Of Course I’m On Fire
You wake up. It is a beautiful day. You smell the metaphorical roses. You then proceed to smell the actual roses you haven’t gotten around to throwing out yet. They smell kinda gross. You reach over to your bedside table for your Spy gear and find yourself divided.
Which of the two new toys shall you choose? The Cloak And Dagger or the Dead Ringer?
Well, seeing as your experience with the Dead Ringer has been less than successful what with everyone knowing a dead Spy seldom means dead Spy since day two, you opt for the Cloak And Dagger. Ah yes, a true masterpiece of stealth and patience. No longer is there a need to desperately scramble for a safe spot to decloak. Now you could slip into the very heart of the enemy base and never let slip a sole whisper of your presence.
Sure, it’s a little slow on the recharge and it drains pretty quickly, but it’s a small price to pay for absolute invisibility.
So off you venture into the world world to backstab you some bastards when… what’s this?! You’ve been discovered! Did you give yourself away? No, that’s not it. It seems someone erratically and unpredictably changed course and ran into you. Ah well, these things happen.
You try again, this time you get further into your mortal foe’s fortress. But wait! You’re on fire! No, no one spotted you. No, the Pyro wasn’t even trigger happy. He just happened to random flame that blank wall for no reason. Wow, what are the odds?
You make a third attempt. This time you choose to hide in a much larger space. The mathematical probability of being run into there is astronomical. A single Engineer leave his pack and strays… right into you. No one else there, any number of routes he could have taken… but no. He chose the one you were standing in the middle of. He fires his shotgun. It only nips you but it crits immediately and kills you stone cold.
You begin to notice a pattern.
For the rest of the day, through a series of cruel circumstances, you come to discover that the universe hates you with a deep loathing that transcends words. It doesn’t matter where you hide or how cleverly you time your movements. In some manifestation of remarkable evidence towards your cursed nature, enemies continuously fire into thin air for no reason and without failure hit you every time. It is never your fault. You never make a mistake.
Then it hits you. This is the life of a Spy. This is the reward for choosing the career of the most cunning and creative class. A monotonous living hell in which you will be punctured by arrows while cloaked that were never aimed at you, lit alight when one of your teammates chooses to run in exactly the same pattern you do and attract every enemy Pyro to your position, and where targets will never move… until the instant you choose to go for the kill.
To hell with this. I’m going Pyro.
Whimsical Goofball on June 6th 2009 in heavy weapons guy, rants, spy, team fortress 2
Stumble it!
Coming Second responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 8:18 am #
Yep. You pretty much summed up playing the Spy in three paragraphs.
There really are no words to describe the frustration of playing the hardest class and being countered by the easiest class.
clamps responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 8:22 am #
NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER! for the next map change, the teams will probably scrambled and you get to have your revenge on bad teammates.
Sinister Minister responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 8:24 am #
Well…if I were a colossal jackass i’d say stuff like “cry some more” and whatever, but i’m going to say this instead:
As a Spy, you will die. A lot. You have to have patience. It really isn’t as bad as you describe and it seems you try too much to hide in plain sight, which really isn’t a good idea. Stray shots will hit you and then you’ll make a scramble that will inevitably end in your death.
zero responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 8:31 am #
I think it works the same for many classes, I am a medic and I get stabbed less as it then when I am being a pyro.
Limisios responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 8:32 am #
It’s a great and true message (The article itself seemed only half-done but whatever) Afterall, the Clock and Dagger encourages a new form of play-style so I like it.
TF2fan responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 8:41 am #
QFT. Beautifully stated. Coluldn’t agree more.
CaptainTenacity responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 9:40 am #
Sigh. Case in point. How many times I have died just running into the Blu numbskull who just HAPPENS to be mirroring my route…
AlphaTM responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 10:09 am #
YES. ONE THOUSAND TIMES YES. And all those times you slip past an entire group, jump over a Heavy, duck underneath the crossfire, and then round a corner… Directly into a Pyro. God dammit.
Kirishine responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 11:02 am #
oh wait so I’m NOT doomed to never play spy correctly? because this is what happens every single time I try and I get so frustrated that I can’t kill anyone so I just ragequit. good to know it’s not just me
Brainiac27 responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 11:42 am #
on that note, I was nearly dead and cloaked, a spy was randomly firing off his revolver and shot me dead. I know this all too well.
NotPigeon responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 12:07 pm #
Teammates are the enemy of all Spies.
You have no idea how often I run into these sorts of things. The Random Number God hates me.
Still, I’ve started getting better at it.
Paper Shadow responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 12:25 pm #
@NotPigeon:
The amount of times team mates run in front of enemy Sentries while I am walking past them cloaked/disguised (usually the former) is astronomical…
Sarda responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 12:33 pm #
If I notice a friendly spy, I tend to go the other way. Chances are, there’s an enemy right next to them, and they really don’t need to give that enemy a reason to fire randomly. Of course, if it’s a pyro, they’re dead anyways.
HelisPoe responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 12:59 pm #
See:
Murphy’s Law.
This article does a good job going into the Spy’s Murphy’s Law.
I hate how Soldiers always rocket jump RIGHT as I attempt to stab them.
Ninja Kow responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 1:27 pm #
Yes, spy is the class who as at bad luck’s mercy the most. You eventually find that as you get better your plans always leave room for contingency, and you expect bad stuff to happen. But when you finally manage to get behind your opponent, it’s priceless.
Secret Agent Clank! responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 2:09 pm #
If I were a jerk, I’d say “cry some more!”
…
*cries*
HelisPoe responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 2:17 pm #
@Ninja Kow
It’s probably the most rewarding class. With the most punishment if you fail. Which is why the learning curve is still steep even after the update.
Gee-Man responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 2:38 pm #
Hm, to be honest, the Cloak and Dagger has pretty much become the ultimate tool to compliment my play-style of Spy. Sure, maybe one or two times out of five attempts will end up with me running into something I shouldn’t have, but those other three times lead to me being able to backstab within the deepest areas of the enemy’s territory.
It’s all about patience…and denying the existence of Murphy’s Law. I notice that the more and more cynical I get when playing Spy, the more and more often I get killed randomly.
Himmelstoss responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 4:01 pm #
I still think the awesomeness of nailing an overhead stab or a couple chainstabs beats all the frustration of playing spy. I’m not as good any more, but I used to be fairly good at spy. Once you pick up the class, it’s hard to drop.
Spydra responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 4:22 pm #
Yeah that’s why I stick to playing Scout. As long as people aren’t working as a team, I’ll always win
But yes, it’s quite agreeable that even the most skilled spies will be killed repetitively by skill-less pyros, probably numerous times per map.
3 responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 4:25 pm #
Despite you spies’ dismay, I find it hilarious when I randomly puff fire into empty space to suddenly see a flaming cloaked spy running for his life..
Ohrice responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 4:49 pm #
I play Spy first every time I start up TF2. Even though I’m not good at it, it’s one of those classes where the reward is so great, that you’re willing to stick with it for as long as possible.
It’s really hard to drop
lol responded on 06 Jun 2009 at 8:33 pm #
Which is why you should use the dead ringer, on fire? Run away from flaming range and activate watch. Crits? 5 damage for you.
It’s just that you’ll have to desperately scramble for hiding spots again D:
kanodin responded on 07 Jun 2009 at 2:14 am #
I might be able to help lessen these problems, a little. When using the cloak and dagger pay attention to everything around you, you have the time to spend watching while recharging anyway. If anyone on the enemy team, anyone at all, starts coming near you, you move. You should probably do the same about your own teammates actually.
This isn’t foolproof of course, random spam can still hit you and if your low on cloak ya might not get far enough away, but it should atleast save you from having them walk into/shoot where you are once in a while.
Teris Cartung responded on 07 Jun 2009 at 2:43 am #
I totally agree with kanodin, that’s one of the luxuries of the C&D – you can dodge randomly moving people. Watch anyone with a gun, and don’t let them point it at you, it’s simple as that. Obviously there will be a few accidents here and there, ’cause people aren’t totally predictable, but if you’re observant, you’ll find that you can avoid most “random” incidents just by sidestepping a bit.
As for running into people, well…that’s an artifact left over from using the normal cloak. See, with the C&D you have effectively infinite cloak, so you aren’t bound to the old way of cutting corners short everywhere you go. You can go wide now, and watch for people coming around the bend. Then you’re limited only by your caution, and the probability of a cloaked enemy spy awkwardly bumping into you as you pass through a doorway.
The last thing I’d say is don’t feel as if you have to hide in corners. If you’re confident in your ability to dodge incoming players, you can sit in the middle of a room just fine. Saves you from spychecking pyros too, often enough – they tend to check corners, hallways, and doorways the most. Stay away from those if someone’s suspicious and you might stand a better chance.
I think you’ll find with a little practice you can cut down on frustrating deaths by a huge margin. Just be patient, and don’t try to rush yourself through.
Metal_Link responded on 07 Jun 2009 at 3:13 am #
Ever see those Spy frag videos? I gotta wonder how long it took that person to come up with a large enough amount of frags to fill in a time period long enough to warrant a video. And then, wonder how many times they’ve failed.
I have vast amounts of respect for anyone who takes that much punishment, and still continues playing the class with one of the steepest learning curves. ((Don’t forget that the Demoman literally has learning curves, or arcs.))
Anonymous responded on 07 Jun 2009 at 8:52 am #
This is why the Cloak & Dagger isn’t as good as every Pyro reroller thinks. A spy stupid enough to stand still in any location is inviting an easy kill from some random bump. Plus maps have plentiful ammo packs, an original watch user already has infinite cloak(excluding poorly designed Custom maps). So far, the only use where C&D outdoes Baseline is in 2Fort, for camping the sniper deck.
Along with the most recent nerf to the Deadringer, the only good changes to the spy this update is the Ambassador, Disguise changes and enemy teleporter use.
In true Valve fashion, they were also kind enough to throw in 2 anti spy unlocks to Sniper, and bring in another backstab system that is buggy as hell.
Winter responded on 07 Jun 2009 at 9:03 pm #
The thing about the C&D is that you should think VERTICALLY. Since you can sit cloaked forever you need to find a safe place to hide. Most people think this is corners, but when you’re invisible a corner gives much less protection than you would think (especially since everyone hides in corners, particularly with the original watch, so they get checked). Instead, find something to stand on. Dispensers, boxes, crates, barrels, rocks, anything really. I’ve had pyros run around flaming everything… and totally miss me because they’re only flaming ground level. (PYROS: this is not a hint. Please continue thinking two dimensionally.)
Anyway, that’s not a guarantee. Spy is the only class where you can play PERFECTLY–do your job, get everything right, etc–and still end up dead last on the scoreboard.
Of course, some people are cheating scum too. I just got done playing a game (or rather, i quit because there’s no point) where an enemy pyro could obviously see me while cloaked. Every time i got anywhere NEAR their base he’d run over, flame me, then run back to guarding his post. Sigh.
Secret Agent Clank! responded on 08 Jun 2009 at 2:31 am #
@Anonymous (1 comment above):
Ahh, but what about Turbine? =D
Lord Grey responded on 08 Jun 2009 at 5:13 am #
amen goofball… amen
BJ Blazkowicz responded on 08 Jun 2009 at 12:20 pm #
I’ve gotten used to it. With 150 hours as spy, it’s kind of second nature now.
gelugon2105 responded on 08 Jun 2009 at 5:54 pm #
You give up too easily.
Matt responded on 08 Jun 2009 at 10:14 pm #
QFT a million times…
I was worried that it wasn’t just bad luck, that this only happened to me, because I was a bad spy. But now I know shit happens universally, and I can spy, free of guilt that I’m not helping the team!
Matt responded on 08 Jun 2009 at 10:19 pm #
Oh, one more thing. Doing some informal tests on youtube, I’ve determined some cloak distance ratios, for cloak and dagger versus invisibility watch:
running with the normal watch gets you twice as far as running with C&D, BUT, if you’re willing to sacrifice some speed, you can go twice as far as the normal watch by simply crouching and using cloak and dagger. Yes folks, it’s true. Crouching triples the C&D cloak time, so long as you’re not in a hurry.
Flaske responded on 09 Jun 2009 at 1:21 am #
Winter, damn it! you had to say it! now some pyro is gonna read it and soon we’re back to square one. Also, people dont bump into us on barrels
Winter responded on 13 Jun 2009 at 10:00 am #
Sorry! I’ll try to restore the balance by giving out another spy tip. (Related to barrel-camping with the C&D.)
Engies like to build their dispensers up against walls, because if they don’t they’re liable to get sentry-griefed (undisguise behind the dispenser). Often times they build their sentry “parallel” to the wall (so the wider side faces the wall, narrow sides do not) or in a corner. When they do this and it’s too close to slide in behind it but not totally adjacent you can sit up on the sentry as a spy and be far enough back that you won’t shimmer when people run up against it. If you have the normal watch you can stay there indefinitely, too–it’s good for a stealthy recharge if the sentry is level 3!
Winter responded on 13 Jun 2009 at 10:01 am #
Dispenser, not sentry. Ahem.
I briefly confused myself.
Jeremy responded on 13 Aug 2009 at 4:06 pm #
The spy is a tough class to play, mainly because it’s so different from the others. It takes cunning, quick thought and the reflexes to go with it. You need the knowledge of your enemies positions, what they’re doing, how much health they have, and what brand of cereal they had for breakfast.You need to have all this and more for a successful stab. Sure, it may be tough, and you may be killed often, but when you get that successful stab, and you hear your enemys’ shrill shrieks of pain, you will understand why the spy is my favorite class. Hard work for a nice fact; They never saw it coming.