Classes I have never really been good at: The Spy
Nobody’s perfect. That’s a fact of life, and there’s no denying it applies to Team Fortress 2 as well. You can airshot thousands of scouts and cap millions of points, but at the end of the day you’ll probably die to the Sniper who just decides to fire a no-scope shot from the other side of the map for giggles. We also all have our weaknesses, and even I can accept that I have my own, despite being the dashing and skillful player that can generally dominate you in the blink of an eye. Uh… yeah.
As you may have guessed by the title of the article, my weakness is the Spy. Even though I do really enjoy playing him, each foray into this class generally ends up with me looking at an end-of-game scoreboard with a ridiculous amount of dominations against me and a pitiful kill-to-death ratio. On top of this, no amount of watching tutorial after tutorial seems to help, and when I’m told it’s something you really learn with experience (Which I accept is true), it does make me wonder why I’m still basically at the skill level I started at after playing the class for almost ten hours. This train of thought, by the way, naturally occurs during those inevitable periods where I am having my face bashed in.

However, I know the two main reasons why I’m so bad with the Spy. Allow me to share them with you…
Reason number one: Bad luck
Yes, I know bad luck is part of playing the Spy. It’s just a sad fact of gaming life that occassionally a Pyro will randomly spray flames in your direction, or a sudden inexplicable change of the direction by the enemy will make you flicker so much it’d be simpler if they just draped you in fairy lights. But to me, it seems like bad luck just follows me around like an extremely stubborn Pyro. To demonstrate, here’s a list of a few “DAMN IT” moments from the past few days that I can actually remember…
- Getting backstabbed one second after uncloaking due to a sudden enemy spy appearance, then respawning and having the exact same thing happen again.
- Getting hit by an errant Ubersaw blow from a Medic-on-Medic battle whilst cloaked, after spend 20 frantic seconds moving around only to watch the battle magically continue to move towards me.
- Being hit by a flare that would of hit the Heavy in front of me, if he hadn’t been shot in the head half a second previously.
- Getting hit by jarate, escaping about 6 people firing at me whilst getting set on fire, watching the afterburn finish when I only have 2 health left, and then getting shot by a Spy immediately after entering my spawn and marvelling about how lucky I was.
I know, cry “That’s happened to me” or “This happens because you suck” all you want, because I can tell you want to. However, couple these scenarios with the other ways of dying to an series of unfortunate events, and then note this is only from a few days of play and not from extended periods of time, and perhaps you can sympathise why I have letter-shaped imprints on my forehead due to consistently banging it on the keyboard. To me, playing the Spy releases a constant barrage of disaster I have very little control over, that occur again and again until I finally break and either switch class or (More likely) ragequit.
Still, I can’t make any excuses for the second reason I suck at the Spy…
Reason number two: Human stupidity
I suck because I make the worst. Decisions. EVER. It’s true! I admit it! For each time I successfully sneak into the enemy lines, I’ll probably end up deciding that the best thing to do is to try and stab the Pyro spraying fire everywhere, instead of the sniper standing stock still whilst picking off key targets on our team. It’s not just stretigcal choices I’ll stuff up, either - I’ll stab an engineer behind a sentry gun, only to realise I’ll bring up the ambassador when I press “q” and desperately use my butterfingers to scroll to the sapper in time and salvage the situation. And here’s a fact; I’ll never make it on time. I’ll be in bits on the floor instead. Even the humble backstab can be screwed up, perhaps by clicking too soon and then rushing past the still-alive foe with no disguise on as a result. If you’ve ever wanted to know what a train wreck looks like in slow motion, just join a server I’m playing Spy on and spectate me. It’s a pretty accurate similarity, and you’ll probably get a laugh out of it too.
Oh, and one more thing; In a one-on-one scenario in an arena match, you being a Spy and the other guy being a Medic, what would you do? Stay in cloak as long as possible and try to grab an oppurtunity when it arises, it stand in full sight on the control point whilst browsing though your disguise kit for the Medic disguise? The answer, of course, is obvious. I, of course, chose to do the other option.
Still, least I get one reprieve from my idiocy…
My best friend: The Cloak and Dagger
If you want to talk about unlocks that drastically change the way a class is played, you’d be a fool not to mention the new Spy watches. Each one opens up brand new strategies and tactics when it comes to overcoming your foe, and the chances are that with a little experimentation you’ll find a Spy watch that perfectly suits the style of Spy you want to play. For me, it’s the Claok and Dagger, allowing me to plan my moves and try to negate all possible fallacies and stupidity before making my strike. The fact you can simply stand in the middle of the open whilst carnage rages around you, whilst the enemy team stays none the wiser, is also something that I extract a great amount of joy from.

It’s also the Spy watch that has led to my fondest memories of playing the class, which include waiting for almost a minute until a chain of 5 easy backstabs presented itself. I’ve also found it’s better for me than the Dead Ringer when it comes to covering up my mistakes - I’ve seen Ubercharged regulars think they have an easy kill, only for me to cloak up and then watch them fruitlessly attack corners and hidey-holes in an attempt to flush me out. All I have to do is wait, smiling slightly at the panic and desperation they must be feeling, and then finally attacking when they think I’ve gone and they wander off somewhere. It’s via this strategy that makes it so it seems that other people are ragequitting instead, and that’s a good thing.
Still, it’s not perfect. If anything, I tend to be too cautious, as there’s been occassions where I’ve just spent half a match doing nothing, refusing to attack anyone due to the fact thet looked in my general direction for half a second. Also, as you well know, you can try all you want and plot out the grandest of plans, but the events that actually occur will probably far deviate from what you were expecting. Again, bad luck will rear its ugly head, no matter what you are wearing on your wrist.
Aw well, can’t win them all. Maybe I’ll go the Scout instead, because after all, there’s no way you can stuff THAT up… Right?
supremesonic on July 1st 2009 in game classes, spy, team fortress 2, ubercharged


























