Five Humiliating Ways to End your Enemies’ Lives
In life, people always talk about wanting to die in ‘cool’ ways. “I want to die fighting off cyborgs on the planet Zorg” or “I want to die after saving the Earth from a nuclear explosion”. Be remembered as a great hero, a genius who contributed to the world. Die fighting for a good cause.
The sad truth of the matter is, however, that’s not always the case. Especially in video games, where your life expectancy is no more than a few minutes before being ‘reset’. Because dying has become such an… inconvenience in video games, humans by nature want to make death even more inconvienent. With the wide array of guns and other lethal weapons at your disposal in TF2, people can be a bit spoilt for choice at times. Well, let’s narrow it down to the top five best weapons to end your enemies’ lives, in the most annoying, humiliating, ragequit worthy way (in no particular order):
Number One: The Bat
You should’ve seen this one coming. It’s one of the most commonly used weapons for irritating you to death. But what makes this weapon so frustrating to be murdered by? What is it that makes people yell out once they’ve gotten hit by it?
Let’s have a look at some trusty stats over at the TF2wiki. The bat, according to them, does the least about of damage out of any melee weapon, excluding the axtinguisher or the knife, which both have unique abilites. The bat only compenstates for its weakness by having a faster swing time, which we can all notice for ourselves. The weapon also has the 6th highest chance of critting, but is on par with other melee weapons like the fireaxe and the shovel. But it’s not just the weapon itself which makes this weapon embarassing to die from, but also has something to do with the person using it.
It’s obvious that most of the TF2 classes have lost their marbles; trying to blow up the Loch Ness Monster, talking to decapitated heads and having an unhealthy relationship with firearms make this clear. But the Scout, out of all nine, usually just comes across as being too far up his own arse. Being killed by him only feeds his evergrowing ego. And you don’t want that, do you?
Number Two: The Facestab
Oh jeez. I can feel the heat raising just as the word ‘facestab’ is mentioned. This rejected offspring is born through a combination of high ping and hit detection. You’ll be wandering around and see a Spy. You’ll try to keep him in your field of vision for as long as possible so that you don’t have your back facing to him, which is a potentially lethal position to be in. But, for a split second, the Spy is behind you. You thought you’d outsmarted him, turn around just in time to see his face and…
BAM! Back to the spawn room for you. The reason this sort of kill is so annoying is because you think you’re safe as long as the Spy is infront of you. Well, looks like you’ve been proved wrong, eh? In terms of trying to achieve this sort of kill yourself, It’s best if you go on a server were you are guaranteed a ping of atleast 100. If your computer is running on something like the LHC, this may be hard to come by, but keep looking and I’m sure you’ll find something. This, along with a combination of lag, should nab you some facestabs. But how do you always know you’ve gotten a facestab? Sometimes it’s not as obvious to you as you may think, as what your victim sees could be different from what you see. However, the players themselves will more than likely inform you politely that you have been given the unwanted fortune of sticking a knife up their nostril.
Number Three: Telefragged
We’ve all been there. You’ve just successfully gotten rid of a pretty tough sentry farm and you’ve gone in to pick up the pieces. All that is left is just a lonesome teleporter, still beeping away. You don’t want to waste any ammo on the wretched thing, so you decide it’d be best to melee it into submission. Oh boy, that was a mistake.
Your enemy, now aware that the sentries are down, rush to the scene to try and rebuild. They notice their teleporter has, luckily, not been spotted by the enemy. It’s pretty risky, but you think it’d be best to use it because you know walking would take too long. As you step over, disappear, then reappear, you notice something. You got a kill!
How embarassing. While you meleed the teleporter, someone appeared in front of you and flattened you.
It seems to be an instinct that people prefer to melee teleporters to death rather than shooting them. I can predict telefragging may become increasingly more common, with the fact teleporters can charge up considerably faster now. So, next time you see a teleporter up, you may just get a kill right off the bat if you’re lucky!
Number Four: Your Own Sentry/Rocket/Sticky/Pipe
Whether this is caused due to a reflect from a Pyro, or a ‘finished off’ situation, you don’t want to die from yourself. Whoever said ‘you are your own worse enemy’ must’ve been thinking of all the Soldier/Demomen players on TF2. Okay, maybe that phrase has been around decades before TF2, but lets gloss over that for now.
People used to quite freely kill themselves from their own weapons. If a Pyro had you pinned and you knew your demise was imminent, you’d just blast the floor/pop a sticky down and you’d be able to essentially ’steal’ the kill off of your enemy. Great, wasn’t it? But then Valve ruined everyone’s fun. Now, when you died, the last person to injure you got kill credit! How mean of them! Since then, players have been much more cautious in not having anymore ‘accidents’. But now, whenever it does happen, it’s now much more annoying. Because most Soldiers shoot at the ground, as to avoid air blasting Pyros and to make their shots harder to dodge, this can be problematic in smaller areas were you yourself can take damage. Being rushed is probably when this is most likely to happen.
Now, getting killed at your own sentry is a bit harder to do, because Sentries don’t tend to aim at teammates. But, I think this video explains it rather well. Need I say more?
Number Five: From a reflected flare. As a Pyro.
You’ll be thinking, what? How the hell does this happen?
The short answer: It does. Just not very often.
The longer answer: to be honest, you should feel somewhat privileged rather than humiliated to be killed in this way. I mean, it’s almost achievement-worthy. You’ve been killed in a way that probably less than 1% of TF2 players have been. Isn’t that great?! The chances when this will happen is if your low on health (and I mean really low) and running away like billio from a chasing enemy Pyro. You take out your flare gun and take a shot. You know it’ll do basically nothing but who knows? Maybe the enemy has an irrational fear of them or… Something. Then you discover this enemy Pyro has been working since birth at perfecting the art of the air blast. You see the flare looming towards you, but you’re too dazzled by the fact he managed to even reflect it to really move out the way. You know what happens next. Depending on what type of personality you are, you’ll probably either burst out crying, burst out laughing, or both.
Well, there you have it. Not really much else to say, except keep your eye out for these things, or on the other hand, seek them out if you want to beat the enemy into submission. With a baseball bat.
Pyrit on February 2nd 2009 in community, demoman, engineer, how to, pyro, scout, soldier, spy, team fortress 2, the funny
Stumble it!
Stick responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 2:35 am #
You forgot about the taunt kill. Im pretty sure thats worse than being killed by your own weapon.
kanodin responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 2:40 am #
These people need to come up with better names, no one wants to be muttering revenge against alliteratory… dam can’t think of another a word what works for enemies.
Killa-Ewok responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 2:43 am #
Wait, you explode when you’re DeflectoFlared?
Secret Agent Clank! responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 2:56 am #
@Killa-Ewok: Actually, you explode for a number of rather unusual reasons since a certain recent update… =D
Ahh yes, the deflected flare. Only ever happened once in my server’s history. Until someone issued a challenge on the forums, and then three more popped into the stats.
I vote for taunt kills (actually managed this a few times before) and falling for a sticky trap (a lot [strong]more[/strong] common). XD
Corodan responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 3:22 am #
This was a fun article to read. I can tell Zorgulon had a hand in this.
Phoenix responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 4:23 am #
I like it
However, I don’t see how the LHC would reduce lag, unless you’re using the particle accelerator as your LAN somehow, in which case fibre optic is probably still slightly faster…. and if you’re referring to computing power, that isn’t what causes lag through ping, although it can cause occasional lag when there’s lots of effects on screen.
Sir Digby responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 5:29 am #
From a reflected flare. As a Pyro.
Saw this in an arena match!
IceCKryss responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 6:06 am #
For me, one of the most humiliating kills is by a Heavy Civilian. That lumbering giant, without the advantages of speed or long-range shooting, and you lose. You fail to kill one of the easiest classes ever. And that’s the beauty of it.
General Goose responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 6:41 am #
Being headshot by a Sniper standing a metre behind you.
Done it to others and had it done to me.
SirMax responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 6:58 am #
Being killed by a sentry- that was erected while you were in range of it. Now THAT is hilarious for the engie.
Also, did I see a ZP reference in that intro, pyrit?
Laharl responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 7:03 am #
You’re forgetting falling in a sticky trap.
Zorgulon responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 7:20 am #
@ Corodan. How could you tell? You must be psychic.
Don’t foget running as a Medic into an enemy Heavy with your Medigun out because you thought he was on your team. I’ve done this more than once.
General Goose responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 7:58 am #
Oh yeah….being killed by the melee weapon of someone you’re burning as a pyro, and they survive.
Drowning.
Being killed by the critical hits of a syringe gun.
Devenger responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 8:06 am #
@ Zorgulon: Yes, I think the Heavy is the easiest class to misread the team colour of, probably because of the limited number of colour patches on his person.
Good article. Being Pyro tauntkilled during your victory charge is up there somewhere I reckon.
Denakus responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 8:32 am #
rocket/sticky explosion sending you into the train on Well.
failing a rocket/sticky jump.
Deepsmeg responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 8:43 am #
I managed to telefrag my teleporter exit.
Seriously.
I was on the entrance (L3), it span up and I jumped off at the last moment. The exit (which was nearby) exploded.
No enemy fire in the area.
Mr. Noobinator responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 9:14 am #
does anybody pay attention to the death tag on the reflecter flare picture? l laughed hard
Anon responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 9:20 am #
How about death from above? Surely falling to a clumsy, painful death isn’t gratifying.
Azul responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 10:08 am #
Number 6 – Falling to Your Doom
It’s especially funny when you think you will be okay. You are a soldier, your make a huge rocket jump with a lot of health left… but a sniper tags you midair… oh oh, you don’t have enough health for the landing… that’s really too bad.
Corodan responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 10:19 am #
Noobinator=Perv.
n00bie51 responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 10:27 am #
Another really annoying death isn’t just facestabs, but regular stabs with the knife. This appears to occur more frequently among unexpecting rocket-jumping Soldiers with low health, Snipers with low health, or when a Spy for no reason whatsoever decides to keep stabbing with the knife on another Spy instead of taking out his Revolver.
I must agree, getting telefragged is a pain. However, many times it’s the people going through the teleporter that loses out. I’ll be wielding my shovel/butterfly knife and rape the person going through the teleporter. You should have mentioned sticky-trapping teleporter exits, Pyrit.
One of the most frustrating experiences for a Spy is to be repeatedly suffer Critical Hits from a Medic’s Bone Saw/Über Saw, multiple times in a row.
Corodan responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 12:04 pm #
@Zorgulon
Ish why I be shpah.
Rigel responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 12:06 pm #
I once got team-killed by my teams sentry. How? I have no idea. FF was off. Not really humiliating, but weird as hell. :S
Getting stabbed just as you are about to stab someone else, is also humiliating (for me anyway
).
Still, flare gunning people to death is sooo funny and satisfying.
As for the own sentry kill, find an engi sandwich, stand behind the dispenser (preferably as spy), decloak and enjoy the gibs flying everywhere.
Rigel responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 12:09 pm #
Oh, and… reflected rockets or pipe bombs. I always laugh like crazy after i pull those off.
Shon responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 12:45 pm #
The other night I was playing scout and saw a Medic and Pyro hiding behind a corner. My gun was out of ammo and I figured them killing me would distract them long enough for my team to catch up. I switched to bat and went crazy on them.
I killed them both and I still don’t know how I did it. I think they were just shocked. All I know is after killing them with the bat, I felt like a god for the rest of the night.
funkeystu responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 8:07 pm #
Killed a pyro with my ubersaw on badwater a couple of nights ago – The pyro killed my soldier and then went after me, he set me on fire, by I managed to get two hits on him and got the kill. I got the distinct impression through the chat window that he wasn’t at all amused.
General Goose responded on 02 Feb 2009 at 9:03 pm #
The rockets on a sentry are reported to kill teammates. I was playing a game on Dustbowl, I was cloaked as a Spy and the sentry fired at an enemy nearby, killing me. The server was running HLStats, and he lost 50 points for team killing.
I laughed.
Pyrit responded on 03 Feb 2009 at 4:09 am #
Just for all those talking about other deaths: obviously, there is more than just 5 ways to die in terrible ways, but it’d be silly to list all of them in just one article. Maybe I’ll write another, if people liked this.
Secret Agent Clank! responded on 03 Feb 2009 at 6:24 am #
@General Goose:
Actually, that’s not uncommon for me, particularly if I’ve got no other way to fight (i.e. Sniper or Engy or outta ammo). If you’ve seen them get damaged, you could cap a kill easy, or, if not, hope for a lucky crit. Happens most commonly with melee. =D
I demand a second part! Include:
- Death because you launched a Spy above you who pulls off an airstab. (I’ve actually killed two people that way before =D)
- You’re about to sticky jump, the sniper hits you, and then you hit the detonator. XD Had this and done this before.
CP 61: The Bots Are Coming :: Dead Workers Party Network responded on 04 Feb 2009 at 9:01 pm #
[...] [ARTICLE] Five Humiliating Ways to End your Enemies’ Lives [...]
Your Father responded on 17 Apr 2009 at 2:09 pm #
One of the most amusing ways for me to die as a spy was being right behind an enemy, initiate a backstab, only to die from his critical rocket/sticky jump.
Both my opponent and I were both utterly surprised.