The unknown enemy
There’s a lot of people out to get you in Team Fortress 2, isn’t there? You can attack all those soldiers and sentries up ahead of you, but that won’t necessarily stop the backstabbing spy, or the angry Pyro who doesn’t like anyone who isn’t on fire. Still, at least you know of their presence, and the possibility that they may send you flying all the way back to spawn street. Yet did you know there’s something out there that you may not be aware of, but may well of been the cause of many a death? Something sneakily plotting against you, and there’s nothing you can do about it? Yeah, there is, and I’ll tell you what it is.
The walls.
No, seriously…
Stop sniggering at the back, because they are truly the unknown enemy. Allow me to explain by making you picture a fairly common scenario – An angry Pyro rushing towards you with the classic (Yet still annoying) W + Left click strategy going. You back off, chipping away at his health with the limited ammo you have… But wait! You couldn’t see what was behind you, and have just run straight into a small wall! You’ve come to a dead halt, and your life forecast has unexpectedly become one of a sudden heatwave, followed by a heavy downpour of swearing! Some may say that it’s your fault for not knowing the maps well enough but, quite frankly, these people are idiots. I doubt anyone has the time or skill to build up a perfect picture of the map to the extent that you could actually run around it with your eyes closed. So the blame would normally fall on the Pyro who ran at you – But what of the wall? If it weren’t there, you’d be fine. You’d have a kill. Hell, you might have even gone on to win the game single-handed! Stupid wall.
This isn’t the only thing these sneaky death-bringers can do, though. I’m sure we’ve all had times where we need to make a hasty getaway, so have tried to jump out the nearest window or tightly dash around the nearest corner. Of course, if 0.00001% of your character model actually hits that wall, the game is going to treat it like you’ve just been smacked in the face and slow you right down… I seriously can’t remember ever escaping down that long tunnel in Dustbowl stage 3, because those stupid pillars that stick out from either side always allow the inevitable crit rocket to catch up with me. You just take it as a bit of bad luck, but all of the time the wall itself is laughing at you and secretly plotting its next move…
…Which generally takes the form of lulling you into a false sense of security if you actually get round the corner. It’s really quite frustrating to watch your opponents disappear from view when you only have 2 health after a daring escape around the nearest cover, only for you to fall down dead a second later. It’s like the wall itself has melted just enough to let bullets pass through it, or it’s giving the bullets instructions on how to turn corners – “He just turned here! Go that way!”. I suppose people who actually have any sort of sanity would say it’s just a bit of unfortunate lag, but I say these people are actually insane. Because I have let you in on the horrible truth.
So, next time you play Team Fortress 2, forget about the bullets, flames and rockets heading towards you. Instead, keep a close eye on the walls, because you never know what they could be planning. Hell, perhaps fire a shot or two at them, to make sure they know who is the boss…. Only then will you be able to counter what was once an unknown enemy.
Stumble it!
LOOY responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 8:24 am #
So im not the only one!
JPSDogs responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 8:27 am #
I hate it so much when the bullets turn corners. Ridiculous. Nice post!
Baejung92 responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 8:29 am #
this is so true. i lost count of how many times i got killed by a pyro/heavy/battle medic because of those walls…
Murdoc responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 8:34 am #
I hit walls A LOT.
Johnny_Napalm responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 9:50 am #
Oh man! This happens to me a crazy amount of times. Backing away and zigzagging to try and avoid the fire, then all of a sudden, I can’t move and I’m dead. Stupid maps and their rotten jagged walls and pillars and stuff! Argh!
Mobba responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 11:38 am #
I have actually said that the scouts greatest enemy is the map. Its so true. So many times I’ve turned to flee (because its faster to go forward) and ran straight into a wall. The little parts sticking out around the big doors in turbine are the worst. If you run at an angle into the doors, and don’t clear the little bastards you come to a complete stop, usually with a crit rocket, pyro, heavy or sticky behind you.
madlep responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 11:55 am #
This happens to me, in real life, while walking forward.
Usually at the end of a big Friday night out while trying to stumble home.
Aksumka responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 2:31 pm #
This makes me want to make a map with only fake walls. Yea, sure they’ll block bullets, cast a shadow and all that crap, but you can run right trough them…
I should give this a try.
Mooman responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 2:33 pm #
Well thank chocolate Jesus that I’m not the only one. What really gets me though is the little aesthetic walls and bits that stick out that do totally nothing, which I’ve died to plenty of times.
You know which one that probably peeved me off the most though? The windows of the cap point on Ravine. They stick out for no reason, too. I was a demo testing how useful a stickyjump could be on the map, when midflight, I start skimming the wall, hit the window and fall into the big pit which soon filled up with pyros.
Another thing are spawn doors. Why do they take so long to open? They stop you for about .5 of a second when going out, which while a very small, insignificant annoyance at first, has built up like leaves in a drainpipe.
Oh well. Probably just being nitpicky.
Aksumka responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 3:45 pm #
The spawn door lag is just that. Lag.
The physics behind that gate have to be server side, so you hit the trigger, that tells the server “ok, this gate is open, make it open for everyone,” then it has to send that out to all the players.
If it were client sided, then it would open for you, but only you so it might look like people were walking trough the gate.
Poke responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 5:12 pm #
Then make the gate opening trigger further back. It should be adjusted to up to a 200 ping in my opinion.
Also seriously, Valve, start smoothing out the clipping on your damn wall decorations. You should be able to jump on little creaks in the wall to walk on them (this is a good tool and still encourages players to learn the maps thoroughly), but you shouldn’t be horizontally blocked by them, either. You will never ever want to do this on purpose, and having your character do something you didn’t want it to is a bad experience.
Also, some places are just friggin bugged, like the doors on turbine, the spawn doors on the middle point of fastlane, the tunnel in db-3, goldrush cap1 blu spawn doors (i’ve actually got completely stuck in that one, twice) (also fix goldrush while you’re at it), some rock layouts in badwater basin can make you stuck, in fastlane’s final caps in the tunnel there are barrels you can get stuck on, and that’s all i can think of for now (but i think there are more). Fixpl0xkkthxbye.
Poke responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 5:27 pm #
Oh yeah, Steel. If in steel you are trying to leave the first spawn while B was captured, you can get clipped by the closed door and stuck, and it doesn’t teleport you to the new base (also, you can’t change classes in the spawn room, instead you die. You can only do this in the really really small spawn area. In all other maps it doesn’t work like this. Refill Cabinet -> Sign of respawn room).
Also this is nitpicky but in fastlane if you try to look outside from the tunnel leading to the middle cap you can see the empty skybox, kinda lame.
Also i think the rocket should go off when the attackers are winning, in my opinion. Just makes more sense considering how explosions work in goldrush/basin (the basin explosion sucks, btw). This would make the rocket actually kill people, which would be way more fun.
Neuromante responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 7:03 pm #
100% agree, especially in the dustbowl thing. They should make the tunnel a little bit bigger, dammit!
Anyway, about that part of the text:
“You just take it as a bit of bad luck, but all of the time the wall itself is laughing at you and secretly plotting its next move…”
It’s a wall! How can it MOVES? Furthermore, ¿how can it plan his next MOVE, if there aren’t because it’s a WALL?
Gerkuman responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 7:12 pm #
@Neutomante: All you need to plot your next move is a mind. And from the looks of it, the walls seem to have a mind of their own. Therefore, it can plot its next move without even being made to move
Or, to be more accurate, it’s a blinking figure of speech. XD
Neuromante responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 8:34 pm #
Yeah, of course it is, and I was making a joke with the literal meaning of it xD.
You know, a wall it’s stationary (it’s a brush, after all), so it can “plan it’s next move”, because it’s stationary.
I don’t know hoy do you say in english, but in spanish it’s a “word game” (”juego de palabras”), wich means taking another meaning of a word to make a joke with it in it’s original context.
^^u
Arsenal IV responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 11:06 pm #
I usually only hit walls when I’m a scout trying to get away. For some reason I can’t get use to the scouts speed. So, when I try to dodge, I over do it and smack into a wall, or that damn wooden wheel in 2fort. (yes I play the scout sometimes)
The Ninjabread Man responded on 19 Sep 2008 at 11:46 pm #
I really don’t care about running backwards when scout because i just go crazy and run in with a bat in hand but i can see how a wall would scheme against us people because they are jealous of our pyshical existence. Go Philosophy!!! and Go Wall because it helps me being Pyro and Spy!!!
Prio responded on 20 Sep 2008 at 1:04 am #
Snipers know well the evils of walls. That’s why they build maps without them. (it’s also why I tolerate the walls at the end of the day)
UberOgden responded on 20 Sep 2008 at 10:50 am #
A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS:
Please welcome; the Bulldozer!