ubercharged.net

If you’ve been following the intertronweb gaming news scene for the last few weeks, you wouldn’t have missed the Mass Effect controversy. First Kevin McCullough lit the fuse, then our friends over at Fox News put the boot in. As a result of that, a bunch of angry gamers laid down the cyberhate on the Amazon book review page of the “psychologist” Fox trotted out to tear down the game. Now even Loading.Ready.Run is getting in on the act. It’s all been a kick ass internet circus as good as they come.

The ever-cool Penny Arcade summed it up best:

Not being one to shy away from the controversy, Ubercharged.net is here to ask the hard questions. Namely – “How do we get a piece of all this?”. The answer is simple: We need to join the conservative, anti-game bandwagon – for fun and for profit. As TF2 is the game we all know and love, it seems like a pretty good place to start misrepresenting and twisting the truth.

Valve Wants to Eat Your Children

I’ll come right out and say this. The sole reason TF2 exists is to consume your children’s soul as part of some perverted satanistic hate sex murder ritual initiated by Valve software. While fraternization with the dark lord and fornicating in his name might be considered “hip” online amongst the tubes of the internet, we’re not so keen on it. And we think that YOU the parents have a right to know.

Satan, TF2, And Your Children

Team Fortress 2 makes no secret of its Satan loving ways. Players engage in bizarre rituals before starting a game to help them achieve success. Earlier, soldier and demolition players would engage in ritual self sacrifice to help their voodoo doctor class obtain an all important “ubercharge” – a paganistic plot device that gives the user invulnerability at the cost of their immortal soul and place next to our father. To valves credit, the required ritual self-sacrificing is no longer required as part of the game, but the supernatural “ubercharging” remains.

More worrying though, is TF2’s obsession with worship of fire – in particular many players enjoy welding flames and engaging in a primitive tribal dance. This seems to be especially common after killing an enemy, perhaps as some kind of dark offering to their dark lord of evil.

We have obtained this in game footage of such an activity taking place. Be warned, this is not for the faint of heart!

TF2 Fascism

The game itself is made up of a number of “classes”, each designed to pervert morality in its own sick way. Note the use of the word “class” – this is to appeal to children of school age (a “class” is where formerly education loving school children spend their day). This evil play on words subliminally teaches children that its OK to skip school and play games – this only lays the foundation for the further twisting of their innocence that is to come.

But encouraging children to reject the current social order is only the first step. The more sinister goal is to enslave them in the anachronistic feudal “class” hierarchy still in place in primitive countries such as Europe. Our forefathers fled the tyranny of the King of Europe decades ago to build a better life in the new world. Our people narrowly escaped being sent to forced labor camps where we would have been had to etch out a living by shining shoes and sweeping chimneys. Our research shows that little has changed in Europe over the last few years – in fact since the new King Hitler came to power last year, things are currently much worse.

Yet this class system is the same one Valve is trying to push onto our children. They are trying to force the idea into their fragile minds that they are nothing more than a working class slave with the self-styled aristocrats at Valve as their upper-class masters. The visuals in TF2 reinforce this world view. In the game, players spend hour upon hour facing the bleak industrial landscapes that they will be forced to inhabit in Valves dystopian view of future. This desensitization process is designed to disempower and belittle the next generation so they can be easily twisted to Valve’s will.

Actual in game screenshot:

TF2 Hate

The society Valve would engineer off TF2’s back is a hate filled place. Each player is forced to take on the role of a hated ethnic minority, and institute genocidal ethnic cleansing against rival ethnic groups. The “choice” (if it can be called that), will disfigure even the most upstanding youth into a seething pool of rage and hatred of society:

• A mute gimp of ambiguous nationality, gender, and sexual orientation
• A chain-smoking, Frenchman who is so disfigured he is forced to hide his face in public
• A hideously obese Russian
• A growth impaired imp with a foul mouth
• A one eyed, black, Scottish, cyclops
• A Nazi death camp doctor
• An Australian

At the start of each game, players compete with each other to rape and murder innocent women and children living within their rivals territory. Then “humiliation time” kicks in, when players engage in perverted, animalistic activities with the corpses of their fallen foes. The game then restarts and players mindlessly repeat the process over and over as if they were some kind of Pavlov dog, desensitized and numb to it all acting on primitive, uncontrolled urges.

TF2 Sexual Perversion

If hate and violence was all Team Fortress 2 was peddling, we could live with that. After all, hate and violence carried us through two world wars, and built us into a strong, proud society suspicious of foreigners and anyone different. Even fascism isn’t so bad (at least when compared to those damn commies). I’ll even grant that Satan was in the bible, so thats kind of OK.

But sex? How can we possibly let THAT hideous subject be in such a game children have access to. It is a fact that any child can steal their parents credit card, buy TF2 from Valve over the internet, secretly download it via the Steam tubes, and play out of sight on their personal bedroom computers without once having their age verified. This is atrocious. A parent should not feel like they are forced to “babysit”, and supervise what goes on in their child’s life constantly. Yet Valve forces this through their irresponsible business practices of marketing and selling the game to minors pretending to be older than they are.

But lets walk through the twisted perversions your children will experience in this game

• Every game begins in a functional, male only change room. The very first thing children are exposed to when playing this game is a place where grown adults could potentially be naked.
• Customizable groin thrusting animations viewable from 360 degrees. Some involving various objects which could be used as sex toys.
• Obese Russian men having intimate sexual relations with heavy weaponry.
• Latex fetishes.
• “Freeze Cam” mode zeros in on the face of other players at the point of climax, and pauses the action to allow players a better view of who is molesting them.
• Players encourage to act as stalkers, wearing masks, creeping up behind others, stabbing them and then committing indecent acts – possibly while wearing a cross-dressing disguise.
• Drunken, burly, black, Scotsmen threatening players with forced sodomy.
• Australians.

It gets far, far worse. But it sickens me to discuss it, let alone think about the sexually perverted contents of this vile game. Do not allow your children, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, dogs, or co-workers access to this game if you want to protect them from becoming salivating, hairy-palmed, sex-obsessed, deranged, panting, fiendish, sickos.

We must act now, before it is too late!

This is your call to action. The only way to stop this hatred is make our voice heard! This man is the one responsible for this evil – the one who must be held to account for the evil Valve is pushing onto the world with reckless disregard:

Gabe Newell. Chief hate monger, and corrupter of innocence at Valve software. (Cheers to e-freak or the pic)

Email your local political representative today demanding an official inquisition into Valve’s dealings, and life imprisonment for anyone associated with the company!

Together we can counter this dark shadow threatening our society, our way of life, our children.