ubercharged.net

Valve rolls out an achievement pack. You look at the update site and drool. You want those Killing Gloves of Boxing, don’t you? Oh, and that Axtinguisher looks so inviting!

But face it. You aren’t really going to be able to kill someone with the pistol taunt or the hadouken. It’s just wayyyy too hard to do on a proper server-not worth the effort at all! Especially because you just gotta lay your grubby virtual paws on those unlockables ASAP!

Or then, of course, you could head to an achievement server. I’ll admit that I have been on achievement servers. Once upon a time, I found a good server with nice people on it and got 10 achievements in as many minutes (I’m exaggerating, but I hope the point is made). But then, as happens with all achievement servers, the griefers were inbound. Within minutes, a sentry was set up blasting innocent people, a heavy crouched next to the resupply cabinet and opened fire for the next millifortnight (that’s about 20 minutes); all the well-meaning, albeit foolish, players left the server for the next one, hoping for better luck.

Yes, you probably all know the horror-the scourge-the plague-that is the sheer presence of achievement servers. But there’s a way to avoid it, and you don’t need to own your own server! You’ll be able to get at least half of the achievements without encountering a single griefer! (Unless you are a griefer, in which case, uninstall the game now).

Nota bene: This is an introductory guide intended for those who don’t necessarily know the intricacies of the dev console! I don’t need to hear your criticism: I did not come up with this method. If you already know how to do this, that’s excellent! Don’t call the people who actually might learn something here n00bs, because they probably aren’t.

Open up Pandora’s Achievementbox

Create your own game server on achievementbox. If you don’t have it already, download the map achievementbox_b3 from somewhere.

If you don’t already have the development console enabled, do so. (Options -> Keyboard -> Advanced -> Enable dev console). You can toggle the console by pressing the tilde key (~).

Make sure you’re firewalled or playing over LAN, you don’t want random griefers connecting to your server. This server is for you alone.

In the console, type the following commands in order:

sv_cheats 1
mp_teams_unbalance_limit 0
bot

Now there should be a bot on the server. TF2 shipped with bots, but they don’t do anything because there’s no AI code. They won’t do anything unless you tell them to. Note that you won’t be able to use them for achievement farming quite yet. Read on.

bot -team red -class soldier
bot -team blu -class pyro

Those commands spawn a RED soldier bot and a BLU pyro bot, respectively.  .

bot_mimic

Bot_mimic is a really handy command. When bot_mimic is toggled on, all the bots on the server will mimic your actions. By moving yourself around, you can move them around too; they also attack when you do. Keep in mind that they’ll face you all the time, so if they’re on the other team, they’ll damage you. If you want them to turn around:

bot_mimic_yaw_offset [0-360]

This controls the direction bots face when mimicking you. 180 makes them face you, 0 makes them turn away from you.

bot_flipout 1

This command will make bots constantly attack, bot_flipout 0 stops the effect.

Tips and tricks

To get a bot medic to heal you, spawn a friendly medic and turn bot_flipout on. After he exhausts his needlegun ammo, he’ll switch to his medigun. Step in front of him to get healed. (Alternately, use bot_mimic, step in front of him, and press the attack button). If you are currently in bot_mimic mode and your bot medic has an uber, simply right click to activate it (or use the command bot_forceattack2). This is a great way to get the achievements which require the assistance of a medic.

Need a spy to cloak for you? Right-click when in bot_mimic mode and you’re done!

If you want to avoid constantly toggling the console, try binding keys.

bind <key> "<commandname>"

Bind a command to an unused key like so:

bind p "bot_mimic"

That serves as a shortcut to typing bot_mimic, just press P next time.

The most important part!

WAIT! Before you start this using technique, and before you start commenting saying that it doesn’t work, there’s one more step. Type the following two commands in order:

sv_cheats 0
retry

If sv_cheats was turned on in the session, then achievements don’t register. “Retry” gives you a clean session without erasing whatever bots you had set up. It’s only after you enter “retry” that you will be able to use this technique for achievement farming!

Get going!

Use this power to get all those achievements and unlockables without connecting to an achievement server! The more connections achievement servers get, the longer they will stay online, and using this technique to deprive them of connections will help wipe them off the face of the earth! And at the same time, you’ll be getting those achievements that you’ve always wanted.

Remember that it can be tricky to get all the achievements from this technique. However, you’ll certainly be able to unlock most of the new weapons; I’ve gotten at least 15 achievements on both the pyro and heavy class packs.

Note to Valve: this is a reasonably well-known technique. In addition, it’s not one that is worth fixing, because the more people who know about this, the fewer achievement servers to hog up your MasterServer bandwidth!

Want more? Visit TF2Wiki for a full list of bot commands.

Pyro Rock Star hasn’t been heard from for a long, long time, but I, Direction had the pleasure of jumping over his 6ft high barrier surrounding his mansion, bonking his guard dogs and breaking a few windows to find out what he has been up to all this time. What I got was more than I expected, for I now have the exclusive rights to interview him on his recent music discoveries! And what more would you want from a rock star than advice on what to listen to these days? There’s so much out there to hear it all!

Thanks to oldmeme for the gmod work

D: So, Pyro Rock Star

PRS: Pffrrs, rrrmmck stfffr mwwhlll do jrr ffrrn

D: What?

PRS: I SRRR RMMCK SRRR WHHL DR JRRRHHRHRH FRRRRN!

D: Um…

PRS: *pulls out axetinguisher*

D: OK WOAH WOAH, Where’s Elizabeth? I can’t understand a thing you’re saying man…

PRS: Srrrs phhhbhhy pshhhd orrt, irrl ghhrt hhr

Pyro Rock Star pulls out his flare gun and shoots it down the hall, Elizabeth stumbles in a short time later

E: Eh? huh, um, who are you?

D: I’m trying to interview Pyro Rock Star, but I can’t understand a thing he says.

E: Ok, just let me get some social lubricant into me and I’ll sit down and translate for you.

Elizabeth stumbles off to the cabinet located at the back corner of the room, pulls out a large bottle of “Crusty Pete’s Ole Rumsy” and demolishes it’s contents. She seems to be more coherent from here on in

E: Ok, let’s do this

D: So uh, Pyro Rock Star…

PRS: AAARRRRGGGHHH

E: Rock star will do just fine.

D: Oh, ok. Well, Rock Star, can you tell me and the other fine people who visit ubercharged.net what’s spinning in your stereo at this point in time?

PRS: Wrrr srr, rgghh nw Irr rriishhhirrinn trr mrhs trr bhhr!

D: …

E: He’s listening to a band called Minus The Bear.

D: Oh, cool! I haven’t heard of those guys before. Would you care to let us know a bit about them?

From here on in, I just write down what Elizabeth tells me, as I am no good with phonetics.

“Minus The Bear are a 5 piece rock band from Seattle, Washington. They have released 3 full length albums and numerous EP’s over their 7 year career, their latest being Planet Of Ice released in 2007.

Forming from previous bands Botch, Kill Sadie and Sharks Keep Moving, MTB is suprisingly the polar opposite from where they came from. They are considered a math rock band, focused on subtle technical song writing, strong drumming, atmospheric keys, smooth bass and even smoother guitar lines, with the occasional intense and memorable hook, forever leaving a song stuck in your head long after you heard it last.

Image courtesy of wikipedia

POI is their career defining album to date. Their song writing abilities really shine through on this album, with less focus on structure and more on going with the flow of the music. This change created a much more diverse sounding record, with no song sounding similar, yet all keeping the same atmosphere as a whole.

I just can’t get enough of this record! It’s replay value is astonishing and it makes for awesome music to make some bacon to!”

PRS pauses for quite sometime, before showing signs of agitation

D: Ok, well thankyou very much, Rock Star. Is there anything else

PRS stares at me for quite some time

PRS: Yrrhs, rrn.

D: Sorry, what?

E: He said run.

PRS Pulls out his flamethrower, waving it in the air and cheering like a madman

D:OK THANKYOU! I’LL SEE YOU SOON OK!

I run for the window, but not before being ignited, causing me to trip on the sill

Direction fell to a clumsy, painful death.

Minus The Bear
Last.fm

“Cuteness is a kind of attractiveness commonly associated with youth and appearance, as well as a scientific concept and analytical model in ethology, first introduced by Konrad Lorenz. It is usually characterized by (though not limited to) some combination of infant-like physical traits, especially small body size with a disproportionately large head, large eyes, a small nose, dimples, and round and softer body features. Infantile personality traits, such as playfulness, fragility, helplessness, curiosity, innocence, affectionate behavior and a need to be nurtured are also generally considered cute.” – Wikipedia

Based on the above definition and common sense, which of the following characters CAN NOT be considered cute? Why? Discuss your answer with your classmates.

A – HEAVY

B – PYRO

C – JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

Hey there Timmy! Sayyyy whats the matter champ? Shouldn’t you be off playing some “Team Fortress 2″? I thought you loved to play it!

“Well I do, Mister but now all my Friends have been making fun of me cause I cannot play the Spy class.”

“But it’s just so hard! I have not played shooting games for long and the Spy is getting harder to play every day that goes by. Even when I am try to practice with him, I always get killed!.”

“It just makes me so mad! Maybe I should give up on the Class and stick to Sniper.”

Whoa there Timmy! Thats taking it a little too far dontcha think? Little do some people know, but the Spy is one of the greatest classes of them all! It’s very enjoyable, you get the satisfaction of taking out some of the most powerful classes in one hit, sentries cannot see you and you can go invisible!

“But I can never do those things, Mister. When I try to stab someone I always miss and get killed, or if I use a disguise they catch me anyway!”

Well then Jimmy. I’m going to tell you a few helpful pointers on how to practice being a great spy.

Lets start with a picture:

As you can see here, Billy, this Spy just got away with destroying an entire forward base in a matter of seconds! Only a few lived to not respawn, and those who did respawn waisted very valuable time in the remainder of the match.

This could easily be you, Billy! Now there are plenty of fantastic tutorials on how to be a good Spy out there, but I am here to help you, the person who is feeling the Spy blues and simply cannot get around without getting spotted.

So here are some helpful tips:

“They’re in a real funny order mister…all out of place an’ everything”

Yeah well, I suck as a Narrator…

Play a different Class

As odd as this may seem, if you are being taken out by Rocketmen all too much, then play one! Learn how the Soldier mindset works, and keep playing until you have a kill:death ratio that is skewed toward the Kill. Then try again. You may be very surprised at your results. This obviously applies for any other class too.

Beat them blues! Go with Red!

That’s right! Red team are far easier to play for Spies. While this is not true for maps like ctf_turbine or cp_granary where the players attack and defend from both sides, a Red Goldrush Spy will have a far easier time than a Blu one. Red teams will pack together in small groups, full of all kinds of scary gangs, while Blu will more often than not be fairly scattered. Leaving it easier for you to pick off people without the worry that you will be caught/killed in a matter of seconds.

Listen Carefully. Very Carefully.

Again this seems like a no brainier, but you can constantly hear things that will keep you alive or that can help line up a five stab combo, or mark out prime targets.
Things worthy of mention are:

• Water splashes. Even from your respawn point in 2fort you can clearly hear someone splish-splashing their way to your base from the sewer system. Could it be an enemy? Only one way to find out. Cloak up and wander down.
• Character Calls. Often you might hear things such as “Spy!” “Sentry ahead!” or “Medic!”. When you hear any of these or similar ones that leave a piece in the message box, check it. If you hear a medic shouting “Go Right!”, but do not see a line of text, you have a medic incoming. And Medics mean more enemies…
• Crackles and Zaps. Listen out when near an enemy medic. If you hear fizzles and snaps from him, he is your current prime target. He must be taken out. Get to it.
• Spawn Medi cases. You know the sound when you go to get a boost from these boxes? Listen carefully for this, as the same noise is heard when a bunch of players get respawned. If you are hanging around an enemy spawn point and hear this, now is a great time to get ready for some quick stabs, or to get out of there. For all you know, a great mass of Pyros are about to flood out the door and you are left there in the open.

On a side note, I recommend you get some good sound equipment and keep the volume high enough to hear everything. I use Sennheiser HD 515 headphones and quality is constantly top notch, and I recommend headphones over Speakers as it is easier to point out height differences and those quite noises that you might not usually hear.

Back range is a lot bigger than you think…

Here is another thing that is not known too well by players. The range of a Players back is actually huge. It is a good 160 degrees on their back where you can stab. This will help a ton versus that Sniper who has his back hugged to a wall. Wait for him to turn, ever so slightly, then stab. It will work. Or if it does not, the guy should be pushed to the side enough to leave another opening. Keep in mind though there is no such thing as a real side stab, although you can get pretty damn close.

Here are some pictures to help but it is best learned by trying for yourself.

Yeah, you’re dead. Again.

A very sad fact is, that Spies are not known for their tremendous lifespan. You will die. A lot. Suck it up and get back out on that field and keep trying. Some classes will get you tons of points from the get go, but the Spy… you will need to keep practising to get it right. So get back out there and try again!

L33t Players = Your worst Nightmare

These guys are tough there are no two ways about it. The Heavy who, when you kill his Medic will turn around and get you in a flash. The Soldier who watches his back and is not afraid to Rocketjump before mowing you down while still in the air. The Demo who seems to always get you bang on with his stickies every single time. The Pyro who has fifty more score points than any other player right now.

Sadly there is little you can do about these guys. They are tough. and are not afraid of you. Luckily there is rarely more than one or two on any given pub server at time, not including Clan Stackers.

That’s not to say that they are invincible though. But you will have to go around them in a different way.

The Heavy who snapped 180 degrees when you killed his Medic? Just go for him first. He won’t expect it then. The Spy savvy Soldier or Demo? Catch them when they are in a battle with some of your fellow team members. Get creative. And, although very rare, there will be those guys who you will just not be able to kill (as Spy). Look out for them and try to avoid them if you can.

Ow! My neck…

This is explained a lot better in OMGNinja’s tutorial but, learn how to snap 180 degrees and stab. When you and an enemy are passing each other by head on, just as he is 90 degrees to your left or right, turn and stab. Might want to start a little earlier if its a scout but go ahead and try it. Keep up the practice and this is one of the best things you can learn if you get it right. Really helps in Spy knife fights too.

Pew-Pew-Pew! Go Pistol Go!

Another very obvious one, but the Revolver is a far more powerful weapon than most people think. Sixty damage per hit is not something to be scoffed at. And a critical hit is almost enough to take out any of the low health classes. That’s some serious damage you got right there.

Use it when you are caught in the act or on fire and fleeing etc. For all you know, that Pyro coming at you could be on 1hp. Its unlikely, but it could still happen.

Biggest downside of the Revolver is obviously the single-slow shot method. It’s hard to hit someone, especially scouts. But that’s no excuse! If you have a friend, you could call a shoot out for practice. No cloak, no Knife, just revolvers (Final destination!). Keep that aim straight and true.

Invisible? Of course! Unnoticeable? Never.

Another matter that’s a bother. This also relates to the listening point too. You do make noises when invisible. It’s quiet, but I have found, caught, and stopped many spies by listening out for foot steps. This is particularly heard in the sewers of 2fort again.

If you can hear them but see no one who might make them, this is a perfect time to hunt for rival Spies. Listen out for the tapping noises to find out where they are. Tapping means they are on concrete, rustling means they are in grass or dirt, sounds from above mean they are on higher ground etc.

When cloaked yourself, navigating through a choke point full of enemies can be hard, but is made a lot easier with a full cloak bar if you are still practising. Spies will often try to run through the enemies, hoping to come out the other side, but you have two options that people forget a lot more often than you think. Go back. Or stop. If you wrap around a corner to find a bunch of enemies coming at you (cloaked), step out of their way, then follow them, or carry on the way you were headed.

You feeling lucky? Punk?

The sad sad truth of the matter is, the Spy is 50% Skill, 50% Luck. There are no two ways about it. If you happen to jump on a server that is full of Spy killers, a team with good communications, or one with 4+ Pyros, thats bad luck. Not your fault. If it is way too tough, then go off and try again. It is impossible to tell if a player you have never met before is any good at the game.

With time, you will get better, and the better you become, the more the percentage leans toward the Skill, but even for the best of us, Luck plays a huge factor.

To Sap, or not to Sap?

Here is trick that will definitely keep you alive. If you are in the enemy base, you do not have to sap everything. Some clever Engis can set up “traps” of a sort to catch out the Spys or other classes. Leaving a teleporter out at the top of a stairs or such could be placed to alert the Engi’s of your whereabouts, who is down in the intel room with a sentry and is calling for help right now. This shows up a lot in 2fort as teleporters usually destroyed in seconds after placed anyway. Try to learn where all of an Engi’s buildings are before sapping like crazy. I would not count this for sentrys, get rid of them pronto.

Heavy weeks abound!

If there was ever a time to start practising the Spy, then the coming weeks are going to be (in theory) one of the easiest times in history to get some kills on TF2. You will see Heavys left, right and center, and every one of them are the slowest hulking masses with the biggest backs you will ever catch. As a turn off, after everything dies down, the Heavy’s may also become more Spy wary. So get to it!

This may also apply to later Sniper updates when Valve get around to it…

From here on, you are not a Spy, but a Shadow.

This is a tough one to pull off but in time it will come to you. The jist of it is, try to stay out of sight constantly, even when in your disguise. When you are seen by the enemy you will want to be either too far away for them to bother to chase you, or make it look like you are fighting. Its hard, but fall back on your invisibility. When you are in sight of an enemy, keep looking the way they are looking (unless its at you…).

Hug walls, take longer but less noticeable paths, do whatever it takes, just go around the enemy, then stab stab stab. As always, start from the back of the group and work up.

If you are hardcore, get into the group, then go up ahead of them and make it look more convincing. Back walk out of choke points with your own team etc. When you are running in the opposite direction of your enemys, call for a Medic. Never run toward them without doing this. For a Spy it looks like you have half health when using a disguise. For all that medic knows, you are an innocent Pyro looking for someone to take care of that boo-boo. If you are lucky, the medic will follow you. Whenever this happens, bring them to your buddies at the choke point to be picked off by their crit rockets. If you are one of those guys who finds a four leaf clover every week, they might even uber you, wasting the chance for themselves and leaving you running around with a smug on your face.

Live it.

The main reason why I go back to Spy so often is because it is so bloody exciting. Getting caught is a kick in the teeth when you see that line up for the perfect chain backstab, and then pull it off, there is nothing more satisfying in this game. So above all else, enjoy the class! You get the satisfaction of knowing you took down that pesky wave of players or that Sniper who is stopping your team’s Heavy from moving forward, single handedly!.

Now do you see what I mean Tommy? The Spy is constantly challenging, but once you get the hang of it, its among the most powerful classes! Learn to be a quick thinker and .

“Wow mister, it seems like an awful lot of work just for one class…”

Nobody said being a Spy was easy, Billy. Just keep up the practice, learn from your mistakes and you will inevitably get better.

“Gee thanks mister! Now I know!!”

And knowing is half the battle.

Sorry if I rambled on too much in some of the points. Thanks to anyone who takes their time to read it all. -oldmeme

Every time a new update comes out people start to cry and complain that the character is Overpowered. Folks, when does it end? Where does your never ending list of complaints stop? You seem to have a whole library full of complaints every time something new comes out for us. Be happy that Valve cares enough to do this. Lets start things off.

The Medic Update

A very simple class. You heal, heal some more, dodge that crit rocket, don’t step on those demo bombs, and keep an eye out for spies. Then Valve went out of their way, FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE, and released a new weapons pack for the Medic.

Everyone loved the new weapons. It brought something totally different to the game.

This love was short lived. Soon, people started complaining that the Medic was overpowered. Saying the Kritzkrieg/Ubersaw combo overpowered the Medic. It isn’t overpowering. It just simply means that you will have to find a new way to kill the Medic and his friends.

Your old tricks and strategies went down the drain faster then Ashley Simpson’s music career and you’re upset about it. Don’t blame it on “Overpowering” just because you have a poor inability to adapt. Shame on you.

The Pyro Update

The Pyro is just awesome, at least for me. I love sitting in a corner and bathing my enemies in my unholy flames. Pyro’s key is to ambush. Remain out of sight until you see a fireball running away, then axe or shoot it. Sounds simple enough. Then he upgraded. I call Pyro a he because when you fall from a large height he yells, and it sounds like all the other characters, which are males.

Anyways, he’s got the compression blast. Really freakin sweet ability. Finally, I have the chance to survive when I’m toe to toe with a Soldier or push that Demoman in the sight of that level 3 sentry. Valve gave him the cool flare gun. Awesome idea, but I don’t really use it all that much. Only when I can’t sneak up on a Sniper. The Axtinguisher is just the coolest weapon in TF2 in my opinion. Watch them burn, and then Crit Axe them. Then people started crying again. It never fails. Pyro got the Backburner. The babies said that the Pyro is overpowered now because the Backburner give the Pyro an extra 50 HP. Are you serious people? 50 extra HP makes you an overpowered killing machine now? They cried, they complained, they held their breath until Valve nerfed the Pyro.

Are you happy now? No more extra 50 HP. The Pyro went from being totally awesome to this:

 How do you sleep at night?

The Heavy Update

The Russian Juggernaut is pretty much a walking Sentry. If you meet a Heavy up close, 7 times out of 10 he is going to rip into you with “Sasha”. Get a friend to be a Medic and you’re pretty much set for the round.  He is slow, hard to kill, and there is usually a dispenser or a Medic that he is leeching off of.

Then just a few weeks ago it happened again. The Valve Update for the Heavy was released. Sasha’s sister Natasha made her way to the field. No problems with Natasha. My personal favorite, the second best weapon in the game, THE K.G.B’s punched their way to the battleground. 5 seconds of raw critical power with every punch! Then you can transfer that into your other weapons?!?!? “Dreams do come true papa! They really do!”

Then it happened again, people got into the fetal position and began to wet themselves. The Sandvich was introduced as the Heavy’s replacement for the Shotgun. Takes 4 seconds to eat, and boosts the Heavy’s HP. “NO!!!!”, the people said,”That’s only going to overpower the Heavy!. He’s hard enough to kill; now you are giving him his on personal Medkit?” It doesn’t help him all that much. You’re making it sound like the Heavy is walking around in Battle Armor.

The Heavy is not overpowered, this Heavy is:

Geez kids, when is it going to stop? Is there anything that you can just be happy with? Beggars can’t be choosers. Accept these new updates with love not hate. They are only going to make the game better for us. Adapt or die. Its the only way you’re going to survive.

When Valve released a new set of achievements for Heavy, this little picture to the “Soviet Union” achievement caught me good eye, aye.

Just a patch of hair can make all the difference in the world. Imagine turning a corner and facing a heavy with hair! I, personally, would take him seriously for about 5 minutes before ridiculing him by circle strafing. And this is the kind of little surprises Valve can bestow upon us. Not skins really, but a little variation to appearance – subtle enough to not to effect gameplay yet fun enough to sparkle up that next freeze cam you get when are killed by this strange guy.

So I pulled some ropes in Gmod (not literally) and came up with this following visualization :

Of course, it was only natural to think of make overs for other classes, but I resisted the temptation to not to overdo it.

Meet the goth medic sneering at the ever-annoying, now also emo, scout.

The demoman did not need a afro wig to look like Samuel L. Jackson at all. But I was yearning for a Pulp Fiction moment instead of a Jackie Brown one.

It’s the small things that matter. I want this guy covering my flank when I’m going postal at the lumberyard.

And a big welcome to semi-new poster Hain. Hain is also to be blamed for Heavy Update Prelude pics, and Real World Team Fortress 2 Locations, and is now onboard as a regular contributor – madlep

I’ve been meaning to write this article for a while and I was finally driven to get it down after a spate of infuriating matches as well as loafaries’ related rant, which I sympathised with. Deeply.

So we’ve all seen plenty of articles and comments on how to play each individual class well, but for a team game, there’s frustratingly few pieces about how to coordinate with your teammates. Sure, a lot of this is down to in-game communications and tactics, as well as careful class selection, but there’s one obvious in-game relationship for which there are a number of rules that really should be followed – the Medic-Target pairing.

We’ll start off with the obvious ones, but there’s probably a couple that might not have occurred to you before, so please do your entire team and your poor medic a favour and keep these points in mind next time you’re on the other end of a healing beam…

Stop crying my name if you got full health.

Captain Spalding nailed this obvious point in his rap, but for some reason people don’t get the message. Sure it doesn’t matter if it’s setup time and everybody is spamming, whatever. But there are times it’s just detrimental to the team. These are the people I’m talking to:

• That lone, dumbass sniper on the other side of the map to everybody else who is actually just bored because he’s sitting around failing to be useful.
• The heavy who thinks I’m doing it wrong just because I’m healing people who aren’t him. I know heavy-medic teams work well, no that doesn’t mean I’m your personal property when there’s people overdosing on their daily rocket intake on the front lines.
• The guy who I’ve not only healed, but have already buffed to 150%. Boy, this one really gets me. Don’t do it – it’s not big, it’s not clever and your name is displayed right there on the screen to add to my mental ‘heal last of all the injured guys list’.

Soldier or demo who wants to rocket jump? Fine! Somebody who spawned behind me and wants me to heal them whilst we run to the front lines? Fine! Just don’t do it when you’re going to either just piss me off or draw my attention away from people who need it.

They call it a ‘Support Class’.

Hookay, another obvious one – support class, not assault class. Despite the debate over the usefulness of the ‘battle medic’, the fact remains that a lot of us medic-players choose the class because we’d rather heal, deploy ubers and help coordinate people rather than frag n00bs directly. Sure, I’m not too bad at killing stuff when I’m playing soldier or demo, I can even take down the odd spy/scout/pyro with careful application of the Blutsauger, but with 150 health and a primary weapon that combines low damage with parabolic drop, I’m not going to be setting any new kill records. Bear that in mind when your friendly medic locks his healing beam onto you. Here’s some things you should avoid doing.

• Running past enemies. Sounds stupid, but people do it. I’ve been in a corridor healing a soldier when he’s launched a token rocket at an oncoming pyro, missed spectacularly and carried on charging forward past the pyro to attack the guys down the tunnel probably assuming the healing beam will keep him safe. Guess what happens to the medic who is face-to-face with a pyro and currently wielding a gun incapable of killing anybody? Yeah…
  
• Sudden rocket-jumping. Now I’m not saying don’t rocket jump, that would be stupid. I’m happy to give you a healing boost to send you on your way, but if we’ve just charged into an area with 3 or 4 bad guys and you decide now is a great time to gain a height advantage from a nearby ledge, guess what’s going to happen to that 80% uber I had? Yeah, back to spawn and back to 0% – that’s going to help the team.

Saving peoples’ lives, so give me a little credit.

What do I mean by giving me a little credit? Picture the scene – You’re playing RED on Dustbowl stage one, cap one. BLU come flying out of their spawn and launch a big ol’ volley of ammunition at your face, most of which you swallow like bad medicine. Your friendly team medic has taken some nasty splash damage from nearby explosions, but nevertheless locks his healing beam onto you as the two of you run into the Capture Point hut for cover. At this point, you’re being healed by a beam of energy which is going to boost you up to 150% health in a matter of seconds. There is one thing you should NOT, I repeat NOT do at this point:
DO NOT RUN AND GRAB THAT MASSIVE HEALTH PACK AT THE BACK OF THE HUT!
Seriously, this has gotta infuriate me more than any other thing when I’m playing medic. On anything except a large team of 10 or more, I’m very often the only medic and thus the only person on the team who cannot be healed by the medigun. I’ve lost count of how many times myself and my medigun target have taken a beating and the inconsiderate moron has run and grabbed the health pack nearby whilst I’m on 15 health and dodging incoming enemy fire.

Here’s what to do: Take cover for all of 3 seconds whilst I build you right back up to 150% of your normal health and let me take that medkit. Use that time to think about what you did wrong that ended up with you catching grenades with your face. Then, with you on 150% health and me on 100% health, we’ll charge back out and cause some serious pain. Not only that but I wont have to build my ubercharge meter back up from 0% all over again when I die. In fact, because you’ve been such an awesome and considerate medic buddy, I might even pop that uber on you instead of the other guy. How about that?

This is the kind of play that’s good for the whole team. Everybody benefits, the team gets more ubercharges and gets them faster and nobody has to hear me sobbing into the microphone. Trust me, it’s depressing to hear.

So give me a little credit – trust that I’ll heal you up and I’ll make sure I do.

Danke Schön!

Ok, I could go on, but I know what kind of attention spans we internet blog reader types have. Depending on the response to this rant, I may be back with more to say on the subject of being a good medic buddy. Danke Schön to those players who have been awesome medigun partners, you know you’ll be the first one I rush to help when the fight heats up.

Now, who’s up for some doctor-assisted homicide?

Another big welcome to daregveda, with some timely advice to all the newly converted heavy players with a stuck “E” key trying desperately to unlock a sandvich – madlep

The sheer genius behind the idea of taking the companion cube, putting it in a soccer game and then adding stupidly large amounts of bullets and explosions to the mix cannot be ignored.

The mode looks like it could be refined, with some odd-looking goals and some classes looking more useful than others, but I doubt you’ll care when teamwork and a bit of luck create the end result of a companion cube spinning 50 feet into the air.

You can download it here. Oh, and I’d prefer it was called football, but maybe that’s just because I drink tea and say “Toodle-pip” a lot…

Once upon a time several dedicated TF2 players where in the middle of a heated battle. Partway through the game, someone joined, and noticing that no one was playing as the Medic, quickly picked that class. It wasn’t long before he was bombarded with shouts and calls. “Medic!” “Doc!” Medic!” “Doctor!” “MEDIC!!1!” The lone Medic didn’t waste time getting out into the field, healing everyone he could. His team pulled ahead temporarily with no one needing to be healed anymore, so the Medic sat back and rested, a job well done.

Suddenly, another voice called his name in a shrill pitch: “Medic!” Rushing to a far-off, obscure portion of the map, the Medic looked for whomever it was that called him, and the rest of the team followed, preparing for another skirmish. A lone Heavy stood waiting. When he saw the Medic coming to help him, the voice of the n00b playing as the Heavy crackled through a cheap microphone. “Hey, Medic, charge me up!”

The Medic directed his Medigun towards the Heavy but found him to be at full health. “What?” the Medic cried. “You don’t need me! I’m only staying with the people who really need me!” The other team members grumbled amongst themselves and walked back with the Medic. “No, come on man!” the Heavy began, but no one listened to him.

Shortly after, the team decided to attack the opposition. Rushing into the enemy’s side of the map, the two teams began to meet up and fight. It was a glorious and violent battle, which meant more work for the Medic. 6 or 7 calls for him popped up, so he ran towards one. But what did that Medic see? The n00b Heavy hiding behind a rock with the message of “Ubercharge me, dude!” The Medic didn’t even have time to yell at him before dozens of his comrades were killed, giving the enemy a foothold in the battle. “Don’t call me if you don’t need me!” the Medic said, running back to his team’s side of the map.

“Where were you, Medic?” the rest of the team asked as they saw their comrade running towards them. “That Heavy keeps calling for me when he’s at full health,” the Medic replied. The team mumbled words of understanding, and began charging towards the other team once more. Another furious clash began, with rockets, bullets, and flames soaring between the two teams. “Where’s that Heavy?” someone asked.

“MEDIC!!”

“There he is…” another player answered. The Medic began to run towards him, but then stopped himself. He wasn’t about to fall for that again. So the Medic continued to heal only the players fighting around him. Eventually his team broke through the enemy lines and ran towards the final control point. Victory was in reach, or so it seemed. Ra-tat-tat-tat-tat!! The entire team was blown down within seconds by sentries hidden from view. Only the Medic escaped alive, and only he saw the Heavy, courageously attacking the sentries. How he got there before everyone else, no one knew. An alternative path, it seemed. The Heavy would pop out of cover and shoot at the sentries before having to duck back into cover due to the rockets and bullets. By the time the Medic saw him, the Heavy was near death and almost completely out of ammunition. The Medic rushed over to heal him, but before he could a rocket blast knocked the two of them down. For good.

As it turns out, the Heavy had a good plan that could have resulted in his team’s victory, had the Medic been there to heal him. Maybe the rest of the team could have joined up and assisted the Heavy’s effort, but unfortunately none of that ever happened. After so many unnecessary calls of “Medic!”, he was ignored during the time he needed to be healed the most – but who could really blame the Medic for doing so? That day the Heavy learned his lesson, and hopefully, now you have too.

So a while back you may remember me being slightly perplexed about where the fun comes from in playing Engineer… It’s always the same thing, I whined, while also muttering about how I’d rather be shot in the front lines than hang back for any amount of time. As an expected result of this, I got a lot of people disagreeing with me and giving reasons and suggestions as to why I was completely and utterly wrong. I read them all while sighing in relief about the fact there wasn’t a single “U suk lolol” to be seen, and being the professional that I am, I thought I’d take those thoughts on board. So over the past few weeks I’ve been picking Engineer more than I would of liked, binging on the class for hours at a time more than once. And you know what? I think I can see the appeal.

“Buildin’ a sentry…”

Now, let me get this straight – I haven’t become a massive fan of the Engineer, waving little flags around with his face on and honoring him at every opportunity. Indeed, it’s not a class I will truly enjoy playing, and I agree that I might ever hold a slight bias of hatred towards those who play him religiously. I still can’t play him truly defensively, either… Standing in the courtyard of 2Fort with nothing but a beeping sentry to keep me company and the possibility of only getting “Into the action” via clicking on the damn thing just makes me want to stick forks in my eyes. And even if the action does heat up and loads of people start shooting at my sentry, the apparent tension in keeping it alive or watching it die seems to elude me. I don’t even care if my contraptions survive, because for some reason I still feel no reward in what I might just have done.

So where do I see the fun in the Engineer now? Well, it comes from doing something I tend to do quite a lot, and that’s in ignoring the role the class is meant to be. Screw the defensive side of things, I cry! Let’s take my sentries to the attacking front line! By doing this, I find I remove the aspect of not truly being in the fight that I don’t like, while opening up a whole new set of challenges. Take, for example, the inevitable fight for the middle point in stages such as well. There’s something incredibly exhilarating in sneaking into the fight, kit in hand, and trying to set up a sentry before you get blown up into little tiny pieces. With the fight going on mere inches away, and the knowledge that if anyone spots you you’re dead meat, it’s hard not to get excited. And even if you do set up successfully, scurrying around for metal in order to keep your killing going is also pretty fun. I also feel its more rewarding than pure defence on the basis there’s a conscious effort in sneaking in, setting up and staying alive. It’s much trickier than building up a level three sentry at a control point where there is no carnage yet…

“I built that.”

There’s also something else that I do like to do when I play an Engineer, and this one involves no killing at all, even though I do it more when my team is attacking. What is it? Why, it’s the humble art of the teleporter, a device that a frustrating amount of Engineers seem to neglect. I throw down an entrance, and then move to somewhere relatively safe, yet close to the battle… Those one-way gates on Dustbowl are perfect for this, as you get the added bonus of watching the other team act all frustrated outside. Then I throw down a dispenser, get a sentry up for protection, and finally hit up the exit teleporter… And watch the teleportation counter fly. There’s something oddly pleasing about knowing you’re technically throwing your team members at the enemy without even giving them a break, and time after time I’ve seen that this is the sort of thing that can decide a battle… After all, there’s no point blowing up a sentry if there’s no-one with you to take advantage of the absence that creates. That’s also the reason I don’t mind not being truly in the fight, as in essence, I am creating the fight… Oh, and you also tend to get the occasional Spy and desperate player trying to take your gear down in the end, which is always something to look forward to. And getting 28 successful teleportations in a single fight once, without any faults or contraption destruction? I couldn’t help but feel smug.

So, what can I say? Turns out the Engineer isn’t as snooze inducing as I first thought. It’ll never be my first pick when it comes to class selection, but you never know… You might see me whacking away at a sentry some time, normally after you’ve just popped out my teleporter. Unless you can see me and you’re on the other team, but if that is the case, you can hopefully see a bunch of lead and rockets heading for your soft flash at the same time…