Dear Pyros
Dear Pyros,
Now, I ain’t one to tell others how to be livin’ their life. That’s within the purview of your own personal philosophy, and I don’t intend to invade that with science. I am, however, in the business of research, and I’ve found out a thing or two from my studyin’.
First off, this one should be obvious, but y’all don’t seem to grasp it- it ain’t safe to be shooting flame at your buddies. Them Valve folks have an partially implemented patch in the works to make that there fire hurt teammates too, but it only seems to trigger some of the time, so if’in a pal of yours catches aflame, he ain’t necessarily a spy, and y’all should help him find a medic ’stead of keeping the flame a goin’.
Second, them there spies have gotten a little smarter lately. They still can only have one weapon per class, but they’ve made their choosin’ a bit more clever. Now, when they’re going around pretendin’ to be me, they’re carryin’ around a wrench. So if’in you see me wanderin’ with a shotgun, I’m on your side. Same goes with Medics- they’ve found an old medigun disguise hangin’ around, so they don’t carry them Blutsagers anymore.
Third, stop headbuttin’ me to see if you go through. As with the flame, Valve’s been up to something in the patches, and us teammates is startin’ to clip with each other. Just cause you’re not going through don’t make me no spah.
Remember, I ain’t telling you what to do, just how to do it. Thanks for listenin’
-Your pal, the Engineer
Dhhr Thpy,
Thcrhw yru
-Pr-ro
Stumble it!
JAGuy responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 9:15 am #
What can I say? I laughed, I cried, I spilled mah soda all over the carpet…
Too bad the Pyros aren’t buying this trick. But it’s not because they’re smart, it’s because they’re stupid (trying to spy-check medics who are healing, spies with the cardboard masks on them, people who are shooting, having a secondary out… etc etc.).
Fantastic story. A+.
Jesse responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 9:33 am #
Hmmmm……
Deja Vu.
n00bie51 responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 10:35 am #
This is an update, wtf?
Corodan responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 11:10 am #
If only you sent this out sooner. *Cringes from burn scars*
Joe responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 11:25 am #
^^ Pwned ^^
Doc ock rokc responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 12:09 pm #
YES! one of my pictures have made it onto Ubercharged! I can now call myself a TF2 fanboy!
good article by the way! clever stuff
Neuromante responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 12:36 pm #
hahahaha, nice one. Specially because I’m beginning to learn to like the Spy as class to play.
HardQuor responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 1:32 pm #
HA! I almost took that seriously
I was about ready to defecate concrete :O
nalfang responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 6:29 pm #
A bit short, but well written. I bought it for a second then realized that Valve wouldn’t implement such a silly patch.
Lolz responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 9:40 pm #
Madlep- you need to update the rants colum…
Overlord Larharl responded on 04 Jan 2009 at 11:02 pm #
@ nalfang
SAme. Also, whats with the name that i have? I didnt write it bvut it was already there. Is it some auto name gen?
Kowl Slaw responded on 05 Jan 2009 at 1:35 am #
I almost dropped bricks when I read this…then I realized it was a SPY!
General Goose responded on 05 Jan 2009 at 1:48 am #
No, the Engineer in this article is not a spy. He’s just an Engineer with a French accent, a love for cigarettes, no training in engineering and a knife.
Coded One responded on 05 Jan 2009 at 8:26 am #
I luld.
I’ve despised Spys up until I began to play as one… Now I despise Pyros…
Corodan responded on 05 Jan 2009 at 10:40 am #
Welcome to the dark side, Coded One.
n00bie51 responded on 05 Jan 2009 at 11:50 am #
Although I certainly have fun playing as Pyros, I’ve always had a certain disdain for them because there is little skill involved in just aiming at a general direction with a flame thrower at close range. However, it’s fun and smart to flank and ambush your opponents; it’s like playing as a Spy, almost, but without disguises, cloak, or finesse.
SAC responded on 05 Jan 2009 at 12:42 pm #
Sounds like something I would say. Like, press F10 to enable developer console.
Won’t work on me, it won’t. I’ve bound MY F10 to a wav.
dekichan responded on 06 Jan 2009 at 2:36 am #
It’s been a while since I didn’t catch a “___ was a spy” punchline right away. That was great!
Simon_Says responded on 06 Jan 2009 at 3:57 am #
“Thcrhw yru!”
Classic
Arsenal IV responded on 06 Jan 2009 at 12:00 pm #
Spies can do that on the PC? Man, I’ll be getting Orange Box for the PC in a day or two. I need to see this.
Arsenal IV responded on 06 Jan 2009 at 12:02 pm #
Btw JAGuy, we Pyros aren’t dumb. We’re just overly careful. Just gotta make sure this aren’t any Spies running about.
SAC responded on 06 Jan 2009 at 1:16 pm #
@Arsenal IV:
Yes you are! Dumb pyros, flaming thin air.
As you can tell, my 55 hours of spy has taught me that luck is a key factor.
Notger responded on 06 Jan 2009 at 8:39 pm #
Damn, I nearly bought it.
JAGuy responded on 07 Jan 2009 at 11:53 am #
@Arsenal IV
Not dumb? Explain trying to burn a friendly Spy with a cut-out face. Or an ubered Medic.
…Or a Sentry.
Catalyst responded on 09 Jan 2009 at 7:41 am #
Well done, sir
Nimue responded on 14 Jan 2009 at 1:09 am #
Haha, very good SirMax, I like the “style”, if you will.