They Called Us Romeo And Juliet
While playing with a friend of mine, having a rather boring match at TC_Hydro, we decided to leave the server and give Lumberyard a chance. The problem in Arena maps lies within their restrictions.
Something that bothers me is the fact that I am not allowed to choose between BLU and RED. When playing with friends, I always want to play with them. The worst case is: You will be in different teams, playing against each other. Then you will always end up killing each other, probably because you already know all of his strategies. This is an important problem, especially when you play the Spy. Because, you know, the Spy relies on stealth. Another problem is that my friend decided to play the Pyro this night. I guess you know what that means. My body is made of paper, one touch of his flamethrower, and I am dead (Why does the spy even smoke? Isn’t he afraid that someday he will burn himself with a cigarette? Still everyone continues to talk about the Spy as the smartest class..)
So, while my friend was having fun, I clearly didn’t have any. I decided to use my brain. I thought about using my knowledge of the movement-pattern of the cruel Pyro.
Indeed, I managed to stay alive, longer than the previous times. Now I was getting confident. Actually I managed to stab some people AND also avoid my friend, the cruel, cruel Pyro. But while I did my work as good as I could, the Pyro did his share, too. We both killed the whole team. Me, the blue Spy, killed one red Sniper, two Heavies and one scout (lucky revolver crit FTW!!). The cruel bastard, who was once my friend, lit up two blue scouts, and the rest of my team.
Now, the showdown: My friend and me. It was difficult to find him, but after a while, he just tried to capture the point. This was my chance. I was being sneaky as a rat, and I managed get behind him. The Pyro was clever enough to circle-strafe around the point, but with a perfect timing, I decloaked, and was ready to stab him.
But I didn’t. I hesitated. I still don’t know why. But something hindered me. After all, he was still my friend. I just couldn’t stab him. It was my death sentence, as I thought. The Pyro quickly turned around and pointed his flamethrower at me. I closed my eyes, sadly awaiting my inescapable death. But for my surprise, he hesitated too. I don’t know what was wrong with us, but in this moment, magic was in the air. We, the arch-enemies, we just didn’t do it. We didn’t follow the rules. There was no war, no blood, instead we laid down our weapons (metaphorically, of course). This moment was strange.
“O, I am fortune’s fool!”
Standing in front of each other, we just couldn’t do what the people wanted us to do. In this moment, we realized the people on the server would be angry at us. Well, we were delaying the start of the next round. We imagined them screaming and insulting us, but we both just didn’t care. Because soon a dream infected us. A perfect world. It should be like TF2, but without the killing. Imagine people, no matter what colour, living happily together. People could actually be productive in a world like this. Everybody could help anybody. Imagine a world where Engineers would build something which doesn’t shoot at people. Something useful. Heavys could use their strength to transport heavy materials.
Our vision became clearer, but then we thought about our position in this peaceful world. We were both skilled to kill. I was just a skinny little middle-european guy with a knife, and he was the flamethrower-wielding guy (or girl?) who forgot to visit a speech therapist.
“Spy loved Pyro, Pyro felt the same, When he put his arms around her, He said Julie, baby, you’re my flame,Thou givest fever.”
Eventually, we did what everyone is doing after spending a lot of time with someone while being bored. We just felt in love…(Yes, the Pyro is a girl. A Spy cannot be gay, of course!) We teased each other, ran around and we were just being happy. Finally we could do whatever we wanted to do. We also did things. Dirty things. As you can see in this picture, we had some kind of sex. Well, a Tf2-style of sex. After that, we decided to do a little picnic and breath some fresh air. Fortunately Pyro made a snapshot of me at the picnic. It’s a little bit strange, because I was dancing. But this cute little girl deserves a place for her pictures.
O Pyro, Pyro! wherefore art thou Pyro?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a BLU.
This is me, jumping on a log. It was fun for a while, Pyro made more snapshots. We had a great time, but we both knew it couldn’t last. Her family was the biggest enemy of my family. They had a strange on-going feud. The REDs were very angry at the BLUs, they were killing each other since many years. Pyro knew that. And I knew that too. It couln’t last… There was only one way, one route to choose. Suicide.. I didn’t talk about this with Pyro, but while she was changing her clothes, I jumped from the log right into my death. Pyro couldn’t live in a world without me. She followed me, she chose the same path. We were dead, and the War and the Hate had won again. Before our death, I took a last snapshot of Pyro. It was made in the good times. Until now it reminds me, how it felt to be in love. It was a short period, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me…
A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun for sorrow will not show his head.
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
Some shall be pardon’d, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Spy and his Pyro.
-A fantastic story from a new author. it really brought a tear to my eye, this is the kind of thing we need. Bang up job! – Phoenix
Stumble it!
n00bie51 responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 8:06 am #
What.
The.
Hell.
Paper Shadow responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 8:10 am #
“(Yes, the Pyro is a girl. A Spy cannot be gay, of course!)”
I remember when this sentence was “Yes, the Pyro is a girl. It will be revealed in the Meet The Pyro video, which WILL be released today”…
Anyway, I’m pretty sure I said that this was a good article. Nice to see something other then Scouts…
Sum1 responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 8:30 am #
Shaddup n00bie, this is some good stuff.
I liked it. It was very touching.
Good stuff.
Zanpa responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 8:46 am #
Cowjuicer responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 8:53 am #
I agree with the “What. The. Hell.” comment, but in a good way. I enjoyed this oddity of a tale.
Plasto Joe responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 8:59 am #
I kept expecting that one of you would have killed the other. That’s what I would’ve done.
I am a lonely, lonely man…
The Announcer responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 9:06 am #
You both have failed me.
n00bie51 responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 9:09 am #
I didn’t say anything negative about it, did I?
Killa-Ewok responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 9:24 am #
I would have expected a hacking admin, not showing up on the sheets, popping out behind you both and the you were together…
IN HELL!
IceCKryss responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 11:10 am #
…And the part he doesn’t tell us is when the admin logged on and kicked them both for delaying the start of a new round.
Kidding. Good story, even if the only thing I could think of while reading it is all the noclipping ghost players foaming at the mouth that their MVP decided to end the round in a truce instead of a glorious victory that enables one to mock the other team relentlessly.
CrabGuy responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 11:19 am #
We do this on the server sometimes.
Does this mean we’re gay?
General Balls responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 11:23 am #
This happens a bit in one server I frequent. Sometimes the last few people, if they know each other, just refuse to kill each other and mess around.
I remember one round on arena_granary where an enemy Soldier had an awesome crit-spree from getting first blood, I was a last Engi, and I just built a Dispenser on the cap and danced on top of it. The entire RED team just ran around the dispenser hitting each other, ignoring me, accusing everyone of being a Spy, while an enemy Engi jumped from the crates on top of me and danced as well.
In the end a demoman laid a ring of stickies under me and detonated them while everyone was spamming the ‘No!’ command.
It was delightfully silly.
kanodin responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 12:44 pm #
You sir just managed to juxtapose a game about ruthlessly slaughtering your enemies with a classic of english literature and made it work, well done.
HelisPoe responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 1:59 pm #
Please, whatever you’re taking.
Double it.
Kollega responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 3:10 pm #
You two need a Medic. Actually,he needs you (so he can put his l33t violin skillz to use.).
Whimsical Goofball responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 3:38 pm #
Best. Article. Ever.
Just awesome.
The Luaper responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 5:44 pm #
I approve
Chucrute responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 6:24 pm #
Brokeback Lumberyard dirty secrets.
Nonomu198 responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 7:40 pm #
It kind of ruined it to me that the story is based on probably the most annoying kind of griefing in the game (except HAX!1oneone).
I simply HATE it when people make the entire server spectate them while they are goofing around. Do it on an empty server. Do it on your server. This is certainly the worst part about arena. I know it might be tempting and fun for you, but it aint for the rest of the server.
soylent robot responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 8:44 pm #
brilliant XD
This is not my real name responded on 08 Mar 2009 at 9:05 pm #
Ugh…well…actually, l get very angry when two clanmates and/or friends don’t kill each other because they just delay the inevitable..and no, the pyro is not a girl (did you see any boobs? I didn’t).
Nice story, but l suggest you just keep doing your job as killers and leave the romantic stuff for when you’re at home
After all, there’s always a second life in TF2…
flamingsnot responded on 09 Mar 2009 at 9:33 am #
And then they respawned.
sQUEAKYfOAMpEANUT responded on 09 Mar 2009 at 10:21 am #
‘cept the Pyro’s a dude.
Wes responded on 09 Mar 2009 at 4:42 pm #
I kept thinking someone was going to say something about how the round wouldn’t end.
Why does my ‘Name’ Area say “ImmortalBlackMage?”
Toasty! responded on 10 Mar 2009 at 3:19 am #
I love how when he jumped in the pit, he was able to watch the pyro yelling down in the pit. The spy was a decoy so Blu could win!
I kid, I kid, this was a very touching article. Better than the constant Scout rants about how the weapons suck and could be made better. Anyway, good work. Will be looking towards next article.
noser responded on 10 Mar 2009 at 3:06 pm #
this is like me and my friend, we go on cs, and play until its just us. then we just fuck around for like 20 mins, until the server is empty.
its called a tea party.
KaneXLS responded on 11 Mar 2009 at 6:05 am #
that pyro is the coolest pyro I’ve ever seen in my whole life
DualEagle responded on 28 Apr 2009 at 8:07 pm #
baaawwwww