ubercharged.net

Nobody’s perfect. That’s a fact of life, and there’s no denying it applies to Team Fortress 2 as well. You can airshot thousands of scouts and cap millions of points, but at the end of the day you’ll probably die to the Sniper who just decides to fire a no-scope shot from the other side of the map for giggles. We also all have our weaknesses, and even I can accept that I have my own, despite being the dashing and skillful player that can generally dominate you in the blink of an eye. Uh… yeah.

As you may have guessed by the title of the article, my weakness is the Spy. Even though I do really enjoy playing him, each foray into this class generally ends up with me looking at an end-of-game scoreboard with a ridiculous amount of dominations against me and a pitiful kill-to-death ratio. On top of this, no amount of watching tutorial after tutorial seems to help, and when I’m told it’s something you really learn with experience (Which I accept is true), it does make me wonder why I’m still basically at the skill level I started at after playing the class for almost ten hours. This train of thought, by the way, naturally occurs during those inevitable periods where I am having my face bashed in.

However, I know the two main reasons why I’m so bad with the Spy. Allow me to share them with you…

Reason number one: Bad luck

Yes, I know bad luck is part of playing the Spy. It’s just a sad fact of gaming life that occassionally a Pyro will randomly spray flames in your direction, or a sudden inexplicable change of the direction by the enemy will make you flicker so much it’d be simpler if they just draped you in fairy lights. But to me, it seems like bad luck just follows me around like an extremely stubborn Pyro. To demonstrate, here’s a list of a few “DAMN IT” moments from the past few days that I can actually remember…

• Getting backstabbed one second after uncloaking due to a sudden enemy spy appearance, then respawning and having the exact same thing happen again.
• Getting hit by an errant Ubersaw blow from a Medic-on-Medic battle whilst cloaked, after spend 20 frantic seconds moving around only to watch the battle magically continue to move towards me.
• Being hit by a flare that would of hit the Heavy in front of me, if he hadn’t been shot in the head half a second previously.
• Getting hit by jarate, escaping about 6 people firing at me whilst getting set on fire, watching the afterburn finish when I only have 2 health left, and then getting shot by a Spy immediately after entering my spawn and marvelling about how lucky I was.

I know, cry “That’s happened to me” or “This happens because you suck” all you want, because I can tell you want to. However, couple these scenarios with the other ways of dying to an series of unfortunate events, and then note this is only from a few days of play and not from extended periods of time, and perhaps you can sympathise why I have letter-shaped imprints on my forehead due to consistently banging it on the keyboard. To me, playing the Spy releases a constant barrage of disaster I have very little control over, that occur again and again until I finally break and either switch class or (More likely) ragequit.

Still, I can’t make any excuses for the second reason I suck at the Spy…

Reason number two: Human stupidity

I suck because I make the worst. Decisions. EVER. It’s true! I admit it! For each time I successfully sneak into the enemy lines, I’ll probably end up deciding that the best thing to do is to try and stab the Pyro spraying fire everywhere, instead of the sniper standing stock still whilst picking off key targets on our team. It’s not just stretigcal choices I’ll stuff up, either - I’ll stab an engineer behind a sentry gun, only to realise I’ll bring up the ambassador when I press “q” and desperately use my butterfingers to scroll to the sapper in time and salvage the situation. And here’s a fact; I’ll never make it on time. I’ll be in bits on the floor instead. Even the humble backstab can be screwed up, perhaps by clicking too soon and then rushing past the still-alive foe with no disguise on as a result. If you’ve ever wanted to know what a train wreck looks like in slow motion, just join a server I’m playing Spy on and spectate me. It’s a pretty accurate similarity, and you’ll probably get a laugh out of it too.

Oh, and one more thing; In a one-on-one scenario in an arena match, you being a Spy and the other guy being a Medic, what would you do? Stay in cloak as long as possible and try to grab an oppurtunity when it arises, it stand in full sight on the control point whilst browsing though your disguise kit for the Medic disguise? The answer, of course, is obvious. I, of course, chose to do the other option.

Still, least I get one reprieve from my idiocy…

My best friend: The Cloak and Dagger

If you want to talk about unlocks that drastically change the way a class is played, you’d be a fool not to mention the new Spy watches. Each one opens up brand new strategies and tactics when it comes to overcoming your foe, and the chances are that with a little experimentation you’ll find a Spy watch that perfectly suits the style of Spy you want to play. For me, it’s the Claok and Dagger, allowing me to plan my moves and try to negate all possible fallacies and stupidity before making my strike. The fact you can simply stand in the middle of the open whilst carnage rages around you, whilst the enemy team stays none the wiser, is also something that I extract a great amount of joy from.

It’s also the Spy watch that has led to my fondest memories of playing the class, which include waiting for almost a minute until a chain of 5 easy backstabs presented itself. I’ve also found it’s better for me than the Dead Ringer when it comes to covering up my mistakes - I’ve seen Ubercharged regulars think they have an easy kill, only for me to cloak up and then watch them fruitlessly attack corners and hidey-holes in an attempt to flush me out. All I have to do is wait, smiling slightly at the panic and desperation they must be feeling, and then finally attacking when they think I’ve gone and they wander off somewhere. It’s via this strategy that makes it so it seems that other people are ragequitting instead, and that’s a good thing.

Still, it’s not perfect. If anything, I tend to be too cautious, as there’s been occassions where I’ve just spent half a match doing nothing, refusing to attack anyone due to the fact thet looked in my general direction for half a second. Also, as you well know, you can try all you want and plot out the grandest of plans, but the events that actually occur will probably far deviate from what you were expecting. Again, bad luck will rear its ugly head, no matter what you are wearing on your wrist.

Aw well, can’t win them all. Maybe I’ll go the Scout instead, because after all, there’s no way you can stuff THAT up… Right?

So you did mention me to CP podcast. You like me! You really, really like me!

Area 1, Dustbowl – February 20, 1968, 12:09 P.M.

The RED Pyro had spent the last two minutes looking for a good ambush spot. His armor had informed him of his prospects, and he had decided on lurking just beside the tunnel entrance to Point A.

He had a new methane-fueled flamethrower, designed to cling to the circuit-laden plating of the Jackhammer-class armor, especially attracted to cloaked spies. The Engineer had jury-rigged a repulsor blast feature on the nozzle, essentially filling in for the infantry-level airblast.

While the RED Pyro, Heavy, and Demoman were lurking in wait for the rush of BLU mech troops, the Announcer had called a conference with one of the remaining team members.

“Your performance was commendable, Soldier. But our defenses were yet overwhelmed.”

“It’s not my fault, Ma’am. The BLUs used an underhanded tactic that, I believe, is illegal by the Geneva Convention.”

“Legal or not, we can’t afford to let them do it again. I am submitting command over our forces to you for the time being, and will be coordinating our fallback system at Area 2.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“And don’t call me ‘Ma’am.’ I work for a living.”

“Sorry. Yes, Commander.”

“I warn you, Soldier… You must not fail me again.”

“Yes, Commander.”

The Announcer pressed a button on her desk, and a panel opened beneath her. The desk sank into the floor, and the panel sealed the desk in. That crazy Announcer, with all her fancy escape routes.

____________________________________________

Area 1, Dustbowl – February 20, 1968, 12:13 P.M.

It started innocently enough.  BLU’s forward march of Scouts weren’t even worth tripping the STICK mines over. It continually worsened, though. Soldiers, a Nanocharged Heavy, and even a trio of Demomen. All of them after the disk-shaped supercomputer inside a wooden lean-to that was Point B of Area 1. The RED Soldier, may God rest his weary soul, never got a break.

“Scout! There’s a wayward Spy in the A1 tunnel! Medic! The Demo’s on his last leg, get over there! And Pyro, for Pete’s sake, SET SOMETHING ON FIRE!“

The battle seesawed between the two sides for a good, long while, until the RED Soldier heard an announcement.

“I am fully charged!”

Coming from the eastern tunnel was an oddly paired duo of BLU Medics, one with his Electron Saw out, and one with a nanocannon. The RED Soldier knew he had to explode one of them before it was too late, but by the time that thought processed, it was too late.

The BLU Medic let the charge loose on his doppelganger, and a wicked transformation occurred. The receiving Medic’s armor smoothed and became streamlined, his helmet simplified into  a visored pickelhaube shape, and his saw melted and reformed into a battery-like syringe. The Medic proceeded to savagely plunge said article into the nearest RED troop, in this case the fleeing Scout. Electricity arced around him, and his armor turned a dull, unreflective shade of gray. The RED Scout dropped to the dirt, utterly and completely dead.

The BLU Medic took a slight glance at the corpse, as if to take in what he had just done, then leered at the remainder of the remainder of the RED team.

“I AM ZE ÜBERMENSCH!”

With a strange sense of deja vu, the RED Soldier took point.

The Soldier slid by the charged Medic and blew the charg-ing Medic far into the distance with a double-shot of energy rockets. The remaining Medic roared, and made a near-miss on the RED Soldier’s head with the nano-syringe. The Soldier returned that gesture with a few charged-particle rounds to the face. The attack only seemed to anger the Medic, who stabbed heavily, once again missing the Soldier but hitting the Pyro, rushing to back him up.

The Pyro was subject to the same horrible drain as the Scout, but the Soldier saw the Medic’s needle fill up with a bright silver liquid. As the Medic continued to press the attack, the needle steadily drained. Although it took a few more dead troops and quite a bit of bobbing, weaving, and energy rockets, the Soldier finally put two and two together. The nanomatter inside the needle must have been powering the Medic’s rampage.

The RED Soldier rocket-jumped over the Medic’s head, goading him to turn around. The Medic did so, but in mid-turn, the Soldier blasted the syringe with an energy rocket. The glass casing cracked a bit, but the nanite-buzzed monster barreled forward again and stabbed. Missile after missile was unloaded at the Medic’s weak spot, but if he ever showed signs of slowing down, the Soldier didn’t notice.

The BLU Medic stabbed forward again, and the Red Soldier caught his stabbing hand and rolled. The maneuver ended with the Medic lying disoriented against a rock, and the Soldier rather dizzy. However, the newly-reconstituted RED Scout had the presence of mind to run for and grab the BLU Medic’s nano-needle. One tug, two, and then a whack with the B.A.T. and it came off, leaving the bare fleshy arm underneath. The BLU medic’s armor re-segmented and faded into its original blue hue. The power drain, of course, left the BLU Medic feeling like he was coming down off a drug high.

The RED Soldier walked up to the dazed BLU medic, smirking.

“What’s the matter? You tired? Need a rest?” The Soldier ripped off the Medic’s helmet, roaring, ”How ’bout you take a NAP!”

What ensued was a powered-armor-on-soft-fleshy-skin beating, much too graphic to describe here.

____________________________________________

The RED team stood, admiring the Soldier’s handiwork.

“Wow, rocketman. That’s brutal, even for you,” said the Scout.

“Oh, it was nothing. Once you get past the hard front part of the skull, the rest is quite easy.”

“Hey, boys,” interjected the Engineer, “Don’t you feel like we’re forgetting something?”

An alarm sounded.

“There’s a spy sapping my sentry!”

Another alarm sounded.

“Zhere is a Spy capturing our point!”

Inside the point 1B shed stood a very smug, very evil-looking BLU Spy. He flicked a cigarette, sneered, and said,

“May I make a suggestion? RUN.”

The Point capture alarm sounded, indicating that BLU now had full control over Area 1. The Soldier frantically signaled a general retreat, and the RED team made haste. Through the gates and out of harm’s reach, as the clock reset on the Control Point Grid.

____________________________________________

The BLU Engineer smiled at the report. Both points captured well within the deadline, and only acceptable losses suffered in terms of lives and equipment. He turned to the Announcer.

“You see? I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

“You are overconfident. This was only the preliminary invasion. We still have to continue on to area 2 and 3.”

“And if all goes according to plan, we’ll succeed there, too.”

The BLU Announcer smiled wickedly at the many diagrams spread on her desk, especially the one labeled “Codename: SANDMAN”.

“I believe we will, my hard-hatted friend. I do believe we will.”

____________________________________________

Another chapter over and done. You asked for less TF2 in space, and you got it.

Now, I’m not saying I want Team Fortress 2 to be a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game, (I’m now rethinking my dislike of accronyms,) but if this was so, I’d be a Heavy.

Heavy has the qualities I like in an RPG (GAH) character, high health and biggest weapon. He’d be the tank of any good adventuring party. The Heavy would probably fare much better in a TF2 MMORPG than he is in FPS TF2, where a dedicated Heavy player is hard to find, and Heavies have very little place in competative TF2.

Now that the introduction is out of the way, I’ve told you a little about myself, and stated what you already now, we come to the part where I tell you why you’re all playing the Heavy wrong.

Now, not all of you are playing Heavy wrong. Some people get it. The ones who are playing wrong are the one who play 30 minutes of Heavy, then never touch him again, saying he’s useless on a push without a Medic and too vulnerable to Snipers out in the open. These people are wrong, and here is why.

Check it out

Do you see that picture? Good, now tell me what class type Heavy is under.

That’s right, Defense.

I propose this, Heavies and Sniper should not cross paths. Ever. Unless you have a suicidal Huntsman Sniper or a Heavy who is playing wrong. Snipers should stick to the wide-open spaces, while Heavy takes the insides of buildings.

Let’s use 2Fort as a wider example of where the classes should be. If you’re on 2Fort playing Pyro, you want to be down in the sewers, preforming hit-and-runs on the enemy base. If you’re a Soldier or a Scout, you want to run for the intelligence. If you’re a Sniper, you’re camping the balcony. If you’re an Engineer, you want to ensure a stalemate by building three Sentries in the ramp room with your Engineer buddies.

And if you’re the Heavy? Where to you want to be? You want to stick inside your base, on DEFENSE. You’re pretty much a mobile Sentry without auto-aim. Say what you want about Heavy being useless without teammates to help him, if you run into a lone Heavy in a 2Fort base, you are going to run, or die.

The Heavy is like his best friend the Medic, in that he should always have someone with him. Other players seem to begrudge the Heavy for this, but not the Medic, because if you protect a Medic, he will heal you. However, if you protect a Heavy, he brings his Minigun, his 300 health, and his giant “hit me first” sign to the table. Unless you’re a Medic, you will probably not be the first target while travelling with a Heavy.

In closing, the reason players denounce the Heavy is that he doesn’t fit into a roll they’ve designed for him. The Heavy truly shines in a defensive position, with friends watching his back. If you simply must charge out into the open, don’t expect to be able to survive headshots. Despite what the Heavy himself will have you believe, he is not bulletproof, don’t expect him to be.

Please note that this is the prologue only; more will come in this series.

*    *    *

Bank of England

December 10, 2012

The blanket of the dark night fell upon the guards nervously patrolling the exterior of the bank. And with it, came the supernatural feel of trepidation and fear. It was a feeling that all soldiers, no matter how brave, no matter how decorated, experience when they know that there are forces out there that they cannot control. On this night, such a feeling was felt by all.

Perhaps it was the fact that the members of the unit had been informed, by their commander, that the risk of the bank being attacked was greater than ever. All remembered the commander’s harsh, unforgiving words. All remembered the tone of his voice, the one that indicated a member may leave the unit and never return again.

The nervous sentry leaned back on his chair, snuggled in his post. He was overlooking the front part of the bank. Though such a view may have given him an advantage during the day, it was pointless now - night had obscured his vision. In fact, such a post was very likely to be attacked first.

A voice crackled through the soldier’s walkie-talkie, interrupting his thoughts. “Probably Perkins,” thought the soldier as he prepared to respond.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

The sentry thought it unusual that Perkins would chatter at a time like this. Usually, the messages he received were direct orders, not friendly greetings. Now was not the time for such.

“Hey…ummm…(the soldier thought he could hear Perkins licking his lips nervously)…shift’s over. Move.”

Glad to be relieved of his duty, the soldier left his post and headed down cheerfully, where Perkins would take his place. He thought Perkins’s voice was unusually shaky, though. It sounded like he was forced to say something. It sounded…wrong.

Heart beating and soldier’s instinct taking over, the soldier burst into the room, where Perkins was to be found. He knew there was a breach, and Perkins was probably deceased. And he knew even before he entered the room and laid eyes on Perkins’s corpse.

No pulse. The guard took his finger off Perkins’s still warm neck and looked around. Cause of death? It wasn’t hard to identify - a knife to the back. Shock and paralysis was too much for the poor man. Blood loss would’ve finished him off anyways. But who?

The guard had no time to ponder about the assailant. Either way, he was long gone and had fulfilled his duty. The rest now laid upon his associates, who were ready to pounce the second the guard left his post and failed to inform his colleagues about the invaders. In which they did.

BOOM

Dark assailants poured into the hole formed by the explosion. With all of the guards outside, the attackers instantly overpowered the guard’s unit and entered the bank. The guards outside could do nothing - though they surrounded the attackers, they could not defeat the invaders, who held a fortified position in the bank already.

The guard, laying on the floor, shielded by his dismembered colleague and numerous house deeds, looked on in amazement at the brutal efficiency of the invasion. His colleagues died the moment they tried to enter the bank, being blown up by…rocket launchers?

Almost too shocked to move, the soldier eventually did sneak back out in order to call for reinforcements. The commander had been right - today was that day in which they would ultimately come.

As the guard approached the safe door, where he thought he could safely call for help, he felt a cold prescence, a chill that ran down his spine. And he knew that his time had come. He would now join his colleagues.

“Cheers,” mumbled the assassin, albeit with a French accent. The guard was unconscious before he even hit the ground. Three strikes to the back of the neck.

The dark invaders eventually caught up to the assassin, and pointed their rocket launchers at the supine guard. All was quiet.

“No,” hissed the Frenchman. “Leave one alive; he needs to live to tell the tale.” And with that, he suavely strolled over the unconscious body and took the latest British intelligence from the safe. Nobody saw a thing as both assasssin and invaders disappeared into the night.

The invasion made headlines as the world knew of the invasion. It was not the first time, though. Numerous other places had been robbed internationally. And the world knew of the coming troubles and the troubled diplomatic relations between each and every country.

It should be interesting, though, that when the Scotland Yard detectives examined the scene, they found an army helmet. One unique to that of the U.S. Army’s.

*    *    *

Secret CIA Base

Experts claim that the U.S. attacked the Bank of England -

The U.S. is denying any involvement -

Diplomatic relations have been broken between Germany and -

Protests call for the U.S. government to come out with -

The T.V. was shut off, but deep within the secret CIA base, the new reports rang within the heads of many at the conference table. CIA operatives rubbed their heads in confusion and the Secretary of State was taking an unusually long “restroom break.” Worst of all, though, they had no answers or solutions. And the President of the United States, who was sitting at the end of the table, demanded them.

“Well, any plans?” asked the President.

The members of his cabinet nervously wringed their hands and struggled to find the right words to say. What could they do?

The General of the Army rose up and banged his hand on the table. “I say we prep the army right now and go looking for those imposters!”

The Secretary of State, emerging from the restroom, scowled. “Then the other countries will think that we really did it. Wouldn’t it look suspicious, us building up our forces? And beside, we have no idea where to start. They struck internationally.”

Then ensued a lively discussion. Arrange for a global international force? No way, Jose, remarked one of the CIA operatives. Diplomatic relations have been broken already. Almost all of the nations had walked out on that U.N. meeting. Negotiate? I told you before, said the disgruntled Secretary of State. We don’t know whom to negotiate with.

At long last, the President dismissed the meeting with a wave of his hand. It was clear, though, that the pained look on his face indicated his displeasure. As the cabinet members and CIA operatives quickly shuffled out of the room quickly (the President started smoking; even though he had quit, smoking meant that he was incredibly agitated), the President walked out of the room to get back on Air Force One, to get back to the White House. He had numerous meetings scheduled today with foreign ministers and diplomats, and he had yet to answer difficult questions. And those reporters! Dear God.

The President marched over the lawn and was about to climb into Air Force One when a harried-looking (but well-dressed) man caught up to him and put his hand on the President’s shoulder.

“Wait Mr. President. I think I have an idea.”

The President didn’t stop walking. ”Let’s talk in the plane, Blair.”

As the plane took off, the President and his chief diplomat sat at the table on opposite sides. The President knew that Blair always had something - his chief diplomat had gotten him out of diplomatic trouble numerous times. Once, he almost put up his shoes when he was meeting with Arab leaders. Thank god Blair told him not to - it would’ve been worse than the time when he accidentally used his left hand to shake the Indian President’s hand.

Blair adjusted his tie nervously and took out papers from his briefcase. “I think you might take into consideration my plan…”

The President glared. “Is it the one about us staging a dramatic rescue performed by the U.S. to make us look good again?”

“No no, Mr. President,” blustered Blair. “I meant this plan.” And with that, he opened his briefcase to reveal numerous pictures.

Mr. President scanned the pictures. “What do these people have to do with preventing World World III?”

“They have everything to do with prevention, Mr. President,” explained Blair. “I was thinking of getting secret operatives to take down the enemy covertly. And these are the operatives.”

“Wait wait - why don’t we use the CIA?”

“If they get caught, we’re all screwed. They have little affiliation with us whatsoever, so if they do get caught, we could think of another plan.”

Mr. President took a deep breath. The smell of cigarettes filled the plane. The President looked at the clouds outside of the window. He could almost see a storm brewing.

Finally, the President said, “I trust you Blair. Almost more than anyone else. I’ll let you carry it out. But two conditions. One; you fill me in on all the details.”

“Of course.”

“And two; you are in charge of rounding those gentlemen up.”

Blair gulped. Too much to handle? It was too late now, anyways. And  Blair felt confident that it was his job to stop Armageddon. “Yes. I’ll handle it.”

The wrinkles on the President’s forehead disappeared. “Good,” breathed the President as he got up from his chair. “Let’s talk once we get to the White House.” The President went off into another room to take a nap. It was a troublesome day, but he hoped that things would turn out fine. Blair had never failed him before - why would he now?

Blair breathed deeply as he scanned those pictures one more time. A young man turned MLB star player. A WWII soldier. A masked man. A known Communist. That former professor at MIT. The drunken African-American man. The ex-Nazi. And the well-dressed assassin. Not too much on him - he really was secretive.

He picked up the photo of the man with shades, the one with a Sniper rifle and distinctive hat. He was the one Blair was looking for right now. He was the one who, if found, could give a chance for the plan to succeed. It was a long shot, but it was the only one they had. With a final glance, Blair shuffled the photos back into his briefcase, adjusted his tie, and laid back on the couch. There was a long day ahead for him.

The plane sailed over the clouds, and into a menacing storm. But much to the pilot’s surprise, it subsided, and a ray of sunlight broke through. As the plane sailed off into the distance, Blair shielded his eyes as he squinted over the horizon, where a greater storm was brewing, one that possibly could not disappear so easily. But even though the light blinded Blair, he was glad for it.

What a great metaphor thought Blair. The metaphor, in fact, is the light being compared to a flickering, but bright ray of hope. A ray of hope that Blair hoped would be brought by a fantastic team assembled to meet the greatest challenge any had ever faced.

That team would be known as the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

I apologize if there is little TF2 content in the Prologue. I had to set the setting, and I didn’t want to spill all the beans…yet. Stay tuned for Part 1 of the series (which will have more TF2 involvement), and I hope all of you enjoy the series as much as I will.

Or, why I think the Razorback sucks

Surprise, surprise, its another article complaining about the Sniper vs Spy update, but what?

• An aspect new updates? No
• How annoying the ambassador is? No, but later
• An obscure change or glitch that only I noticed and want to rant about? No

My problem, is with this

Why? Three words. One. Trick. Pony.

Let’s looks at the others
The Dead Ringer! Fakes your death, fooling your enemy, a great escape mechanism
The Cloak and Dagger! The ultimate ambush watch, another good escape watch, great for infiltrating
The primary unlocks! Well, they’re guns (even the bow, that’s a gun too. Totally), they do what they do best, kill folk, whether with flaming arrows, lightning fast head-shots, long range sniping or otherwise
Jarate! Where do I start? Team support in many many MANY different forms, a handy tool on the offence or defense, whether by yourself or with a team. A real jewel of unlockables.
The Razorback! It can stop one backstab…err…stop one backstab…Oh wait, extra crits! Oh wait, wrong weapon…stuns backstabbing Spies. Can stop one backstab?

Not a great deal, if it did its job well, fair enough, but that is the other problem with the Razorback, it’s too obvious.

Ode to the Failback, or My reasons why I think the Razorback sucks

Spies! How many of you would actually stab a Sniper with the Razorback? None, why? Because you can SEE IT. Its as plain as day! Unlike in the cartoons, an obvious trap will not fool most people. Why waste time when you can whip your gun out, fire off some shots into the sniper’s back (or head) and disappear into the night, or just ignoring them? If they are in a group, you just avoid them altogether, and go stab that plump, juicy looking heavy that isn’t paying any attention. There have even been some cases of glitch exploiting, rendering the Razorback useless.

Other classes? Why do they (enemy snipers) even bother? Whats the Razorback going to do to you, threaten you with electrocution if you were playing another class? Why for you, since you are this close, the sniper is just a 125 hp piñata ripe for beating. Of course they can still defend themselves with kukris and the like, but still, the Sniper isn’t in a good situation there.

However…

Now, I want the be the devil’s advocate on this one as well, The Razorback, is a pretty good tool, in concept. I have had some spies backstab me (I don’t know why, the reason why not to is right there) and it has allowed me to turn around and deliver the ol’ chop chop to said dirty Frenchman. Die another way is a likely candidate for this sudden disregard for safety, and the RAGE from seeing such an appalling item another, but, for most anyway, its just a case of using the revolver. Also although I am saying this is a one trick pony, the sapper doesn’t do much outside sapping an Engineer’s stuff either. And the sandvich in some cases.

Also, the June 25th patch! Although the Razorback is still not very good in my eyes, the expansion of its effects makes it a more viable tool to use. Additionally, why would you want to use Jarate or the SMG if you’re going for the classic Sniper technique of WCS Long range sniping? A little extra protection helps, if you don’t plan on letting anyone else get through, or moving very much. Oh, and melee matches, its always nice to have an anti-backstab measure in a melee fight, since a lot of people roll spy for an easy job of killing folk in said matches. Just watch out for every other class

And of course, some people have argued that the effect of the Razorback is less physical, although it doesn’t do its job well of preventing you from dying from spy caused gunshot wounds, it does prevent you from being backstabbed. Consider a  small, but poisonous animal, one that’s low in the food chain. Its flashy, its colourful, but that’s not a giant flashing ‘EAT ME’ sign its holding by being so obvious, that is a sign telling any would be predators to ‘Piss off, ya mongrels, or I’ll rot ya guts out‘ in a stereotypical Australian accent. OK maybe not, but you get my point right? They won’t backstab you, because they can see what happens if they try.

My final verdict?

PROS

• Both an actual (stuns on backstab), and mental (No one will want to backstab you) guard against backstabbing spies
• Its a new unlockable after all, new stuff is always nice
• A direct counter to one class (Thanks Pyrit)
• Has received a buff in the June 25th patch

CONS

• It isn’t a very good counter to said one class
• Makes you an easy target for every other class who can get close enough, especially Pyros. After all, preventing backstabs won’t save you from the Scout that is right behind you
• Good luck without your ONLY reliable close to medium range weapon. Cause no matter how crap you think it is, the SMG would have saved your ass from a lot of tight spaces, more then this thing will
• Even Jarate will save you more times then this will (Curing spontaneous combustion, revealing spies, and doing that extra little bit of damage to the soldier trying to murder you always helps)
• Compared to the other unlockables the Sniper has, this isn’t very useful, to you, or your team

Well its obvious innit? Yes, the Razorback does have some pros, but, preventing a backstab, in return for;  being without a handy or good combat weapon and being bait for every other class, including the one your supposed to be a counter for with this thing equipped. Is it REALLY worth it?

Final verdict? Not too useful. Don’t let me stop you using it, but I would advise using Jarate or the SMG instead. It’s great in concept, but poor in execution.

Now where’s my jar of piss? I’m going spy hunting

Next time! A diplomatic situation, or Why I really don’t like the Ambassador

First, some facts (all stats taken as of June 26, 2009):

Team Fortress 2 has been around for about 593 days, or, 1 year 8 months 16 days.

The Payload Game Mode has been around for 423 days, or, 1 year 1 month 28 days.

Now then, this game has been around for nearly 2 years, and the payload game mode alone has been around for over a year. You would think that this full year has given us plenty of time to become acquainted with the ins and outs of simply pushing a cart. Unfortunately some are missing a very vital strategy of this game mode, in fact missing the whole point of payload. And so know we move onto our first, and only, strategy.

GET ON THE CART

Simple right? There are, however, plenty of players that refuse to use this strategy. Now, I could just end the article here, but I hardly think that such an article would ever get posted on the Ubercharged blog (at least I’d like to think we still post quality articles occasionally). So I will dive further into depth on using this strategy both offensively, and *GASP* defensively as well!

Using GET ON THE CART in an offensive situation

When the GET ON THE CART strategy is called upon (usually triggered when someone types and/or says GET ON THE CART), this means that it’s time to begin recklessly throwing your reckless fleshy body recklessly on the cart… recklessly. While some may take this as a cue to get themselves recklessly killed, this really means to throw your body recklessly but cautiously. Sounds like I’m being hypocritical, right? Wrong (remember, you’re always wrong).

Throwing yourself recklessly means that you throw yourself onto the cart, in the direct firing line of a sentry gun. Throwing yourself recklessly but cautiously means that you throw yourself on the cart, but in such a way that every goddamn RED team member can’t see your vulnerable fleshy body. Remember, that bomb doesn’t gib when rockets hit it, but you do.

Using GET ON THE CART in a defensive situation

GET ON THE CART is a ruthless strategy that, if employed by the BLU, is very difficult to counter. Luckily, I will tell you the perfect counter to this once unbeatable rush! This counter is called… GET ON THE CART.

The GET ON THE CART strategy is very similar both defensively and offensively. You generally GET ON THE CART when someone types and/or says GET ON THE CART (just like on offence, see how easy this is?). IMPORTANT: you only GET ON THE CART when someone *else* says GET ON THE CART, ’cause if you’re still reading this, you must not be smart enough to decide on your own when to apply this precious strategy.

The BLU team may be using the subgenre of strategy that will henceforth ALWAYS be called recklessly but cautiously. This means that they will be using the cart, or that giant bacon ball, as a shield. You firing directly at the cart does nothing… so knock it off. Instead, you can GET ON THE CART to stop all movement! WOW ISN’T THAT F***ING AMAZING! So when that cart is just INCHES away from the final terminus, you can GET ON THE CART and stall for precious seconds while your real teammates (the ones that aren’t absolute morons) respawn and do all the real work.

Some final points to remember when using GET ON THE CART

While GET ON THE CART is activated by saying GET ON THE CART, other acceptable catalysts for offence are:

• SENTRIES ARE DOWN GET ON THE CART
• GET ON THE CART F***TARDS
• YOU MORONS, GET ON THE CART
• NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR KDR, GET ON THE CART

Other acceptable catalysts for defence are:

• JUST 10 SECONDS LEFT, GET ON THE CART
• DON’T LET THEM WIN IN OVERTIME, GET ON THE CART
• STOP F***ING AROUND AND GET ON THE CART
• GET ON THE CART [their username here]

Tick, Tock,
Tick, Tock,
Tick, Tock…

Sometimes, when the time is ticking away, you get ideas. Sometimes, the idea is simple. Sometimes, it’s not…

Tick, Tock,
Tick, Tock…

Most of the time, however, time beats you. Most of the time…

Tick, Tock…

But sometimes…

Tick…

Just sometimes…

Tock…

Something awesome happens…

VICTORY! *Insert Fanfare here*

***

Yes, Spy/Ninja Caps. A technique? An art? An annoyance? Maybe a bit of all three. But deep in the fortress’ walls, in a book containing all lost skills, such as “Offensive Engineering” (Which has been restored as of late), and “Capping the Intel on 2Fort”, there is a section on Spy/Ninja Capping.

Now, there are three different techniques to Spy/Ninja capping. They all have their advantages and disadvantages. They are called “Prepared Capture” (The most popular one), “Over Offensive” and “Incomplete Cover“…

NOTE: This guide was designed for A/D maps only. Spy/Ninja Caps are more essential on those levels, as they can help in a stalemate posistion. In a Linier CP map, they are an annoyance to some players, especially the Prepared Capture. Of course, if a team has gone Over Offensive, or has a Incomplete Cover, they deserved to lose the final point, especially to an Engineer…

Prepared Capture

A Prepared Capture is when you wait for the capture point to be unlocked, and then, when it does, quickly capture the point. You can not do this on Payload, however.

+ Gives the enemy little time to react after the loss of the previous point.
+ Usually no enemy/Sentries around.
+ The easiest/most likely Spy/Ninja Cap to pull.

- As you wait, your team is down one man, which could be a major disadvantage.
- Boring while you wait.
- Sometimes, the enemy can see you on the cameras while they are dead (You know, when you are waiting to respawn, you can look through cameras overlooking capture points), and will hunt you down.

Dustbowl Example: Stage One, Capture Point 2

Although it can be done on any stage, a Prepared Capture can be done easily on Stage One, because it is possible that the attackers find little difficulty in capturing the first point. Hide near the point, so that people coming out of the spawn don’t see you. Once the first point is under your team’s control, get onto the second point and watch the swift capture commence.

Personally, I dislike this method. Every time I do it (Excluding the method explained near the end of the article, but even that sometimes fails), my team is unable to capture the first point. Especially on Stage Three of Dustbowl. Ever waited 20 minutes, hoping your team would actually capture the point? Zorgulon was not impressed when he saw me on the spectator cameras…

Over Offensive

This is when the enemy (The defenders) goes “Over Offensive”, which means that they push from the point to a part in the level. This means that you can easily cap the point while they are away.

+ The enemy is usually too busy fighting to protect the point.
+ Can work on most, if not all, levels (Even Payload).
+ The more your team is failing, the easier it is to do.

- Quite hard to sneak past the enemy.
- Respawned enemies will alert their team, and try their best to stop you while you were expecting an easy capture.
- If you fail, the enemy (usually) falls back and protects the point, preventing further Spy/Ninja Caps.

Dustbowl Example: Stage Three, Capture Point 2

The main battlefront of the area between the first and second point is the little alleyway in-between the points. Whoever owns that section has the attacking advantage. Of course, if the defenders have it, you can easily capture the point from right under their noses. If you can’t get behind them because they have a lot of people at the alley, go down the stairs, which should be an easy, enemy free path to the capture point.

Actually, I recently did this as a Pyro in a three vs four game on Dustbowl. Considering both my team mates were Spies, and were both dead while I was doing this (One died by taunt kill while I was doing this), I think I won this match by myself. I killed a KGB-weilding Heavy with two Flares (Loving the new Mini-Crit Flares BTW) and good old Axi’, and then took the stair route behind the capping Sniper, saw the Heavy crossing the bridge, and when the coast was clear, made my move. When I won, everyone but one person (Who was on my team) left. Ragequit much?

Incomplete Cover

When a Sentry guards the point, but doesn’t cover every corner of the point. Or, in Payload maps, the Sentry can not fire at you because the cart is defending you.

+ Can save your team if the Sentry has stopped all other attempts.
+ Always funny to hear people go “What just happened?”
+ Easy to do on Payload maps.

- Sometimes, an enemy will stop you.
- That Sentry will still be there after you cap the point.
- Harder to do when the enemy has multiple Sentries.

Dustbowl Example: Stage One, Capture Point 1

So the above may have confused you a bit, so listen to this example. So, one of the most popular Sentry locations for this Capture Point is on the stairs, yes? Well, most of the time, that Sentry doesn’t protect the entire point. If you enter from the entrance at the back, staying close to the left wall, and crouch onto the point, the Sentry usually isn’t able to see you there and you can cap the point with ease.

Last time I did this was as a Soldier, with French UC member Laharl (Self Proclaimed DJ of UC) as my Medic. Capped the point, and took down the Sentry with Splash Damage. He seemed to have been impressed with my fête. If you feel like being a team player, inform your team (Especially your Medic) what you are doing. I’ve had a Medic run onto the point while I was doing this…

Right into a Sentry…

***

Now when I say “Spy/Ninja Capping”, I don’t mean that this skill is limited to Spies. Any class can do this, be it Pyro or Sniper (As I have mentioned above). However, there are three classes I suggest to do this. So, without any delay, the classes used for Ninja Capping!

The Spy

The Spy is the most obvious choice for Spy Cappping. After all, it is named after him. When Spy Capping, the Spy can easily do all Spy Capping techniques. He can easily cloak and get behind the enemy to prepare to cap without noticing, in which he can prepare to cap when the point unlocks or capture the point if the defenders are on the offensive. The important thing to note is that, if an Engie builds a Sentry in case his team fails, the Spy can easily destroy it, while the below two classes will have difficultly. Oh, and the new Cloak and Dagger helps as well.

However, the Spy has his weak points. Once spotted, the average player will stand his ground and Spy Check the entire area. This is a problem if this area is near, or even on, the Capture Point. The other thing is that the average Spy can not get into a fight and win. Of course, I do not doubt your skill, but you may need to practice with your revolver/facestabs just in case. Or just pop the Dead Ringer up. Either works, really…

General Example: Pipeline (Stages One or Two, Final Push)

Since the Spy is so versatile at Spy Capping, it’s hard to give him a good example. So, I might as well give one for Pipeline, one of the newest maps. During the final push (The uphill ramps at the end of Stages One and Two), the enemy may choose to focus on defending the point, or pushing their cart. When the former is too weak, or distracted, then is your time to strike!

If there is no Sentries guarding the point, then uncloak or take off your disguise at the head of the payload. Since you don’t have to stay alive for long, all you have to worry about is the enemy running to stop the cart, rather then attacking from a distance. If you can push the cart up the hill, so it no longer falls backwards, then the chances of your team failing reduces so much (Unless the enemy has done the same to you)…

The Scout

The Scout, the fastest of the classes, can easily rush past the enemy and perfect for when the enemy is Over Offensive or have an Incomplete Cover, and can also be useful for a Prepared Capture. The Scout’s BONK! Energy Drink can allow you to safely rush past the enemy safely, at the cost of them catching up. Sometimes, you can use it to distract the enemy from the current objective, making them decide if they should go after you, or stay at the point, splitting up the defence.

However, like the Spy, the Scout has his weaknesses. After the effects of BONK!, the Scout is slow and still pistol-less. You’re only ranged weapon to stop the enemy from advancing is the Sandman, which you will most likely miss when you swing your ball. Oh, and if there is a Sentry ahead, you can kiss your Ninja Cap goodbye…

General Example: Gold Rush (Stage One, Capture Point 1)

The first Capture Point of Gold Rush is a perfect example to use Incomplete Cover to your advantage. The reason this is good for the Scout is he can push the cart twice as fast as the Spy. As the cart reaches the building (Home of one of the most obvious Sentry locations in TF2, along with behind the corner of Dustbowl 2-2 and the final point of Steel), hide to the side of the cart, so you can’t see the Sentry, and it can’t see you.

It’s a bit hard to pull off, due to the fact that enemies go through the tunnel and see you pushing the cart, but try it anyway. When the cart turns the corner, try to move so the cart still protects you. With a little bit of practice, you can easily cap the point without the Sentry even firing a shot…

The Engineer

Some of you fail to realize the effectiveness of an Engie Ninja Cap, and I respect that. After all, what does an Engie do? He builds a Sentry to defend the point right? Well, maybe he can use that Sentry to defend himself. You know, as he caps. You see what I did there?

Basically, our hardhatted friend can easily control a point before it opens, a “Prepared Capture”. The best part is, once he has a Level 3 Sentry controlling the Capture Point, it’s tough to get down. Most of the time, the enemy doesn’t even know it is there before it is too late (a.k.a. you are capping the point).

Mind you, the Engineer has very little tricks in getting behind the enemy. This is the reason Engies are hardly used for Ninja Caps, because it is so hard to get to the point and set a Sentry strong enough to stop enemies before the point is unlocked. Oh, and on some maps, placing a Sentry covering the point is countered as Spawn Camping…

General Example: Steel, Capture Point C

Well, you could try Gravelpit’s last point for the Engie, but usually the enemy finds you, due to the cameras and the beeps from a Sentry. You also need to set up a Dispenser, since there is no metal nearby. However, the third Capture Point on Steel is both ignored until it is unlocked AND near a large ammo crate. Get there by going through the last point (Either through B if A hasn’t been capped, or through A if it has). Simply put a Sentry in a position that covers the two ways the enemies go to defend the point, and put a Dispenser down so you can use it to heal yourself.

Many times have I caught the Capture Point this way. Sometimes, I do die, but at least the gates from B to C (Which take an awfully long time to open) open enough to let my team finish the job. However, if there is a Sentry at E, you may need to take a detour through D (And jump down onto the ledge or pipe connecting to the ledge). But usually, it isn’t a big deal…

***

Well, that’s the basics of Spy Capping for you. The art of being a Ninja is now yours. Now go, practice these techniques, and call yourself a true Ninja of Capping…

Now if I go onto Server 2 while it is on Steel and see a BLU Sentry Farm on C before A is capped, I won’t be happy. I’ve seen it happen before. Luckily, we managed to cap A and B when it did happen…

tl;dr version:

Don’t bother. If you don’t have the patience to read the article, you don’t have the patience to do a Prepared Capture. Don’t know what a Prepared Capture is? Exactly my point… :3

…then you are in one of two groups:

A) Those people who play for ages, yet get beat by these idiots. Those are the people who complain the most about pyro to make excuses for how bad they are.

B) Those people who are new and are stilling getting the hang of the game. It is reasonable at this point to have a little trouble with the W+M1 pyros.

But, what ARE W+M1 pyros?

W+M1 Pyros are those who play Pyro that simply kamikaze you invariably, holding down W (Forward) and M1 (Left-click). No strafing, no trying to outwit the other player, no thought given to the fact that YOU ARE CHARGING INTO A BLOODY GIANT WITH A SPINNING MINI-GUN THAT SHREDS ANYTHING THAT IS CLOSE TO IT TO PIECES. They are half-wits, people that shouldn’t get any kills. Sadly, many people can’t beat these, amazingly, and succumb to the flames. There are plenty of people that, despite the fact that they have played for months, have lost to them. More often than not, they cry out for the pyro to be weakened, to be “nerfed”. Those are the people in Group A.

Those that have just started playing are often killed by them as well, but that is perfectly reasonable. They often just need a little bit of help, some tips in completely neutralize the W+M1 pyro threat. This guide shall do that for you.

Anyway, onto the actual guide itself…

We’re going to look at all the classes and show techniques and tactics for those classes that’ll help you against W+M1 pyros (And, in fact, damn near everyone else, so feel free to apply these tips ANYWHERE.):

Scout vs. W+M1 pyro

Scouts should try and stay in large outdoor areas (Preferably near medkits ie. Gravel Pit), “patrolling” the area if you will, which puts the pyro at a severe disadvantage because of their short range and your distance. In indoor areas, this short range doesn’t matter as much, as speed is no use if you have no area to move in.

To beat Pyros, you should stay JUST outside the range of the flamethrower and pound the pyro with your scattergun. The pyro will easily go down in just 2 or 3 rounds. Also, try circling around the Pyro, running back and forth. When at medium distance, use your pistol. Force-A-Nature is ideal against pyros, because it knocks them back giving you far more breathing room.

“Jeez, you still trying to catch up with me, mumbling man?!”

Effectiveness: 7 (7.5 If using Force-A-Nature) out of 10

(Very) Easy fight.

Soldier vs. W+M1 pyro

Soldiers WILL win here. They are the counter to pyros, as they have something which will stop any pyro. All you need to do is aim at their feet. Once you do that, they fly straight up into the air losing all momentum. The pyro may as well be stunned for 2 seconds during this because they can’t do anything. Now, you can have a choice. You can fire another rocket at the same place when he lands (Very easy to predict) or go for an awesome air-shot (Not hard at all, because as I said, the pyro flys slowly into the air, straight up. You only have to lead your shots a little.) Also, you can rocketjump away from the pyro if you don’t think you’ll win.

“This is my world. I DON’T LIKE MUTES IN MY WORLD.”

Effectiveness: 8.5 out 10

Soldier will most likely win here.

Pyro vs. W+M1 Pyro

When you face a W+M1 Pyro, you should run back, strafing left and right and maybe circling around the other pyro. Once you start flaming each other, it’ll usually come down to whoever keeps the opponent in their crosshairs the most. Due to the W+M1 Pyro’s predictable pattern, you’ll most likely win. Also, you can easily airblast them away (If you’re using the normal flamethrower) and use the shotgun, and they’ll go down with 2 shots. Don’t underestimate the shotgun.

“Thhrh chn rnly bh rnh flhmhthrrwhr-wuhhldng mhnuhhc hrrund hhrh, nn uht’th thurh hth hhll nrt grng tr bh yru!”

Effectiveness: 8 out of 10

Easy fight.

Demoman vs. W+M1 Pyro

Your normal Grenade Launcher will kill a Pyro in two shots. Just lead your shots and it’ll be easy. Also, you should always place a couple of stickies somewhere as a fall-back point, then move forward with Grenade launcher into the battle zone. Once people start attacking you, run back to your stickies with them chasing you (Usually a W+M1 Pyro) and blow the stickies up. If you are REALLY desperate, go for your bottle of scrumpy.

“Looks like you’re in for some of my homemade explosives, ‘ey laddie?”

Effectiveness: 8 out of 10.

Very easy fight.

Heavy vs. W+M1 Pyro

Put simply, your Mini gun will rip anything near it to shreds. There is no problem here, you merely have to watch your back in case you face a good pyro who tries to ambush you. Natashcha is even better, as it’s slowdown effect will completely neuter the pyro’s speed. Remember though, keep a eye on your medic - He’s only got needles as a gun, so if he gets ambushed, you need to be quick to save him.

“Why does LEETLE man think he can charge man with MINIGUN?!”

Effectiveness: 10 out of 10.

No contest.

Engineer vs. W+M1 pyro

Pyro will most likely win here, but if you use your shotgun well enough and run away, you COULD win. Also, using pistol when they are far away works well. A good tip is to entice the W+M1 pyro to chase after you, right into the sight of your sentry, especially if you are dying. Wrench CAN work if you’re desperate, but don’t count on it. If caught by yourself, the pyro will most likely win. However, the engineer shouldn’t be in that situation because he should be behind a sentry gun that’ll rip Pyros to pieces, and dispenser to heal any afterburn damage.

“Let me show you my heavy caliber, tripod-mounted, little ‘ol number designed by me…”

Effectiveness: 5 out of 10

By yourself, it’ll be hard, but that situation shouldn’t come up anyway.

Medic vs. W+M1 pyro

First of all, you shouldn’t have a problem with pyros if your healing target is decent. If you were ambushed, then you weren’t attacked by a W+M1 pyro, you were attacked by a clever Pyro, so always look behind you for them. Anyway, you can often run away with a blutsauger, using your health-leeching needles to counterreact the afterburn. However, if you think you can outrun them, turn around and run, since backpedalling is slower than moving forward. *Thanks to Dr. Milkard*

“Look, my friend here was willing to try out my new treatment: EXTREME ACUPUNCTURE!”

Effectiveness: 6.5 out of 10

Absolutely no problems if you have a good teammate. If ambushed, use the tactics described above this.

Sniper vs W+M1 pyro

If you’re using the normal sniper rifle, you’re most likely dead if a pyro comes up to you. With the Huntsman however, you have a fighting chance. With only 2 seconds to charge the arrow to full power, you’ll be able to get a good chance at headshotting them. If you’re have Jarate, use it, you’ll need that extra damage and it’ll give you a bit of slack if you don’t headshot. If you’re REALLY desperate, you can Jarate them, and charge in with kukri. Really, if you’re out by your lonesome and caught by a pyro, you’re most likely dead, so stay in sight of your teammates. By the way, you can throw jarate at your feet to put your flames, and do remember to put out anyone on your team with it (Although they’ll most likely hate you for covering them in piss.)

“Oh, bloody hell, how did I get ambushed by him?!”

4(6 if using Huntsman) out of 10

Hard fight, although it’s easier with Huntsman.

Spy vs. W+M1 pyro

Use your revolver and run off. Surprisingly effective, with only 3 shots to kill meaning you should be able to win. With the Ambassador you can take them down in two headshots, which is brilliant. Remember that both guns have a punch, especially at close range. If all else fails, try circling behind them and backstabbing. Also, don’t forget about the Dead Ringer - It’s fantastic  because when you use it it puts out flames, and even if you get set on fire while cloaked with it, you won’t take afterburn damage, which is extremely useful.

It’s DEFINITELY a challenge, but you’ll most likely win if you got some distance and there is no other enemies.

“Burn in hell, you mumbling abomination!”

4 (5 if using Ambassador; add 1 if you have Dead Ringer.) out of 10

(Trust me, sometimes I’ll substitute the revolver for a knife. Actually works.)

The Mechanics of afterburn

One of the things that annoy people the most is the afterburn. Once you get touched by flames, you’ll be set on fire and take 50-60 damage during a period of 10 seconds. However, don’t worry, since there are many things stopping afterburn:

• Medics: Obvious choice, once they latch on to you with your medigun, your health will go up instantly and after a second it will extinguish the flames.
• Dispenser: Same as medic, however, it’s slightly less effective.
• Medkits: Each kind of medkit (Small medkit gives you 15% health, medium medkit gives you 50% health and large medkit gives you 100% health) will extinguish your flames immediately.
• Airblast: If a friendly pyro airblasts you, it’ll extinguish flames.
• Jarate: While the enemy wouldn’t even piss on you to stop you burning, your teammates are more than happy to throw jars of urine at you to extinguish those flames!
• Water: Do I need to explain this?

General tips

- Remember that the afterburn from the flames does 50-60 damage over a period of 10 seconds, so if you’re taking too much damage, run for a medkit. They will extinguish the flames IMMEDIATELY and will heal most of the damage.

- Just run away and fire, no matter what your class is. You’ll win most of the time JUST by doing this.

- While most W+M1 pyros don’t have the presence of mind to use airblast, the better pyros can use a airblast to reflect your projectiles, so watch out for that.

- Remember, n water, the pyro becomes useless.

How can I play as a good pyro?

I’m not going to get too far into this, since there is many videos out there to show you how to do this (Which I’ll link to, don’t worry.) I’ll give you a quick rundown of the things you should do:

- Always try to attack from the back or side. If the enemy(ies) know that you’re there, you’ll go down quickly.

- Remember that you don’t have kill all of the enemies in one shot. Just ambushing from the side, spraying a quick burst of flame, and running off is extraordinarily effective, and once the enemies start running off for health, you can come in from a different angle and finish them off. Remember, afterburn is your friend.

-If the enemy is at range, use your shotgun. It is very useful against the enemies that running for health after you flamed them.

-Just recently, the Flare gun got a buff, with it doing mini-crits if you hit someone who is already on fire, which makes it far better.

Anyway, here’s a good general gameplay video guide that shows you how to play as pyro:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGIISxhYRYE

Also, I can’t stress enough how useful the airblast is. Here’s a guide to using it:

http://www.ubercharged.net/?s=magnetro

Conclusions

I hope you enjoyed this guide and will now lay waste to those mute, mysterious fools. You’ll get more score, you’ll last much longer and will get a lot more kills.

That is all.

Good news, everyone!

We’ve been having a flow of alternating video posts for a while, and while most of them are good, it’s not really doing any work if we just throw it in there with some text. So, what better way to break that cycle than with a(nother) how-to-play strategery article!

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Emptying Your Payload
I’ll start with one of the more basic ones, in order to be comprehensive; the Demoman is the only class in the game that has practically TWO primary weapons (we can exclude the medic, methinks). Let it sink in.

Got it? Well, use them! If you’ve emptied a weapon, flick to the other. In fact, mix it up a little. The “q” button is your friend here; learning which weapon is appropriate at what times can help a fair bit, but the key idea here? Don’t bother reloading if you’re in immediate danger. You’ve got a total of twelve explosive rounds before you run (completely) dry.

And, of course, the whiskey bottle is always available for your lacerating pleasure.

Tracing Shots
This, of course, has been covered before, but aiming where your opponent is going to be is key to playing the Demoman, as it is with the Soldier (and Medic, in a pinch). And it’s true for both stickies and pipe bombs. People often run in a straight line when they don’t see any current threats. Predict which way they will run, OR look at which way they’re running, and send a bomb that way. It can be tempting to shoot directly at them, but this would only work if they started running back (some might, because their initial intention was to fool you).

As a Demoman, this is made even harder by the fact that you have to know the arc and travel speed of both your grenades and sticky bombs. Well, nobody said that the Demoman was an easy class to play. There’s really no quick way around it; little else but experience will bring you skill with this ability. If you’re a little more advanced than others, I recommends rocket_shooting and tr_airshot (although you might have them already), as well as training in some bball servers.

Boring details: stickies have more arc than grenades, and don’t travel as far either. They also fire slower.

Indirect Fire
Hey, you! Are you tired of having to be visible to your opponent to kill him all the time? Not just visible as in seen, but visible as in he can turn your way and send a boolet straight at your oversized head because he has a hundred more hours as X class than you?

Well, here’s your lucky day! Although it’s only up then down, the Demoman has (virtually) the only real indirect fire capability in TF2! What does this mean for you? Well, for starters, you can be shooting OVER things that are also covering you! Barrels, drums, raised control points, payload, buildings, ROCKS, even that silly overgrown meat-shield that usually hogs the middle of the battlefield with a Medic oozing more meat into his shield.

Of course, one needs not talk about sticky traps, because if you’ve never laughed your head off at someone who ran straight into a doorway full of the little buggers, then you’re not playing the Demoman right. Call now, and I’ll throw in a second pipe bomb, absolutely free!

Recuperating
Yes, emptying all your explosives as suggested above is hard work. At the end of the day, long as there’s two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want- sorry, wrong class.

What I meant to say was that one of the Demoman’s main weaknesses is his excessively long reload times. It takes over one second to even start reloading (not even including ping), and over ten seconds to fully regenerate your arsenal. To make full use of them, you need cover, and hiding WILL save you. You can do a thing or two:

1) Get to a dispenser - This will heal any damage done to you WHILE you’re reloading. A perfect complement to the Demoman is often a sentry nest, where you can take refuge while preparing to generate more Steam forum complaints.

2) Find a health/ammo pickup area - What better way to spend reload time than to be waiting for a health pack, eh? Ammo is important to, because if you’re doing well, chances are you are expending a LOT of ammo. Fill up, brah.

In addition, if you’re alone (or even if you’re not), reload a little, then lay a couple stickies at any potential attack points to give you cover. This will buy you time, and if not, will warn you of that incoming Pyro/Heavy.

The Power of Flight
Yes, there’s a trick to it.

To maximize absolute distance/height, you need to plant a sticky, be directly on top of it (while running forward), detonate, jump, and hold crouch all at the same time. It will take probably the most health for a single bomb jump, but will bring you great distances; for example, it should be enough for the 2fort battlement jump (although this is tough to pull off due to timing).

For a moderate displacement, do the same, but don’t crouch while jumping, and for a minimum distance (if for some reason you want it), don’t jump at all.

Grenade jumping is an alternative if you’ve already set up your stickies, but won’t get you too far. For the record, a pill explodes after about 2.25 seconds, so count two seconds if necessary.

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And now, for a couple of slightly more specific tricks.

Long, Narrow Corridors and Walkways Be Your Friend

Maybe you’re no Dr. Justice, but that’s fine, because you don’t always have to be perfect with those nades. Long, narrow areas where your opponent has nowhere to strafe to are some of my favorite areas, because hitting someone with pills there is easy, whether they be running towards or away from you.

Since they can only move in a straight line towards or away, all you have to do is line up the shot: no prediction needed. There are plenty of examples and usable areas, whether they be very narrow or just narrow enough for your opponent to escape. Try to keep a look out for these yourself the next time you’re playing the Demoman.

Sentry Removal
Easy enough, assuming you’re not under fire. Just stand out of it’s way and send explosives, preferably over an object, into a sentry.

Fun fact: Four direct grenades is enough to take out a level three sentry even if the Engineer is repairing it at the moment, and usually takes down the Engineer as well, assuming you have a good shot. If it’s backed into a corner, even better; they can’t run from your explosives.

Fun idea: If you’re taking on a sentry nest with an uber, and you’re almost out of charge, and there’s one sentry left with no Engineer, circlestrafe it with your bottle. This is a surprisingly effective tactic, as you can run around a sentry faster than it can spin (if close enough, i.e. melee range).

The Scout-Buster

Or at least, I like to call it that for it’s ability to take down any tunnel vision Scout, and even a few tougher ones - this trick involves laying stickies at your feet while a Scout is bouncing around you chipping off health, then running away from them when he gets close to you again, shortly before detonating. The idea is to circle  around for a couple of seconds so that the opponent feels it’s safe. After all, who would blow themselves up?

It is mostly only effective on Scouts, since other classes don’t do this as much, but it also works alright on Engineers, Medics, Snipers, Spies, and any other person that’s dodging excessively while attacking you.

Covering Entrances
So that anyone who dares question your authority gets blown to smitheroons (or takes some damage, at the very least).

When in an area, particularly holding ground or capping a point, it’s normal to cover any entrances/exits that enemies can come through with stickies, preferably somewhere they can’t see them. Take the spires of Badlands, for example. The enemy can come up the ramp, from the two elevated positions, or through the doors below. Stickies will deter them, if they’re smart enough to not walk straight into them.

The trick is to fire at one entrance, then fire at another. Repeat until all entrances have one, then shoot again at the first entrance, since you’re now covered (to say the least). Prioritizing is key; see below.

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Anyway, we’ve got a few tl;dr’ers around, so I’ll stop before I remember anything else. Yes, it was long, but I regret nothing! Feel free to comment, however, note that eediots veel be deported qwickly and painfully! Until next time, remember the Alamo.

Props if you get the reference.

The Soldier is easy to pick up, and even easier to suck at. But in the right hands, he’s a 200-HP, lean, mean, rocket-firing death machine of doom. Just head to YouTube and search “soldier frag” if you want to feel inadequate.

Point is, climbing up the soldier skill curve is often difficult. Maybe you need a little help.

PandaPooPs has put together what may well be the best TF2 class tutorial ever made. In ten minutes of utter ownage (with some of the most eye-popping airshots I have ever seen - better than 90% of frag vide0s), he teaches you, the soldier noob, how to pway a weal cwass. You heard that, private?

Now, if you’d excuse me, I’m going to be off crushing some maggots. SCREAMING EAGLES!