sign on US-101 in San Jose says that LA is 404 miles away. The 300 must be as the crow flies. :/
Theminipanda responded on 13 Oct 2009 at 10:19 pm #
My excuse is that micspam got murdered.
Kentucky_gomez responded on 13 Oct 2009 at 11:12 pm #
my excuse is that I’ve only been up to play when the Brits have.
FortuneHunters responded on 14 Oct 2009 at 7:14 am #
My excuses are first, low fps hinders my performance, second, been playing a free mmo, and third, for some reason, I can’t see the right part of the page…
Mega_Man_Expert responded on 14 Oct 2009 at 7:20 am #
My excuse is that I already play a Koren MMO and a WoW clone. In a twisted way I find the MMO’s more fun then the uber-charge server because the Mic-Spam filter ruins the Friday Night Disco Nights.
I will maybe return to the UC1 when the happy corner allows music to be played and maybe a map rotation of sorts.
Oh and how can I give my soul to a god that has not graced us on a map other then well?
Cola responded on 14 Oct 2009 at 7:29 am #
THANK YOU, General for posting this.
My excuse for not joining is because it’s been empty or had one person in it.
I spent about ten minutes last night just doing 2 person shenanigans with Soylent Heliotrope.
Matt responded on 15 Oct 2009 at 6:49 am #
What Panda said. UC is too serious, it’s just another not-a-clan server, complete with pestering me to play on your servers 6 times a day. I miss silliness. Let me know if it comes back.