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Yo. What’s up? No, wait; let me tell you what’s up… It seems all those other guys are all droning on about policies and promises in order to gain your love and affection, and to be honest? It bothers me. I mean, do they even know what they’re talking about? Did they grow up actually living on the streets, fighting their way to the top? I’ve seen things on the streets of Boston their tiny minds wouldn’t be able to understand, and those tiny minds are totally undeserving of any kind of vote. So listen up, because I’m going to tell you the best way to run this joint, and I guarantee ya that it’d be ten times better than anything else you might hear.

First up, those things everyone calls “Sentries”? Yeah, I’d make sure they’d all be gone. All those guys who cower behind them and never actually fight their own battles are weak, and you know it. In this world you’ve got to be a slugger to get anywhere, and I should know, because I’ve done it myself. I mean, what’s the deal with all those wimps anyway? They run around swinging their wrenches and whining at the top of their voice every time someone dares to touch their stuff… “Boohoo, spy is sappin mah sentry!” and all that. DEAL WITH IT! Maybe turning around and fighting like a man will do you some good.

Oh, and another thing? I’d get everyone dieting. I’ve seen far too many fatties recently, standing in corners going “OM NOM NOM NOM” as they chow down on yet another sandwich. I mean, it’s nice to sneak behind them and to knock some sense into their tiny little minds, I admit… Yet when I grab a bite to eat, I make sure that I know I’ve earned it. How? Well, if years spent pounding the streets ain’t good another for ya, you should know that I’ve had to fight for my meals many a time. I tell you, those tubby guys don’t give up that easily… Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that everyone should get running and jumping about, you here? I can tell you it’s great fun, especially if someone tries to pull a gun on ya… I jump above them, run out of sight before they can even flinch, and it’s not long then until the head is a little bit beaten in… They get OWNED. It’s beautiful.

Now that’s I’ve dealt with all your childish whiny worries about education by telling you that the streets is the best education of all, let’s talk sport. Actually, let’s talk baseball. I’ve knocked several thousand baseballs out of the park, and I tell ya, there’s no greater feeling out there. That’s why I’d make baseball the only official sport there is… Nothing can beat it, ya hear? Not even tennis, even if you do throw rockets into the mix. Oh, and here’s a hint from the best slugger out there – That bat isn’t just useful for getting home runs with, if you catch my drift. You try listening to the sound of bat on face and then tell me it isn’t the greatest sound that you’ve ever heard.

Just Freaking Vote Scout, Dumbass!

Anything else? Naaaah. Just vote for me, yeah? You know it’s the only thing that makes sense. You need someone with streetwise. What you don’t need is someone who cowers in a corner all day trying to snipe people, or someone who doesn’t even make sense when he talks. I mean, what’s with everyone loving that Pyro guy anyway? All he does is burn things, and holding down the trigger constantly ain’t going to get you far. Anyway, vote for me – The Scout. Ya know it makes sense.