If you caught taxis, where I caught taxis. You’d be f**king dead
Do you have any idea who you’re dealing with here? Any idea at all?
Not the scout, I’m Spooner. The new guy on ubercharged.net. I’m here cause I think madlep has gone soft, and is pandering to the masses. My goal is simple: be the most hated ranter on ubercharged. I’m gonna talk crap, and spew offensive BS to restore ubercharged to it’s former glory back before madlep started on the happy pills and hippie meditation or whatever crap.
Am I annoying you yet? Fine. Lets go.
Don’t converse with the irritable passenger listening to his iPod and ignoring you and your stupid talkback show
Taxis. Short of walking and public transport, they are about the most annoying frustrating way to travel. Sometimes you don’t have a choice though. Luckily, you can usually don an iPod. In most social situations this sends a pretty clear signal: “I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU”.
Being a taxi, a certain level of direction giving is sometimes required. Especially if you are expecting your driver to navigate some obscure route like, oh I don’t know, the middle of freaking town to the airport. Just follow the goddamn signs with the little plane on them? How hard is it? And don’t you drive this route like 5 times a day? FFS. Leave me alone.
So I’m sitting there, iPodded up, trying my best to zone out and ignore the stench of 4 day old unwashed taxi driver, and not put my foot in the vomit stain on the floor. And the driver starts talking to me and trying to get my attention. “Fine”, I figure. “He probably wants to know whether I want him to take the freeway or some crap”. No. Turns out there was an incredibly interesting subject being discussed on the talk back radio show he had turned in.
Something about 9/11, and how victims who were stranded in the city on the day were suing someone cause they had to walk home, and they got blisters or some crap. I have no idea what piece of rotting wood all these whiners crawl out of, and even less idea why someone would want to listen to it.
And the taxi driver wanted to have an in depth discussion about it with me…. Well screw that. I let him get about 3 words in and cut him off with “yeah, I’m really not listening, and I don’t care anyway”. I was going to put the headphones back on, and leave it at that. But I figured why not give him a taste of his own medicine? Why not regale him with a rigorous discussion of what I was listening to.
And what was I listening to?
Control Point. Episode 36 - Pyro Unlocks (yeah a little behind, but I’ve been catching up on the back catalog)
Specifically, I was up to the bit where the boys where discussing whether each achievement was farmable or not. So I started telling the taxi driver about every single one as it came up, and added in my own opinions of whether I agreed or not, and any other analysis I had to contribute.
The poor guy was really confused and overwhelmed by the whole thing (expected really, as Sesame Street would have been over his head). He probably thought I was some kind of terrorist with all the talk about setting people on fire, igniting spies flicking cigarettes, arsonist activities, and directing rockets at soldiers. And travelling to the airport to top it off.
About the only one he had any comment on was “Cooking the Books: Ignite 5 enemies carrying your intelligence.”. This reminded him of an interesting session on the talk back about how Enron had stolen all the oil, and was using it to fund Hitler’s love child and Saddam (I am not making this stuff up).
By the time I got to my destination, we were both glad to see the back of each other. He had had enough of my ranting, and I had had enough of the smell. BYE.
Spooner rocks, and he is writing this little blurb newbie ubercharged readers get from madlep and beating him to the punch. VOTE 4 SPOONER! - Spooner
Um, yeah… what he said… - madlep
Spooner on July 16th 2008 in funny, pyro, rants, team fortress 2
Stumble it!
madlep responded on 16 Jul 2008 at 1:26 am #
Happy pills and hippie meditation? O_o
Anonymous responded on 16 Jul 2008 at 1:58 am #
Gotta beat the big 79 and you can gladly take my place
b4dboyz- responded on 16 Jul 2008 at 2:20 am #
Commenting on an epic blog post. -_-
Coded One responded on 16 Jul 2008 at 3:51 am #
Oh god… I hope this isn’t a real story…
PLEASE tell me this isn’t a real story…
LaZodiac responded on 16 Jul 2008 at 8:19 am #
I’d have to guess this is a real story. Sorry Coded One, but its so horribly untrue sounding it MUST be true.
General Balls responded on 16 Jul 2008 at 8:54 am #
Why wouldn’t you talk to a taxi driver in the first place?
I mean *without* the intention of selfishly pissing him off.
Neuromante responded on 16 Jul 2008 at 9:01 am #
Awesome. It seems that it’s some kind of illness that all the taxists have just to be in their car for more than 7 hours, here in spain it’s all the same (and YES! they also complain about stuff in our government).
I think the “I’m going to make you meet Team Fortress 2″ strategy it’s worth a try. In the worst, it could get you out of the taxi sooner but ey! it’s a free ride!
ShanDogs responded on 16 Jul 2008 at 11:12 am #
haha i loved every minute of it
nothing responded on 16 Jul 2008 at 1:14 pm #
let’s share a cab sometime.
Pinko responded on 17 Jul 2008 at 7:43 am #
Taxi Drivers in Madison, Wisconsin are generally pretty cool. They’ll ask if there’s anything you wanna talk about, or they’ll be quiet and just wear headphones to listen to music, and they’re pretty much all just nice.
madlep responded on 17 Jul 2008 at 10:55 am #
Taxi’s in Melbourne are a disgrace. What you’d usually expect when you get in:
- Driver barely understands english. Has probably only been in the country a week
- ID card looks NOTHING like the guy behind the wheel
- Taxi is Smelly and dirty
- Taxi DRIVER smells even worse. Is wearing a tattered taxi company uniform that is the wrong size (it probably fits whoever the ID card belongs to), and hasn’t been washed in months
- Pathetic knowledge of geography. Even major inner suburbs and main streets in the CBD are a complete mystery.
- Driver requires GPS to find his way to the Airport. Stops for gas along the way (only stopping the meter after being reminded I’m not paying for his refill time). And the asks for a tip. (In Australia you don’t normally tip unless you get exceptionally good service, and even then, only really in restaurants).
Whenever I’m travelling back to Melbourne, I’m taken to catching the airport shuttle bus rather than facing a taxi trip. It takes longer, and isn’t as convenient, but it’s much more pleasant. It shits me to tears that this kind of crap is what 90% of international passengers first experience when they get off the plane in Melbourne.
Anonymous responded on 17 Jul 2008 at 1:54 pm #
If taxi story is true, Spooner is my new role model.
derhimmelstoss responded on 20 Jul 2008 at 3:25 am #
hehe madlep’s still better at ranting =D
Krudler responded on 23 Jul 2008 at 12:19 am #
Wow, way to be a dick.
Don’t like talking to taxi drivers? Don’t get in THEIR cab.
Spooner responded on 23 Jul 2008 at 9:35 am #
@Krudler - your logic sucks.
Your faulty argument is based on the false premise that people catch taxis expressly for the goal of achieving satisfying, rewarding conversation on a broad range of topics with an articulate and well spoken cabbie.
Bzzzzzt. WRONG. People catch taxis to get from A to B. If taxis were totally automated, with no human driver, the experience would be better.
It’s perfectly reasonable to get into a taxi and wish to be left alone. I’m paying the guy to drive me where I want to go. It isn’t a favor he’s doing me.
» Episode 40 - Valve at E3 Control Point: A Team Fortress 2 podcast by the Dead Workers Party. responded on 23 Jul 2008 at 11:45 pm #
[...] From Ubercharged.net: A TF2 Taxi Ride [...]
derhimmelstoss responded on 25 Jul 2008 at 3:55 am #
Oy, Spooner. If you want to become the most hated ranter on ubercharged, you need to select an activity that a lot of people like doing and attack it (aka Crabwalking). And it should be about TF2, your taxi rant wasn’t offending enough =)
If I were to give a suggestion,
Krudler responded on 29 Jul 2008 at 12:15 am #
Yes, you are paying him for a service. He’s free to do what the hell he likes while providing this service, and if you don’t like it you’re welcome to make your own transport arrangements.
My “faulty argument” said nothing about people wanting to talk to cabbies. I didn’t say anyone wants to talk to them, I know I never particularly want to have the awkward conversation, but if the person who’s car I just got into wants to chat, I’m gonna let them chat. So don’t read too much into my two line reply.
You can get transport that doesn’t involve talking to the driver. It’s called Mass Transportation. Buses, trains, that kind of thing. It already exists. If you are unlucky enough to live off the beaten track, then boo hoo, you may have to TALK to the person who is driving you home.
It is reasonable for you to want to be left alone, but if you really wanted to be left alone you should find another form of transport, rather than getting in someone’s cab and acting out, it’s just rude.
Players you don’t want on your Team Fortress 2 team - The Ubercharged Contributor | ubercharged.net responded on 31 Jul 2008 at 10:02 am #
[...] one is this – We’re insane. You’ve already seen hilariously odd articles on the site about annoying Taxi rides, and you’ve also seen attempts to rewrite rock classics. Yet it’s not just what we write, [...]
5yewy5r responded on 09 Aug 2008 at 12:03 pm #
Telling the taxi driver to shut up seemed mean :[
Episode 40 - Valve at E3 :: Dead Workers Party Network responded on 25 Sep 2008 at 7:03 am #
[...] From Ubercharged.net: A TF2 Taxi Ride [...]