Vote Soldier 08
Greetings, men of our glorious nation! …And the women too. Yeah.
This nation needs a leader who can get us through hard times! I hope you all realise what we are going through in our world today… War! We have all felt the sufferings of this neverending battle, but it is time to stand strong! ‘A war of a thousand deaths begins with a single decapitation’. Some wise words by Lao Tzu, Sun Tzu’s brother!
My manifesto is for the wiser men reading this article, so you WILL vote for me!
Ban Communism
We want someone to rule us who knows what is best for his country. Voting for the ‘opposition‘ is a vote for communism. Are you sure you want commies to tell you what to do? No! It was men like me who drove the commies out, do not be such maggots to vote them back in!
A life of communism is a life of rules, restrictions and pirate DVDs!
Compulsory Boot Camp
Sun Tzu once said ‘regard your soldiers as your cannon fodder’. We need more men on the battlefield if we are to get through these troubled times! Boot Camp programs will enlighten the souls of our youth, show them what is to be done in this world. This is not periwinkle land we live in, and they must be taught the truth! I am sure, the veterans among us can attest; we have been through hard times, and these youngsters need to learn to respect us!
Daily Teachings of Sun Tzu
Every morning, you will all be required to read the extracts from The Art of War. This is a vital book with basic everyday teachings. If you have not heard of it before, you should be ashamed! Wednesdays will become a national holiday in replacement of Saturdays and Sundays, as a day in which all citizens will be required to go to your nearest bomb shelter at the crack of dawn to pray for the safe return of our men. Why Wednesday? Well, um… It starts with a ‘W’! What else starts with ‘W’? Yes! That’s right! WAR!
Men! …And women! You know who is the right choice for this election… ME! Vote Soldier this year for a independant, maggot free nation! We must surpress the barbaric animals that is the enemy, and send them back to the zoo’s to which they belong!
…And don’t get me started on farms!
Stumble it!
Ben Finkel responded on 05 Nov 2008 at 7:34 am #
I believe you mean “veterans among us can attest.”
Ben
MrMuffinMan responded on 05 Nov 2008 at 8:25 am #
It’s funny how the ever patriotic, uber-American Soldier uses the word “honour” in his campaign.
Pyrit responded on 05 Nov 2008 at 9:35 am #
@Ben: Ah, my bad. I dunno if I can fix it now, but I’ll see!
Muffin: I always believed the Soldier to be beautifully hypocritical
Vote Medic ‘08 | ubercharged.net responded on 05 Nov 2008 at 10:03 am #
[...] know I am only one man. Mein syringe gun cannot top ze Soldier’s rockets, und mein bone saw cannot reach like ze Scout’s bat. If elected, I vill help all ze [...]
clubtheseals responded on 05 Nov 2008 at 10:31 am #
Nice article. Fixed the attest thing btw.
loafaries responded on 05 Nov 2008 at 10:33 am #
Now I am going to keep picturing the Soldier in a speedo.
You really got in character for this post. Good job.
This is not my real name responded on 06 Nov 2008 at 6:07 am #
YOU ARE A MAGGOT HATCHED FROM A MUTANT MAGGOT EGG!err…l mean we will respect every citizen (communists are not considered citizens, let’s make that clear) and defend his personal rights…yeah…