Medical Records

by theminipanda on July 25th 2008

Spy

Zee Spy seems to eexhibet severe narcissism and is constantly smoking. I would suggest putting him on a Nicotine patch so that he eez also not so ovbious when he changes his deesguise. Also wheen he came een my office he said he borrowed some of zee Scout’s cigarettes and tested positive for Marijuana.


Sniper

Zee Sniper is a tricky case. He seems to still beeleve he eez still een zee wilderness and has abnormal habets such as urinating een jars, refusing human contact, and on some cold nights, sleeping in the corpses of dead Heavies.

Engineer

Za Engineer zeems to hav a very extreem case of paranoia and in some instances seems to know eexactley when a spy eez “sappin’ his sentry” (on a side note thees eez very funny to watch). More experiments are needed.

Heavy

Zee Heavy’s problem eez more obvious then zee others. Eet is een his name. He refuses to eat a proper diet and also seems to theenk hees gun eez alive. I am in development of a medi-gun that weil convert zee Heavy’s cellulite eento Ubercharge.

Demoman

He Zeems to have a severe drinking problem and constantly has a whisky bottle close by. He sometimes weil start screaming profanities at inaminate objects when very intoxicated and when tested had a blood alchohol level of .25 and said he was “A wee bit tipsy”

Pyro

Zee Pyro could not get heez mask off or talk legibly so I could not give him a proper diagnosis. He also could not zee very well with heez mask on so he could not write it down either. all he deed was draw pictures of heem hitting people weith a eenstrument of some kind.

Soldier

Zee Soldier said he would not be examined because I was a “Crazy Nazi Doctor” and would brainwash him. So I did zee diagnosis weith a sock puppet.

Scout

Zee Scout is very tweetchy and zeems to suddenly yell out “Need a dispenser here” at regular intervals. He will sometimes start running een place and check an eenvisible watch. I would suggest putting him on some steroids to help him grow bigger and give him sleeping pills every few meenutes.

And another welcome to theminipanda. A kick ass effort detailing the physical and mental health related shortcomings of the TF2 crew - especially so seeing as he’s only 13. Man, I wish I could come up with this kind of stuff at that age. I have trouble at 30 :P - madlep

theminipanda on July 25th 2008 in funny, medic, team fortress 2

Stumble it!

13 Responses to “Medical Records”

  1. imran_maq responded on 25 Jul 2008 at 9:49 pm #

    Ha, this is why we love TF2, the characters are so dysfunctional and messed up which equals hilarious! Good job dude.

  2. oldmeme responded on 25 Jul 2008 at 10:19 pm #

    Soldiers one was very nice. Great entry :D

  3. Driection responded on 26 Jul 2008 at 1:20 am #

    13? Keep the writing up, may be a potential career.

  4. LaZodiac responded on 26 Jul 2008 at 2:58 am #

    Theirs a lack of Medic, but thats perfectly ok considering he’s the docter. No need to examine himself after all.

  5. b4dboyz- responded on 26 Jul 2008 at 3:10 am #

    Psh I hate it when 13 year olds are more creative than me

  6. waebi responded on 26 Jul 2008 at 4:51 am #

    GOOD JOB ;)
    for the Medic himself: He has a DRUG PROBLEM and a SUPERIORITY COMPLEX. Really. (i say this as Medic myself :D)

  7. General Balls responded on 26 Jul 2008 at 12:20 pm #

    The Soldier entry was genius, mate. :)

  8. Gehn responded on 27 Jul 2008 at 4:10 am #

    First I thought it was funny. Now I’m jealous.

    Friggin’ genius kids… >_>

  9. RJ-Pilot responded on 27 Jul 2008 at 7:55 am #

    What, no self-diagnosis?

  10. Josh60502 responded on 27 Jul 2008 at 7:55 am #

    It seems unlikely to me that the Medic would write with an accent… but good job nonetheless.

  11. Havok Dryke responded on 27 Jul 2008 at 4:25 pm #

    “and on some cold nights, sleeping in the corpses of dead Heavies”
    Best part right here : P.

    Amazing job. Age doesn’t matter so much as maturity, tbh. I know some 12-year olds that are more mature than a lot of adults that I’ve met. Heck, one of my TF2 friends is a 13-year old master spy who sounds about 25 on the mic.

    Keep on writing, this is good stuff.

    PS: Madlep is using child labour, confirm/deny?

  12. The Ninjabread Man responded on 22 Sep 2008 at 5:44 pm #

    “Ze Demoman” sounds like every scottish person i ever knew and the scout and spy ones are genuis. Soldier one is good but slightly weird and short, sniper and engi also slightly creep me out just that teencie bit

  13. Fandorex responded on 12 Nov 2008 at 3:08 pm #

    Amazing job! Your ideas are always brilliant.

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