How to stay alive longer than one minute
Chobbomuffin, ShanDogs, and I were having one of our usual bitch sessions yesterday about the quantity and (lack of) quality of new players on our servers. Personally, I don’t have a problem with newbies, and I encourage them to join in and give it a go – as long as they’re on the other team. The problem is, usually they aren’t. There is some freak rule of statistical probability that says the first time someone installs Team Fortress 2 and boots it up – they will be on my team. Kinda like how there is some law of nature that the probability of dropped toast landing buttered side up is proportional to whether you are over carpet or kitchen tiles, or that the rambling drunk guy on the train at night will sit down next to you and try to start up a conversation.
ShanDogs suggested that the best use of the immense media power I wield through this site would be to drop a few tips to bright eyed newbies to try and help them lift their game a little. We’ll start with the simple aim of increasing their life expectancy to one minute.
Just spawn as Soldier
Seriously, if there is a no brainer class to play – its the soldier. If you don’t know what you’re doing, and you’ve played any shooter released since 1996 (notably anything to do with Quake or Unreal Tournament or the 100 clones of them), then the soldier should be nicely familiar. The solider is a good one to get comfortable with, because if you don’t know what you’re doing, just go soldier and charge up the front. Who knows, maybe you’ll get a lucky critical rocket or two and do some good.
Now don’t go getting your hopes up that the soldier is the glory class killing machine that all the pros play – its not (hint: demoman or spy). The soldier is cannon fodder. They are the anonymous meat shields up the front, soaking up damage and pushing back the enemy so the guys who really know what they’re doing (hint: demoman or spy) can move in and really do some damage.
OK, so you probably won’t last a minute with that bit of advice. But at least you’re helping your team. Think Normandy Beach. The doors on the boats opened, dozens of guys charge out, most of them drop dead after a few seconds. Not great if you’re those guys, but France hasn’t been run by the Nazis for a good 60 years, so the whole thing worked out pretty well in the end. You get to go down in a blaze of glory, and even do a few dramatic battle-charge-screams if you can mash the voice menu keys quick enough. All you need is a stylised beige slow-mo death sequence backed by a dramatic orchestral score and you’d fit right in as an extra in a Hollywood war epic (if you ignore your lack of buffed physique).
Don’t go demoman or spy
After dropping some unsubtle hints in the last piece of advice, you may be thinking that to own it up big time, you need to play the class the pros play. No.
Let me tell you about skiing. Skiing, not unlike Team Fortress 2, has a learning curve that may be off putting to the beginner. The needs of a newbie skiier are far different to an advanced skiier. Newbie skiiers need skis that are forgiving, easy to handle, and somewhat imprecise – which is fine. That is what they need. Advanced skiiers on the other hand, have equipment that is far more finely tuned, and will spank you in the ass if you screw up – but if you know what you’re doing, you can handle it to get the best performance from it.
In Team Fortress 2 terms – the soldier is the newbie snow-plough-4-life skis, and the spy and demoman are the hardcore pro racing skis.
Now in skiing, if a pro picks up the newbie skis, they can still ski. They just might not be as elegant or efficient than if they had something more suitable to their level. However, if the newbie puts on the pro gear, the results are not pleasant. They won’t be able to control them, and will generally fall over their face before they can form their first snow-plough turn – usually to the amusement of the more advanced skiiers on the chairlift above them.
This is exactly the same as Team Fortress 2. A good player playing the soldier relies on spam and lucky critical shots the same as a newbie. They might be a bit more polished, but overall, they’re doing the same things. BUT. If a newbie tries to play one of the trickier classes, they’re probably going to cake it before they’ve made it across the map.
So, the first time you boot up after downloading the Orange Box, leave the trickier classes for a few games first. Your team mates will appreciate it.
Before all you soldier lovers send me (more) hate mail, just take a moment to think about it and realise I’m right.
Wait for the rest of your team
The number one killer of new TF2 players is solo charging (obesity and sugar dependency come 2nd and 3rd – get out and do some exercise if you’ve been playing all day. Please). This game is designed to be played as a team (hint: the word Team is in the title – a lot of people seem to miss that one). If you charge the enemy position alone, you will get slaughtered. Simple. Some classes last a little longer than others, but the outcome is inevitable.
Alone, you are a sitting duck. To really make any progress on any of the game modes, you need to group up and move and attack (or defend) together. Part of the game design is that it is very difficult for a solo player to “own it up” and make a difference alone. If you don’t like that, go back to Counter Strike. A co-ordinated team however, can tear a new one over a less organised team.
To add salt into the wound while you are watching the respawn timer, you should realise YOU DIDN’T ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING EVEN IF YOU DID KILL HALF THEIR TEAM. OK, maybe you got a few personal points on the board, and you enlarged your e-manhood a little. But they’ll respawn just as fast as you do. That turret you managed to one-man kill? It’ll be rebuilt by the time anyone notices it was gone if no-one was behind you to capitalise on its absence.
This isn’t your daddy’s deathmatch
One of the funniest things in Team Fortress 2, aside from watching a pyro trying to take on a soldier and getting their backside handed to them, is watching a pyro log onto any of the major game forums and starting a thread bitching about how Valve needs to alter the game balance so pyros can duel soldiers on an even footing
What is this? Quake or something?
I wonder if these plebs use a fork to try and drink soup? USE THE RIGHT TOOL FOR THE JOB PEOPLE!
Seriously, spend a few minutes working out what the pros and cons of each class are. This is not a deathmatch game. Its rock/paper/scissors on steroids. There are some niche classes in the game that only make sense in certain situations, and there are some that are more rounded. A sniper isn’t much good in a close range spam fest fire fight, and a heavy isn’t much good in the open.
If you happen to be a hyperactive 8 year old, and just want to deathmatch it up, see the first tip on soldiers.
Take it slow
Finally, take a bit of time to watch what’s going on. As mentioned in the team members tip, mindless charging is a bad thing in Team Fortress 2. If you ignore that piece of advice and charge in with the intentions of “owning it up” anyway, just slow it down a tad. There’s the simple logic that your life expectancy goes up by approximately 1 second for every second longer you take getting across the map, but you can also deduce a lot of what is going on by just watching and listening to your environment.
Poke your head out into a new area to quickly scope out where the enemies are, and form a mini plan of attack in your head. Even if that plan is only “IM GONNA PWN THOSE GUYS OVER THERE”, at least you’ll know where “over there” exactly is. You may even spot sentry turrets, snipers, or sticky bombs – all knowledge that may help you last longer than a minute in game.
As well as watching, you should also be listening. Mainly for turrets. After dumb charging; obesity; and sugar dependency, sentry turrets are a major risk factor for new Team Fortress 2 players. This doesn’t have to be. You can hear them from around the corner. Once you know the usual hiding places engineers put down sentry turrets, you can listen for their distinctive beeping sound before you break cover and walk out into the open. If you hear them, think about if you can take them out (you probably can’t, because if you followed my previous advice, you are playing a soldier and not a demoman or spy, and you probably aren’t a good enough soldier to take them out), and either plan an attack, or a way around.
Conclusion
I hope this has been somewhat helpful to someone. Give it a shot, and let me know how it works out. If you don’t find this useful, and still continue to have an excessively short life span in game, drop me a line and let me know what servers you play on. I’ll make a point to avoid them.
Stumble it!
Jifbo responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 4:08 am #
So true, mainly the teamwork aspect, people seem to forget that…. Was much better in the beta before all the scores of n00bs rushed in the place
Zombiepriest responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 4:40 am #
Oh sir you just made me miss TF2 ever so much I lost my 360 to Texas and sadly haven’t played in 2 weeks.
FYI: I play a damn good Spy and Medic.
Jason responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 4:52 am #
awesome, now i can live longer than 1 minute haha this game is great
Tiger responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 4:58 am #
It’s nice to know the original poster installed the game with a full understanding of all game mechanics and had the learning curve squashed under his ponderous thumb…
Give it up, you were new once too, just like EVERYone else, I’m sure you were guilty of some of the things you harp about newbies doing.
Maybe if you spent a fraction of the time you spend blogging trying to help new players understand how the game works maybe you would discover new teammates and possibly new friends.
I guess it’s just easier to complain than construct…
Ironic…
Widget responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 5:22 am #
Tiger, just… stop typing. Please.
What would you recommend he do to help new players understand how the game works? Maybe, say, write a blog post about how to live long enough to get some decent experience under your belt and actually observe the game mechanics?
pwnerer responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 5:22 am #
You do realize you are complaining also eh Tiger?
Ironic…
Jay responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 5:43 am #
Great article . (Too lazy to scroll up and see what your name is…so just put your name in the designated spot to make it feel more friendly and customized).
When I first started playing, I went right to spy, seeing how I love spy-type classes. I did not know about the whole invisible/disguise thing then though…heh. Then I went engineer (this was on gravelpit – team blue) and planted my sentry at our spawn…got yelled at for that
A great beginner class is medic though. Just tell the newb to hit ‘q’, and hold left click on teammates. They can view the game, while being helpful.
P.S. Wow this site has really expanded since I was last here..great job !
Jay responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 5:45 am #
The designated spot is before the period in the first sentence. (Did not realize this form did not allow less than/greater than brackets..).
Great article |name here|.
^Pretend it is that…
JimJamJamie responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 5:53 am #
“In response to Tiger:Give it up, you were new once too, just like EVERYone else, I’m sure you were guilty of some of the things you harp about newbies doing.”
Kinda goes without saying, but also true is the fact that I was a kid once, but I don’t like ‘em nontheless. Complaining about noobs is compulsory if you’re pro IMO
Anyway this blog is ALL ABOUT TRYING TO HELP NEW PLAYERS. Its sorta in the title. He is complaining and constructing at the same time. Good read, short and to the point, can’t wait to fire up TF2 and take things slow, and use the Soldier class!
Nope responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 5:55 am #
Seriously? Do that many people have so little patience that they just can’t tolerate people honestly trying to learn how best to play a game? Sure there are dumb fucks who’ll continuously charge, expecting the game to play how they want it, but there are plenty of people just trying to get the hang of a new thing. People who suck at a game are a fact of online multiplayer. Some of them will learn, and some of them never will. Really it’s like complaining that the police came after you after you brutally murdered your postman, using the arterial spray to paint a picture of a unicorn before running through the streets covered in bacon. It’s an inevitability.
Conor responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 6:24 am #
Question: What should one do when they want to try and learn a new class besides the soldier? Say “Hey. Trying to learn a new class. Any tips?” or what?
Mike responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 7:11 am #
This is pretty poor advice. True, the soldier is the easiest to play, but it’s more important to teach people to choose their class according to the situation. For example, if your team has a lot of heavies and soldiers, go medic, or if your team is half full of engineers, be something else.
Telling certain people to play certain classes makes them too inflexible. Winning TF2 isn’t about knowing what class is for what person, it’s about knowing what class is for what situation.
L30pwnag3 responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 8:00 am #
TLDR LOL madlep flames n00bs but he is a n00b I got a crit rocket kill on 2fort on gamearena on madlep LOL so soldeirs aint n00b
madlep responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 8:13 am #
Yeah, I’m not really trying to be constructive. This blog is more about getting cheap laughs at the expense of newbies.
If someone learns something in the process, then all power to them.
(I do actually like newbies)
B-Dub responded on 07 Nov 2007 at 4:32 pm #
well, isn’t just about everyone a ‘n00b’? The game was just recently released wasn’t it? Or am I missing something?
Jay responded on 08 Nov 2007 at 6:01 am #
It was released recently, but the learning curve is 15-45 minutes…so..
However, like madlep said, some classes do take a while to master (note the subtle hints in the article).
Anonymous responded on 08 Nov 2007 at 7:35 am #
There’s a possibility that this is just a game and that your taking it seriously is dumb.
RCC| Gr1g0r1 responded on 08 Nov 2007 at 8:00 am #
This is the worst guide I’ve ever read. U have no skill and are a n00b.
Just stop posting dumb shit. If U cant handle TF2 without crying go back to WOW.
Major responded on 08 Nov 2007 at 8:49 am #
I think part of the problem comes from the instant assumption that the soldier lacks the same skill necessary as a class like the spy or the demo man. I can see where you’re coming from with a class like the spy, the can take a little while to understand, but it’s not some grueling Olympian feat to effectively play the spy. And even less so for the demo man, if anything that is the class that most rewards spamming. I mean honestly, they have mines and a rapid fire explosive weapon, they are encouraged to launch as many bombs as fast as they can.
kardew responded on 08 Nov 2007 at 10:39 am #
dude seriously demoman doesnt take skill at all first time i used him i got 10 or so kills . . . i prefer pyro or scout . . .i will admit though that the spy does take skill but i also think the sniper takes skill. . . you cant just jump on the sniper and own it takes patience and you gotta be able to aim. . . but in no way possible does the fucking demoman take skill
funkeystu responded on 20 Dec 2007 at 9:21 pm #
kardew – the sniper skills are fairly transferable between games. If you were a 1337 sniper in CS, you’ll fair well in TF2. Similarly if you pwnted everyone in UT with the rocket launcher, things won’t be dramatically different aiming-wise in TF2 (of course all the nuances and team aspects need to be learnt – but these arguably come easier if your not having to learn completely new skills such as leading grenades into scouts). I’m not saying the demoman is particularly difficult to pick up, its just that if skills are not transferable from other games and a newb will probably not use him to their full potential (ie lay stickies strategically, not lead shots) and will end up being less effective/helpful than if they were to choose a more easier-to-pick-up class.
@Tiger/other nay-sayers – The main difference between the newbs of today and ourselves when we started (assuming we all stayed up for the beta launch) was that back then, everyone was a newb and we didn’t really have the opportunity to mess up our similarly-skilled team mates.
Noob responded on 20 Jan 2008 at 1:34 am #
As a n00b I can tell you that I suck at playing the soldier. I end up flailing around and getting killed. I can’t aim the rocket launcher fast enough.
I’ve found in the week or so that I’ve been playing that being an engi and building a sentry in the intelligence room is the easiest way to get some kills and help your team. There isn’t tons of glory involved but at least your team mates don’t yell at you.
It’s a great game.
Shrake12 responded on 20 Jan 2008 at 4:42 am #
I am no stranger to FPS, but Team Fortress 2 was the first time I went online (technical problems). I was so psyched that I actually got it working, that I went for the Spy on my first spawn in 2fort. Strangely, I wasn’t pwned in the first few seconds of gameplay. The Spy is a completely new innovation in FPS gameplay. Some people will kick ass at it and some won’t.
Not commenting on Demoman
Fortuente responded on 26 Jan 2008 at 6:02 am #
I have to agree with the Noob, I think the engineer is the most nub-friendly class to play. Some of the best players I have gone up against have been soldier-philes. The ability to quickly and precisely aim your rocket launcher is definitely a pro skill.
Also I tend to favor using pyros to take out soldiers in close quarters. The trick is to get and stay behind them so they can’t blast you. I also disagree that demoman takes no skill to play, it takes a lot of skill to play well.
I have to agree with Mike, though, the biggest skill in TF2 is knowing what class to play and when.
Notger responded on 11 Mar 2008 at 7:01 pm #
Great article and I wished I read it earlier so I would have saved me the hassle to learn this by myself.
Being now a nearly full-time-Demo-player, I say to you folks, that despise newbies: You suck. You suck so much there are no words for it.
There is absolutely no excuse for flaming someone who is trying to learn.
HadronCollider responded on 22 May 2008 at 7:39 am #
Love your article…
Lots of fun mixed with TF2 basics.
Though I think you’ve not given enough thought about the snipers out there. As I myself have got stuck in the snipers way of pwning the fields I know what a good sniper can add to the team, especially on CP-maps. With the right reflexes and non-dumbass mind you will find that snipers alone can hold a point against the enemy team.
As I see it only spies can beat a good sniper, and ofc the übers.
Well, this did not turn out to be what I first thought it to and by now I’ve forgotten what I was really going to say…
Sorries, got lost in my sniper-glorification.
I just happen to love that small green typing that slowly rises over a dead enemys head after a successful shot.
Taco Grande responded on 03 Jun 2008 at 3:09 pm #
wtf is with the thing about the pyro, one of the classes ill mainly play as is pyro and i’ve neva felt crappy compared to a soldier, and ive neva heard of someone saying that pyros are crap when up against someone like a soldier.
Trust me its easy as hell to beat a soldier since he’s only able to shoot rockets with a slow firing rate, so its hell easy to dodge his shit until u get up close and personal, then when u are, dont get too close coz if he gets u, u’ll probably instantly die (even though u might kill him aswell if ur really close) so just run around in a random manor when ur near him, but always keep ur eye on him and keep flaming him till hes dead, and even then, if u die before u kill him, theres a good chance he’ll die anyway from being on fire.
And sometimes its just fun to run around and try and flame as many people as possible (if ur on a insta spawn server)
Toast_recon responded on 16 Jun 2008 at 3:15 pm #
Hmmm. That’s odd. That was the exact opposite of my experience.
I thought that the soldier was actually a rather a hard class, and spent most of my time. Sure, I sucked ass for the first 4 hours, but I owned for the next 20.
Now, I am so freaking bored with the spy I don’t play it anymore. I am all demo, baby. I still own at the spy, but play it rarely.
Pyros are also a good starter class. Scouts are about medium, I think.
rust responded on 25 Jun 2008 at 10:25 am #
Good advice, and I’m going to take it. I’ll admit that I’m a new player, no shame in that. I’ve tried out most of the classes, and I really like the Demoman, but I’ll switch to Soldier for a bit until I start to learn the maps. That way I can learn and still help out a little.
derhimmelstoss responded on 02 Jul 2008 at 3:40 am #
I play demoman, spy, and engie a lot. Even though the playstyles are way different for all 3 classes, one pleasure is common to all of them: killing n00b spies in embarassing ways. (= melee weapon kills)
dumderdumdderpidumdumderrr responded on 14 Jul 2008 at 4:20 pm #
wee!
Anon responded on 27 Sep 2008 at 12:57 pm #
You are very correct, but I found that I just had to bear the humilation of being last on the server at the end of a round and get maybe one or two backstabs, before I could improve as a spy. I started off as a spam pyro and slowing tried medic and spy which are some of my favourite classes.This was helped incredibly by OMFGNinja’s Spy Tutorials, but meh I’m good now.
General Goose responded on 24 Dec 2008 at 4:06 am #
So true.
An extra piece of advice for the take it slow section: taunting to check round corners may be effective in certain situations, particularly if you are a disguised spy.
nicksdrago0 responded on 28 Dec 2008 at 5:00 am #
i found it quite interesting, as i picked up the spy quite well on my first try, but only the fact that ive seen my friends play and seen them get backstabbed ocassionally, so i knew what to do as a spy, where and when to cloak, who to disguise as, even escape routes. while my friend who got the game and played the spy for the same time as me watching and playing the spy took a lot longer.
Hissanrach responded on 09 Feb 2009 at 11:03 am #
I feel a little bit annoyed at how much you criticize the soldier. I’m a pretty decent player, and I don’t rely on “crits and spam” to kill people. Sure, it’s a good class to play when you’re learning, but soldiers are very helpful in nearly every situation. You shouldn’t discredit a class all because it’s easier to learn. Maybe beginners are always playing Demo or Spy not just because pros do it, but also because you openly say that they are the best, and you just need someone to jump in front of a minigun for you.
A guy who read the WHOLE thing responded on 13 Feb 2009 at 3:30 pm #
The Demoman has a learning curve, sure. But a demoman at the bottom of his learning curve is still a force to be reckoned with. I would go as far as reccomending the demo to noobs as well. They can either camp a corner with stickies, or mindlessly carpet a control point with grenades (or stickies). Pow, instant 3:1 kdr, some guy on your team caps the point you are spamming, credit to team and everything.
Ski failure responded on 07 May 2009 at 5:34 pm #
I started with the Spy, Demoman, Scout and Medic.
I think I went backwards.
And if it is no surprise, I suck. But I blame my 10 FPS on that every time. Gets a lot more mutes than responses… Good thing.
Jeremy responded on 12 Aug 2009 at 6:00 pm #
Haha, glad to know spies are considered pro. Love that class. Good info. Hopefully some people will pay attention to it.
jrhather responded on 15 Sep 2009 at 2:20 am #
First thing I rocked was scout.
Funny thing is I went from the top of the boards to the bottom….I suck at scout now but can lob pipes with uncanny accuracy and can gib with crockets with the best of ‘em.
Toby responded on 17 Sep 2009 at 12:16 pm #
I’ll often, if i’ve just joined a server, just rush to their point and die from sentry fire.
Only do this once, just so i can learn for myself where their sentrys are positioned and learn their general layout.
W+m1/2 responded on 30 Oct 2009 at 2:09 pm #
It would seem Valve DID do something to help pyros take on soldiers.
Grim responded on 10 Nov 2009 at 4:26 am #
You are totally wrong about the soldier. As a CAL/CEVO scrimmer, I fidn the demoman much easier to play well than the soldier. The soldier isn’t a spam class at all if you want to play one well.
/endrant bitch
Grim responded on 10 Nov 2009 at 4:26 am #
Okay, I got carried away
Sorry.
Xadavid responded on 13 Mar 2010 at 5:47 pm #
To this day, the Demoman and Spy—>Soldier picture still cracks me up.