I Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’
No, not a fight. Quite the opposite, in fact. No, I don’t want to neatly stack eleven elephants on top of mildly disgruntled homeless guy. What the hell?! Do you even know what “opposite” means?! Look, I’ll cut right to the chase.
I want to bring forth the age of Gentlemanly Conflict.
Imagine it, if you will. You dive into your favourite server, you swim toward your favourite class (okay, ditching the water simile now) and swiftly get an Ubersaw to the side of the head. You prepare yourself for the ritualistic paroxysm of ire when a disconcerting, alien sound captures your attention. It is your assassin complimenting you on your quality as a contributor to the match and expressing his longing for your reengagement.
Wouldn’t that be nice? Don’t actually answer that, you’ll just be drowned out by all the other readers and I can’t actually hear you.
Well, this seemingly unlikely scenario is already happening across all the Teams and their respective Fortresses. And the best part? All that is needed for the revolution to germinate (ugh, regretting that choice of wording) is for you to do it. Yes, you! The over-weight, pony-tailed guy with the Strong Bad T-Shirt on! Wait, that’s not you? Oh. Well, you know I meant you! Ignore that other guy! No one likes him anyway!
Tomorrow, we could be playing on servers where engineers who have spies constantly sap their entrances just laugh it off and accuse their opponent being a “sneaky bugger”. We could see a team respond to a demo spawn camping not with outrage, but with a newfound sense of unity and teamwork to overcome a common foe with relish at the challenge. We could hear medics who get Sandman’d just before they get to deploy their uber applaud the quick rapscallion for his skillful maneuver execution.
So starting now, right now, no longer express your irritation at your virtual antagonist or even gloat over your virtual victim. See it for what it is… a game. A hella fun game you all came to enjoy entirely.
Who’s with me?
Stumble it!
Graven_Image responded on 18 Jun 2009 at 11:13 pm #
“Good swing, sir!”
Is that what you’re talking about?
DualEagle responded on 18 Jun 2009 at 11:19 pm #
With today’s batch of kids, I highly doubt this would happen.
Whimsical Goofball responded on 18 Jun 2009 at 11:20 pm #
What they do is irrelevant. You are responsible for your own actions, good sir!
wallacewest responded on 18 Jun 2009 at 11:34 pm #
Jolly good stab old chap! Couldn’t have done it better myself!
John responded on 18 Jun 2009 at 11:37 pm #
I have a new favorite Ubercharged contributor.
madlep responded on 18 Jun 2009 at 11:47 pm #
Needs more immature name calling and teasing of mothers.
Coming Second responded on 18 Jun 2009 at 11:49 pm #
Requesting FPS players to act in a polite and gentlemanly fashion.
Reaction picture.
Honatas responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 12:02 am #
Cracking headshot, lad!
SirMax responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 12:20 am #
I’m sure as hell not stopping after every kill to compliment spies on their ability to uncloak in front of me, but I do compliment people on nice shots quite often and tend to respect spies who dominate me as engie rather than hate them.
That said, demomen can all die and leave my stuff alone.
Killa-Ewok responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 12:32 am #
THAT’S HAX YOU NEWB
Whimsical Goofball responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 12:36 am #
I am overjoyed that several of you have already caught onto the best approach to this gentlemanly endeavor.
Pretend to be British.
I recommend throwing in a hearty number of “pip pip”s and “tally ho”s into the mix.
clamps responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 12:38 am #
people always want me to give someone the clamps. and after i kill a medic with an underemployed uber, apperently the clamps have been given
NotJim responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 1:09 am #
@Coming Second: Give me world peace first… that’s probably a far easier task. >.>
Soviet Russia responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 1:31 am #
Demoman:Hey scout where does heavy get money to pay for all expensive bullet?
Scout:Oh, he get, withdraw from first nationol bonk lol.
to sum up
You stabed me like a real gentloman lol…not…
clubtheseals responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 1:32 am #
I’ve decided to say “jolly good show, govnah!” whenever someone kills me.
Lord Zurkov responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 1:32 am #
I do this occassionally, but usually I get too wrapped up in the action.
The only class that I never congratulate is the Sniper, unless he actually does something impressive (for example, anything other than killing me from across the map).
As a general rule, the les seriously you take a game, the more fun it is. This is just another way of taking the game less seriously, and I applaud you for your suggestion, Goofball.
HelisPoe responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 1:35 am #
This does not mean we can start acting British.
I still hate stickybombs and Pyros.
This will not change.
Notger responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 1:36 am #
Behaving British … well, worth a try.
But I will not eat british food, never!
Jiggles responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 1:39 am #
Someone get a sound pack for the Engineer where he yells out “Bollocks!” when any of his machines are being sapped, or something along those lines.
For we are true gentlemen, we face our enemy, we bow to them and help them up when we strike them down.
Angle responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 1:52 am #
poppycock
duke responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 2:00 am #
Smashing article, my good fellow. Simply smashing!
lol responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 2:00 am #
No I’m still gonna rage about facestabs, arrow spam and democamps. Until valve fixes these problems by nerfing every class except the one I’ll be playing.
Jesse responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 2:12 am #
I do say!
scatterguner responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 2:23 am #
Acting British… that’ll be difficult as I don’t even speak English as my mother lenguage… well I will certainly try good sir!
And EXCELLENT article btw…
Killa-Ewok responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 2:27 am #
Well, old chum, are quite sure that wasn’t a rascally impossible shot to maneuver?
Mr. Shiny Object responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 2:38 am #
“DIE!DIE!DIE! Oh! hm. Good show anyhow.”
Suigi responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 2:52 am #
Count me in – I’m always one to doff my cap for a good kill, even if it’s got a hole from where the fucking Sniper shot me.
AlphaTM responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 3:00 am #
But what about the Dominations? D:
Slipstream responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 3:14 am #
I endorse this article with a gentlemanly bow. I will continue to congratulate powerful enemy Soldiers and skillful Scout foes.
I still want Engineers to go fuck themselves, though.
GeneralGoose responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 3:14 am #
I will now rant in a much more refined, gentlemanly manner. Can’t have everything.
“Excuse me sir, are you aware how much of an arsehole you are in my opinion?”
Kev responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 3:19 am #
I have admitted to being shown who is the BOSS quite often in the chat. I guess that works.
Notebooked responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 3:33 am #
“Cheerio, old chap; smashing sapping, my good fellow!”
…I would love this. Is it happening in any specific place or server, or are you supposed to do it individually, spread out over every server? (…It might be a stupid question, but I don’t want to surpriseoffend someone by trying to be playfully polite in their speshul little aggressive murderspot.)
Teatime responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 3:38 am #
This is so little, and already asking so much … :-/
n00bie51 responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 3:53 am #
Whimsical Goofball, those were metaphors, not similes. Noob.
Somebody make that poster into a spray, if they haven’t already.
superking208 responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 4:40 am #
Well, it’s a Trogdor shirt but that still scared the hell out of me…
alternate ending responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 5:07 am #
Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of originality.
isellion responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 5:24 am #
I heartily agree with Goofball. It’s a game, treat it as such. If I find myself getting annoyed or angry (with myself or others on the server), I tend to leave and go do something else. The last thing I want is to turn the game into something more than a fun way to relax and enjoy the gameplay, the people, and the awesomeness that is TF2.
Matt responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 6:11 am #
I wish I could do this, but for some reason TF2 is the one game I can never not rage about. I ragequit so often that I’m disgusted with myself and am now avoiding playing tf2… unsuccessfully.
Shrake12 responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 6:15 am #
Indeed. I haz da sapportz 4 funneh englishmens in our TEE EFF TOOOS.
Ahem. I find myself doing this all the time, not as much as to be a gentleman but to spite all the people who think that I’m going to rage like every other Anon in existence. The scout picture is as full of win and lulz as it is in Oxfordian diction. Good show.
l33t P14Y32 responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 7:31 am #
I’m with you!
Or atleast I think so, wait let me see…
Hmm, hum, humhum, hummmm… yup, I’m with you!
This Is No Zaku! responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 7:40 am #
I’ve frequently been stabbed (especially in arena) only to respond with a hearty micspammed “SPY IS CREDIT TO TEAM” especially if I was about to do something important.
I find delightful russian micspam as delectable with my afternoon tea as british typing. Good show, my goofballing fellow!
Cupcake, Darn It! responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 7:44 am #
I’d be satisfied if people would just pull out they’re melee weapons when I do.
NotPigeon responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 8:56 am #
Sounds good.
Except for pyros.
They can burn in hell.
Sarda responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 9:07 am #
We’ll make sure to bring you with us, NotPigeon.
Exploit its inflammability as such to cause its existence to be negated!
Dr. Time-Cop responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 9:20 am #
Yeah, I’ll usually try to say something around the lines of “FFFUUUUU. Nice kill/headshot/backstab/cap” at least once in a game.
oldmeme responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 10:34 am #
The server I hang around has people like this all time (a plus too that quite a few are indeed English). I haven’t been on an immature, name calling server in ages.
In saying that however, I would prefer to see more of this (honest) friendly banter on servers these days… Good sportsmanship is becoming so scarce online.
I love you writing style too
Very nice post.
Connor Lonske responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 10:42 am #
If you have seen me on the server, I was already practicing this. But that is mostly when I’m high.
Gee-Man responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 11:04 am #
Huh, I’d love to do that, but servers I frequent is pretty low on the compliments. It’s not that they constantly trash talk each other, but the conversation is usually more focused on tactics and strategy than compliments.
Or maybe I just love the idea of using British terms of recognition in TF2.
Nick responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 12:38 pm #
I like it. I always try to be a good sport but it becomes difficult when the reply is usually an 8 year old child spewing high pitched nonsense. Sigh.
Secret Agent Clank! responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 1:18 pm #
Would make a nice spray, although I’m sure everyone but the very-high-texture guys wouldn’t be able to read it. =\
Wazzle responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 2:17 pm #
Well, I am unsure if this counts or not, but I have “Thanks!” bound to Mouse3, and whenever I get a kill as scout or spy I slam the button. I think that’s good enough, thanking somebody for graciously spilling their blood all over the place.
Ohrice responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 2:20 pm #
GENTLEMEN
FlyingHat responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 4:36 pm #
Sportsmanship in TF2?
Ha, good one.
Whimsical Goofball responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 6:39 pm #
I find it most curious that a slew of you seem to be under the impression that in order for yourself to be a gentleman on a server someone else must be first.
Pad See Ew responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 6:57 pm #
I’m all about this. In the golden days of TFC, we used to have what we called Gentleman’s Sniper Matches. We complimented the other team, *especially* when they spanked us. We had fun.
Too many serious bastards ruining the game with their egos.
Secret Agent Clank! responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 9:59 pm #
And, of course, their conc jumping and nade spam skills. =D
Headwoünd responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 10:24 pm #
I certainly observe what you so skillfully executed there, good fellow.
hr.morgaes responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 11:22 pm #
Well, if we’re going to slaughter each other brutally, we might as well be gentlemen about it.
ShockbattMatt responded on 19 Jun 2009 at 11:44 pm #
Jolly ho, chap! Smashing shot there!
Lord Zurkov responded on 20 Jun 2009 at 2:40 am #
Secret Agent Clank!, you can force a spray to remain detailed even on low-end graphics…
In fact, I think I’ll make it into a spray myself… if Goofball doesn’t mind, that is.
If it’s alright with Goofball, I’d upload it onto FPSBanana (it’s offline at the moment, though) and I’ll post the link here so anybody can use it.
Combyne responded on 20 Jun 2009 at 7:42 am #
Pip pip, fine rocketspam there, ol’ chap!
Whimsical Goofball responded on 20 Jun 2009 at 12:19 pm #
@ Lord Zurkov
Feel free to make it into a spray for yourself, it was actually madlep and Loafaries that made the poster.
Sleeves responded on 20 Jun 2009 at 9:09 pm #
The other day, I was playing Spy and I backstabbed someone. We were just playing for fun, and it was late, so I didn’t have my mic on, and everyone knew this. The other team was also aware of my tendency to use proper punctuation and spelling in all my messages. So, after this backstab, I almost cloak before I see “nice one sleeves” from someone on the other team. I stop to write out “Thanks!”, and in that one second it takes me to write it out, their Spy comes up behind me and gets a backstab of his own.
So to all you nay-sayers, think of the tactical advantage of complimenting people.
Manufacturer responded on 21 Jun 2009 at 2:44 pm #
I heart Edana…she’s like my baby now…lol.
Frohfan responded on 22 Jun 2009 at 2:16 am #
It’s the Lost Server from Concerned!
RC-1290'Dreadnought' responded on 22 Jun 2009 at 4:18 am #
I’m in. Always the most fun when you have a good connection with your enemy, strange enough…
Killa-Ewok responded on 22 Jun 2009 at 8:35 am #
@Frohfan
Actually, it’s the 1fort server. Which neve-DID HAPPEN.
Phrawger responded on 23 Jun 2009 at 1:42 am #
Here here. I try to do this already and it’s a pain in the ass to hear “FUCK YOU NOOB SCOUT ARGARGARGRAGE”.
Notebooked responded on 29 Jun 2009 at 9:06 am #
@ Sleeves
That is an utterly amusing story (And I really hope you don’t take offense to that. I don’t intend it, honestly, I’m just an idiot without intention).
I also feel very warm-and-fluffy inside knowing I’m not alone in desiring proper spelling and punctuation. I knew there were others like this SOMEWHERE, I just could never seem to find them.