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When I told my colleagues what my psychological dissertation would be about they all said one of two things; one was that I must be crazy, or two I would be crazy by the end of it. But I was cocksure and my pride could not let it go, in hindsight I should have known. But hindsight is easy after the fact, I understand at least this now. I had to dissect and understand them, I felt it my duty as a psychologist. I was like a moth caught in the enticing glimmer of a flame, only this flame would not burn me but simply teleport me to useless destinations, ubercharge spies, and play Samuel L. Jackson quotes at me. They were my holy grail, they are Griefers.

Anyone who has played online has encountered one of these players, be it through physical acts of annoyance or aggravating microphone spamming. Everyone knows the type of player (note; when I say ‘player’ I simply refer to their ingame personality, and ‘person’ refers to their real life characteristics). Here is a short but precise summation of a Griefer from tf2wikipedia:

Griefing is the act of using or abusing a game mechanic in ways originally unintended by the game’s developers for the specific purpose of angering or otherwise negatively impacting the game experience of another player. Griefing can sometimes be difficult to pinpoint because its defining characteristic is intent and not action.

Griefing is distinctly different than “being an idiot.” Bug abuse and hacking can be griefing, but only when done specifically to disrupt another player’s gameplay, and not when done simply to gain an unfair advantage

As you can see the main definition of Griefing is not the actual act of annoyance but the player’s intention to purposefully irritate others. I shall delve into this more later.

I decided to do some research through youtube, I was at least not foolish enough to seek these Griefers out directly. I set out on my mental expedition expecting to find them to be nothing more than a random assortment of idle teenagers or drunken frat boys, Griefers by circumstance, a temporary lapse of mindset before normality is returned. What I found on youtube quickly changed this though. It wasn’t just the sheer amount of Griefer videos out there but the comments section that forced me to do a U-turn of my assumptions. I expected to find the comments aflame of angry players seeking vengeance through the written word, but instead I found celebratory and congratulatory comments. They have formed a small community, albeit a more primitive tribal community, where they encourage others and give helpful tips to be extra unhelpful. There are even videos made to demonstrate new ways of Griefing. This was my first disturbing discovery.

Techniques employed

The Griefer has many weapons at their disposal, be it a teleporter strategically placed to send the victim to an inescapable prison or the flames of a pyro in front of a scoped sniper. So many ways to Grief that I cannot list them all. But the techniques that really took me by surprise was the psychological terror and confusion they can create, I shall list two that stood out to me.

The first one comes to a video you may already be familiar with, from a team of Roombas. Many say this Team Roomba are the most influential ‘professional’ Griefers we know today, while others say it more of a light hearted take on Griefing. Either way there are another class of Griefers than I had encountered. In it a scout blocks the exit of the respawn room in cp_Well. I expected the Griefer to simply do this for as long as possible, but surprisingly they waited. Waited until the whole team was trapped in the room, and waited some more. Waited until players shouted, pleaded, and insulted. Waited until players started exploding from sheer frustration. Then they started their twisted game. The Griefer told them that freedom was theirs for the taking if they answered a question correctly. Once the answer was given they were free, and the trick was not repeated. The Griefer had found a flaw to take advantage of but took it to the next level, he thought out his move and waited for the right time. This was not a Griefer by opportunity, rather a ‘professional’ Griefer. A Griefer that knew the admins were away and the ban hammer could not reach them in time for them to play their game. A Griefer that wanted to be in control, to play a game inside a game, to be the gatekeeper. To me it reminded me of the movie Saw, the Griefer taking the role of Jigsaw trying to teach others lessons through unorthodox methods.

This video, by dunkinbean, includes a whole team hiding for the duration of the game. At first the other team are confused by this but continue to take the wins. But they soon learn that these Griefers are of top level, by their refusal to participate they are negating the whole point of the game. The game is a fight of two teams and joy is derived from tense, close battles. By removing any opposition from their game, the purpose of playing is also removed. They eventually do venture out to fight but only as a team of demomen, luring the enemy into false confidence. At that stage they create the ultimate nest of sentries at the right spot, making it impossible to destroy even with ubered soldiers. They went from a pacifist team to useless team to a hardcore defense team, each one messing with the enemies presumptions, creating a surreal moment for the other players and spreading much confusion. These techniques are well thought out and honed for maximum effect. They are called idiots and retards, and while they are still douches they are anything but fools.

But Why?

That’s the question that drove me here, why would someone go out of their way to purposefully ruin other peoples fun and enjoyment. Their aim is to disrupt and annoy the game for their own pleasure, that of course is clear to all but as to what drove them to seek pleasure in others painful annoyance remained a mystery. Maybe it is done for validation, even if it is negative they seek to be seen and remembered by any means necessary. Validation that the person doesn’t get in their regular life. But then why the perfection of these techniques? Why the community spirit amongst Griefers? Something felt missing. There was much frustration on my part, I obsessively watched more and more videos for some hint of reason. I felt like I came close to stepping off the precipice of my sanity. It was at this stage that I stumbled upon a reason that even now I can’t fully accept. Maybe, just maybe they do these things to make us appreciate simple things we take for granted more. It was seeing the players rush out of the respawn room, they seemed so relieved and happy, would they have felt this happy if this hadn’t of happened?

I had to know for sure, I couldn’t have any doubts in my mind. There was only one path left for me to take; to put into practice some Griefing by my very own hands. I joined a random server under another name and clicked engineer. I placed my entrance where it would normally go but the exit led to an inescapable box where I could view my trapped inmates. A soldier teleported in, and I grinned. Then a medic followed, I let out a small laugh. Then a fellow engineer, and I was bellowing with laughter. Their insults and pleas fell on deaf ears, I was laughing too hard. I do not know what happened in the game after that, as I had to leave the computer to try and catch my breathe. I was laughing so hard, my face hurt from the laughter. Tears began rolling down my cheeks and I fell to my knees- OH… OH GOD WHAT DID I DO? WHAT HAVE I BECOME?! The laughter I once cherished now replaced with weeping. Strength left my body, I couldn’t move but it wasn’t like I knew what I should do. I had crossed the Rubicon and found my answer, oh how I wish I never had this damnable knowledge. I simply wished to be wrapped snugly back in my ignorance. My flatmate found me an hour later silently crying and gently rocking back and forth, begging for forgiveness.

Conclusion

As you can tell by now this is not a case report, and I am a psychologist no more. The doctors (some my former colleagues, now trying to make their career with me) told me it would help the healing process if I write up my experience and titled it as a case report, they felt like that would be a treat for me, to make believe I was still a psychologist, that I was still sane. But I know that this is a falsehood, I have crossed a line I was never meant to cross. No redemption nor forgiveness await me, not that I deserve such mercy. I am a changed man, empty inside and cold outside.

My view of the world has also changed. I used to view the days through rose tinted glasses, sure I knew the darkness of the world but it all seemed far away at the time. As if it was a separate entity, nothing to do with me. But now I know it festers inside us all, the darkness inside, the Griefer voice inside us all. Now I see Griefers everywhere, the man who complains at the coffee house for no legitimate reason, the woman that talks loudly on her cellphone, the sales clerk who gets the wrong thing you ask for. They are everywhere and are by no means a new subculture derived from the internet. It has always existed and always shall. I’m sure one day we will dig up two homo sapiens, one goading the other with a ‘misplaced’ rock.

The answer I had found? It was fun. It was god damned fun to Grief, heaven help me.